thisavrou_log | "Get outta here if you don't know"

"You're not just a hypocrite, then. You're also blind."

His shark smile is met with an odd one of their own. He could be an ant, pinned in place and legs waving as a glass' light gets hotter and hotter. He could be Papyrus, with little hands around his throat and bones clattering in fear.

"Thinking you're not accountable doesn't mean you aren't. You're no better than me, and you can't say you aren't when you can't even judge my crimes."

Edited 2016-05-01 22:48 (UTC)

"I never said I wasn't accountable. There were things that happened that are on me. That's why I didn't run from this." Because of J. Because that was his fault, the blind spot in all the planning. He'd let someone he cared about get hurt and he would accept all the blame given for that. He'll never stop blaming himself for that. It's the only reason he didn't fight the punishment, stayed still instead of running when it came time to be brought to the cells.

"We all had a chance to judge your crimes, or did you forget getting stuck in here?" His tone is growing sharper, meaner. Anger is bubbling up again, looking for an outlet better than just shouting at the program next door. "We're not on the same level, not even close. You weren't protecting anyone when you went after Papyrus. You weren't even protecting yourself! I want to believe you can get better kid, but don't try to go putting this down there with what you did to make yourself feel better about it."

"No one dies here forever," Chara snaps back. "You weren't protecting anyone either."

He didn't run because there was nowhere to go. There was a jury for Chara's crimes, but it wasn't legitimate. Did he think that standing around and nodding was all there was to it? No one understood this more than Chara. A few days in a simple cell wasn't balance.

Edited 2016-05-03 03:44 (UTC)

"Some do. We've had at least one person not come back. It's always a possibility."

His sister's friend, and it had nearly torn Wanda apart. That one precedent was all he needed, just to know there was a slight chance that his plan could lead to someone never coming back again. He'll just ignore that he may have gotten that wish anyway.

It's only be a few days, there's still time for her to come back.

"That's just because they weren't determined enough," Chara scoffs. It's the best logic that they can piece together for this mess.

"If they'd tried harder, they'd be back."

Wouldn't they? Did the cryochambers have anything to do with Determination at all? It certainly wouldn't hurt to have more, probably. After all, Chara has it in spades and they're the only one to have come back without having had to pay the toll. (That they know of.)

"That's not how it works, kid. It's not about trying." J would try and try and try. The blame won't fall on her if it doesn't work. "Fate doesn't go off of how hard we work, death doesn't either. Besides, what do you know about them? How do you know how determined they were? What does that even mean?"

"If you don't already know, then I'm not going to explain." They were already worrying enough over control of this timeline as it was. Telling someone like Peter about Determination's true potential was just asking for trouble, especially in a context like this.

"I know enough to know I'm right."

He snorts. He hates having his words thrown back at him. But fine, the kid didn't want to explain or try with Peter than Peter can do the same.

"You're like nine, what exactly do you think you know about anything? Come off the high horse, Chara. Stop trying to compare two completely different situations. Stop trying to act like you know how this messed up universe works."

"I know a lot more about how the universe works than you do," they snap. "I've died. I know what killing means. I know humans are twisted, and that the fact that you don't feel even one bit sorry means that you're just the same as everyone else! No--you're worse, because other people at least pretend."

Their voice is rising in volume, as though the words might punch him instead of their fists.

"And do you feel sorry? If I'm so bad for attacking Rinzler, than what are you for going after Papyrus?"

He sees this as a tantrum; his little sister throwing herself on the ground and screaming about some toy she can't have. Childish, ill thought out. The topic was worrying, or would be, if Peter wasn't already trying to check out of any maturity today. Right now there was something easier about forgoing the dance of social nicety around the kid. Maybe it would make them leave, let Peter regroup for another round another day.

"I'm the worst!" They want to kill him more than anything right now. "You think I don't know that? Even bad people don't usually kill monsters, and I killed all of them. I'm a demon--I'm not even human."

They're empty inside. They've always been the bad egg of the bunch, and the only surprise was that they'd ever fooled crewmembers into thinking otherwise. .They'd killed all monsters, just like they'd wanted to slaughter humans. What was Peter's single death to Chara's attempted war?

