Thán (
hohnkai) wrote in
thisavrou_log2016-12-02 06:54 pm
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Entry tags:
- *event,
- agents of shield: daisy johnson,
- all about j: j,
- breaking bad: jesse pinkman,
- danger days killjoys: the girl,
- dogs bullets & carnage: badou nails,
- dogs bullets & carnage: nill,
- dragon age: anders,
- guilty gear: venom,
- mass effect: commander shepard,
- mcu: natasha romanoff,
- mcu: pepper potts,
- mcu: stephen strange,
- mcu: tony stark,
- mcu: wanda maximoff,
- metal gear: kazuhira miller,
- metal gear: solid snake,
- metal gear: venom snake,
- mushishi: ginko,
- mushishi: ginko (crau),
- original character: adrien arbuckal,
- overwatch: angela "mercy" ziegler,
- overwatch: fareeha "pharah" amari,
- overwatch: lena oxton,
- overwatch: lúcio,
- overwatch: reinhardt wilhelm,
- overwatch: soldier 76,
- red vs blue: agent texas,
- star wars: rey,
- the raven cycle: ronan lynch,
- the walking dead: carl grimes (crau),
- tron: rinzler (crau),
- uncharted: elena fisher,
- uncharted: nathan drake,
- undertale: chara dreemurr,
- undertale: mettaton,
- x-men movies: kurt wagner,
- x-men movies: peter maximoff
december event log
Who: Everyone
When: December 1st and on
Where: The Midway Hub.
What: With the Moira destroyed, the crew travel to the center of the Hub.
Warnings: Potential violence. Lots and lots and lots of walking. Please label your content
When: December 1st and on
Where: The Midway Hub.
What: With the Moira destroyed, the crew travel to the center of the Hub.
Warnings: Potential violence. Lots and lots and lots of walking. Please label your content
E V E N T L O G |
"Open up, and let them in."
|
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He lets their foreheads press together for a few moments, before tilting his head and kissing Ronan. His fingers sliding over his cheek to hold the back of his head, quietly begging him not to pull away from the kiss.]
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But the kiss helps. Ronan's trembling against Adam's lips, under his touch. Something like fear laced with regret. His chest aches like he should be sobbing, only the emotion never quite makes it to eruption.]
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I love you so much, Ronan. I'd do anything for you. That's never gonna change. [He whispers against his lips, and the kiss is less held back than he'd been since his encounter with Kavinsky, the encounter he's never going to let Ronan know about.] I'm yours. You're mine.
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I'm yours.
[He reiterates in a shaky breath, brushing another kiss to Adam's lips. Holding on for life, he squeezes Adam's hand. His heart is screaming with the need to express a thousand feelings, but words fail him. He ends up repeating it:]
I'm yours. I'm yours.
[And he kisses Adam again and again.]
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Each kiss is returned diligently, loving but Adam wishes he knew what more he could do. It didn't matter how much he was hurting in the part of himself he locked away, what mattered was Ronan and Adam is helpless when it comes to Ronan.]
Don't punish yourself. [He whispers against his lips, because he's still afraid of that, he nips lightly at his bottom lip, suckling on it gently for a moment.]
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Tell me what to do instead.
[Because he doesn't know. If not punishment, then what? How the fuck does he get back what he lost? Adam wants to make his sins seem small, but they aren't. At least, they aren't small to Ronan. And he doesn't know how to erase them if he can't be penitent. His other hand curls up in the fabric of Adam's shirt, clinging to it while he kisses Adam desperately, pushing his tongue into Adam's mouth, drinking him in, gasping for air around his mouth. Tears finally slip past his eyelashes.]
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He breaks away from the kiss, pressing his forehead to Ronan's, trying to find words, any words.]
You shouldn't need to do anything. You already did what I needed... I can't make you forgive yourself.
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[Ronan takes a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut so tight he sees stars. He has to stop. Adam isn't leaving. That's the important thing. All the rest - all the sickness he feels over what he's done - can be dealt with later. This is ridiculous. He has no right to be losing it in front of Adam.
He pulls back to look Adam in the eyes, releasing his shirt to palm his face instead.]
I'm sorry. Are you okay?
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As okay as anyone ever is. [It's not a lie, not really the truth. He doesn't know that he knows the honest answer anymore. His hand comes around to trace the other's lips with his thumb, looking down at his mouth. A part of his heart pangs as he thinks about Ronan kissing someone else and he mentally cauterizes that as well as he can, thumb swiping lightly over his bottom lip again.]
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You can talk to me.
[He realizes how it must seem, how he must look so fucking broken. Dreamless, hollow-eyed, hungry, tearful. Once upon a time, he was strong enough to be the one protecting Adam. Now Adam touches him as if handling glass.]
It's better if I don't have to wonder.
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I'm okay. We're okay. Don't wonder. [He leans to press another kiss to his lips.]
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Instead of saying anything more, he pushes into the kiss, thumb stroking Adam's cheek as his hand slips back to comb through Adam's hair.]
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They didn't have time to be anything but okay, especially if Ronan is the one that ends up being right. Adam doesn't want to waste the time on being hurt over something that happened when Ronan thought he'd never see him again.
That isn't fair. Adam's not sure he wouldn't have done the same if the shoe had been on the other foot. His kiss is tender and loving, wishing he could soothe Ronan more than he had. Slowly he draws from the kiss, trailing his lips over his cheek as moves to press them to his ear.]
What... [There's hesitation, Adam licking his lips though his tongue also brushes the other's ear unintentionally.] Did... what things have you not done with someone else?
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What hasn't he done?
It's as Ronan thought. His virginity was more important to Adam than he'd admitted.]
No one else has been inside me.
[Even though he couldn't remember everything that had been done to him while he was on cocaine, he's certain he would have felt it the morning after. Small reassurances in this sea of horror.]
I haven't been inside anyone else, either.
[He's less certain of that, but he needs it to be true. He couldn't live with himself if he'd done that to Jesse. He wants to believe Jesse would have said something about it the second time they were together, if Ronan had hurt him like that.]
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He hates himself a little for the pettiness, knowing the question must have hurt Ronan. He nips at Ronan's earlobe gently before pulling back slightly to look at him.]
I'm sorry... [He whispers, because he feels guilty for asking. He feels guilty for feeling relieved. Kavinsky had had him thinking worse.] It wouldn't have mattered... I just... [He flounders because he's let a little of his emotions leak to the surface and it's hard to push them back once more.]
I just needed to know.
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You have nothing to be sorry about.
[He's actually glad that Adam's beginning to speak honestly. Ronan prefers an honest pain. It's always better to know why he's suffering. Better to have no doubts.]
I know it matters. It matters to me, too. That's why I saved it.
[Ronan brushes another kiss over Adam's lips.]
What else do you want to know?
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I really... don't think I want to know anything more. [And he means it. Any other answers he isn't equipped to deal with potential answers that he might get and Ronan wouldn't lie to protect him so he wouldn't ask.]
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It's your decision.
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I don't think I need to know anything else. [Basically just a repetition of what he'd already said, he knew.]
I trust you. [He adds, because he does. The circumstances that led them here had been extreme but Ronan loves him. Ronan is dedicated to him and that's more than enough.]
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