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Who: Declan & St. Monmouth folks, or anyone.
When: late March
Where: St. Monmouth
What: Declan realizes that even running away to another planet doesn't solve any of his problems.
Warnings: language. will update as threads progress

[Monmouth looks so peaceful this late at night. The firelights, the dream trees, the flowers that always seem to glow. They all lend an air of magic to the whole place and all Declan can think about is that none of it is really worth it. None of anything their father had was worth it, and now it's all rushing in and catching up to Ronan as well.

The last thing Declan feels is peaceful. Back in Virginia he could manage it all, it was his life's work. But here? He doesn't know if even God himself could get rid of these demons.

Sitting on the front steps of his newly dreamt up house, rubbing at the fresh bruise along his jaw, he is thankful for one thing, at least: the never ending alcohol in this dreamt up flask.]

closed to Gansey

[Declan gives himself a day, because even he has to regroup sometimes and this one's a doozy. If there was something immediate he could do, he'd already be doing it, but demons aren't part of his expertise. Maybe he should have paid better attention in Church. Maybe that's what he needs right now, too.

But other than church, there's Richard Gansey, who always seems to be able to help when Declan can't quite get there. Declan has always been grateful even if it's less than apparent and he knows Gansey must respect him as well, at least for the most part.

After they fought (the briefest of fights, Gansey might actually be proud, only Declan's face showing any signs that one even took place), Ronan filled him in on whatever he could, but he told Declan to ask Gansey the rest. That Gansey was there at the end. The end. Matthew and Ronan coming undone. He isn't ready to hear the rest of this, but he knows he has to be if he wants to figure out what to do about it. Knocking on Gansey's door, he waits for a reply. ]

(lmk if there's anything else you'd like to do that doesn't fit into this scenario, i'm open!)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah?

[Declan utters that word with all the antagonism in the world. He doesn't want to talk about this anymore. He wants to talk about anything else. He wants to be in his expensive townhouse in Virginia that he doesn't have to feel guilty over, with a life that he was more or less keeping complete control of]

Well maybe we'll just stick it in you, then. How about that?

Edited 2017-04-02 09:38 (UTC)

If that's what it takes.

[ Jesse's gaze doesn't waver from Declan's. Does the hatred in Declan's slurred words hurt? Maybe on the surface, maybe a little. Deep down, Jesse knows he deserves it.

He would let the demon take him, if it meant saving Ronan. It's Jesse that's the abomination, not Ronan. ]

Think you're too drunk to keep having this conversation right now, though.

[Declan isn't sure why, but those words anger him more than anything. Maybe because he never even thought of letting the demon take him over Ronan. The demon wouldn't want him or Jesse, so it's irrelevant, but still.

He reaches for the flask]

Give that back to me.

[ That's the thing: Jesse knows the demon wouldn't want to take him, so it is irrelevant. Jesse is nothing special or useful. But God, if he honestly could spare Ronan's life by letting his own be used as a pawn...

Jesse jerks the flask out of Declan's reach for the moment. ]

You need to sleep. Or at least get some rest. If you wanna be a help to your brother, you need to look after yourself, as well.

[ Such wise words coming from a junkie. But then, he's holding the flask out for Declan to take. ]

[Declan wastes no time snagging the flask back from Jesse, but he doesn't open it again. He knows he's already crossed his own line. He's not keeping it together and that could get very dangerous. It's in his his, even if no one is after them here anymore.

Only demons, he reminds himself. The worst thing of all]

I know how to look after myself, asshole. Been doing it for nineteen years, all by my damn self. Don't need you coming over here with you bare feet and attitude telling me how to manage myself.

"My barefeet and attitude"? Says the nineteen year-old? What, gonna shake a Nerf Blaster at me next and tell me to get off your lawn?

[ Retorted so dryly. This kid, honestly... ]

Edited 2017-04-02 15:31 (UTC)

I'll shake something else at you if you're not careful.

[Right now he doesn't care that that this asshole knows how old he is, it's not like most people believe him anyway and he can't imagine Jesse being an actual adult. But it still pisses him off]

You don't want me as an enemy, believe me. I can make your life hell. Is that what you want? Is that how you want to do this?

[ In Jesse's best Serious Adult voice, the kind of voice reserved for reminding drunk 19 year-olds that they're just 19 year-olds: ]

You're gonna make my life hell by threatening to shake your dick at me?

[ But then, he raises his hands in surrender. ]

Yo. All I'm doing is telling you to get some rest, okay? 'Cause no offense or anything, but you look like shit. And I mean that in a concerned friend of Ronan's way, 'cause I know Ronan really needs his big brother right now.

[Declan hates that voice. It makes him want to smack it right out of Jesse's mouth. Now he's starting to regret letting the age thing slip.]

Real mature, asshole.

[He half scowls, half makes a disgusted noise in Jesse's general direction. Mostly though, he's just feeling it toward himself. He shouldn't even be here like this.

He takes a step up, then steps back down and pinches the bridge of his nose]

Matthew.

Yeah. Matthew, too. They both need you.

