Bruce Banner (
hyperkinesia) wrote in
thisavrou_log2016-10-09 07:14 pm
( open ) it takes some silence to make sound
Who: Bruce Banner & YOU!
When: from the end of September to the start of October
Where: all around the Moira
What: Bruce copes (poorly) with the aftermath of the party planet, his girlfriend leaving the ship, and getting a new empathic ability.
Warnings: possible mind/emotion-reading, will update as need be. Please read Bruce's info & permissions post to learn more about his empathic ability, and also feel free to fill out the form there and leave a comment!
[ It's been too much. Both small and large things have been piling on over the past few weeks, a slowly filling glass that's now reaching the brim.
And Bruce is... tired. After leaving the last planet, everything's come crashing down on him, and it feels like the change in his control over his abilities has barely meant anything at all, what with everything else he's suddenly found himself dealing with. Just one burden replaced with a myriad of others, although at least these burdens don't come with the unfortunate consequence of possibly destroying half the ship if he was suddenly incapable of handling them.
It's a small comfort, barely worth anything. Between having lost Trish while knowing he had cheated on her during that party, a party that had played with his mind and altered his sense of time and self, and this new ability he's now more aware of than ever before, he has no idea what to do now, or where to go from here. Even small issues seem too great for him to know how to approach them, so naturally the most logical decision is also his usual one: avoid it all.
This is why anyone who's used to seeing Bruce around the ship might've noticed him oddly absent for the past few weeks. He's even been avoiding his own bedroom —too many memories there, after all—, and some people might've found the science department strangely locked up at hours where it would normally be open to everyone. Now, finally, he ventures outside a little more often, still keeping mostly to himself as he makes his way through the ship only for his basic necessities, and while the department's open again, Bruce takes a remarkably small corner of the area, and he may have even gone by unnoticed if not for the lit up holographic table by his side. ]
When: from the end of September to the start of October
Where: all around the Moira
What: Bruce copes (poorly) with the aftermath of the party planet, his girlfriend leaving the ship, and getting a new empathic ability.
Warnings: possible mind/emotion-reading, will update as need be. Please read Bruce's info & permissions post to learn more about his empathic ability, and also feel free to fill out the form there and leave a comment!
[ It's been too much. Both small and large things have been piling on over the past few weeks, a slowly filling glass that's now reaching the brim.
And Bruce is... tired. After leaving the last planet, everything's come crashing down on him, and it feels like the change in his control over his abilities has barely meant anything at all, what with everything else he's suddenly found himself dealing with. Just one burden replaced with a myriad of others, although at least these burdens don't come with the unfortunate consequence of possibly destroying half the ship if he was suddenly incapable of handling them.
It's a small comfort, barely worth anything. Between having lost Trish while knowing he had cheated on her during that party, a party that had played with his mind and altered his sense of time and self, and this new ability he's now more aware of than ever before, he has no idea what to do now, or where to go from here. Even small issues seem too great for him to know how to approach them, so naturally the most logical decision is also his usual one: avoid it all.
This is why anyone who's used to seeing Bruce around the ship might've noticed him oddly absent for the past few weeks. He's even been avoiding his own bedroom —too many memories there, after all—, and some people might've found the science department strangely locked up at hours where it would normally be open to everyone. Now, finally, he ventures outside a little more often, still keeping mostly to himself as he makes his way through the ship only for his basic necessities, and while the department's open again, Bruce takes a remarkably small corner of the area, and he may have even gone by unnoticed if not for the lit up holographic table by his side. ]

for Jean
Back at that endless party it wasn't a problem, but that was only because nothing seemed to be. Now, though? Now he can hear every feeling blasting in his head, louder the closer he is to someone, his heart thrumming rapidly when someone's nervous or angry, or his mind taken over by sadness or grief that he now shares with others.
Jean had offered to help, when it all started. Long before Bruce even knew exactly what was happening to him. He was reticent then, because whatever can mess with his mind isn't something he's a particular fan of. Then again, this whole thing is messing with his head right now, so...
He's still very much unsure of what she might be able to do for him. But if nothing else, she can hopefully understand. And he does desperately need someone to talk to about it, so. ]
Jean, this is Bruce. If that offer of yours is still on the table, I could use the help. Come by the department sometime. Ring the door if it's locked.
[ It most likely will be, since he's taken to holing himself up and keeping people out since they made it back to the ship. ]
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But she can't find it in her to refuse if Bruce is seeking out her help now. ]
I'll be there in a few.
[ And just a few minutes later, there's the ringing at the door. ]
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His feelings are conflicting at best, but then again when aren't they? When she seems to remember, though, relief comes along with uncertainty and nervousness, but he closes the message and waits for her to drop by.
