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Who: Declan & St. Monmouth folks, or anyone.
When: late March
Where: St. Monmouth
What: Declan realizes that even running away to another planet doesn't solve any of his problems.
Warnings: language. will update as threads progress

[Monmouth looks so peaceful this late at night. The firelights, the dream trees, the flowers that always seem to glow. They all lend an air of magic to the whole place and all Declan can think about is that none of it is really worth it. None of anything their father had was worth it, and now it's all rushing in and catching up to Ronan as well.

The last thing Declan feels is peaceful. Back in Virginia he could manage it all, it was his life's work. But here? He doesn't know if even God himself could get rid of these demons.

Sitting on the front steps of his newly dreamt up house, rubbing at the fresh bruise along his jaw, he is thankful for one thing, at least: the never ending alcohol in this dreamt up flask.]

closed to Gansey

[Declan gives himself a day, because even he has to regroup sometimes and this one's a doozy. If there was something immediate he could do, he'd already be doing it, but demons aren't part of his expertise. Maybe he should have paid better attention in Church. Maybe that's what he needs right now, too.

But other than church, there's Richard Gansey, who always seems to be able to help when Declan can't quite get there. Declan has always been grateful even if it's less than apparent and he knows Gansey must respect him as well, at least for the most part.

After they fought (the briefest of fights, Gansey might actually be proud, only Declan's face showing any signs that one even took place), Ronan filled him in on whatever he could, but he told Declan to ask Gansey the rest. That Gansey was there at the end. The end. Matthew and Ronan coming undone. He isn't ready to hear the rest of this, but he knows he has to be if he wants to figure out what to do about it. Knocking on Gansey's door, he waits for a reply. ]

(lmk if there's anything else you'd like to do that doesn't fit into this scenario, i'm open!)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Jesse tilts his head slightly to get a better look what Declan is displaying to him: The bruise on his jaw. Jesse's mouth twists into a faint wry line.

That wry line fades as he watches Declan go on to claim he's fine. Jesse doesn't believe that for a single second, and his disbelief is proven by that sad huff of laughter and the presentation of the flask. Jesse's mouth twists into another wry line - a quietly sad one this time.

Jesse pulls a hand out of his pocket and lifts it to the back of his neck, giving it a rubbing squeeze; an unconscious nervous habit of his when he's uncomfortable or anxious. That hand drops away again, back into his jeans pockets. ]

Y'know, I, uh... I told Ronan not to rough you up too bad. Told him I knew you were just lookin' out for him. [ Then, an awkward wry huff of attempted amusement in effort to lighten the mood ever so slightly: ] Guess we both kinda got what we deserved, though, huh?

Oh, so you're my Knight in shining armor, that it?

[Declan's tone doesn't come out bitter or biting. If he really wanted to, he's sure he could gather up enough energy to tell Jesse to fuck off, but he doesn't really feel like being alone at the moment and he supposes part of him wants to understand this.

Jesse doesn't strike him as the full on Kavinsky type- just coming over here to thank him alone, had been enough for Declan to see that. He doesn't think the words 'thank you' have ever left Kavinsky's mouth. Still, there were drugs involved and Declan will be forever upset about that]

I didn't snort coke with your brother, but sure.

[Declan eyes Jesse with glossy eyes, then shifts a bit so he's not sitting in the middle of the steps, and holds the flask out]

Let's talk.

[ Biting tone or not, Jesse presses his lips into a thin penitent line, then looks down with self-reproach at the dig about snorting coke. There's an automatic part of him that wants to bite back. He holds it back. There have been plenty of times he has bitten back like a defiant jerk, when confronted about his drug use, told that he's stupid, reckless, a disappointment for being such a useless junkie. Those were times he chose not to care, though, even if the shame of being a disappointment rang sharp and bright.

He cares in this situation, though. He cares a lot. So, he doesn't bite back with anything.

