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thisavrou_log2016-07-08 05:33 pm
alan_1) wrote in thisavrou_log2016-07-08 05:33 pm
Entry tags:
just know this too shall pass [open]
Who: Alan Bradley and you! (and a couple of closed prompts)
When: July 8th
Where: Around the ship
What: Alan comes back from the dead.
Warnings: Mentions of gun violence
morning | around the ship | OTA
[As it turns out, coming back from the dead isn’t too different from waking up on any other morning -- just intensified by a factor of twenty or so. He got out of the medbay about an hour ago and his head still feels like it’s in a fog. It’s difficult to follow any thought to completion and questions filter through his mind without any answers or even beginnings of answers attached: What happened to the ship? How many people survived? Wasn’t there a room here before? It’s a frustrating state to be in for someone as analytical as Alan.
You can find him wandering the ship, trying to take in the various changes wrought by the malfunctioning Ingress. Though it’s been this way for the past few days, it’s clearly all new to him. There seems to be something else distracting him as well: every once and awhile, he’ll raise a hand to gingerly touch just above his right eye. His expression always grows troubled at whatever he finds there.]
some ungodly hour of the night | science department | OTA
[It had been strange at first, returning to the place he had died. Death itself had done little to diminish the vividness of the memories. He can remember the exact sound of the door smashing in, the faces of the Caducans, the blinding, there-then-not pain of the bullet in his head. But after a few hours there, the memories at least lose their novelty.
If you happen to be out and about at night, you’ll find the light in the science department still on. Alan’s at one of the computers, eyes fixed intently on the screen. Sometimes he appears to be rapidly typing something, while other he simply stares as if lost in thought. At any rate, it’s odd he’d be there so long after every other crewman has long since turned in for the night.]
{OOC: Feel free to tag whenever! Closed prompts to be added below.}
When: July 8th
Where: Around the ship
What: Alan comes back from the dead.
Warnings: Mentions of gun violence
morning | around the ship | OTA
[As it turns out, coming back from the dead isn’t too different from waking up on any other morning -- just intensified by a factor of twenty or so. He got out of the medbay about an hour ago and his head still feels like it’s in a fog. It’s difficult to follow any thought to completion and questions filter through his mind without any answers or even beginnings of answers attached: What happened to the ship? How many people survived? Wasn’t there a room here before? It’s a frustrating state to be in for someone as analytical as Alan.
You can find him wandering the ship, trying to take in the various changes wrought by the malfunctioning Ingress. Though it’s been this way for the past few days, it’s clearly all new to him. There seems to be something else distracting him as well: every once and awhile, he’ll raise a hand to gingerly touch just above his right eye. His expression always grows troubled at whatever he finds there.]
some ungodly hour of the night | science department | OTA
[It had been strange at first, returning to the place he had died. Death itself had done little to diminish the vividness of the memories. He can remember the exact sound of the door smashing in, the faces of the Caducans, the blinding, there-then-not pain of the bullet in his head. But after a few hours there, the memories at least lose their novelty.
If you happen to be out and about at night, you’ll find the light in the science department still on. Alan’s at one of the computers, eyes fixed intently on the screen. Sometimes he appears to be rapidly typing something, while other he simply stares as if lost in thought. At any rate, it’s odd he’d be there so long after every other crewman has long since turned in for the night.]
{OOC: Feel free to tag whenever! Closed prompts to be added below.}
no subject
I am glad that... this place has that ability. [In his anger and grief, that data nearly hadn't processed. He'd known, of course, that Alan would most likely return. But still, it wasn't a certainty and Tron couldn't help the nagging fear.]
[He hesitates before answering Alan's query; he can't lie to his User about this. The scars are one thing, brushing off physical pain. But this... this is different.] When I heard, I... no. I was not all right. [Alan doesn't know, hasn't seen this side of Tron. He doesn't know how broken Tron still is.]