Surprisingly, the door rings soon after her message. He didn't expect her to come by so soon, but still, he stands up and makes his way over to the door, unlocking it manually and stepping aside to let her in. ]
Jean. Hi. [ He tries for a smile, but it's weak. ] How are you doing?
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And now...
Now, for better or for worse, she feels like she's finally gotten her wish. She's hardened. Zelien started the whole process and being on the Moira, particularly being involved with the party...that's sealed the deal. And she feels a little bit like a ghost of herself, wandering the halls and going through the motions.
The only thing that really snaps her out of her daze at all is when a few odd spots appear on some of her tea leaves in the hydroponics bay. They're not a bacteria. She can't quite understand what's causing them. Some kind of virus?
Better safe than sorry.
And that's what brings her to the science department in the wee small hours of the morning, a crate of samples tucked up against her hip, under her arm.]
Hello?
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So, he's a little out of it when she steps inside, but definitely awake. The voice startles him a bit, only because he's gotten a little too used to being alone all over again. He scrambles to raise whatever mental shields he can even before he looks up, especially when he realizes he doesn't even know this person at all. ]
I'm here. [ His eyes flicker up to her but they don't linger, and as soon as he's done waving at her, he drops his hand again, looking down to his work and closing some of the windows on the holotable. ] Can I help you with anything?
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Sorry, didn't mean to bother you.
[Fatima smiles politely.
Her accent is American, very, very West coast. Just brushing with the notion of a Valley Girl]
I was hoping you could run some analysis on a possible virus problem I'm having in hydroponics.
[That's what scientists do, right? Run analyses?]
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No, it's fine. I'm not that busy.
[ Just trying to keep himself busy and distracted, mostly. And her problem sounds to him like yet another good way to do just that, so he turns his attention to her. ]
And you brought some samples along, I take it?
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[He's not messing with a rank amateur. If there's one thing Fatima goes out of her way to prove, it's that she doesn't belong at the kiddie table of life. Always a bit of a challenge, given the way she looks and acts. But there's a certain thrill in proving herself, each and every time. She pats the crate under her arm.]
I have a couple healthy samples and a couple of the infected ones.
At least, I think they're infected. I've tested for every possible type of bacteria and nothing.
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Great. Let's take a look.
[ He makes his way to a clean counter, fishing out a pair of gloves from a drawer nearby, putting on his glasses before he tugs on the gloves. ]
This... infection, or whatever it is, has it been spreading? If so, can you tell me an approximate rate of contamination? Does it affect only one species of plant or several of them?
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Hydroponics keeps plants fairly isolated. All the tea leaves...
...that what I call them. I don't know their real genus, since they're not terrestrial. But all of the tea leaves are contained to a single bank.
This is the only plant type showing these spots.
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Now he doesn’t know where they stand that’s the problem.
Bruce has been avoiding him. He isn’t in his room when Eggsy comes round, the science department is always all locked up, and he can’t seem to bump into him on the ship. He could text him, that’s a little harder than it has any right to be, but enough is enough. He misses the fuck out of Bruce. They used to spend a lot of time together, and Eggsy frequented the science department if only just to sit there and talk about nothing while Bruce worked.
He didn’t know what was going to happen, but he was going to talk to him.]
Bruce.
[A little breathless to actually see the man inside the science department, Eggsy stumbles to a halt in the door.]
We need to talk, yeah?
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He'd had Trish then. And he loved her. He still does, even if she's gone. And that definitely doesn't take anything from the fact that he cheated on her, plain and simple. Drugged or not, he did something inexcusable, and it doesn't really matter that she never really found out about it before she disappeared.
Guilt lies within himself, instead, made all the stronger by the fact that he couldn't tell her, couldn't ask for forgiveness, or ask for a little time to sort himself out. He also feels horrible for how this has affected Eggsy, for how it changed things between them, and in a way, he can't help but feel that he kind of took advantage of him.
It was twisted, awful. Bruce wishes he could just undo it all. Yet, at the same time... Well. He just tries not to think too much about it. Even if it doesn't always work out.
Eggsy's voice is a little too familiar when it rings across the empty department. Bruce's back is to the door, and his shoulders tense when he hears him, head turning but not nearly enough for his face to show from Eggsy's point of view. ]
Thought you wouldn't want to talk to me again.
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Been lookin' for all over, yeah? Finally find you and can't even get you to turn around.
[Eggsy comes inside, smacking the button to close the door behind him. As upset as he is, he'd rather not anyone else hear this. He folds his arms over his chest, but keeps his distance from Bruce.]
