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Who: Eggsy and Loki
When: Today
Where: Loki's room
What: Hanging out and talking; Eggsy hopes Loki will hold and comfort him, which won't happen but a guy can dream
Warnings: None; language? because Eggsy curses

[Eggsy had been through a lot the last few weeks, and maybe it wasn't the worst he's been through, not even close, but dying sort of changes a person. He used to think if he ever 'almost' died that he'd become more reckless, wanting to take risks because you only live once, but that's not what happens. It sobers his attitude some, humbles him, and makes it hard to sleep at night.

Harry helps, he does, and he might be a super polite British type that doesn't do the comfort Eggsy thinks he needs, but he does his own thing and it honestly helps (he never thought his once-dead mentor would train him as a way of helping him cope, but there it is). At least it helps until Harry's off to work and Eggsy's alone in his room and he just needs people. There's only so many people he can go to and the one's he wants to, well, he doesn't think he should.

It doesn't stop him, though, and even though it's super early, Eggsy finds his way to Loki's room. The less people he sees, the better. It means he doesn't have to do the whole what happened to your face or what happened to your hand thing as much. It really had prepared him for what being a Kingsman would be like. Nobody would hold a service if he died, a few people might mourn him, but not many. It sounded lonely, but Eggsy knows he'd prefer it that way.

Getting into Loki's room is easy. At least he thinks it's going to be, and he's halfway across the room, heading towards one of the beds to see if Loki is in one, when he can't move.]

Well, fuck.

[He hadn't thought of that. Loki is a God and now he's stuck in the middle of his room when he's not supposed to even be in here.]

Ah, Loki, come on.

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[The magic almost doesn't phase him. He's seen a little bit of it here and there, but what he's mostly distracted by is the fact that Loki, the Loki he's been avoiding because of reasons, is walking towards him with hardly any clothes on.]

Christ, Loki. Don't you own a shirt or somethin'? Walkin' 'round in just your trousers ain't doin' nobody any good.

[He huffs out a frustrated breath, cheeks flushed, looking down and away to avoid staring at the attractive half-naked man standing not too far off. Eggsy is a gentleman in training and that combined with the fact that he likes Loki, keeps him from looking at him for too long.]

Can you please let me out? Of whatever this is.

[He glances up.] Wasn't tryin' to sneak up on ya. I just couldn't stand to be alone.

I own shirts, yes, but I don't usually see the need to sleep in them now my roommate is gone.

[And just for that, he isn't going to put one on. People should never admit to weakness around Loki, after all.

He stands on the edge of the circle, posed like he's thinking about letting Eggsy go. It's not true; he'll let go Eggsy go in a moment, he just needs the moment of teasing first.]

Mmm, I could, I suppose, although I'm not sure what's in it for me.

[But he gestures, lines on the floor flaring green for a moment, releasing Eggsy from the trap Loki had left there specifically to catch intruders. He reaches over, eyes old and knowing for a moment even if his tone is still a little flippant, hand lightly against Eggsy's wrist.]

Billy's not here, so you'll have to make do with my company. Your first time dying, I presume?

[Eggsy huffs again, frustrated at being pinned and unable to move. More frustrated with the fact that he likes Loki some but not too much because that would be insane and Loki is shirtless and won't let him put some space between them.]

You'd be doing me a favor, yeah? That's what's in it for you.

[Not really a great incentive, but it's all he's got to offer that won't get him into trouble. His eyes flick down to the lines on the floor, then to the hand on his wrist. Eggsy shuffles forward, wanting to be out of the markings, only to realize that he's not paying attention and Loki's too close way too quickly.]

M'sorry. Wasn't lookin' where I was goin'. [His eyes travel up Loki's body, meeting his eyes, and when did he get so tall? Eggsy swallows, and puts a hand on the God's chest, almost as if to keep him from getting closer even though it was Eggsy who was doing it.] I wasn't lookin' for Billy. Was lookin' for you.

I've never died before.

Be warned, I keep very close track of people who owe me favours.

[He does, however, back away from the hand, walking silently back to his bunk, taking a seat on it. He waves a hand at the bunk opposite, a silent invite for Eggsy to make himself relatively at home- although a little distant from Loki, preferably.

As flattering as Eggsy's crush is, and as much as his instincts tell him to just go for it, he doesn't want to cause Billy hurt. And it would hurt Billy a lot, if Loki messed around, he knows. Best, then, to avoid temptation. He finds his own shirt from home, pulls it on over his head.]

Billy's a little better with empathy than I am. Not much better at sympathy, I'll grant, but- I'm not usually known for my ability to be comforting, I must admit.

[Loki shrugs, expression pulled a little wry.]

But dying- is not terribly fun, no. I see the toll is a little less abstract here than the last prison, however.

