Procrastinating and Not Solving My Problems | Open to All

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Who: Darin Altway and anyone who wants to join!
When: On especially clear nights throughout the month!
Where: Kauto, Region 5
What: Stargazing! Introspection! Relaxation! Bonding! Hilarity!

[Life had been decidedly quiet for Darin in the last month and a half. After that tumultuous mission with Shiro and the ensuing fallout, things had returned to be as peaceful as they could possibly be on an alien world. It was as close to feeling like 'home' as it could while not actively being the same.]

[Perhaps it was this longing for 'home' that found Darin on top of a grassy hill, sprawled out on his back and gazing up at the night sky. Back home, he would do this often when he had to turn his thoughts inward. He would gaze up at the twin moons of his world, one perpetually almost eclipsing the other, and think about his place in that world.]

[He found himself doing the same thing now, but instead of wondering what his place was, he was wondering what he could do to protect it. The laboratory on Asteroid 276 presented a path: a chance to limit himself and his abilities, thereby protecting everyone he had come to know and love in this world. But what would that mean for him if he was ever sent back to his real home? On the other hand...if he chose to keep himself limit free, where did he start in gaining mastery over himself? Dromas had been taught to use his powers. The power gap between them was like comparing an ocean to a babbling brook. How could he even begin to learn something about which he had no previous desire to know?]

[He sighs and reaches into a holster on his hip, drawing forth the tablet that Lucio had given him. He points it up towards the star-filled sky and begins opening window after window: star charts he'd taken from the Hub and meticulously recreated as images in the tablet. He starts moving the images around with his hands, trying to find matches among this night's tapestry. He didn't really expect to find his home...or anything in particular. But, it kept his mind busy. Kept its gears turning. Who knows...maybe he'd find an answer tonight?]

Comments

[patchricide]

No, but the reason I was looking for you happens to resemble work.

[Chores, something to fix. All those usual things.]

But when I saw you out here? This seemed... more important, somehow.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Hey, I happen to like work. Work keeps me busy. Keeps my mind going.

Though, when you phrase it like that, seeing me stargazing? It almost sounds flattering.

So, what do you need done, Princess?

[patchricide]

You're far too late. Now I'm curious what your stories are like.

Share one, and maybe I'll tell you what needs to be fixed before Shiro finds out.

[She grins, like "pretty please?"]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Are...Are you threatening to let Shiro fix something before I can get a look at it?

Is that what you're using as leverage?

[He's annoyed. He's annoyed because it's working.]

[patchricide]

You heard my terms.

By the way? It's in the kitchen.

[Is Shiro as bad at fixing kitchen tools as he is at using them? Staaaay tuned!]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[...That's it. Two can play at this.]

Well, if it's in the kitchen, there's a chance it could cause a fire.

Maaaaaybe I should send a message to Hunk or Pidge to be safe.

[Doot doot, bringing up a message on his TAB...]

[patchricide]

Wait, are you--

Are you giving up fixing something, just to get out of telling me a story?!

[She looks so offended.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

No, I'm using your leverage against you because you seem to think that it'll be that easy to get anything out of me.

Plus, I'm having trouble believing that you, Miss Take A Fire Safety Course, would come to me first to fix something that's potentially flammable when you've got an ace engineer like Hunk and a major tech head like Pidge at your literal beck and call.

So, your move~.

[patchricide]

We had an agreement, didn't we? You're fixing everything, whether you broke it or not.

Also, you and I both know that not every thing in the kitchen is flammable. In fact, some of it is extremely cold.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Then you can't use 'fixing something' as leverage since I'm going to be doing it anyway.

And threatening to sic Shiro on me doesn't exactly fill me with dread.

Speaking of...you two make up yet?

[patchricide]

[She gives a deep, heavy sigh. It's aggravated, like she wants to tell him it's none of his business, but Shiro did leave suddenly over it.]

He's forgiven me, I think.

Except I can't tell if he's actually forgiven me or if he simply doesn't like being upset with me.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Yeah he's forgiven you. He just doesn't know how to talk to you.

Whatever that means.

Are you sure you guys are a team? Because everyone seems to have issues talking to one another.

[patchricide]

I can't help but think you're too worried about that.

The five paladins are supposed to have different strengths, different virtues. It creates a sort of balance, and allows them to bring out the best in each other.

For all the strength in brings, it invites challenges in the five of them seeing eye-to-eye.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Why wouldn't I be? I worry about you guys.

I'm not saying you should all hold hands and skip off into the sunset but...I mean, come on, how hard is it to just talk something out?

I mean, I'm as stubborn as they come and even I know how to give a decent apology.

[patchricide]

[She sighs. Not because he doesn't have a point, but because of some subconscious acknowledgement that she is one of those who doesn't like discussing problems.]

