MARCH @ NORMANDY SECURITIES [OTA+EMPLOYEE-ONLY OPTIONS!]

[squadgoals]

Who: Everyone!
When: March 3rd-31st!
Where: Normandy Securities office @ Ingress Complex + Mission locations
What: It's the first month of Normandy Securities missions! Come check the job board, guys!
Warnings: Clown death?


[OOC NOTE: if you expressed interest to join Normandy Securities in this post, even if the thread isn't finished, consider yourself hired and on board. Feel free to make your own headers, and tag whatever you like!]

1. OFFICE SPACE (Open to all! Do whatever, mix and mingle, cause trouble!)
[Normandy Securities is big. This isn't because of how Shepard planned it — it just turned out that warehouses were one of the cheapest buildings to rent out, on account of all the goods being shifted around Ingress Complex central. For a few sencs more, an office floor had been available — but by then it had just seemed... wrong. What if she hired a Cybertronian, and they needed space? (She had.) What if someone was noisily modifying a piece of weaponry? (She had plans.)

On rental, the office (warehouse) had come with a free retrofit — in addition to its general open space, it was now also replete with locker rooms, showers, and multiple conference rooms and private offices, for use by whoever was in at the time. Full and part-timers each have a coded locker with their own name on it, while freelancers have to choose an empty one when they're around.

Business seems to flow in and out, with busy and calm periods one after another. The whole building is open to the public, so clients with inquiries, or just general visitors, aren't blocked from entering the main open hall, and chatting to staff present. There's a digital check-in desk for clients who are looking to file a mission in person, with datapads available for applications. Shepard may or may not be immediately around, depending — although she seems to have a sixth sense for when fights break out in her building.

Here to chat? Hire some security? File a mission? Sneak a free shower, and maybe a handful of those free fried thingies in the breakroom? You're probably in the right place.]

2. STILL HIRING (Open to all!)
[Save for when she's on missions, during office hours, Shepard can generally be found in an office on the second floor, with a reasonable view of the larger open space below. That said, she has a tendency to wander around, checking up on everyone.

Still interested in a job? She's never taken down the job posting, and a small sign with "POSITIONS AVAILABLE" is still displayed on the client check-in desk.]

3. ACTIVE MISSIONS (Closed to employees only!)
[Shepard regularly vets and updates a digital list of missions relayed specifically to her for Normandy Securities, as per contract with private parties. The tasks range from the cute, to the extreme — whatever their clients require.

For full or part-time employees, on top of the monthly salary, all missions come with the promised bonus for completion. For freelancers, 50 sencs can generally be tacked on to any mission's bonus as the remuneration, although Shepard is generally open to negotiation.

Anyone who's a hired member of Normandy Securities has access to this list, which currently displays as follows:]

DAY 62-90 MISSION INFORMATION:

• As purely a point of interest, Shepard directs her team to check out general monthly mission notices. Extra cash never hurts.
  
  
• FAMILY FOOD: A bipedal Thisavrou resident Shepard struggles to define as anything other than "A hamster man" has asked for private security operatives to chaperone his fifteen (15!) children on a fun two-hour-trip to Deslora. As far as she can understand, the chief point of the mission is to safely let the children eat whatever fair food they want — as long as it's not each other. Two hours supervised all-you-can-eat with fifteen hungry cannibalistic hamsterchildren. How hard can it be?
  ⋆Operatives necessary: 2
  ⋆Difficulty: 2/5
  ⋆Bonus: 100 sencs
  ⋆SHEPARD NOTE: DO NOT LET THEM EAT EACH OTHER. I KNOW their father comes across very lackadaisical about it. I don't care. NO CHILDREN EATEN. Bottom line.
  
  
• HONEY HONEY HONEY: An entrepreneurial scientist at the Ingress Complex paid a visit to Deslora, and discovered a rare nest of Killer Clownbees. As big as a man, with the body of a bee and the head of an angry, terrifying clown, these Deslora residents make some of the sweetest honey known to the multiverse — a valuable ingredient in a popular age-defying cream. Unfortunately, the Killer Clownbees are extremely protective, insane, and possess stingers full of face-melting poison. Your task, if you choose to accept it, is to collect this honey.
  ⋆Operatives necessary: Unlimited
  ⋆Difficulty: 5/5
  ⋆Bonus: 300 sencs per kilogram of honey.
  ⋆SHEPARD NOTE: Please take extreme care. Also, someone please take a picture of this.
  