Ain't like we had a choice what happened back then. Know you can do a hell of a lot better than me, yeah? But we're supposed to be friends, bruv. Could at least look at me when you tell me it was all a fuckin' mistake and that you don't want me 'round no more.
[His own insecurities twist up inside him, deep and ingrained into how he feels about their night together. Eggsy hadn't regretted what happened between them when they were teenagers - shit happens and he'd had a good time. He hadn't even regretted what happened on the roof until he'd started to suspect that Bruce did. When he couldn't find him anywhere, Eggsy figured Bruce realized how messed up it all was, and now he doesn't want him around anymore. Not to mention that Bruce'd had a nice girlfriend then and neither of them had even thought of her once while they did what they did. It doesn't matter that there was some kind of magic or some shit in the air that helped them along and made it easier, they still did it, and clearly Bruce was regretting ever touching him.]
Cause if that's what you want, then I'll go and stay gone.
[His voice catches a little and he fiddles with the broken compass in his pocket to distract himself.]
Least man up and tell me that we ain't gonna see each other no more.
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Even if what happened had been a mistake, Eggsy's still his closest friend, the person he'd more quickly go to if he needed peace, comfort or company. It's funny to think about it like that when even Tony's on board, but things are just... different between them.
But right now he doesn't know how to deal with the feelings, the underlying fear and worry and ache that stir just below the surface, feelings that bleed to him a little too easily thanks to his new ability. Bruce tries to suppress them, to build up a wall around himself, but it's pointless. Maybe if the feelings weren't so intense, he would be able to do something about it, but as it is everything Eggsy's feeling is hitting him like a tidal wave and his barriers are made of sand.
Bruce turns to look at Eggsy finally, the surprise at those words clear in his face. ] I don't want you gone, Eggsy. And it wasn't a mistake. It was wrong of me, compulsion or not, but I'm not... I'm not sorry it happened.
[ Which, in turn, only makes him feel worse. To know that underneath the party-fueled desire, were was a real want on his part to be with Eggsy, even if he loved Trish then. Even if in his right mind he'd never have cheated on her.
But he did. ]
And it's the other way around. You're the one who can do so much better than me. [ He sighs. ] In any case, I wasn't avoiding you only because of the party. That was only a small part of it, and it was mostly because I thought... you wouldn't want to see me.
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No, I can't do better, yeah? Not really sure I'd want to if I agreed with that.
[He throws his hands up in frustration, taking a few steps closer. Eggsy still isn't ready to think about how what happened between them makes him feel. Not with how it's tied to what's settled deep down low in his stomach, and in the back of his chest. Like its been there all along and he didn't realize it. It's too much and he isn't ready. He doesn't want to lose Bruce because he's confused about how he feels.]
Why wouldn't I wanna see you? Say what you want, but it's not like either of us chose to do it. I know neither of us would have done that if we'd been in control. Not when.. [He takes another step, huffs and rolls his eyes at himself.] Not when you was with someone.
I'd never do somethin' to fuck up someone's relationship. Ain't right.
[If Trish were here, he'd feel so much more guilty about it all, even if it wasn't really their fault. Somehow it's easier to let some of the guilt go when he doesn't have to see her around.]
Bruce, I - [He flops down in a seat nearby only to stand up again, pacing back and forth with his hands shoved back in his pockets.] I missed you.
I ain't mad about what happened. I'm fuckin' pissed cause I missed you.
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Better to just focus on something else. The problem is that most everything involving Eggsy right now are things Bruce doesn't want to focus on or even think about, but he can focus on one thing: they're friends, they always have been. They've helped each other and trusted each other, and Bruce doesn't want to lose that. God knows he's running short on those, what with how many people have been leaving, little by little.
It's just hard to fight back the instinct to run and isolate himself. That was always his solution before, but... well, it was never much of a solution, to be honest. And it can't be the solution now. ]
Sorry. [ He's apologizing about that, or about ten other different things. He presses his lips thinly, looking up at Eggsy as he paces across the room. ] Eggsy, can you just... sit down? Please.
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There, I'm sittin', yeah?
[He scuffs the floor with a winged trainer - he's never cared that they don't match his uniform - and glances up at Bruce reluctantly.]
What're we supposed to do? [Both brows go up, eyes wide.] I don't wanna stop bein' a part of your life just cause something happened.
Awkward shit happens all the time. Ain't sayin' we forget and pretend it didn't happen.
[He sighs, rubbing his hand across his face. Awkward. More like best time of his life but whatever.]
I dunno.
