thisavrou_log | december event log

Entry tags:

december event log

Who: Everyone
When: December 1st and on
Where: The Midway Hub.
What: With the Moira destroyed, the crew travel to the center of the Hub.
Warnings: Potential violence. Lots and lots and lots of walking. Please label your content

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the outer gate
"Open up, and let them in."

The Moira is no more.

With the damage done to the ship due to the timeslip, all that remains is a burning wreckage and parts to be taken—if the crew can find anything in the pieces. Recovery and headcounts are the main objective for the first several hours of being planetside, and once things have settled just enough, Captain Ira calls for a meeting and addresses those who are able in person to explain the situation. He draws a rough map of the area and explains where he believes they are - according to the terrain - and where they must go. For anyone who’s listening, he describes things like an “Outer Gate”, an “Inner Gate” and “gate sectors”. Believing this to be the best course of action, all crew are asked to explore and gather what they think they’ll need to make the long journey towards the central point of the Hub. Because the MIDs are no longer working due to the lack of a network, the Captains distribute a newer tech called the TAB. It serves the same functions as the MID but is lighter, slimmer, and has the ability to stick to any surface.

WELCOME TO THE MIDWAY HUB

Now that the smoke from the crash has cleared, and injured crew have been tended to, the Captains get everyone ready for departure by explaining what they know of the Hub. Almost stone-like, the creators built a domed workspace in the largest solid space on the planet they could find. Gates are the only way inside, and anyone who catches a glimpse of the compound will see that parts of the dome are cracked. Yet, everything still appears to be relatively intact. The Midway Hub’s terrain is very rocky and difficult to walk on at times. Below the surface is a honeycomb of intermittently dense and brittle stone that makes travel difficult due to the unpredictable nature of what lies beneath the crew’s feet. Those who can develop the tech from what’s left of the debris might be able to create something to determine which route is the safest. Ships and small crafts can be used to fly, but landing is a problem—rocks jut up in sharp peaks and the clearer spots can't handle their weight. Vegetation is sparse, consisting of twisted dark gray thistles that have sprung up from cracks in the rock and burn when in direct contact with skin, and what could be considered small animals here can be seen scurrying away the closer crew get to them.

☄ WEEK ONE

Crew are asked to hook cryo beds together and to use any appropriate vehicles that can be made or fashioned to fit the terrain to carry injured crew on the journey to the center of the Hub. Supplies are gathered, and the Captains, as well as any crew who want to, give the Moira a proper sendoff, heads bowed as they say goodbye to what’s been their home. Traveling starts out slowly, a line of a hundred-plus crew members making their way slowly forward. Stops are frequent, but camping for rest only occurs at night. Crew are assigned watch shifts, fires are built, injured tended to, and those who are able are asked to explore nearby caves and hunt for food.

Something akin to deer, though striped and only to be found in pairs, can be stumbled across at night. Throngs of dark purple mammels begin to follow the Moirans on their trip as well. They are friendly, curious, and eat the thistle. Meet the intelligent, watchful predators that aren’t easily scared away and follow the crew from a distance as if waiting to pounce. The thistle can be eaten, but only if cooked first, and those who sample the chewy plant raw will experience a burning sensation in their throat that doesn’t go away until the cooked version is consumed. During the first week, water can’t be found.

Anyone who does hunt, gather, or explore should make sure to that their TABS are on and it’s suggested that nobody goes alone.

Nearing the end of the first week, an Ingress can be spotted close by that crew can explore. If anyone dares to go inside, they will find the texture of the ground and surrounding walls to be rather soft. If inspected closely, crew will discover that what they originally thought to be rock is actually a living organism that’s fed off the energy of the Ingress it’s attached itself to. It’s not harmful and squishy to the touch. If pressed hard enough, it secretes a turquoise liquid with the consistency of water that might make a good substitute for that very thing.