He does, however, look up with his brows raising in surprise at the flask being offered to him. His eyes cut to Declan questioningly, noticing how Declan has made room for him on the steps, then back to the flask. Slowly, he pulls a hand out of his pocket and reaches for it, and he just as slowly approaches the steps, where he turns and sinks down beside Declan.

He studies the flask down in his hands. For a long few moments, pensive, sombre silence. ]

I know Ronan told you everything. About... [ A quiet, deep sigh. ] Y'know. The stuff I said you needed to talk to him about.

[If Jesse turns away from this, Declan would get it. It might save them both a lot of annoyance, but he's curious now. Curious and drunk, which usually puts him in a better spot than this, but it's a new planet at all. He'll take what he can get.

Jesse doesn't opt out though, even with that questioning look on his face. Declan doesn't have any response to the look, because he doesn't even know how he'd begin explaining himself.

Maybe he wants to make sure he's doing the right thing by letting Jesse stay around. Maybe part of him really does want to understand more about what went on before he got here and at a time like this, with Ronan's life on the line, any information would be helpful. Declan wants to think that the more people trying to figure this out the better, but he's not sure if Jesse has Gansey levels of contribution or not. ]

Yeah, he told me. He told me all about this... demon and what it's doing inside his head. How much of his energy it's taking just to keep it from taking him apart. I'm working with Gansey, trying to make some connections, but it's just so...

[He trails off, dropping his head down into his hand. In this moment he feels so defeated and he doesn't want to. He never wants to feel this way, it's so counterproductive. And especially in front of Jesse. The last thing he needs is for this to be thrown in his face at some point. He isn't strong enough, he doesn't know what he's doing, he let Ronan down.

He rubs his face hard, then reaches his hand out for the flask]

There's always a solution. This thing didn't come from nowhere. We just have to work out how to get it away from Ronan and into something else it wants.

[ Jesse listens silently. He keeps his eyes down on the flask turning it over in his hands with his face set in grim contemplation. It's only when he sees Declan drop his face into his hands out of the corner of his eye that Jesse finally looks askance at him.

At Declan motioning for the flask back, Jesse remembers to take a quick swig, seeing it was offered to him, and then hands is back while hissing under his breath at the burn of liquor searing down his throat.

Elbows resting on his knees, Jesse looks down at his hands. He studies them, twiddling his thumbs together restlessly. ]

As far as I understand it... It hates what Ronan is, what he can do. Like, being a creator. A Maker. Which I guess means... [ He trails off. His hand comes up, runs over his buzzed head, rubs the back of his neck. ] Man, I dunno.

[ He drops his hand back down and clasps them loosely together while staring ahead of him at the trees and grass sprawling out into farmlands. ]

I've been wracking my brain tryna figure it out myself. Been talking to Gansey about it. Been tryna think of... I dunno. Something. Like... if it could lured into another Maker or something.

[ Like Kavinsky, maybe. ]

Edited 2017-03-28 01:50 (UTC)

[Declan knows solutions won't come out of late night drunk sessions, but this is where they are right now and Jesse... well, Declan has to admit that Jesse might possibly know more about this than he does. He's been here with Ronan for months and Declan wasn't.

God, he hates it.

He takes the flask and knocks another sip back, shaking his head]

That's the thing. What does it mean? How did it get in there? Ronan of all people. He said someone woke it up. Those people, I bet. Those assholes I was trying to keep out of Henrietta. Or maybe even... Gansey and Ronan, Adam and Blue, they were all looking for something underground.

[Does Jesse even know about all that? Declan doesn't have any idea, but he's going to talk about it anyway, because Jesse is listening]

Gansey and I are going to do as much research as we can, but a lot of it is in Ronan's head but if we could just get him to dream it into something else... [He looks at Jesse] Or that. Lured into another Maker. Like Kavinsky.

[For a brief moment, Jesse and Declan are on the exact same page and Jesse might be his hero]

That could work. That sonofabitch isn't supposed to be alive anyway.