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Conveniently, he is, and Nate raises a hand in greeting as he steps inside.]
Hey there.
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Nate wouldn't know, either way. He was heavily altered as it was at that party, not at all like he was before. There just happens to be a more striking difference now.
Bruce looks up at the greeting, returning that wave with just a faint nod. ]
Hi. Nate, right? Sorry, I... Memories get a little hazy. [ From the party, he means, but he figures he doesn't need to specify. ] What can I do for you?
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[He waves it off. At least he's only hazily remembered from the party, rather than remembered quite clearly for his drunk post a few months ago. Maybe that's finally starting to fade.]
Actually, I wanted to thank you.
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He tips his head a little at the last words, eyebrow raised curiously. ] What for?
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[And maybe he'd be ripping his hair out due to frustration at no one believing him.]
I know I conned you into it, but still—thanks.
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So she heads to the science lab, seeking Tony or Bruce or someone else there who would hopefully be able to come down to the cargo bay and check them out. Just as hoped, she finds Bruce holed up in the corner, and she approaches, her pace slow because of her cane. ]
Bruce? I was hoping you could help me with some tech I found.
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Familiar faces are particularly difficult to deal with right now, and... well, he might not know Tex all that well, but she bears a too striking resemblance to Trish, so much so that when he looks up at the voice, he's visibly shocked to see her. Wide-eyed and gaping a little, looking every bit like he's just seen a ghost.
It takes him a few seconds to put the pieces together, definitely longer than he'd have liked. He closes his mouth again and looks away almost too abruptly, clearing his throat. ]
Sure. [ Somehow he manages a steady voice. ] What do you need?
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After giving him that moment, though, she turns her head and looks at him again. ]
They're AI storage units from my home universe. I haven't been able to figure out if there are any AIs stored in them or if they're vacant.
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But she's come here for a specific reason, and for that Bruce is grateful. It's something for him to focus on, at least. And work is something he can do, something safe and logical and objective, at the moment much simpler than the list of messes he should (but won't) be dealing with. ]
Where are they? [ He looks up, visibly interested by the mere explanation she offers. ] I can take a look.
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[ With that she starts leading the way. She doesn't figure conversation is going to figure much into this scenario; they're going to take care of their business and then part again without much small talk, she figures. ]
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He knows the way to cargo bay well enough by now, so if they somehow ended up getting lost along the way, it would be no problem. Once they get there, he stops closer to her, waiting for her to show him those units so he can take a look. ]
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The AI units are the purple ones, the ones that all look the same. The rest of the equipment are armor enhancements. I'm not as concerned about them.
[ There are twelve of the purple units in all, lined up along the side of the workbench. ]
I poked around at one of them but I don't know what I'm looking for, really. I just know how mechanical things work; I'm not as good with sensitive electronics.
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To him, it hasn't been nearly as long since he'd first spoken to the man but, after waking up in cryo, he realizes that doesn't apply to anyone else he'd met. He pauses in the doorway before remembering his own manners and giving a light knock at the frame.]
Mister Banner?
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Bruce. Bruce is fine. [ He chokes down the urge to correct the honorific. Not like it matters much anyway. ] You're out of cryo. You were in there for a while.
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So I am, thank god for that. [He manages a smile but he gestures, after a moment, towards Bruce.] You seem rather preoccupied. I hope everything is alright.
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[ A lie, evidently. Bruce has been much happier than right now, much more settled in. He wouldn't have though it possible when he first arrived on the Moira, but he has gotten to experience a lot of good things here, great memories, a life he had and now lost. But that's not something he wants to talk about with a man he barely knows, much less so when Charles is probably still getting reacclimated with the ship. Bruce knows all too well how jarring it can be to wake up from cryo. ]
Anything I can help you with?
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So, that's what he's been fixing his mind on these past couple of hours: sweeping, mopping, mindlessly finding some sense of purpose in making sure the floors are clean enough to eat food off of. Jesse looks like the kind of guy who's a complete slacker, probably because a slacker is all he's been most of his life, but he focuses on what he's doing with thorough diligence. It's just like being in the meth lab: cleaning, cleaning, making sure everything is perfect for the next cook.
He pauses mid-mop, standing in the long, dim corridor with his eyes closing, rolling his aching neck from side to side with a tired sigh. He rolls his shoulders and opens his eyes - and sees a guy walking across the floor just up ahead.
It's a stupid thing to get pissed off at in the grand scheme of everything, but Jesse is suddenly pissed off that someone is trampling over his floor. His work. Being careless and not paying attention. ]
Hey, why don't you look where you're going, yo. I just washed that floor.