It's not your fault. You don't need to apologize. I'm the one who should have been there, should have protected you. [Delaying. He'll have to tell him eventually what happened, what he did, what he became.]
no subject
And he needs to stay alive for the people here as well. The strain in Tron’s words confirms that much and Alan feels a pang of guilt imagining the situation anew. Tron had heard him die in the midst of fighting for his own life -- of course he wouldn’t be “alright” afterwards.
He shakes his head at the program’s last statement.] You were protecting the rest of the crew. If you’d been at my side the entire time, we would have lost even more people.
[He sighs.] Maybe we can both agree that it wasn’t anyone’s fault except the ones who pulled the trigger.
no subject
[He spreads his hands in something of a helpless gesture.] I know that you wrote me to protect others, to fight for... for the Users, and I've expanded that definition to include the crew here, but it is difficult not to feel that way.
no subject
It isn’t wrong, [Alan says gently.] Wishing you’d done things differently is a normal part of grief. [For programs as well as users, judging by both Tron’s and Rinzler’s reactions to his death.] But you can’t change what happened. And what you did do -- protecting others, fighting for the crew -- that wasn’t wrong either.
no subject
[He cuts himself off with a shudder, turning his face away.] I didn't hurt any of the crew here, but I fear that I could. If it happens again.
no subject
It’s only when Alan hears that Tron hadn’t harmed any of the crew that he allows himself to feel any measure of relief. Still, it hurts to hear the shame in the program’s voice and Alan instinctively reaches out to place a reassuring hand on Tron's shoulder when he turns away.]
We can make sure it doesn’t come to that, [Alan says and he hopes to god he’s right. He wishes he could just promise Tron that nothing like that would ever happen again, that he would be sure to stay out of harm’s way in the future. But if the attack on the ship had proven anything, it’s that a promise of safety isn’t one he can keep. Not here.]
Has anything like this happened before? Any other times when you’ve… “lost control?”
no subject
But will he try to fix him? As he did Rinzler?
No, no, surely not. Tron has to trust that Alan won't do something like that again. And he's kept this from him long enough.]
I become... him. Rinzler. That code, that corruption... it isn't gone. [His circuits flare bright blue for a moment as he clenches his fists, still unable to look Alan in the eye.] This time was worse than the others. My other... glitches, I finished the battle I was in and returned to myself soon after. I did not attack indiscriminate targets, I focused on my objective and completed the mission. [Just as Clu had programmed him. The perfect weapon, the ultimate soldier. Follow orders without question or deviation.] But this, I... had no objective. Nothing other than revenge for you. I don't know what I could have done if I hadn't been stopped.
no subject
Alan’s still thinking over the problem when Tron speaks again. For a moment, Alan’s not sure he heard him right.] You become Rinzler?
[Alan had already known about the possibility of Rinzler becoming Tron - that it could happen the other way around hadn’t even crossed his mind. Nor that a change in either direction could be anything other than irreversible. He's silent for a moment, turning it over in his mind. Then:]
It also happened when Rinzler attacked you, didn’t it?
[There’s no reproach in Alan’s voice; that Tron has been keeping secrets is the least of his worries. Alan already knew about the fight from Bel at any rate, and he remembers their description of Tron’s circuits changing to the same red-orange as Rinzler’s. Alan had assumed that it was an outward display of conflict, the same as Rinzler experienced when his own circuits flickered blue. But it’s clear now that it had been far more than just conflict; Tron’s entire code would have had to have been overwritten in an instant for the change to take place, the same Rinzler’s must have been when he reverted to Tron. Alan gives a slight shake of his head, half-marveling and half-disturbed. Honestly it’s incredible that Tron could come back from something like that at all.]
Has it happened any other times? [Alan’s holding out hope, perhaps futilely, that there’s some chance a common factor can be isolated and, likely with more difficulty, avoided. At the very least that would spare both of them from having to turn to a code-based solution.]