[Well, her problems, anyway. Everyone else's problems are fair game.]

Maybe it's different upbringing, for most of us. You said you avoided the military, didn't you?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Not necessarily "avoided" so much as "found a better calling."

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the military. Hell, my real father was a sword for hire, he worked with our country's military all the time. He was practically a hero.

But...for someone with no mana and no money, I was basically left with only one real path. And in case you haven't noticed, I don't really take kindly to only have one option laid out for me.

[patchricide]

Oh, I've noticed. In fact, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were doing some things just to spite me.

[Like how he completely derailed the subject, just to avoid telling her any stories.]

Still, most of the paladins -- ... and myself... -- we've all taken a more exacting path. It's not a life where you're encouraged to open up and talk.

But... we are expected to trust each other. [Her tone drops a bit. Ashamed, almost.] I've said it before. We could probably learn a lot from you.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[He sighs a bit.]

No...I...

I understand. Where you're coming from, I mean. There's a lot about who I am that I haven't exactly been forthcoming with...

...And it's not because I don't trust you. It's because I'm afraid to admit these thinngs out loud. The more I talk about it, the more is in the open...the more validity my circumstances have.

Shiro knows my story...and I told him basically because I had to. Because, in a moment of weakness, he saw more than I care to show to people. The others...they know bits and pieces...

But, if I had to be perfectly honest? I've kept the most from you simply out of fear of how you'd react.

[patchricide]

[She opens her mouth, and for a moment, it takes the shape of a protest about to be spoken. But a moment later, she presses her lips back together, firmly. When she does speak, it's far more subdued.]

... I think I would be more surprised if you hadn't, actually. I've given you every reason to fear I can't handle these things.

[She shifts, and exhales in a repressed sighed. It's all fussy, like much of her behavior -- and it doesn't seem like she's mounting much of a defense on her own behalf, even though she wants to.]

Do you trust me? I mean, if you thought I could handle it... would you want me to know it, and to understand?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[There's an impossibly long silence that follows that question. Darin doesn't move. In fact, he stops idly tapping at the hovering holographic window completely, his hand dropping seemingly lifeless to the grass beside his frame.]

[It almost seems like resignation. Like he's about to answer in a way neither of them are particularly ready for.]

[But then the silence is shattered by an awful, thunderously loud and equally rude sound that one would hope he made with his mouth.]

For a Princess you are astoundingly bad at this. I mean, wow. Seriously.

[patchricide]

What the quiznak--?!

[She jumps up at the loud rip of a fart, and turns to look at him. As if he has just ruined the sanctity of stargazing. Darin, why are you like this? Just... why??]

What do you mean?! I'm not doing anything wrong!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[Darin's already on his feet, arms crossed over his chest. He sighs heavily and turns his back and peers back up at the sky.]

You still really don't get it? Fine then, I'll spell it out for you:

Of course I trust you. I trust you and your paladins with my life. I've spent the entirety of my life forgoing attachments because I was afraid of getting close to people. Of hurting them.

And yet, after only knowing you for a few months, I accepted Shiro's invitation to live with you all. I've become invested in you guys. I care about you guys.

And it's the scariest damn thing I've ever had to accept.

I have, on several occasions, been ready to leave. Pack up my handful of things and just...move on. But I don't. I haven't. I won't.

Because, like it or not, I've been given a place here...a place I don't deserve but I'm thankful every day that I have.

I may not be ready to tell you what I am...but I know that when I am ready, I trust you to still accept me. Like Shiro did. Like everyone has.

[patchricide]

You're afraid of... hurting people?

[It gives her some pause, since it paints an image in her mind of what kind of secret he's kept from the rest of them. But how accurate is it? It could simply mean disappointing someone, stated with a stark tone. Or it could be actually hurting...]

[That's doubtful, though. He could say what he would about her temper, but even he knew she could endure far worse than the paladins. ... didn't he?]

It makes me glad to hear that. [She looks away, as if lost in thought.] Although it would be better if you didn't talk that way about yourself. What will it take to convince you that you have every right to be here? That you deserve to be here, and belong?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

A lot more than what you, Shiro, or the others can really offer.

The problem isn't with you guys, Princess. It's with me. And explaining why, while it would also explain why I'm afraid of hurting people, is something that I just don't have the heart to go into right this second. Call it fear. Call it shame. Call it whatever you want, but know that the reason I feel so pensive isn't because you guys have done anything to make me feel that way.

I am and will always be the cause of my own problems. That's just the hand I've been dealt.

[patchricide]

We can still try to help you solve them, can't we? That's more or less what we do. As defenders, and as friends.

[But she looks away, since it seems like she won't be able to do much to help him solve it. Not right now, at least.]

But I believe you. If you didn't really feel that way... even telling me this much would be hard, wouldn't it?