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Being called out on it immediately makes him feel bad, even as he tries his hardest to keep out the sudden anger this stranger's shooting at him, the feeling trying to hammer its way into his head. Even this little is tiring. ]
Sorry, I didn't... didn't see it. Wasn't paying attention.
[ He stops in the middle of the hallway, looking to the man, then to the lab's door some good feet past him. ]
But I need to get to the department and there's no other way. I can mop up the mess as I go along?
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[ Paying attention, that is. Said dryly now he's actually got the guy's attention. What the guy follows that up with - an offer to clean up along the way - is met with nothing but judging silence from Jesse for all of a long second or two. The kind of silent judging look Mr. White had fixed Jesse with time and time again. Then: ]
Didn't think to stop and ask before walking all over my floor? [ Which is instantly followed up with a sarcastc: ] Nah, guess you didn't, 'cause you weren't paying attention.
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almost a year, actually.]
Hey, Bruce? You in here, mate?
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Hopefully not, though. ]
You know me. I'm a permanent fixture. [ That may as well be the first hint of humor to his speech since he's made it back to the Moira. ] How are you?
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Yeah? How much they'd pay for you? I'm alright. You?
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I'd expect a small fortune, but... [ He shrugs. Firstly he was brought on board against his will to begin with, and secondly they couldn't keep him out of a lab like this one if they tried. ]
I'm fine. Same as usual. [ Not really, but he doesn't want to get into details. ] Just settling back into work. What brings you around?
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I'd bloody hope so! I came to see the ants. See if they're still alive, y'know? There's one or two that turned to glass and I'm interested to see if that made them immortal as well.
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The ants? [ Oh shit. ] I completely forgot... Jesus. I have no idea where they are. I mean, the... the colony was one of the things that got trashed during the crash. I don't know if the ants made it or where they went off to.
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I-- I'm sure they're somewhere! They're survivors!
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It wasn't until she turned the corner in one of the corridors and saw Bruce that she realized it had been a while since they saw each other.]
Hey Bruce.
[One look at him and Daisy knew something was off, which is what prompted her to ask:]
You okay?
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Not that he had any interest in fixing that, honestly. Right now he only felt like holing himself up and not having to deal with anyone. ]
Oh, yes. Just peachy.
[ There was a hint of sarcasm to his tone he couldn't shake off, just another mask to hide himself behind. Vaguely he wondered if Daisy had even seen Lúcio's announcement that Trish was gone, if she knew even that much. ]
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What's wrong?
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Before he can spend too long mulling over how best to address the problem - likely via text message harassment, let's be honest - he's surprised and maybe a little relieved that he actually finds Bruce holed up in a corner of the now-open department, making himself small in a way Tony's really never seen him do aboard the Moira. Sure, it's the kind of thing he expected to see back home, but that was a different time and a different place.
It's a little unnerving, this sudden return to an unhappy status quo.
Trish is gone, he knows. He'd had his own quiet moment of regret about that, but it's surely nothing compared to whatever Bruce must be dealing with. But Tony is none the wiser, so as far as he knows, that's the only problem plaguing Bruce's mind. ]
And here I thought you trying to never speak to me again. You locked me out of the house and everything.
[ The voice comes from over Bruce's right shoulder, where Tony's perched himself on a workstation like he owns the damn place. His tone is as facetious and teasing as it ever is, but there's a clear undercurrent of concern regardless. ]
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It's still there, though. And when Tony comes into the lab Bruce can tell almost right away. The man's feelings are a little too loud in his head, getting louder the closer he gets to Bruce, and he realizes it would take a special level of control to keep them at bay. He shouldn't be all that surprised, knowing Tony as he does, but experiencing it now is something else.
He cups his forehead and tries to force a mental wall up between them, but it doesn't really work. Tony's voice pierces through in a clearer tone, and the concern is something Bruce can feel rather than hear in his tone. ]
Sorry. I didn't mean to, I just... needed some time.
[ Not that time changed much. The problems are still there, and in true Bruce Banner fashion, he still doesn't want to deal with them. ]
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Yeah, I figured. Did you notice that grace period I gave you without blowing up your MID? That took self-control.
[ Since Bruce hasn't actually told him to piss off yet - he really couldn't have guessed what the man's mood was going to be when he showed up, not after everything - Tony drops into the seat opposite him, giving him a considering look. He feels momentarily helpless, because there's really not much to do or say here. It's like being without Pepper, only worse. At least Tony knows he'll be going back to Pepper, someday. ]
You're gonna have to bear with me here, because my normal offer of a nightcap wouldn't be appropriate for about half a dozen reasons, currently.