☄ WEEK TWO

When crew finally pass through the sector gates, a strange sensation encompasses them, and a depowering of sorts goes into effect. The creators put in security measures meant to put all visitors on equal footing as well as to protect themselves from harm. All crew will essentially have the strength and abilities of the average human. An unforeseen issue, this causes Captain Thán to slip into a coma as he is no longer able to continue to recover at a steady pace, and with the loss of the former Captain’s abilities, crew can no longer be brought back if they die. For the first time, all Moirans are subject to permanent death.

During this week of travel, broken ingress machines and parts will be found scattered among the rocks, and new crew will come through. Unfortunately, these Ingresses aren’t in good shape, and anyone coming through will be in varying states of distress—some physical and some mental. New individuals will either have suffered an age slip, growing older or younger than their original body, some form of body transformation (perhaps that shiny thing they were wearing is now part of them somehow), or an extreme weakness they had never been subjected to before arriving on the Midway Hub. The new people will be offered to join their group, once found, and seasoned crew will be asked to explain to them where they are going and what they know.

The rest of the week will be a mix of greeting the new arrivals and continuing to travel to the center of the Hub. The closer they get, the less frequently they’ll see animals, and more caves will begin to pop up.

☄ WEEK THREE

Entering the third week of travel, settlements and houses begin to crop up and are prime areas for exploration and general supplies. Those who go inside may find items that have been left behind and evidence showing that those of varying species and cultures lived in the homes. Some appeared to have been scientists while others were explorers, but all living quarters are deserted. Crew who are less lucky in their search might come away with no fresh supplies, and others might walk into traps or safeguards left behind by previous tenants; these come in many forms, from mild paralysis to temporary unconsciousness. As there are more residences, there are also more caves. The entrances vary in size, and light sources will be needed to explore. Once inside, crew can find purple underwater streams, which can be consumed, and glowing surfaces. When crew drink the water, it temporarily restores powers, a few minutes tops, and then, extreme lethargy settles in for a couple of hours.

Further into the cave systems, crew will come across these lovely creatures that are attracted to sound and track through scent. They are highly dangerous and attack simply to feed. Killing them, though, is surprisingly simple as they are just as vulnerable and weak as everyone else. They are vicious in demeanor but only as strong as an average human.

The closer to the Inner Gate crew get, the less homes, wildlife, and more caves there will be.

☄ WEEK FOUR

The Captains, aware that the crew is exhausted, stop and make camp for the first few days. Someone mentions that it’s the holidays where they’re from, and the Captains do their best to throw a party. Set up at the base of a cave, tents are built and fires roar. Soft music is played in the form of guitar, thank you Ira, and Cúrre brings out some legumes that taste like cherries when roasted. There isn’t much in the way of decorations, but crew are encouraged to dig through their pac-discs and contribute to the festivities.

After a brief respite, crew learn that the entrances to Gate A and Gate B are inside one of the caves but any signs or markings have long since worn away or been destroyed. Groups are split, TABS are synced, and crew explore carefully until an entrance is found. Crew discover Gate A first, and all crew are contacted to gather there. The Captains will remain at the cave entrance until all crew are accounted for, and then, they’ll enter through the gate together.

( ooc; For questions, go here. Please comment to activity check to receive new ranks (if applicable)! )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The air feels heavy when Ronan and Adam take the BMW for a spin tonight. He can't tell if Adam's particularly withdrawn or if he's simply imagining it, reading too deeply into what might simply be Adam's usual introversion. He settles on blaming his own guilt for the feeling and commits to making the best of the night, though he knows the end of it will be ugly and there's nothing he can do to fix that.

After a long drive, they reach the peak of a hill overlooking an abandoned settlement, and Ronan parks the car like he always does, as if it's going to be a typical date. But when he turns to Adam, the color drains from his face and his hands get clammy and his fingers twist around his bracelets. Being without his magic has already left him looking increasingly ill with each passing day, but now he suddenly looks even more so.]

I have to tell you something.