"... Killing is always evil," they grit more quietly. "Even when it's for a good reason." Which, by the way, they're not convinced he has.

"You think you're what?" This is going far beyond what he's capable of handling, beyond the maturity he possesses to help anyone with their problems. Especially a child that's already upset him. "You killed all of them? There are some on the ship."

He shakes his head, rubbing at his temple and starting to pace again. It's slower this time, human, and the lack of speed only irritates him further. "Then why are you coming here to yell at me for? If you think you're worse then me, why get mad that I did something? What's your point, Chara?"

"My point is that you don't even see why you're in here," they snarl. "I at least know where I'm going wrong. You keep convincing yourself that you're right. That's why I'm yelling at you! People like you are the reason that all humans ever do is cause pain."

In other words, they're yelling because Someone Else Is Wrong. It's not going well: this old, buried hate has been smelling of stale smoke and feeling a size too small, and Chara shakes their head, wishing the conversation to be over. Were they really helping in the end anyway? Knowing right from wrong had never stopped Chara from killing, before. It only meant they judged their world all the more harshly for it.

(The first questions go unanswered, which is just as well. These problems are out of Peter's league, and those admissions alone already reached Chara's limits of how much they've wanted to share.)

Edited 2016-05-10 06:59 (UTC)

"People like me? I was trying to protect someone. If that's not right, than the world is wrong. You're thinking is wrong. You can't just let someone hurt someone you care about. Come on, Chara. Could you just sit by and let someone you love get hurt? Even if you had to hurt someone to stop it?"

It's too heavy a thing to ask of a normal child, too much a moral dilemma to throw at someone still trying to understand the workings of the world. But they've left normal miles ago in this conversation. Right and wrong wasn't a hard line in Peter's world. There were exceptions to the natural law, times when morals had to be bent for the greater good. Or when the greater good had to be destroyed for the sake on one person.

"And if you think that's all there is to people, then you really need to get out more kid."

"You keep saying you were trying to, but you. weren't. protecting. anyone!" Chara stabs a finger at him each time. He's hit a nerve, and Chara's face is flushed with anger, because protecting people is a good thing. Even if the actions are evil, it's something pure to wash their soul's hands in, and they take the distinction seriously.

"If you were saving people, then that'd be better, but you lured him into a trap. He wasn't hurting anything. He wasn't even doing anything to you!"

"He didn't have to do anything to me! He was threatening her! And I had to protect her. And you can act like all high and mighty and call me evil all you want for that. I don't give a shit about your opinion on that. About anyone's opinion on that. If killing him meant I could stop him from putting a hand on her, then that's what I was going to do."

He's saying more than he means to. For all he wants to believe in Chara, the kid is still a source of violence on the ship. He shouldn't be giving away anything about Wanda here. But he's angry. Everything had been in the name of protecting her and even if things had went south, he stood by that. No one could tell him otherwise, could try to tell him his desire was off base. Not even a kid.

"Judge me all you want Chara. I don't care. But that piece of shit threatened her just because he had a problem with me. Didn't have the guts to keep it just between the two off us! I don't care who comes after me, but I won't let anyone hurt her or any of them. Even if it makes some little punk decide I'm the bad guy."

He shakes his head, lowers his voice from the shout it's become. "I love her more than I need anyone else to like me."

Edited 2016-05-12 05:16 (UTC)

His declaration leaves a ringing silence that circles the space between them. Once upon a time they would've been impressed. Loyalty. Chara understood loving their precious little family more than anything in the world. Devotion. He wouldn't let himself be intimidated. Determination...

Those qualities aren't forgotten, but they're definitely overshadowed by an extra realization: there's a she involved, not just a 'someone'. Peter's being overprotective of 'her'. He's always been unreasonable, but now it's especially bad.

It all makes sense, now. Sort of. Actually, they hadn't seen this twist coming at all, but books said that it happened all the time, and it would explain why everyone older than them was being a complete moron. But this...?

"Peter... You're in love with Alice?!"

"No!"