[ There is a lot Jesse doesn't know, such as the fact that the demon was woken up. There's a lot he doesn't know, about Glendower, about Crabeswater. Ronan has told him a lot, but not everything. There's too much to tell, Jesse supposes; too much he wouldn't for a second understand. Seems Ronan doesn't really understand half of it himself, though.

He's silent for a few moments after Declan speaks. Jesse stares at nothing in particular ahead of him, thinking, chewing his bottom lip, wracking his brain. He's taken in everything Declan has said; he's simply trying to form a coherent thought through all the things racing through his head. Things like: what happened in his room the other day with Declan; seeing Ronan so distraught and torn up after speaking to Declan; the demon; Ronan's dreaming; how much Ronan's dreaming worries him... Too much racing through his head, all at once, and half of it he can't even piece together because he doesn't understand it. ]

Fucking Kavinsky... [ Finally uttered, quietly, with thoughtful bitterness. Another beat of silence. And then: ]

Thing is, I remember Ronan telling me once that that shithead - Kavinsky - is a Maker but he's not the Grey... Oh man, what did Ronan say it was called...? ...Greywaren, I think he said it was called. Only Ronan's the Greywaren. Whatever that is. So, I'm guessing... the demon's latched onto that, maybe.

Or, I dunno, maybe it's just latched onto... like, Ronan's energy, y'know? 'Cause Ronan also told me it takes a lot of energy to create things from his dreams. So, you gotta wonder if the demon is feeding off that energy every time he dreams, y'know? Which is part of what worries me about how much he's dreaming, 'cause what if all the dreaming he's doing is just making it stronger?

I mean, shit, man... All this dreaming he's doing, it's like he's doing it outta fear. In fact, I know he's doing it outta fear, 'cause he running outta time and he's frantically searching for... I dunno. The answer to all this, I guess. But thing is, and I ain't, like, knowledgeable about all this supernatural stuff, but doesn't evil feed on fear?

Edited (Ugh phone tagging :c) 2017-03-28 05:19 (UTC)

[The reality of it is that Declan doesn't know all that much about this end of it either. He knows about Gansey's quest, because that's always been Gansey's favorite thing to talk about. Glendower, the sleeping king. Declan wonders if they might've woken up something else instead.

What Declan does know most of all, is that there were many dangerous people just dying to get their hands on their father Niall's things and one of those things, Niall had told them, was the Greywaren. He remembers hating his father instantly when he found out that he basically sold Ronan out. Didn't matter if the buyers didn't know it was a person. They'd be after The Greywaren until they found it, and Declan was going to do everything in his power to keep Ronan from them.

So that's what Declan knows.

Declan also knows how greedy those people are and if they found out something about Glendower, or anything having to do with Ronan, they might've woken the demon up themselves. He's just grasping at explanations here.

The how is just as important, because maybe they can use that knowledge to send it back, but sticking the damn thing in Kavinsky sounds even better]

I'm not even sure I want to know what your relation to Kavinsky is.

[Because he knows it'll just make him angry if it's anything amicable. Declan can't stand that little prick. He still can't believe Kavinsky is alive here. Hearing that, he knows it's part of what set him off and why Jesse is sporting the messed up face that he is]

Greywaren, yeah. He told you about that? [Declan shakes his head] He needs to be more careful. Loose lips are what started all this trouble in the first place. I don't see what difference that would make, if both of them are dreamers and they create the same sort of things. Greywaren is just... it's a name my dad made up for Ronan. Dreamers can all do the same thing.

[The first day Declan had arrived, he had already noticed something off about Ronan's dreaming, how much of it was being done and how damn tired his brother looked. ]

He needs to stop. Or slow it down. I know he won't stop completely, but if the answers are in his dreams like he says, then he needs to just dream and not pull things back into existence. But he won't listen. He never listens.

[Declan lets out a frustrated sound and down goes another long sip from the flask]

Demons feed on energy, on fear, anger, insecurities.