  
• CATSKILLS: A resident of Kauto R3's pet squirrelcat ran up a tree during pruning, and she can't get it to come down. She is very worried. She is 7 years old. The Squirrelcat's name is Fluffy.
  ⋆Operatives necessary: 1
  ⋆Difficulty: 0/5
  ⋆Bonus: Come on guys, it's a little kid's pet. I'm not charging her.
  ⋆SHEPARD NOTE: Fine, 10 sencs. From my own pocket.
  
  
• MORE RESEARCH REQUIRED: A request has come through from a researcher interested in the "scientific benefits of red clown noses". To this end, he requests... red clown noses. When pushed for more details, he recommends harvesting them from any of the many resident clownfauna groups of Deslora, and lists off the following: Killer Clownbees (5), Clownfish (4), Cyclowns (3), Clownflies (2) and Clownys (1). He also recommends checking their nests, first, as the young have less defense, and seem to have tenderer noses. All are aggressive — especially the clownbees.
  ⋆Operatives necessary: Unlimited
  ⋆Difficulty: 1-5/5
  ⋆Bonus: 20 sencs per red clown nose
  ⋆SHEPARD NOTE: All species of Deslora fauna, apparently. They just look like clowns. Clownfish are just clowns with fins. They swim. Cyclowns are very fast runners. Clownflies fly. Clownys just look like normal clowns, until they attack you. Going to be honest, this is probably the weirdest thing I've typed out for a while.
  

[Hit me up by PM or at nijikai if you need anything!]

Comments

1. OFFICE SPACE - OTA

[squadgoals]

[General Office Hijinks]

2. STILL HIRING - OTA

[squadgoals]

[Apply now! Interested Commanders are standing by.]

two bioware protagonists walk into a bar

[lavelly]

[He's still getting used to this whole idea of employment. Turns out living in the woods and then getting shoved into humongously important political positions doesn't really do much to prepare you! But apparently it's necessary, because nobody here seems to use a barter system. Not that Lavellan has anything to trade anyway.

He'd been idly scrolling through older network posts (mostly because the novelty of the thing still hasn't worn off) when he saw Shepard's ad. Security sounds... doable. Right? They want people who can fight and provide their own weapons, and the job itself is to protect people. Supposedly.

Well, he can always leave if he doesn't like it. What's work ethic?

He knows he's not physically intimidating at the best of times, even if he still had both his arms--even less so here, where it seems like most people have never even seen an elf before. So he decides to attach his silly modified crossbow to his arm before he shows up to make up for it. It doesn't matter that he can't use it for shite. It's about impressions.

The end result is there's an elf with a crossbow grafted to his left elbow awkwardly milling around the reception area, trying not to look unnerved by all the computers everywhere all the time.]

Hello. Is... there was a job posting?

[Oh fuck how does this work.]

http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/103/575/f38.gif

[squadgoals]

[The reception is a mess. Bright and early in the active cycle of the day, a client who could only be described as "slug-like", if a slug was neon-purple and translucent, insisted on filling out the client form pad on his own, thank you very much!

In the interim, Shepard has been cleaning it off herself with a series of cleaning products, none of which are working as well as she'd like them to. Muttering darkly as she attempts to unstick a snail trail of goo, she stops-mid scrub at Lavellan's question. Brushing off her knees, Shepard stands to her full height, and gives the elf a careful once-over.]

Still is. You here to apply?

i wish i could respond with a gif in turn but nothing could match that in beauty

[lavelly]

[He's going to ignore the slug being, for now. It seems the polite thing to do, and if he pretends he finds it normal then he won't have to try and articulate his confusion. Thus far he has found it an effective coping mechanism in this place.

It does take him a split-second longer to respond to Shepard, though. What a natural interview this guy is.]

A-Ah, yes. The job. Yes. I've, well, never done this before. Should I have brought something?

yo dog i heard you like assassins

[gh0stamidstthec0mbat]

[After hearing about this Commander Shepard from Reinhardt "God Pecs" Wilhelm (that's his name now), Zer0 had taken to combing the network for whatever information he could find on her. Not in a like. Creepy way. More in a 'Reinhardt didn't specify what sort of people Shepard was looking to hire so let's find out' sort of way. Said network combing had paid off when he came across Shepard's ad, and while security didn't exactly sound exciting, it was at least somewhere to start. Besides, he might still get to shoot something, so it probably wouldn't be too boring.