[Adam has had a hard time since leaving Kavinsky's tent. He knew what the other had told him wasn't a lie and he knew that he couldn't let Ronan knew that he knew but acting normal had been hard. It hurt, everything about it hurt and when Ronan would touch him he couldn't help imagining how many times he'd touched somewhere else.

How did he measure up? He isn't sure Ronan noticed him withdrawing, it's not as if Ronan wasn't without bigger problems than Adam.

The statement is enough to take Adam off guard, something out of the routine they'd fallen dinto and he feels his nerves rattle.]

What? [Ronan didn't usually preface things.]

[Ronan's tempted to preface it even more. This whole confession feels like it warrants a thousand apologies before he even begins to say what happened. But every explanation that comes to mind only sounds like an excuse, and there's no excusing any of this. So after hesitating for many seconds too long, he comes out with it:]

I've been with two other people. Here. Before you got here, and - It's not still happening, but it happened, and... Jesus, fuck.

[He feels disgusting just saying the words. He can't even look at Adam right now. Turning his face away, he glares out the windshield and twists his bracelets so tight his hands are going bloodless.]

[It's not a shock to Adam but it still hits him painfully when Ronan says it. He hadn't expected him to confess, not after being here for days, not after everything that had happened between them he would have thought the time for telling him would be before now. He rubbed his fingers over his chin as he worked to keep himself composed and not say the first things that came to mind.

After all, he had extracted the fact that Kavinsky wouldn't tell Ronan, so why would Adam tell him that he already knew? His brows furrow and a part of him wants to ask how much he's been with other people. If he misses being with them and a million other questions that he doesn't want the answer to. He can still remember Andyr pulling that card. It hadn't made sense at the time. ]

Why wait to tell me? [He said softly. Because in the end it was the only thing he could think of to say that wouldn't hurt them both and he didn't want to hurt Ronan. Somehow, Adam felt like he deserves this, that this is all because he, Adam, isn't good enough.

He'd won the lottery getting Ronan's first kiss, how could be upset that Ronan had given away other firsts to others? He forced the ache away, constricting his heart so he couldn't feel too much, just has he had been doing from that moment that Kavinsky had told him about Andyr. He'd pushed himself away, built a safe zone around himself. Everyday Ronan had assaulted the safe zone with his love and affection and even if Adam had been less forthcoming with initiating he'd not denied Ronan. He's tried to act normal.]

[Ronan has already vowed to himself that he'll answer any question Adam has, and that he'll do it as honestly as he possibly can. He still can't make himself look at Adam, though. Jaw set, eyebrows drawn, he fights to keep his own expression hard so that he doesn't crumble until after Adam's gone.]

I thought I would be dead by now.

[If only, if only, if only.]

I thought... A week. Two if I was lucky. Even if K could help slow it down, there was hardly anything left. It seemed like it was too late to really stop anything. I didn't know the gate could completely take it away. Even when the dreams stopped, I thought I'd only bought a few days, and then our powers would be back and it would be time.

[Ronan scoffs at himself, because even that is a flimsy excuse for concealing the truth. The very opposite of getting one's affairs in order. He's a coward.]

You showed up and it was like my prayers were answered. I'd get my chance to say goodbye. Only problem was, I was already ruined. I'd already been unfaithful. I'd given up hope I'd ever see you again, and I was ashamed of that, and I didn't want that to be how you remembered me. I wanted to die as the boy you kissed back home.

[It's really so pathetic. Ronan slumps back, and the driver's seat suddenly feels too cramped to contain his body, and he wishes he could disappear.]

I should have told you. I should have at least told you before I let you touch me. I was just so fucking selfish. I wanted to die being loved by you.

[Adam takes a few deep breaths and tries to measure his response, calculates how honest to be, how open. He doesn't want to show any of his hurt. He doesn't want Ronan to know that Adam thinks that this is what Adam deserves in the first place. He'd never really been worthy of Ronan in the first place. He rubs his forehead before shifting in the seat so his body is turned toward Ronan even if the other isn't looking at him.