He opens his mouth. He closes his mouth. He looks at the wall, aware that everyone else in the hold can hear this conversation. Was it rude to shout it? Alice was great. He liked Alice a lot. But love? Never. He could barely convince himself to admit to his crush on someone else let alone use a word like that on his teacher.

"Why would I be in love with Alice? I mean, she's awesome and cool and stuff. I'm sure someone would love her or find her hot or something." He says that bit loudly, trying to appease her. Then he realizes how it sounds and winces. "But no. No way. Never. Why would you even think that?"

"Because you're acting overprotective and stupid!" Chara sputters, crossing their arms. "And you set your trap with her, and now you're in jail with her... Everyone knows that on dates you do activities, and ambushing Rinzler totally counts!"

"Trying to kill someone isn't a date activity, Chara! Date activities are, like, going to museums and picnics and making out! Not murder." Basically everything he'd tried on J. "I'm being protective because she helped me! You have to look out for people who help you. And she's like, I don't know, family. You don't date family! Hell, I did this for family. That dick threatened my sister!"

"Oh." Well. That does change things, sort of. "Um. ... Oh." They're thinking this through pretty carefully, so this is success for Peter, right?

Wrong.

"... There aren't rules that say you can only do those three things on a date, you know," they mumble. Alice and Peter aren't in love with each other, then. But if that's the case, then what's going on? Peter and Rinzler argued. Rinzler threatened Alice. (Chara's gaze has dropped as they picture the timeline spread out before them.)

Peter got mad because Rinzler threatened Alice. Fight fight fight, J dies, everyone goes to jail. But why all the threatening? Maybe they all just got caught up in the fun of trying to stamp the life out other living beings. Maybe Rinzler was just offering Alice a fight by attacking her enthusiastically, and Peter was understandably alarmed.

Or maybe...

"He didn't know that's what you meant when you said you loved her, either, did he?" Chara's eyes snap up, burning with realization. "He probably thought the same thing as me. But that means..." They twitch as though wanting to glance down the hall, but they restrain themself.

"Peter, was Rinzler in love with you?"

"I know there's more than three things!" There just happened to be some things even Peter wasn't willing to mention in front of a kid. He had some sense. "That's just examples! Non-murder examples!"

Taking a date on a murder spree was the last thing he'd do. Taking someone stealing? Or out for a little neighborhood vandalism? Now that was date material. And maybe things he had done and then tried to pretend it wasn't a date while wanting it to be a date and then-

Wait. Wait.

"What? What the hell Chara? No. NO!" What a revolting, terrifying idea. An idea so truly twisted and sick Peter could barely believe he'd even heard someone speak it. "He's not in love with me. He doesn't even like me. And he better have known what I meant! He's the one who brought up her being my sister in the first place."

Which just lead to far more disturbing thoughts if Rinzler didn't understood what he meant...

"Oh." The word drops like an overripe apple. (So much for a budding love story.) "Nevermind: if he brought it up, then it was probably all about fighting." Fighting was what he did. It could stand as its own explanation.

Peter's disgust is like rain over parched soil, or it would be if they'd been antagonizing him on purpose. As it is Chara's face is a darkening red, and they're trying very hard not to look as embarrassed as they are.

"Of course it was about fighting. No one would have ever though otherwise." When he gets out he really should try to find some real love stories for the kid. Ones with less murder and more normal relationships.

But he also feels a little bad beyond the disturbed because Chara looks embarrassed about it. "Look, we don't ever have to bring this up again. Alright? This conversation never had to happen, if you want."

And Peter himself wouldn't mind trying to forget anyone suggested he was dating his teacher or that the murderous program he'd tried to kill was in love with him.

"Fine," Chara says shortly. There's a mutinous look in their eye, but it's not nearly strong enough for them to defend their assumptions. Knowing him, he'd probably just shoot right back that 'manga' and 'classic literature' aren't good arguments. (What an illiterate prick.)

"The rest of this conversation's trash, too. I point out the obvious, you reject it, both of us start over... It's pointless, and I'm leaving."

"Get outta here if you don't know"

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