Not one for wasting time, pretty much as soon as he'd rolled in Zer0 had zeroed in (GET IT) on the check-in desk and started fiddling with an application datapad, periodically looking around just in case someone who looks like they're in charge happens to stroll through. An app was well and good, but being able to chat with someone directly would be ideal.]

i put an assassin in your assassin so you can kill while you kill

[squadgoals]

[Futzing with a computer tower in her office, or at least, giving it encouraging hits until it displays correctly (it generally takes two), Shepard's work datapad pops with a notification flag for "customer" — 11 times in a row. As she inspects it, it pops a few more.

Tucking the device under her arm, she makes her way out to the floor to find the source — and allows herself a few moments to take in Zer0 before approaching him properly. Thin, svelte, and clearly athletic. If this guy was looking to lodge a mission, she'd be shocked. He had the look of someone who'd have no problem taking things on all by his lonesome.

Well, one way to find out. She speaks as she walks, giving a small wave.]

Hi there — looking for someone?

Kinky

[gh0stamidstthec0mbat]

[Zer0 looks up from the datapad, turning to face Shepard fully and giving her a friendly nod.]

I'm hoping to speak / With someone about a job. / I seek employment.

[neverheardofhim]

[Varric was making enough money to get by. Between his roommates, the fact that they'd outright managed to purchase a house and his own, slowly growing business, he didn't really need any more prospects. But he remembered this fascinating red-head, remembered that she'd been kind enough to offer a drink when he was otherwise going without.]

[So color him damn curious.]

Heard you're looking for a little help, Red. Consider that help arrived.

[squadgoals]

[Putting down the datapad she was re-calibrating (someone's got to do it) on the counter, she crosses her arms, smile barely concealed.]

You use that line on everyone, Varric, or just the ones running security businesses?

[neverheardofhim]

Depends. [Cocking his head to the side, he offered the red-headed woman a wink.] Which answer gets me hired quicker?

[mylawn]

[76 isn't exactly interested in a job--he's freelancing security contracts and doesn't have to pay rent (thanks, farm), so he's here out of curiosity more than anything else. Shepard had been one of the more competent members of the Moira, and he thinks it might behoove him to stay in touch. Nothing wrong with cultivating mutually-beneficial relationships, after all.

He shows up in full tactical gear, of course, and looks extremely out of place in an office as he leans his gun against the wall and gives the whole place a once-over.]

Nice setup.

[Not that he has much else to compare it to, at least as far as office space on this alien planet is concerned.]

[squadgoals]

[Shepard, as it turns out, is busy looking extremely out of place in her own office.

Shouldering a rifle behind the reception desk, she's aligning the sights (finger away from the trigger, safety on) at a circular target on the opposite wall. Squinting slightly, she nods, returning the rifle to the desk — and begins disassembling it on the spot.

At the sound of the gun against the wall, her head jerks up, expression neutral — perking up immediately at the sight of 76. This guy!

Giving him a friendly nod, she wipes her hands off on a clean rag.]

Hey. Not bad, yourself. [She gives a flick of her fingers, gesturing to his gear with a nod.] Keeping yourself busy? [In civilian hell?]

[mylawn]

[This guy! He's here, thinking about how out of place Shepard looks--not that he'd come off any better, and he's a guy who has spent a substantial amount of time being important behind a desk. He takes a quick look at the target she was aiming at, then his gaze falls on the way she starts to dismantle her rifle.]

Busy enough.

[Not quite, but 76 is a special breed of needing to keep himself occupied.]

Still feels a little too much like retirement.

[It's a joke! Because he's old.]

[sleepdarts]

( Ana's considering her options when she walks into the warehouse. She can't say that signing up to a company is really what she's going to do, she's worked alone for too long, and her trust isn't so easily placed, but knowing what others may be doing is always something -- whether or not she works with them she may run across them on a mission.

Ana clears her throat when she locates the redhead, not particularly looking for her but she looked like a good person to talk to -- obviously military, and busier than some of the others that were floating around. Why bother someone who wasn't doing something? )

There doesn't seem to be much security.

( For a security company. It's not a real judgement, but what a great first impression )

[squadgoals]

[At the "ahem", Shepard looks up from what she's doing (disassembling a mobile turret that a thankful customer had felt the need to donate), and raises an careful eyebrow at the woman in front of her.