[Eggsy just shrugs. He didn't mind owing Loki a favor, he'd just be careful about how he repaid it. He drops his hand back to his side, shoulders drooping, because if anything, that was a clear rejection and Eggsy needed to get used to it. He sits on the opposite bed, as far away as he can get, settling back onto it so that he's propped up and not in the position to accidentally brush against the other in any way.

Better safe than full of regrets that he's not so sure he's strong enough not to make happen.]

Maybe I wasn't lookin' for sympathy or to be comforted. Just wanted to be around ya, yeah?

[He lays his injured arm in his lap, the other fiddling with the blanket.]

It ain't this that's botherin' me. [Eggsy looks down at his arm then back up at Loki.] Sleepin' is hard. It's hard cause I don't want to miss anythin'. What if I die again and don't come back? I should be spendin' every moment of every day doin' the things I would regret not doin' if I died.

Which is why I came here, and which is why I should probably go. I'm lonely and I think about you sometimes. This ain't good.

[He scoots back to the edge of the bed, breathing out a frustrated huff, eyes anywhere but on Loki.]

This was a bad idea. M'sorry.

[He tilts his head to one side, studying Eggsy for a moment, face very deliberately unreadable.]

You do know who you want to be around, don't you? Loki isn't just a name, Eggsy. It's my role, in a way I can't entirely define to most people.

[Because as lovely as it is knowing someone thinks he's worth time and attention, he's not entirely sure Eggsy knows or deserves what he's spending that attention on. Loki is a lot prettier these days, certainly, but even he has to admit he's neither easy to like or good to spend too much time with.]

Mmm, but there are things you'd regret doing, if you rush into things too often. Take it from me, sometimes what you think you want really isn't worth the trouble, or the pain it causes.

[Loki's history, all the old memories, those are full of things Loki did for something he thought he wanted and regrets now. And he's been dead, with every chance of not coming back.

He sighs, though, rising from his bed to sit next to Eggsy, fingers barely resting on Eggsy's arm.]

It isn't that I dislike you, you know. But Billy- knows all too well what I'd be capable of, were I to forget I don't wish to be capable of, and stays with me regardless. I'd prefer not to let him down again.

I didn't say it made any sense.

[Eggsy watches Loki stand, and he gets all tense, stays tense when the God sits down beside him. For some reason, the touch, light and unassuming, makes him relax.]

There's stuff about you that I probably wouldn't like, but that's the same as anyone. Even if you're like the Loki from the films, even if you're nothin' like him. I just think about you sometimes. [He inhales, shallowly.] Wonder what it'd be like to know you better. To know you the way Billy does.

And I don't know why it's that way. I don't usually do this. But you can't be as bad as you think you are, not really. Someone that was that kind of Loki wouldn't tell me no. Wouldn't care if it hurt Billy's feelings.

[He turns on the bed, knees bumping but he doesn't notice. Eggsy needed to get it all out.]

Yet here you are, sittin' next to me knownin' that I wouldn't turn ya down. That it wouldn't take much of anythin' and somethin' would happen. You know that, but you ain't doing anythin' about it. It makes me like you more.

[Eggsy leans in, pressing a soft kiss to Loki's cheek, but he doesn't linger. He settles back on the bed, head bowed for a moment as he composes himself. He straightens his shoulders, nods a few times as he steels himself.]

If you an' Billy ever both wanna hang out. At the same time. Then that would be okay.

Oh, you really don't want to know me the way Billy does. It's not a terribly pleasant story, how I came to know master Kaplan- and not much a better one how we ended up how we are.

[He sits back against the wall, crossing his legs in front of him, hand shifting a little to Eggsy's elbow. The story is long and unpleasant and full of lies, and for a moment he raises his other hand to the scar under his eye, rubs his thumb over it. He'll tell the story, if Eggsy asks- he can pay at least for the undeserved attention that way- but he isn't volunteering it.]

Films, hmm? Let me guess. The Loki of that world- burned. Envy turned to hatred, and not an ounce of remorse for the people he hurt trying to punish them for something only in his own head. Some stories never really change, you know.

[He tenses a little as Eggsy kisses him, head tilted to the side, a split second of very real surprise soon hidden under his usual cover of bland amusement.]

Are you proposing to be our third, Eggsy? I mean, it's not as if I'd object, but Billy is used to blissful monogamy. Kissing me was a shock to his system; I'm not entirely sure he's ready for anything more out of the ordinary. But- you know you'd have more luck if you talked to him about it, yes? Billy appreciates honesty.

[Eggsy disagreed with that, completely actually, because Eggsy Unwin was no chicken and he didn't care if the story was unpleasant. He wanted to know more about them both, which was the very root of the problem, the source of all his awkwardness. He's never really been infatuated before, little things here and there, but nothing that made him want to avoid someone. But here he is, unluckiest bloke, developing a thing for a guy who had a boyfriend who was cute and nice, too.]

