[closed] so i wandered off

[notyetsore]

Who: Ginko, Kaworu, Frisk, Chara
When: May 19th
Where: Some random wooded area in Ginko’s world
What: Pasty white-haired anime children in the woods, A Rescue, and also Ginko getting himself a mushi infection, good job buddy
Warnings: high probability of suicidal ideation, also eventually eye parasites



For Kaworu

Ginko can’t say he’s quite sure why Kaworu followed him when he snuck through the portal. Of course, he’s not sure he can quite say he knew what he was expecting if he had gone through alone. He doubts it would have gone well, but… he’s not sure how much it matters at this point.

This does present something of a problem, though. He hadn’t planned on anyone coming with him, and, in fact, it sort of defeats the purpose. But it’s not like he can very well send Kaworu back.

So instead, he sticks with his first plan.

He starts walking.

For Frisk and Chara (and Kaworu)

He’s not sure just how long it’s been since they went through the Ingress. Several hours, anyway, and he’s been walking just about the whole time. And he hasn’t found anything to eat. And, of course, there are mushi swarming around him more all the time, and Kaworu keeps talking, and at some point the sky apparently decided that it seemed like a good idea to just dump water all over them.

Once they found a rocky outcropping that could provide some kind of shelter, it didn’t take a lot of thought for Ginko to decide that he was done for the night. He had scooted backward under the rock, knees pulled up to his chest, and with only a brief announcement to Kaworu of his intentions, had buried his face in his arms and closed his eyes.

And then, after a moment of thought, he closed them again.

...After all this, there was still something comforting about the light flow. Its gentle glow, far below him, the soft sounds of a thousand half-formed mushi drifting through the darkness.

Comments

[braceforimpact]

Ginko wouldn't have gotten anywhere if Kaworu hadn't followed him in, that's what.

But he's followed you, Ginko, for a few reasons. But fascination is very, very large part of it. Running away from things is a behaviour that Kaworu finds very interesting. Because he doesn't understand it. Because he does understand it. Because of one specific person whose life and feelings have become very, very dear to him.

Because it's fascinating and perverse and backwards and irrational and so very... maybe the word he's thinking for is futile. Or perhaps not--perhaps it's simply 'human.' Either way--

He's following Ginko, still laden with an infestation of tamashi-ka so vast that it should, by rights, have killed any living thing long ago. Still aching, miserable, crabby. Sick.

And yet, for reasons unrelated--validated. Focused.

Enough to be upright, at least, even in spite of his obvious suffering.

But walking does not, in fact, feel very good.

"....how far do you plan to go?"

[notyetsore]

A couple seconds pass during which Kaworu's question is left unanswered. Ginko is focused on walking, on making his way over the uneven ground of the forest - and on deciding whether to actually look at Kaworu and the countless worm-like creatures that he knows are clinging to him.

In the end, he keeps looking ahead.

"Don't know. As far as I can."

[braceforimpact]

Ginko is probably wise not to look back. To anyone that can see mushi, Kaworu appears as something out of a nightmare--a writhing mass of pale green worms, walking steadily behind the white-haired boy.

"This is stupid." Normally, Kaworu knows better than to use that word--its strong connotations have too unpredictable an effect on his audience, and there's something about him in particular that sets people off.

But not today.

Today he feels like shit.

"It won't make any difference, you know."

[notyetsore]

On any other day, Ginko would also be likely to react somewhat more strongly to Kaworu's phrasing. But Kaworu isn't the only one here who feels like shit, and though that word sinks deep into Ginko's skull, everything already feels too dull and far-off for it to really sting.

He gives a barely perceptible shrug as he keeps walking.

"Probably not."

It won't help anyone. It won't make anything better. He can't fix his mistakes.

"But at least things won't get worse."

[braceforimpact]

Kaworu isn't going to let it go with just that.

"What?" If he were feeling better, he'd be asking that with a crooked smile. Instead it's just annoyed.

"How is this not worse?"

Honestly. Lilim were so stupid. Ginko had literally everything someone like him could want on the Moira, didn't he? Good food, a personal space and bed of his own, others like him... even that coveted bond with others, friends and people he cared about, and who cared about him. Running out into the woods like this meant he had nothing at all. Not even food. He would probably die.

[notyetsore]

Ginko does glance back at him this time, just for a moment. He regrets it immediately and turns back to face in front of them.

"Things won't get worse on the ship," he rephrases. Fortunately for both of them, Ginko is perceptive enough to figure out when he's been misunderstood.

[braceforimpact]

On the ship?

Really.

Incredible.

No, not incredible. Kaworu has no trouble believing it.

Lilim are amazing. Amazingly stupid.

"You're just running away. You don't care what's happening back there, do you? You're only thinking of yourself." He's not even trying to pad or tailor his words. Ginko will have to deal, because he's miserable and sore and weak and it is Ginko's fault.

This is now actually pretty personal.

"You're the only one who knows anything about mushi... the only one who knows how to fix anything that's happening. But all you care about is escaping your guilt. You'd even rather I stay like this for the rest of my life than face the pain of responsibility."