[ Jesse is fixing Declan with a Look... though, that look softens with a quiet sigh under his breath while he watches Declan pinch the bridge of his nose.

Much more gently: ]

C'mon, man. Just get some rest, okay? And look, I know I'm the last person you probably want hanging 'round, but I'll stay if you need the company. I don't mind.

No, I mean I... I don't want to go in there like this.

[He knows they need him. Of that, he needs no reassurances. What Declan does have an issue with is how well he can usually hold his liquor and truly bad this forever replenishing flask is for him during such trying times.

Without removing his hand from his nose, he glances over at Jesse]

What are you going to do, tuck me in? [And then] I'm sleeping out back by the pool.

[ A 'seriously, bro?' raise of his brows. ]

What, like a hobo? [ And because he knows Declan will likely latch onto that and be an even further dick, Jesse quickly adds: ] And what if Matthew finds you passed out drunk by the pool? How is that in any way gonna look any better?

[It's a good thing Jesse is on the ball with that one, because a retort is about to leave his mouth just as Jesse brings up Matthew. He looks toward the back of the house, then considers his choices]

I'll be up before he even notices.

[And because this decision is too hard, he decides another swig from the fask might be in order, so he opens it up again]

I just want to go home. With my brothers. This is insane. Do you realize how insane all this shit is? Another planet? And we're just supposed to be okay with this. Get used to it, just like that.

[ Jesse's eyes drop to the flask, watching Declan's hands unscrewing the lid for another swig. He knows exactly what that's like: seeking another hit, searching to climb higher into inebriation, frantically looking for escapism in the bulb of meth or the next line of coke. Or, in Declan's case, the next swig of booze.

He lifts his attention back up to Declan's face. ]

I thought the same shit when the Ingress first pulled me in.

[ Trust me, I know exactly what you're going through on THAT level, at the very least. ]

At least your brothers are here with you, though. At least it ain't a case of you being pulled in here alone, while your brothers are left back at home to deal with shit on their own.

[ Like how it was for Ronan when he first wound up here. Jesse leaves that part out, though; he knows Declan doesn't need any further reminders of that right now. ]

[If Declan knew Jesse was comparing the two of them right now, he would be beside himself. Maybe ashamed, even, though Declan doesn't do shame and guilt the way Ronan does. He sees now issue with how drunk he wants to get himself, though]

I know. I know it's not the same. I know.

[He knows how damn lucky he is. It kills him that Ronan had to go through all of it alone. His brothers are here with him, but right now, in his head, he just wants things to be like they were, even though nothing was ending up the way he wanted it to anyway]

I would've switched places with him. I would've done anything to keep him from the shit he went through.

[His thoughts are coming out disjointed now, everything jumbling up in his head]

But you were here. You.

[ Honestly, Jesse wants to just... gently pry the flask out of Declan's hands and just as gently turn him around and lead him inside to his bed. It's where he needs to be: in bed, so he can sleep, so he can try to shut his mind off for a little while.

He tilts his head a little to try and catch Declan's eyes. ]

And now you're here, too. Which I know sucks, but at least Ronan has you here. And Matthew. You're together as a family again. That's gotta count for something, right?

It should count for something, shouldn't it. But you're telling me that he thinks he's an abomination. That he's punishing himself. That he's doing all this shit I tried to veer him away from. That's what you're telling me.

[It's a mess. Declan is a mess and he hates it. This isn't what he does. This isn't who he is. And now this asshole, junkie, idiot that Declan is trying so hard not to hate is right here and all he wants to do is thank him for taking care of his brother, but he doesn't really know what to say]

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here with them. But you were here too.

[ Is Declan accusing Jesse? Is he thanking him? Jesse can't tell. He's not sure Declan can tell, either. Declan is a mess. A slurred-speaking, confused, terrified mess. Jesse might not be able to tell if Declan is saying he hates him or is thanking him, but he can tell Declan is falling apart and is terrified.

Declan may very much seem like a 30 year-old who's got his shit together. Right now, though? He's nothing but a terrified 19 year-old boy who doesn't know what to do or who to turn to.

Perhaps it's against Jesse's better judgement, but Jesse moves up to the next step so he's more eye-level with Declan, and he carefully takes hold of Declan's upper arms. ]

Hey. Listen to me. It does count for something. I'm just a guy Ronan happened to meet. I'm not his brother. I only know the shit he's gone through here, not the shit he's gone through back home. I've been tryna encourage him to do more stuff people his age would normally do - y'know, skateboarding, playing video games, just... fun stuff to try and take his mind away from all this dark stuff he gets caught up in - but that's nothing compared to him having his family here, man. And he's been without you both for a long time, and a lot's happened, and none of that is your fault. Okay? None of it.

[Declan doesn't know what he's doing either. Accusing Jesse, thanking him, probably both. Mainly just thanking him now though, he thinks. It's a whole back and forth situation and Jesse is right. At the base of it all, he's just pretty damn terrified.