His hand searches out Ronan's, squeezing it. Despite it all, Ronan's the one more broken about this it seems, Adam can't afford to be emotional.]

It wouldn't have changed me loving you. It doesn't change me loving you. [That is true. THe part of all this that had bothered him really was the secrets... and when Kavinsky had told him about the fireflies but he couldn't ask about that and he didn't want to.]

I love you. [He couldn't ask what there was left that truly belonged to him anymore that hadn't been given to someone else first. It didn't matter at least it shouldn't but for some reason it did a little bit.]

[Ronan doesn't even hear Adam at first. Doesn't feel him. He's so overwhelmed by the sound of blood rushing in his ears, his fingers numb with panic. He's braced himself for his life to end in this moment, and he doesn't understand what's happening when it doesn't.

He thinks he just heard Adam say he loves him.

Ronan's gaze slides to Adam's hand, somehow clasping his. Then, slowly, his eyes find Adam's face. He's been holding a breath without realizing it, and he exhales now, trembling.]

How?

[It doesn't make sense. How can Adam stand to touch him?]

Why?

[Doesn't Adam find him disgusting now? Isn't he repulsed?]

[Adam doesn't trust himself to talk. So he squeezes Ronan's fingers and then leans over, lips press softly to Ronan's mouth in a tender kiss. It's easier than trying to say anything out loud.

He loves Ronan and if Ronan still wanted him even after he's had other than he wouldn't give him up. He knew that with even more certainty than he had had before.]

[The kiss makes even less sense. Ronan fights to keep still, fights the urge to turn away. He's not fucking worthy of Adam's kiss. He hasn't been worthy since their reunion. Yet Adam's giving it to him anyway. Ronan accepts it more than he returns it, still frozen with shock. His fingers twitch in Adam's grasp. There's a tightness in his throat that threatens tears.

When the kiss breaks, he takes another sharp breath.]

I don't deserve you.

[Doesn't Adam realize that?]

[Adam frowns at those words, the words he says to himself all the time, that he doesn't deserve Ronan. Ronan had almost made him stop feeling that way before things had crumbled some around them.

He hated that Ronan would say that, though. Ronan deserved more, deserved everything. He deserved much more than what Adam is.]

Don't say stupid shit like that.

But it's true.

[Adam must feel it. It's impossible to ignore. Only one of them has been faithful, and it isn't Ronan. Ronan is a disgrace.]

I'm not going to ask you to forgive me. I don't think there's anything I could ever do to fix this.

[Adam exhales, frustrated.]

Will you get your head out of your ass, Ronan Lynch?

[He pulls his hand away so he can rub his face instead, it's ridiculous in this situation that he's the one having to try and save what they have.]

Stop acting like it's me that can't forgive you when it's all you. You want shit to be perfect but life isn't a fucking perfect thing you can dream up. So you fucked around with someone else when you thought you were gonna die never seeing me again.

How the fuck could I hold that against you? What type of person do you think I am? I'm kind of pissed you didn't tell me to begin with but it's not unforgivable. But you're sitting there putting the doomsday affect on us.

[But it should have been perfect. It was perfect, before he came here. And Adam, who is literal fucking god, deserves perfection in all things. Especially love.

If he protests at all, he knows he's only going to anger Adam further.]

I'm sorry.

[His abandoned hand curls into a fist.]

You're right. It's all me.

What is it going to take for you to forgive yourself? [Adam asks because no matter what Ronan thought, Adam's forgiveness isn't what's needed. Adam's forgiveness will come too easy despite the fact he was hurt he wouldn't show that to Ronan. He's faced worst. He believes Ronan loves him.

That's enough, it has to be and logically it was too unfair to hold it against Ronan when looking at the entire circumstances. Adam already felt more than marginally better now that Ronan had been honest with him, the unspoken lies had eaten away at him.]