[Everything the Lynches are made of, except they have love, too. They have love and persistence and hope, Declan would like to think. And Ronan is not Niall. Not by a long shot.]

He needs to slow the hell down. We're all here to help him now.

[ Oh... Huh. Jesse didn't know the Greywaren was a name Ronan's father had given him. Of course... that leaves Jesse wondering, like it has dozens of times already: what the hell was Ronan's dad? A dreamer, obviously, but... Where did he come from? So many questions...

Questions about Kavinsky, too. Where the hell did he come from? Was his father a dreamer? Did Kavinsky have some weird dreamed up mother, like the Lynches do?

Once again, though, Jesse falls silent, thinking over everything Declan says. Maybe Declan is right; maybe it doesn't matter that Kavinsky isn't a Greywaren. Maybe that he's a dreamer, a Maker, is all that matters.

Jesse chews on his bottom lip in thought again. Finally, though: ]

Well... would you listen if you had a demon eating away at you? [ Jesse looks over at Declan. ] Would you listen if you were Ronan? I'm not saying I agree with what he's doing. I'm just saying that... Ronan doesn't know what to do. He doesn't even know what he is. Yet he's got this demon inside him, destroying him, and... How does someone even cope with that? 'Specially an 18 year-old guy who's, y'know... As lost as the rest of us. With this huge gift, and all this responsibility on his shoulders.

[ Jesse looks away again. ]

I mean, maybe all this dreaming he's doing is also... escapism. Maybe creating all this stuff is just some way of trying to make something beautiful out of what he sees as an abomination. Like, as a way of escaping himself. And when you add that together with knowing he's got this thing inside him, destroying him, which he's desperately trying to find answers for... Again, not that I'm saying I agree with all this dreaming he's doing, 'cause I wish he'd slow the hell down, too. I'm just saying that maybe the best way to get Ronan to listen is to listen to him. I think he really longs to be listened to. [ Jesse glances back over to Declan. ] 'Specially by his own brother.

[Jesse doesn't know a lot of things, Declan is sure of them. Declan doesn't even know a lot of answers to those questions and he knows about as much as their father knew. Sometimes he wishes Niall could have shared more of it with Ronan before he died, but at the same time, he's glad Niall never got a chance to lead him down the wrong path. It would have been a lot harder to steer Ronan away from their father than from Kavinsky.

Where the hell Kavinsky even came from, Declan tries to think even less about, because he knows how often his father used to travel around and any sort of possibility makes him feel sick]

Of course I would listen. I'd be trying to listen to every damn person trying to help me, especially the ones who know more about it than just some half assed ideas. I get that he doesn't know what to do, but he knows who he is and the responsibility doesn't have to lie on his shoulders alone. That's what I'm trying to get through to him. He always wants to go at it alone.

[His words come out tense, frustrated, because he's been down this road before. Maybe not with the demon, but Niall and Ronan dreaming burning swords into existence than Declan had to save them all from, and assassins coming after them because their father couldn't keep his damn mouth shut.

And now, he's trying to vent his frustrations about every single time he told Ronan to keep his head down and his brother wouldn't listen and Jesse is telling him that of course he wouldn't listen. Like Declan hasn't been dealing with Ronan his entire life.]

You think I don't know all of this? That I'm not trying to listen? He knows that what he can do doesn't make him an abomination. He damn well knows that. Or he did before he got here, so whatever the hell happened to him here that made him think that way again? That's the issue. He needs to listen to the people around him who are trying to help him. If he doesn't know the answers, then he needs direction. He's been stuck with you here, I get that. But you're not a fucking expert on Ronan, or on any of this. Telling me to listen to my brother. Where do you get off?

[He snaps, then takes another swig from the flask, before rubbing at his eye with the same hand. He knows there's truth to everything Jesse is saying and that makes him even more angry, but mostly he's just scared, because he doesn't have the answer this time. He can't just make some deals and work his charm and use a damn gun to make the demon go away]

... I don't know what to do.

