Cúrre (
hownkai) wrote in
thisavrou_log2016-08-01 12:13 am
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Entry tags:
- *intro log,
- agents of shield: daisy johnson,
- all about j: j,
- bioshock: jack wynand,
- breaking bad: jesse pinkman,
- danger days killjoys: the girl,
- death note: l (crau),
- frozen: elsa,
- guilty gear: venom,
- mass effect: clone shepard,
- mass effect: nihlus kryik,
- mass effect: thane krios,
- mcu: james buchanan barnes,
- mcu: tony stark,
- mcu: wanda maximoff,
- metal gear: kazuhira miller,
- metal gear: liquid snake,
- metal gear: solid snake,
- metal gear: venom snake,
- mushishi: ginko,
- original character: adrien arbuckal,
- original character: alan varren,
- original character: andyr prince,
- overwatch: angela "mercy" ziegler,
- overwatch: fareeha "pharah" amari,
- overwatch: jesse mccree,
- overwatch: lúcio,
- overwatch: reinhardt wilhelm,
- overwatch: soldier 76,
- red vs blue: agent maine,
- red vs blue: agent texas,
- star trek aos: james t. kirk,
- star wars: luke skywalker,
- star wars: rey,
- the walking dead: carol peletier,
- the walking dead: daryl dixon (crau),
- transformers idw: ultra magnus,
- transformers mtmte: riptide,
- transformers mtmte: tailgate,
- tron: alan bradley,
- tron: yori (crau),
- uncharted: chloe frazer,
- uncharted: elena fisher,
- uncharted: nathan drake (crau),
- undertale: asriel dreemurr,
- undertale: mettaton,
- x-men movies: jean grey,
- x-men movies: peter maximoff
( august intro log )
Who: Everyone
When: August 1st and on
Where: The Moira
What: New “guests” join the crew on their journey and implement some changes.
Warnings: None for now. Please label your content!
( ooc; For questions, go here. Please comment to activity check to receive new ranks (if applicable)! )
When: August 1st and on
Where: The Moira
What: New “guests” join the crew on their journey and implement some changes.
Warnings: None for now. Please label your content!
I N T R O L O G |
"We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once."
|
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[Oh.
That's what this is about.
Now he understands.
He smiles.]
What I do doesn't matter. What you'd call a "person"... in my case, it's merely an illusion.
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He knows perfectly well at this point that Kaworu isn't human, as much as he may look like one. But...]
...What do you think I would call a person?
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What separates a "person" from a living being? What separates human beings from the rest of what might be called "human?"
Is it free will? The ability to make choices? Or to choose one's own fate?
Or is it the ability to be someone. To possess identity, individuality, and have others recognise that self in you? ]
Mmmm.
[He glances aside. It's not often a topic is unpleasant or uncomfortable for Kaworu. But this one...]
...it's more than free will. Even animals have their own will.
[Even he has that. It's deeply precious to him--the one thing that truly belongs to him.
The power--even the right--to express his absolute freedom of will, to die of his own choice and meet the inevitability of his death as he wishes. If he has nothing else--and he does not--he will claim this one power as his own.
In doing so, he may give his life a meaning of his own choosing.
But he does not operate under the illusion that it makes him a person.]
To be a person, you must possess a self, and the ability to choose what that self may become.
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...Why... can't you choose?
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Kaworu, though...
He looks at Ginko a little strangely, then turns dismissive.]
It doesn't matter.
If the Ingress gets fixed, none of this will.
[He... smiles?]
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...Well, of course. The Ingress being fixed means everyone goes home.
Some of them have more waiting for them there than others.
He manages to make himself speak after a couple seconds.]
...It will.
[It has to.]
Even if everything around you goes back to how it was, you'll... you'll still remember everything, right? 'N that could matter just on its own.
[If Kaworu can come to feel like he might have a choice in who he is... maybe he will.]
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[Kaworu doesn't pause even a beat.
And he doesn't stop smiling, either. It's become a sort of warm, embracing smile, full of sincerity--and acceptance.]
But it is my hope that it will for you.
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That last part mostly goes over his head, sinking in just enough to make that painful, despairing tightness in his chest even worse.]
But it... it could. How do you know it can't?
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But then he smiles. Knowingly. Reassuringly.]
It's all right.
If the Ingress is fixed, everything will be fine.
[And if it's not...
...what is he supposed to do?]
