thisavrou_log | Procrastinating and Not Solving My Problems

Procrastinating and Not Solving My Problems | Open to All

Who: Darin Altway and anyone who wants to join!
When: On especially clear nights throughout the month!
Where: Kauto, Region 5
What: Stargazing! Introspection! Relaxation! Bonding! Hilarity!

[Life had been decidedly quiet for Darin in the last month and a half. After that tumultuous mission with Shiro and the ensuing fallout, things had returned to be as peaceful as they could possibly be on an alien world. It was as close to feeling like 'home' as it could while not actively being the same.]

[Perhaps it was this longing for 'home' that found Darin on top of a grassy hill, sprawled out on his back and gazing up at the night sky. Back home, he would do this often when he had to turn his thoughts inward. He would gaze up at the twin moons of his world, one perpetually almost eclipsing the other, and think about his place in that world.]

[He found himself doing the same thing now, but instead of wondering what his place was, he was wondering what he could do to protect it. The laboratory on Asteroid 276 presented a path: a chance to limit himself and his abilities, thereby protecting everyone he had come to know and love in this world. But what would that mean for him if he was ever sent back to his real home? On the other hand...if he chose to keep himself limit free, where did he start in gaining mastery over himself? Dromas had been taught to use his powers. The power gap between them was like comparing an ocean to a babbling brook. How could he even begin to learn something about which he had no previous desire to know?]

[He sighs and reaches into a holster on his hip, drawing forth the tablet that Lucio had given him. He points it up towards the star-filled sky and begins opening window after window: star charts he'd taken from the Hub and meticulously recreated as images in the tablet. He starts moving the images around with his hands, trying to find matches among this night's tapestry. He didn't really expect to find his home...or anything in particular. But, it kept his mind busy. Kept its gears turning. Who knows...maybe he'd find an answer tonight?]

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Diomuhr. He should know.

Yeah, I'm sure he'll tell me the secret to beating him.

Also, every time I talk to him, I may relinquish more of my control.

So, no. I'm not asking him.

What, has that happened before?

And how do you know you can't turn it around on him? Get him to relinquish control?

The last time I flew into a rage I basically handed control of my body over to him. That's how Shiro was able to talk to him in the first place.

And I can't turn it around on him. I don't know how I've kept him at bay for as long as I have. Asking me to control him when I don't even know what I can do is another matter entirely.

I'm not trying to stonewall you here. I'm not saying your ideas are bad or stupid. I'm telling you: asking Diomuhr or interacting with him in any way is not an avenue worth looking into. I've seen what Diomuhr's power is capable of. There's a wasteland where a city once thrived back home, and in the center of it is a spire lashed together of bone and blood; the people who once lived there. My brother raised it himself as a 'display of what we were capable of.'

I'd rather not be reminded of it.

Edited 2017-05-30 02:31 (UTC)

[The weight hangs there for a moment. When she speaks again, her tone has become a shade gentler.]

I'm not trying to badger you into anything foolhardy, either. I'm trying to figure out why the other options can't be explored, rather than simply... accepting this.

Because I find it far easier to believe that you do have a demon lord's soul trapped inside of you -- than the idea that you should simply give up and accept your problems for what they are.

It goes against all the things I was raised to believe. And it goes against the image I have of you, too.

Princess, with all due respect...

And you know that means something coming from me...

You hardly know a thing about me. No one does. And I keep it that way for a reason.

Because you don't want us to help you?

Yeah.

It's easier that way.

You know, I always suspected that was why Shiro is so close-lipped about his problems.

What do you mean?

That it's "easier", supposedly. To take on those problems alone and accept the consequences alone.

Like you're doing, right now.

You're acting like Shiro if he was possessed by a demon lord.

Yeah, but I can promise you his reasons are a lot less selfish than mine.

That's where he and I differ.

'Selfish'...?

[She looks the slightest bit taken aback. As much as it was frustrating to see someone else do it, she was just as much guilty of it as the others -- she could sympathize with the sentiments. Wanting to take care of yourself, so no one else would have to sacrifice on your behalf.]

[The frustrating part was that many times, they couldn't handle that task on their own. And so not reaching out for help was delaying action, and shouldering nothing.]

[(She, on the other hand, can shoulder her own problems and everyone else's.)]

What's so selfish about it? It's not your pride bothering you about it, is it...?

Pride? No. There's no pride here.

[He scoffs at the very idea. If he had any idea of how to handle this other than to just keep on keepin' on, then maybe he'd have a modicum of pride about it. But no, there's nothing to be proud of. Because the simple fact of the matter is he's still the same cowardly five year old.]

[The same child who turned and ran when faced with the truth of his origin and was paid in kind with an everlasting scar across his back.]

It's easier to do this myself because no one risks getting hurt. No one dies because I wasn't strong enough. I don't have to deal with the guilt of losing someone because I couldn't keep my powers in check and no one has to deal with the guilt of losing me when the only real solution winds up being "killing me before I lose it completely."

No muss.

No fuss.

Everyone wins.

[Except him. But to be fair, he's never tried to really win before.]

[She stares at him. Not really accepting or angry -- just in disbelief, with a hint of incredulity.]

You can't actually be serious about that. Can you?

['Selfish'. That is his idea of selfish. Not having to deal with losing someone. Again.]

You'd rather give up everything so you have nothing remaining to lose? Is that -- is it actually less sad or painful? Because it seems to me that you're merely dragging it out!

It's my cross to bear. It's really as simple as that. And besides...

[He reaches down and gathers up his shirt and overcoat, slinging them around his neck and shoulders like one would shoulder a towel. With that, he turns enough to shoot her a cocksure smirk over his shoulder.]

If there's anyone out there with shoulders broad enough to handle that burden, it's me, y'know?

I was literally born for it.

[That should aggravate her a lot more than it does.]

[But there's an oddly charming quality to it. The same thing that makes her look at the paladins -- and all their oddities and weaknesses -- and think that they really could save the universe one day. In spite of their flaws, or perhaps even because of them.]

... all right, then.

But you realize that if you falter, there's almost nothing you can say or do to stop the rest of us from helping you.

So... stand strong, won't you?

Heh...

I have to. You know what'll happen if I don't!

We'll be very sad and might not forgive you?

[It's a joke. Sort of.]

Yeah...

That's about the size of it.

So, I just need to keep on the way I have been to protect as many smiles as I can.

Of course. However...

[True to the conversation, she gives a pleasant smile.]

You won't be too upset if we try to protect yours, will you?

I...

Ngh...

D...Do whatever you want...geez...

What I want?

[That brings her back, briefly, to earlier in the conversation.]

You already know. What I originally wanted was to hear the stories from your world.

[He sighs and shrugs.]

Alright alright...where do you want me to start...

[She looks at him, then up at the sky.]

With the stars, of course.

[And then back at him.]

"People have been waxing poetic about the heavens for centuries." "Legends and stories and all kinds of things." That's what you said, isn't it?

Besides, I don't know if you ever might have guessed this, but the stars mean quite a lot to me.

(no subject)

forgeabettertomorrow - 2017-06-27 05:25 (UTC) - Expand

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