[ Jesse knows Declan is drunk. He can smell it on his breath. He can see it in his tired eyes and his emotions spilling over, and in the fact that Declan is confiding in him when he barely even knows Jesse. Hates Jesse, even. Declan is the picture of a guy desperate to sort his thoughts out, and he's taken it out on that never-ending flask of booze and the first person who'll listen to him. Jesse can see all of Declan's fear leaking out through his steadily more inebriated state, and he can tell Declan isn't the kind of guy to wear his heart on his sleeve.

Jesse doesn't flinch at Declan snapping at him. All he does is look back down at his hands, watching his fingernail picking at his other fingernail. ]

I don't think anybody does, man. [ Knows what to do, that is. ] I don't for a second claim to be an expert on Ronan, either, or an expert on any of this stuff, but I've been through a lot with him here. I know you think I'm a giant scumbag, but believe it or not, I wanna help you help Ronan, 'cause I can tell how much he matters to you.

[That's the part that scares him the most. No one knows what to do. Among every single one of them, none of them have a clue. ]

I should know. I'm supposed to know.

[Everything back home he had managed to keep in order for as long as he can remember, that was his job. Who else would keep them safe? Their father? No, he had brought most of the trouble onto their heads. He had dug them all a grave and Declan had been constantly dumping the dirt back in, trying not to let anyone fall.

Now he knows that Ronan was dying anyway, that Matthew was coming undone right in front of his eyes and just when he thought they were safe again, even if they were this far away from it all, there's a demon in Ronan's head]

They're all that matters. Ronan and Matthew. How could this happen? I did everything right. I was careful. I made sure nothing could get to them. But none of that mattered. I should've made Ronan come with me. Maybe this thing wouldn't have gotten to him then.

[He's drunk, he's rambling, he's going to regret every bit of this in the morning, but right now the only thing he wants to do it get this all out of himself, as if that'll somehow send that desperation and fear far away]

[ Listening to Declan... It's like listening to Ronan. The self-blame. The guilt. It's not like Jesse doesn't understand the self-blame and guilt - Jesse knows only too well the way guilt and self-blame eat away like acid.

Jesse is still studying his hands, a beat of silence stretching between Declan's rambling and Jesse. ]

Sometimes stuff just happens, doesn't matter how much you try to stop it from happening. [ He looks over at Declan. ] Like you said, though: There's always a solution. We just gotta put our heads together and figure out what it is.

[ We. Jesse fully intends on trying to help find some way to save Ronan.

Jesse reaches over to gently tug the flask out of Declan's hands. ]

Right now, though, think it's more important you get some rest.

[We. Declan hears it and he'd snort out a sound of disgust at it, but he's too tired. Definitely bordering on too drunk for it]

Stuff just happens, yeah. I work hard to prevent stuff from just happening. It's bullshit. This whole damn thing, it's.... bullshit.

[Declan's grip tightens around the flask when Jesse tugs at it, but as he looks over at him, he relents and lets go. He'd rather not be alone when drinking anyway. That way leads to Niall]

Rest. [He snorts] Right. I don't sleep much anymore.

I figured. Maybe you should try, though. Even if it's just for a few hours.

[ With the flask in his hand, Jesse pushes himself to his feet. He turns on the steps to look down at Declan, who looks so positively drunk and wasted and exhausted. ]

Need a hand up?

[He doubts he'll get a few hours, though he might be drunk enough for it. He needs his sleeping pills, but he knows that's not going to happen any time soon. He refuses to ask Ronan to dream them up for him, as much as he refuses to ask Jesse if he knows where he can get some.

He waves a dismissive hand at Jesse's offer to help. He can get his own damn self up and he does so, only swaying slightly. He's quiet as he tries to sort himself out, then he asks]

What do you want from him?

[ As much as Jesse wants to grab a hold of Declan to steady him, he keeps his distance, just watches Declan sway to his feet. Declan is much taller than Jesse, so Jesse has to turn his head up to look at him.