... but time is a precious resource to me. In theory, I have it in an amount unlimited, unbounded by the finite experiences of present and future.
But it's not mine to choose how that time is allotted me, nor mine to choose the mechanism of my existence. If I'm being honest, I have to follow the script written for me, or I have no choices at all.
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But he understands that, for whatever reason, Kaworu is pretty certain that he really doesn't have any choices.]
But how can that... that doesn't seem right. [Factually or ethically? Maybe both.] You... you can do so much. Why wouldn't you be able to make your own choices? It's not...
[He trails off, his mouth pressing into a thin line.]
This is so anime I stg.
[Are you ready for this, Ginko?]
i mean to be fair they are animes
[He definitely isn't ready. In fact, he kind of realizes he's not sure he's ready. But that doesn't mean he won't ask.]
You can tell by the white hair
[Morbid words--but the sincerity of his tone and purity of his smile might be enough contrast to recast them in a less terrible light.
He doesn't intend to impart a sense of fatalism, after all. It may be a single choice, but it is his.
Having that choice taken from him--
That is what he abhors about the Moira, the Ingress, and the captains.
His purpose--
His hope--
Of his choosing--]
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[Dying?
For a second or two, Ginko is motionless, seemingly frozen as what Kaworu said sinks in. He might not even be breathing for those few moments.]
But... that's--
[He bites his lip, trying to force his breath not to catch or speed up, fighting against the tightness that's threatening to take over his chest all over again.]
It's...
That doesn't seem like much of a choice.
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[Kaworu sounds so incredibly certain about this--almost to the point of appearing unaware of the impact he's having on Ginko. To him, it makes perfect sense. ]
In dying of my own will--as I wish to die--my life can be given meaning.
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Ginko is having trouble even coming out with a response at this point. It's like everything Kaworu says is sticking in his mind, filling it up, taking up any space that could otherwise be used to form a reply.
After a few seconds, he manages to say, almost in a whisper,] But that... that's not all there is, it's... it can't be. You can... there must be more you can do.
[Theoretically he could say more, but... nothing is coming to mind. He takes an uncertain half-step toward Kaworu, twisting the fabric of his shirt in his hands again.]
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He didn't expect Ginko to understand. Because it is an experience that is impossible for humans to understand. But refusing the answers he gives in the hope of a better one?
Ginko has, unwittingly, just announced that he rejects the purpose that Kaworu has found his happiness in.]
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I-I'm sorry.
[He barely knows what he's apologizing for, but he doesn't know how else to respond.]
'What I do doesn't matter.'
[And that isn't what Kaworu was trying to accomplish.
But he looks tired again. More than last time.]
My life is not my own.
Until the Ingress is fixed, my own happiness...
Waiting is my only purpose here.
[He only hopes, desperately, that his future--his hope--is still waiting... that he is still waiting. Shinji Ikari...]
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He presses his lips together, his brow creasing.]
...What are you waiting for? I mean, the Ingress, I know, but... why do you want to go back so badly?
[If all you can do back home is die, he thinks, but this time he doesn't risk voicing it.]
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Kaworu narrows his eyes a little--sceptically, not angrily. A second later, he smiles. As usual, Ginko is asking the wrong questions.]
What about you?
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What... do you mean?
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[Kaworu smiles benevolently down at Ginko, no trace of his own frustration left on his face.]
There is no shame in either. It is fated that your heart will guide you to the happiness you desire, so long as you do not ignore the feelings you know to be true.
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But then there's everything else that's changed.]
...Everyone wants the Ingress fixed. It needs to be. So I... guess I'm waiting for it, too.
[Not really what Kaworu wanted to know, but it's about the closest he can get to bringing himself to answering.
...Feelings he knows to be true, huh.]
I don't...
...do you think they'll make me go back?
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[Kaworu looks slightly troubled as he contemplates that. He doesn't know the answer to that. Would they? After all, Ginko is a perfectly capable individual, he could surely prove useful to the permanent staff of the Moira. True, it might cause some complications, but--]
...I don't see how they could. So I suppose not.
[If Ginko wanted, he could simply leave the ship on any planet and disappear. Board another ship. Then another. Soon there would be no way to find him at all. He would be free. Free to live and explore these galaxies as he wished, to form new relationships and bonds with people settle down in a place he could call 'home.'
It's nice, thinking about the opportunities for happiness that can come to people to like Ginko. Even if they directly sabotage one road, there will always be another. True happiness is always possible, as long as there is the will to live.]
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