[The hollowed-out part of Ronan - the part where the demon normally resides - tells him that he needs to die. He shakes his head, banishing the thought. That's not a solution. That's an illness.]

Time. It's going to take time.

[Adam makes a soft noise in the back of his throat, one that seems caught between frustration and god knows what else. He's muted his feelings even to himself, really, especially when it comes to being near Ronan. He couldn't put anything else on Ronan when he was already dealing with more than enough.]

What should I do? What do you want from me?

[It all feels so out of balance.]

[Ronan's eyes sharpen at the question, shifting instantly to disbelief. What does he want from Adam? He has no right to ask for anything. That wasn't the point of his confession.]

Jesus fucking...

[He unclenches his hand, reaching out to touch Adam's arm.]

I don't -

[No, that's a lie. He takes a breath and tries again.]

I just want to be with you.

[Adam for a moment didn't feel confident in how Ronan would reply, in what he would want. He didn't know really how to take in all that was going on either. He still kept a good deal of what he felt locked away tight because it was better, safer that way for everyone.

He loves Ronan too much to do anything less.]

I want to be with you too. I love you.

[It doesn't feel right to be getting away with this. But he swore he'd let Adam choose the punishment, and if Adam chooses nothing, then...]

I love you.

[Ronan leans across the center console, seeking Adam's cheek. He nuzzles it gently and brushes his lips over it, a kiss and not a kiss.]

[The small affection warms Adam a little but it also makes him ache. He couldn't bring himself to ask any questions. He's terrified of what Ronan might say and leaving it behind seems the best course of action for him, if only Ronan will do the same at least.

He turns his head, fingers moving to touch Ronan's cheek gently.]

I'm... enough, right? Now...? [He asks the one question that he knows would eat him away if he didn't.]

[That question is a knife in his heart. Ronan's hand finds Adam's shoulder as he touches his forehead to Adam's temple, shutting his eyes.]

You were always enough. You're everything. You're my whole fucking world, Adam. But I thought I lost you.

[It's enough for Adam. He's not sure he believes it's always going to be the case, he's not sure he believes that Ronan won't eventually realize that he could have someone so much more than Adam is.

He lets their foreheads press together for a few moments, before tilting his head and kissing Ronan. His fingers sliding over his cheek to hold the back of his head, quietly begging him not to pull away from the kiss.]

[He doesn't. Wouldn't even consider it. Ronan needs Adam desperately, especially after the hours that led to this moment, all spent believing he was about to destroy the greatest thing in his life. That feeling hasn't quite left him, even now that Adam seems to have forgiven him, and he doesn't know how long it will be before he feels safe in this.

But the kiss helps. Ronan's trembling against Adam's lips, under his touch. Something like fear laced with regret. His chest aches like he should be sobbing, only the emotion never quite makes it to eruption.]

[Adam can feel the trembling and it worries him because he feels inadequate. He doesn't know how to make any of this better or if it was his place to do that anyway. He wants to, though. His hand his gentle, stroking along the back of Ronan's head, further down as his other hand reaches to grasp for Ronan's again to lace their fingers together.]

I love you so much, Ronan. I'd do anything for you. That's never gonna change. [He whispers against his lips, and the kiss is less held back than he'd been since his encounter with Kavinsky, the encounter he's never going to let Ronan know about.] I'm yours. You're mine.

[Those words, for whatever reason, make the ache worse. He doesn't understand at all. It's not that he doubts Adam's sincerity. It is, in fact, the truth of the declaration that makes him hurt so much. The depth of Adam's love feels infinite and unconditional. It's Ronan, in all his doubt and weakness, who is inadequate in the face of such love.]

I'm yours.

[He reiterates in a shaky breath, brushing another kiss to Adam's lips. Holding on for life, he squeezes Adam's hand. His heart is screaming with the need to express a thousand feelings, but words fail him. He ends up repeating it:]

I'm yours. I'm yours.

[And he kisses Adam again and again.]

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