The question shouldn't come as a surprise. In fact, Jesse has been waiting for Declan to ask what he wants from Ronan. Jesse isn't stupid; he knows Declan thinks he's using Ronan. The suddenness of the question takes Jesse off-guard regardless.

Jesse fixes Declan with a long, assessing look. He swallows a little thickly. ]

I watched Ronan die. Over and over. I saw what Kavinsky did to him, too. And now I'm watching him fall apart because he doesn't think he's got a reason to live. What do you think I want from him?

[Declan still doesn't know what to expect from Jesse. He doesn't know him, he doesn't like him. This is all just situational, he tells himself. He hasn't exactly learned everything he wanted to learn tonight and he supposes that's his own damn fault, but that's not something he's going to admit to himself here and now ]

What the hell do you know about Kavinsky? You want to know what he really did? Kidnapping Matthew and drugging him? Then I hear you and Ronan are all mixed up in his shit anyway? I don't know what you want from him, but you're going to drag him down, then you better stay away.

[This isn't what he wanted to start. Not here, not now. It's a bad, drunken attempt to warn Jesse that things aren't going to be like they used to. Not with him here, or with Gansey around, even Matthew]

Ronan has reasons to live. That demon inside of him is going to be gone, so whatever the fuck else is making him feel like that, I'll make damn sure leaves right along with that thing.

[ Jesse peers up at Declan. He's slurring and intoxicated; Jesse wonders if Declan even knows what he's saying. Jesse could point out all he knows about Kavinsky, he could point out that he wouldn't have discussed the matter of the demon with Declan if he didn't think Ronan had a reason to live, he could point out a lot of things.

Instead, he simply says with quiet, firm conviction: ]

I'd let the demon take me if it meant saving Ronan.

Yeah?

[Declan utters that word with all the antagonism in the world. He doesn't want to talk about this anymore. He wants to talk about anything else. He wants to be in his expensive townhouse in Virginia that he doesn't have to feel guilty over, with a life that he was more or less keeping complete control of]

Well maybe we'll just stick it in you, then. How about that?

Edited 2017-04-02 09:38 (UTC)

If that's what it takes.

[ Jesse's gaze doesn't waver from Declan's. Does the hatred in Declan's slurred words hurt? Maybe on the surface, maybe a little. Deep down, Jesse knows he deserves it.

He would let the demon take him, if it meant saving Ronan. It's Jesse that's the abomination, not Ronan. ]

Think you're too drunk to keep having this conversation right now, though.

[Declan isn't sure why, but those words anger him more than anything. Maybe because he never even thought of letting the demon take him over Ronan. The demon wouldn't want him or Jesse, so it's irrelevant, but still.

He reaches for the flask]

Give that back to me.

[ That's the thing: Jesse knows the demon wouldn't want to take him, so it is irrelevant. Jesse is nothing special or useful. But God, if he honestly could spare Ronan's life by letting his own be used as a pawn...

Jesse jerks the flask out of Declan's reach for the moment. ]

You need to sleep. Or at least get some rest. If you wanna be a help to your brother, you need to look after yourself, as well.

[ Such wise words coming from a junkie. But then, he's holding the flask out for Declan to take. ]

[Declan wastes no time snagging the flask back from Jesse, but he doesn't open it again. He knows he's already crossed his own line. He's not keeping it together and that could get very dangerous. It's in his his, even if no one is after them here anymore.

Only demons, he reminds himself. The worst thing of all]

I know how to look after myself, asshole. Been doing it for nineteen years, all by my damn self. Don't need you coming over here with you bare feet and attitude telling me how to manage myself.

"My barefeet and attitude"? Says the nineteen year-old? What, gonna shake a Nerf Blaster at me next and tell me to get off your lawn?

[ Retorted so dryly. This kid, honestly... ]

Edited 2017-04-02 15:31 (UTC)