Billy's a good man, I can tell that. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't see somethin' in there, too. You get that, don't ya? That someone like 'im wouldn't be with ya if you weren't deservin' of it. And that he's lucky, too, cause you picked 'im.

[It's one of the things he thought made them good for each other, that they complimented each other. Eggsy worried that the more time him and Loki were together, the less resolve he'd have. And the stupider he'd get.]

Honestly, didn't pay much attention to 'im in the movie. Wasn't my favorite.

[But this Loki sure was.]

Your third? [He nearly chokes, cheeks ruddy.] I don't. God, Loki. I'm just sayin' that we shouldn't be alone together, cause you're makin' me mental. I don't wanna do anythin' stupid, yeah? So we should only spend time together if Billy's at least nearby. [He'll behave better then, he thinks, but maybe not because he'd probably be twice as bad with them both there.] I'll tell 'im, maybe.

If you're going to have your crush, Eggsy, know who and what we are. Master Wiccan is- very much a hero. Reckless, overly trusting, not at all inclined to use the brain I know he keeps hidden behind that very pretty face. Adorable, but naive, in short. And as fond of him as I've grown, that wouldn't stop me using him if I had no other choice, do you understand? I am not a good person.

[He sighs, suddenly a little less teenage boy and a little more very old and tired god. He does hate it when people insist on seeing something in him that isn't there. He knows all too well what he is, under an outer veneer of "new Loki", and it frustrates him when people try to gloss over what he could do.]

We didn't choose each other. The person Billy picked- isn't here. But he wasn't there in the last hell, either- and someone needed to stop master Kaplan shattering, and I owed him more than I like to think about.

[He hates being honest, almost as much as he hates talking about Teddy and the residual stab of guilt that always causes. But if Eggsy is going to admire them, he needs a sharp lesson in who and how they are. Theirs is no fairy tale relationship, just- something that started from close contact and having no-one else, and, okay, vast amounts of flirting and physical attraction on Loki's part.

And maybe it's a little more than that, these days. But that isn't how it started, and sometimes- it still feels fragile to Loki.

But after a moment he pulls a pleasant face back on, because it's not really Eggsy's fault he doesn't know who or what Loki is. Also, because it's always amusing watching mortals splutter like that.]

Asgard's morals tend to be laxer about things like that, you know. If it feels good and everyone agrees, who cares about gender or how many people get involved? [He shrugs, slightly.] Admittedly, this is the first time I've had even one person even really interested, let alone two, but Thor's walked out of rooms with three girls before. But- yes, if it bothers you, perhaps a chaperone is a good idea, although I suspect your willpower is stronger than that.

[There it was. The little push that left a small nagging feeling in his gut that maybe he'd gotten this all wrong. That maybe Loki was telling him all this because he didn't really want Eggsy here, he just didn't want to say it, was sparing him that rejection. He knows that's not it, though, cause Loki comes across as the kind of person to say just what he means to say. Those were Eggsy's issues and had no place here.

But if that were the case, then this was a different kind of push. Like Loki was keeping him at a distance for reasons that Eggsy didn't get to know.]

Guess it just seems that way, ya know? Cause he could be with anyone else, so could you, but you're together. Maybe I misjudged.

[Eggsy's actions are all tied up in his emotions, with what he thinks and how he feels about everything. Especially when he feels threatened, offended, or just a tiny bit lovesick over a guy sitting next to him talking about how he's not a good person. As if Eggsy wants someone who is perfect.

It gives him whiplash, always having flirty Loki around then a Loki that is brutally honest and not in an easy to digest way, and then back to a Loki talking about orgies. Eggsy slides forward, resting his chin on his hand, looking at some invisible spot across the room.]

And maybe I didn't, I dunno. Guess my point is that we don't know each other very well Loki, but I'd like to. Everythin' I've seen so far, even the stuff you've just said, well that don't make me wanna go the other way.

[He glances over at Loki, a brow raised, mouth curved into a small smirk, because serious Loki was intense, which he didn't mind, but this Loki was safer for them for now. Until Billy decided if it was okay, then they could get to know each other better, if Loki still wanted to. And if Billy decided it wasn't, then Eggsy would take some time to get his head on straight, and then see about them all being friends.]

Yeah, my willpower's pretty strong. Don't wanna hurt nobody, so that makes it stronger. But that don't mean I'm always in control of myself.

[Impulsive tendencies, a risk taker. Eggsy was a lot of things, and they didn't all make for a level head.]

Maybe it'll be fine, yeah? We're sittin' next to each other right now, talkin', nobody around, and neither of us is makin' a move. Should be alright.