He's never been so out of his depth before. Not even when he was thrown in thrown in the trunk of his father's car, or handcuffed and made to watch the shit people his father dealt with, ransacking his house, looking for dream things, looking for Ronan. He knew the drill back then. Now? He doesn't know shit.

He looks at Jesse, the anger that was there before, dissipated into something else entirely. Declan doesn't even know what, though. He just watches Jesse, his firm hands on his arms practically holding him up now.]

We've never been apart for this long. Even when we were fighting, we... [He starts, then stops, then shakes his head. A lot has definitely happened. He still feels like it's his own damn fault, but now they're here. He's here with Matthew and Ronan and he wishes his brother would realize that he's not alone anymore. ] Okay.... okay.

[ Jesse is about to tell Declan to stop, c'mon, man, just stop. Take a breath. At Declan realising that himself, Jesse tilts his head a little and studies him with a pensive frown. There are times when Ronan looks so incredibly young - when he's vulnerable, when he's scared, when he's lost. Declan is reminding Jesse so much of Ronan when he's in that state right now. ]

Just the fact that you're here is probably gonna help him way more than you think. [ Tilting his head that bit more to catch Declan's eyes pointedly, to try and drive that point home, even if it's just a little. But then: ] In the meantime, though, I think it's time you hit the pause button on getting drunk and beating yourself up for a little while so you can get some rest, okay?

Not if I keep it up like this.

[Even as drunk as he is, he recognizes that too. He can't keep doing this. One time thing, letting himself fall apart a lot more than he ever lets himself and then tomorrow he's going to get his shit together and be himself again. But Jesse has a point and it does hit home. ]

Yeah, okay.

[He nods, lifting a hand to Jesse's shoulder, giving it a little shake as he clasps his hand on hard, and then he lets out a small, mirthless laugh, holding the flask up with his other hand]

This thing is dangerous.

[ That hard, masculine clasp of Declan's hand on Jesse's shoulder, with that masculine little shake, is such a drunk thing to do. Declan is so wasted. Still, it draws a crooked little smile out of Jesse, and when Declan motions to the evil, never-ending flask-- ]

Yeah. Don't make me confiscate it.

[ Said with gentle wryness. He's not planning on confiscating it; Jesse understands the need to have some kind of substance to block out shit he doesn't want to think about. But honestly, Declan is such a sorry state right now that Jesse can't help feeling sorry for him. This is too much weighing down on this young guy's shoulders. Jesse thinks the same about Ronan, too, all the time.

Letting Declan's arm go, Jesse clasps the guy's wrist and draws his arm up around his shoulders, anchoring it there to steady Declan. ]

C'mon. Let's get you lying down somewhere that ain't by the pool.

Yeah, yeah. You wish.

[Declan doesn't even bother to give Jesse a look. If he confiscated the flask, it would probably be better for him, but at least he's not drinking from it anymore. He tells himself he's never drinking again, but everyone knows how that goes. At least he won't miss his sleeping pills tonight.

Before he can try to take another step up (which probably would have taken another minute or two anyway), Jesse has his arm around his shoulder and Declan's pretty sure no one has ever helped his drunk ass out before. Granted, he can't remember the last time he was this drunk, but even then, he helped himself out. In the back of his mind somewhere, he thinks he's supposed to hate Jesse, but right now he doesn't think the guy is all that bad]

I have a big bed. It's even bigger than the one I had at home. I don't want Ronan to think he has to make shit up to me.

[ Alright, so now he's got Declan walking towards the front door... it's something of a bit of a staggering effort, with Declan leaning heavily on him, considerably taller than Jesse, all intoxicated on his feet, a heavy weight of exhaustion and drunkenness. Another sip from that flask and Jesse is certain Declan will break down into tears. He knows that's where this is dangerously heading. Not that Jesse would judge Declan for that.

Reaching the front door, Jesse twists the doorknob and shoves the door open. He knows what Declan means about not wanting Ronan to think he's got to make things up to Declan, but Jesse decides to opt for a dry joke in amongst all the heaviness of Declan's morose drunken state if only to try and lighten the mood a little: ]

Maybe he dreamed you up a giant ass bed 'cause he knew your giant drunk ass would be sprawling all over it.

[ Shuffling into the house now, with Declan sagging off his shoulders. Jesse almost has to wedge himself sideways to fit the both of them through the door. He throws a quick curious glance around - this place is very unlike anything in Monmouth, with its mod cons and modern finishings - until his attention is drawn towards the staircase leading upstairs. ]

Up that way?

[Has Jesse done this before? Declan wonders, then decides that he probably has. He's pretty good at it, though he knows he probably shouldn't be doing this either. While he's contemplating all of this, he's definitely leaning harder on the other man, letting him lead them both into the house.

It's a very nice house and Declan is still very impressed. Ronan really did think of everything. He's not really as homesick as he was going on about tonight. Nothing ever truly felt like home, but being around Ronan and Matthew always felt like the closest he could ever get to one and they're both here.

He looks at the stairs with mild disdain]

If he was thinking about my drunk ass, he wouldn't have dreamt up those stairs. Yeah, that way.