Tall, versatile, capable. Sizing us up. Experienced. Special agent? Extensive field work.

Putting down the wrench, she wipes her hands off on a cloth, choosing her answer with care.]

We're not exactly in the habit of shooting customers.

[Bad for business, as a general rule — and any attacks would easily be neutralised by an office full of... well, trained killers.]

How can I help?

[sleepdarts]

I haven't yet decided if you can.

( Ana be nice. Though maybe this woman would appreciate honesty, and boldness. Ana couldn't be Ana if she wasn't bold, and pushing just a little into rude )

I am looking at what you might do. I've done this sort of thing before.

3. ACTIVE MISSIONS - EMPLOYEES ONLY

[squadgoals]

[Thread your pet rescues and mass clown death in one convenient location!]

OTA but Shepard please come make fun of him

[sketchycharacter]

[Why is he even here. This is a terrible idea.

Come help us go on a hunt, Shepard had said. It's good money and you'll get to explore, she'd said. Well, fine and dandy, that turned out to be true and he'd been planning to explore this world anyway but it was only when they'd approached the site of the giant bees that she'd casually mentioned they were FUCKING CLOWNS!!!!

Nathan Drake is not a happy man. But he's not going to turn tail by running now, so...here he is, with a white-knuckle grip on his gun, ready to unload its clip at the first opportunity.

Maybe this will be therapeutic?]

at your service, friend.

[squadgoals]

[Incredible design, check — it had to be design, no world sprung up naturally like this.

Weird architecture choices, check — who made houses shaped like that, with tubes for stairs?

Everything was in place to make it interesting — and, hell, the payoff was great. What she hadn't anticipated was the color draining out of Drake's face the second he'd caught a glimpse of their quarry.

Pressed against a wall, she was gravely re-considering her options.]

So.

Clowns, huh?

[sketchycharacter]

[Nate startled a little at the sound of her voice, lost in thought regarding the horrible clown bees as he was, but quickly relaxed. He was a grown-ass man, after all, he had a gun, he could handle this.

He just didn't particularly want to.]

I don't like them.

[Understatement!!!!]

Chara | ota | will match formats

[inconsequence]

[One of the decisive perks of being hired on as part of the illustrious Normandy Securities would have to be, naturally, the legally-sanctioned violence. A small child without an ounce of self-preservation, an almost preternatural skill with knives, and a vicious, iron core of determination is the perfect sort of person to launch themself headfirst into the destruction of clowns and everything they represent.





Ha ha, wait, no they're not.

All the same, one would have to admire their enthusiasm, if not their efficiency. They did not bring a camera for the Killer Clownbees, but a precise, bladed hatred for anything that uses humor to mask the numbing existential dread of continued reality more than makes up for that, one would think. Nimble as they are, they appear to be having difficulty actually collecting the honey - that is, the actual focus of the mission - rather than simply engaging the massive insects in combat.

But, hey, as long as they're having fun - what's the harm? Right?

And while they're at it, why not set after a couple clownys? No one likes clowns anyway. Everything about them, from their hideous red noses to their sickening senses of humor, is utterly reprehensible, and if a human child with a Knife isn't going to kill them, well, it was bound to happen eventually.

They'll track them to their nests, if they can. And also probably be completely willing and prepared to wipe the lot of them out solo. Please ensure they are not wiping out the clowns solo.]

CLOWNBEES

[redshitlord]

[He'd totally signed on for the hardest, most difficult sounding mission there was. Because he wanted to impress Shepard. And Riptide. Both of them. He was tough! He could handle this!]

[... except setting foot on the new planet, navigating through crowds and smaller aliens... it sort of started to seem a lot more difficult. There weren't anything even remotely bee-like anywhere.]

[Up until he rounds a corner, and about comes face-to-face with a nest of said creatures.]



[Anyone in the vicinity can probably hear him shriek.]

[squadgoals]

[Every single clownbee in the nest seems to pause for a moment, as if trying to locate the source of the sound, and Shepard finds herself inadvertently holding her breath.

So much for the element of surprise.

In one smooth motion, her gun is out, activated, and loaded.]

Sideswipe — we're getting out of here.

[redshitlord]

N-no! No I'm good! I got this!

[Maybe he shouldn't be so bold here, considering they lost the element of surprise and all, but. Also? He's got something to prove.]

[He has to show her he's not just dead weight. Like everyone else seems to think he is.]

[He pulls his own weapon, a sword to her gun.]

See?