[notyetsore]

At first, he just keeps walking.

Then, as Kaworu talks, his steps slow until he's standing still, his shoulders hunched around his ears and his hands curled tightly into fists by his sides.

"...That's not true."

His voice is very quiet. Shaking, whether with guilt or anger or grief or a mix of all of those.

As for which part of it isn't true, he clears that up quickly enough.

"Any of it."

His fists tighten further, until his fingernails sting against his hands.

"I... I don't know about mushi, no more than what I've told people already. Not enough to be of any help." He swallows, hard, his throat dry and tight. "If-- if I leave, they'll find a way to fix it. Things will get better."

He's sure of it. He already knows the people on the Moira can do things he never could have imagined, there's no reason they shouldn't be able to cure some mushi infections now that the source is gone.

He turns to face Kaworu, his face twisted into an expression that's probably the closest to anger anyone on the ship has ever seen from him. "And you decided to come along-- you didn't have to! But we can find someone here who can help you, you're not going to be like this forever, so just--"

The words catch in his throat before he can say them.

Stop complaining.

It could be a lot worse.

Be grateful.



Ginko grits his teeth and turns around to start walking again.

In which Kaworu could basically be a metaphor for Ginko's mistakes.

[braceforimpact]

In contrast to Ginko's outburst, Kaworu... well, it's impossible to tell, actually. All Ginko can see is a vaguely human-shaped figure, a crawling spectre of vermiform luminescence.

Perhaps he's smiling?

Perhaps... not?

Perhaps it doesn't matter.

"Do you think you'd be here if it weren't for me?" Kaworu's reply is matter-of fact, just shy of taunting, and he pushes his hands back into his pockets, walking just a couple feet behind Ginko as the boy forges through the woods.

He is, in fact, following much closer than he was before, unaggressive but unrelenting.

"I'm not telling you this for my benefit." There's a bit of bite to that one, but not enough to give away anything that could be interpreted as Kaworu's 'true feelings.'

"You will die out here, you know."

[notyetsore]

Ginko doesn't respond to the not-quite-taunt. He knows. But it was still Kaworu's decision.

If you don't want me to do this, why did you make it so I could?

The question lingers at the back of his mind, but he doesn't ask. Frankly, he kind of feels like that might get him called stupid again. He speeds up - just a little, the change of pace barely perceptible.

"I know." He doesn't have any supplies. No idea where the nearest village is. Nobody with him but Kaworu, and somehow, he doubts that he'll be very helpful, even if his tamashi-ka infection is cured before Ginko starves or something.

He's also noticed that Kaworu seems to have no doubts about his own safety. Somehow, that doesn't feel surprising or illogical, even in their current circumstances. Something about him has always seemed kind of off, anyway.

[braceforimpact]

Kaworu's head is filled with something hot and painful, the lining inside his skull pounding with whatever agony it is that his infestation has inflicted on him, and he still finds his laugh in the wake of Ginko's answer.

It's a thin, wheezing laughter--childish instead of sinister, though its spirit is as much cruel as it is innocent.

"So you're choosing death?"

[notyetsore]

A moment passes before Ginko answers.

"I guess so."

There's a chance he won't die, of course. He's been in similar situations before, and survived - but that was out of sheer chance. He can't assume that the same will happen again.

Maybe that's for the best.

[braceforimpact]

"No. You're not choosing anything, are you? You're just rejecting life so it can't hurt you, the same way you do to people. The world scares you because it has people in it, so you never make any choices. You think that by not participating in anything, you can avoid pain."

Ginko is right, of course. Kaworu is in absolutely no real danger, no matter how bad his infestation becomes. Theoretically, he could probably find a way to use his power to ensure Ginko's survival, or at least help him.

But in practise, Kaworu's help...

"I'm right, aren't I?"

It's kind of too bad.

For a moment there, it looked like Ginko and Kaworu might have had something in common.

[gainedlove]

Of course it's raining.

Frisk had run to the Ingress as soon as they realized what had happened, begging Chara to come with them as their partner. It hadn't taken much convincing, of course, and once the pair of them were there...well, the searching is the hard part, isn't it?

"Ginko! GINKO!!"

Frisk shivers as they call out, looking around miserably through the trees on the mountain. The little mushi don't seem to mind the rain, but their light isn't helping much with finding where Ginko had gotten to. They don't shed nearly enough light...

Frisk bites their lip and scrubs at their eyes, refusing to break down just yet. They can't go back without him, they refuse! They just have to find him...he's out here somewhere, right?

Frisk blinks for a moment, noticing something odd. A fuzzy patch of light, the little creatures swarming and congregating around something...hadn't Ginko said they were attracted to him somehow?

Frisk takes off without a second thought. "Chara, this way! Come on!"

[heart_breaking]

Chara springs into motion right after them. "Frisk--!"

Even if Frisk's goal hadn't been a glowing eddy of will'o'wisps, Chara's known Frisk long enough to follow their attention. Undergrowth flies past as they charge, and if this had been any other situation it might have been fun. It's a forest, there's kind of pretty nature all around, and everything's better with friend(s). Right?