He is with someone else, Eggsy. Not that I'm telling you this, you understand, but back home, he has a very lovely boyfriend, and they're sickeningly adorable together. Perfect little lovebirds, he and master Altman. And were Teddy here- I wouldn't stand much of a chance, nor would I want to. That's where the vast majority of his heart lies, and where it most likely always will.

[Which... would perhaps hurt more than Loki really wants to think about. He really hadn't intended flirting and making sure Billy ate and got out and survived to end up... what it was. But this is something Eggsy needs to know before he thinks about getting attached, too.]

Usually people who know me know me too well to even consider liking me. But- yes, I suppose that's acceptable. Just be aware you were warned, when you find one of my less savoury personality traits too much to bear.

[He shrugs, lightly, because okay he's tried, and he can't really try much harder without giving away secrets he doesn't want to give away yet. And besides, he always was a little weak to flattery and attention, considering how little of it he gets.

He rests his fingers on Eggsy's knee again, lightly, looking sideways at him from his position leant back against the wall.]

It would be rather foolish to make a move where Billy can find us, anyway. He's not likely to forgive something like that any time in the next year, so unless you enjoy frosty silence and biting sarcasm, I'd bear that in mind. But- yes, talking is usually safe enough a distraction.

[He hesitates.]

How are you feeling after your death experience, other than apparently impulsive?

[He didn't know about Teddy.

A part of him wants to reconsider all this, but only for the fact that he doesn't want to hurt anyone. Then he remembers that it's just as much Billy's decision as it is his and Loki's. If they are all willing, then that's what counts. Eggsy can be a bit irrational sometimes, like most people, but he'll think this through in his own way.]

That's a lot to think 'bout, Loki. Just so you's know, I ain't all rainbows and sunshine either. You'd be decidin' you'd want to get to know me better and you ain't gonna like everythin' you see.

[He had a history, drugs, alcohol, petty theft, and maybe that wasn't the worst thing a person could do, but it was still a part of Eggsy.

But enough of that, cause Loki is touching his knee and looking at him and then totally ruining the mood. Eggsy's face falls and he shifts on the bed, sighing dramatically.]

Always been impulsive, just a little bit clearer on the fact that next time I die, I might not wake up again. [He lowers his voice, clearing his throat.] It hurt so much, Loki. Never felt anythin' like that before, almost.. almost wished I would just die cause it hurt so much.

Then I couldn't help but wonder how many people'd be sad I was gone. My mum, sis, and Harry. They'd care, but my mum and sis probably think I'm dead already. Just Harry, then. Nobody held a funeral, asked where I'd been. I didn't realize just how much I was missin' out on by not havin' more people in my life.

[He shrugs.]

I don't want to ever be in a place like that again but I'm selfish enough to want more people in my life that love me and would miss me if I ever were.

You don't know terribly much about who I was, either. I wasn't always dashing and pleasant to know. But I don't think I'd learn much about you that would change my opinion.

[He tries to pretend, usually, that he wasn't another Loki once. That he doesn't remember thousands upon thousands of crimes he committed.

A little petty crime isn't likely to bother him all that much, by comparison.]

Dying usually hurts. Not much consolation, I realise, but you're not alone in that knowledge- or in wishing to die a little faster.

[He has stories there, too, but he's not about to share them without an indication Eggsy is bothered to hear them.]

Mmm, I can't really help you with that one. I've never felt particularly like having more people in my life would cause much besides complications. My family mostly consider me a disappointment, and I have a hard time holding on to friends. I learnt a very long time ago that alone is easier, by far.

[He shrugs.]

But... I'll concede that it's nicer to have people around I can talk to. And it's... oddly warming when people are concerned for me.

Have you, uh, died, too? I mean, obviously you're here now, so you came back somehow, but you know what I went through?

[Because he hadn't thought, even for a moment, that it might be something that they'd have in common. It was a morbid thing, to be able to discuss dying or having died and come back with anyone else, but it was also comforting at the same time.]

Well, yeah. I think it does cause complications, and it's mostly just selfish of me. Cause I'm sure it'd be better if there were less people to worry.

[He nudges Loki with his shoulder.]

It's just nice to know there's people 'round that care.

Once or twice. Before I was here, I was... somewhere far worse. Hell, if you want the easy shorthand version. And even before that, although I don't remember the dying terribly clearly. I remember coming back, however. Lokis don't stay dead terribly easily. But the times I do remember- and the times I came terribly close and survived barely- were painful enough.

[He actually doesn't remember the death of his old self. His memories stop just short of that; he's only a copy, after all, not the original. But his younger self had erased himself entirely, because anything short of that and he could have come back if the story needed him to.]

I'm not sure it was the same precisely. We came back slightly differently to the way you did. But- yes, close enough, I suspect.

[He looks sideways at Eggsy, lips turning up in a very faint smile.]

You should know better than to count me among them, you know. Loki cares for no-one but himself, and everyone knows that.

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