Chara's enthusiasm dwindles as they get closer.

"Frisk, what are those?!"

[gainedlove]

"They're--!" Frisk slips in a patch of mud and yelps, hitting the ground heavily. They groan and push themself back up, feeling the sting of a cut on their forehead.

"They're mushi...they're like a special bug, kind of? Ginko said he attracts them wherever he goes."

[heart_breaking]

Mud splatters over Chara's shins, but they manage to keep their balance, and their crouch beside Frisk is a controlled one. Thank goodness Chara has a bandaid. Rain is never good for dealing with this, but Chara picks at the wrapper anyway.

"Do you think we could use them to lead us to him?" They had it upside down. Chara rips at the other end. "With this dark it could be like Waterfall. We could use them to show us some kind of path."

Because that's what little magical creatures did, of course. They interacted with people and did things that were either beautiful or useful, and that was that.

[gainedlove]

Frisk fidgets while they wait for Chara to get the bandaid open--they want to just go now and worry about it later, but they already have it out and Frisk knows Chara will raise a fuss if they don't let themself get healed up.

"I think so...if we go where the big groups are we gotta find him 'ventually." Frisk's eyes flick back up to the mushi again, remembering both the glowing mushrooms and Ginko's panicked plea. "Be careful you don't touch 'em, though, okay? Some of 'em make you sick, but I don't know which ones."

[heart_breaking]

"O-kay..." Chara frowns, then holds the newly freed bandaid up and frowns some more. Three motions and it's slapped over Frisk's cut. There's no time to inspect their work: Frisk's urgency is more than contagious.

"So we follow that big group, then look for another one." If Frisk starts running, Chara will follow."

[gainedlove]

Frisk nods and pushes themself back to their feet, wasting no time in setting off again. They take a little more care with where they put their feet, but that really just means that it's not a breakneck dash anymore. "We gotta hurry!"

The patches and clumps of mushi lead the children closer and closer, until up ahead they find an area fairly swarming with the little creatures. Things that look like bugs or living ribbons or tiny, flexible bells--there are even a few that are nothing more than glowing lines shifting from one moment to the next. The cloud swarms around an outcropping of rock, and underneath two figures can be seen taking shelter from the rain. Ginko doesn't look nearly so bad as Kaworu does--with only his face visible underneath the swarm of tamashi-ka, he's practically unrecognizable.

"Ginko! ...Kaworu!!" Oh no, oh no, this isn't good at all...

[heart_breaking]

For a moment Chara's eyes cross, unable to focus on the swarm of constantly moving lights. When their vision clears, their stomach rolls.

"F-Frisk!!" The lights could easily seeth into the air and envelop Frisk whole. Chara too. How can Chara fight a cloud of something that doesn't get hurt by being stabbed? Could Frisk dodge if the mushi all moved at once?

Chara grits their teeth and saves their breath. Frisk reaches the boys first, but Chara's less than a heartbeat slower.

[braceforimpact]

Kaworu sits more or less unmoving under the stone ledge, watching the rain with a expression of what is either protracted boredom or silent annoyance. It's not very easy to tell what it is, because the writhing mass that has infested him keeps crawling over his face, and he doesn't appear particularly motivated to do anything about it.

He could eject them from his body by his AT Field if he wanted.

Again.

But they would just re-anchor to him immediately.

Again.

With Ginko asleep, though, there isn't much else for him to do.

Until he hears Ginko's name. And then his. And--

Well. Finally.

He budges Ginko's shoulder with one mushi-encrusted hand.

"You have company. Aren't you going to wake up?"

[gainedlove]

Ginko doesn't respond at all, which only makes Frisk even more worried. It might be a bit too telling that Frisk doesn't seem any more alarmed by Kaworu's impassive reaction, though. They pause for a moment outside the general swarm around the two boys (all different kinds, barely a single one alike save for Kaworu's carpet of worms), then suck in a breath before diving in.

Pushing aside the strangely stifling mass, Frisk kneels next to Ginko and puts one hand to his shoulder as well before turning to Kaworu. (Maybe it's just the lighting, but they look very pale right now.)

"How long has he been asleep?"

[heart_breaking]

Chara pushes right in after them, swiping their hands left and right to keep the mushi clear. None of the 'bugs' try to flood over the children, to their surprise, and Chara doesn't dare actually count them as lucky. (Especially when the mushi they hit simply float away and come back down to the boys on the ground. It's as futile as holding back a mob.)

"It doesn't matter! We should get him out of here, and maybe find them a magic doctor. For both of them," they add, shooting Kaworu a look. He looks serene; Chara is anything but.

[braceforimpact]

Kaworu meets Chara's gaze sanguinely.

"A while. But this was his choice." Kaworu, irritated or miserable or whatever else he may or may not be, is very clearly not the slightest bit concerned about Ginko's wellbeing. He doesn't even stand up.

"I wouldn't bother."