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star wars: luke skywalker

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Who:Han Solo and YOUR FACE
When: throughout the month of May
Where: aboard the Moira unless otherwise noted
What: for all your miscellaneous threading needs! will probably post some specific starters, but feel free to hit him up with basically anything.
Warnings: currently n/a; will warn in threads / update as needed

Though going home is Han's number one priority, he's not sure a temporary trip (if that's even for real) is worth the risk. So while he'll get into his share of trouble, he's sticking around on the Moira a fair amount. Plenty to do.

He keeps up with his work running one of the transporters as needed, and can frequently be found between trips on the flight deck. Sometimes he's poking at his shuttle of choice, but just as often he can be found in or around the Millennium Falcon. Loath as he was to risk spreading whatever contamination they've all contracted onto his pride and joy, there's only so much waiting a man can take. (Play your cards right and maybe you'll get a tour, he likes to show off.)

The mess hall, the bar, and the cafe are all frequent enough haunts. Hell of a lot better than being stuck for months with instant caf and freeze-dried rations. As far as space travel goes, this is straight up luxury.

Otherwise, he'll be around, here and there.

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[ closed starters below! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He walked into that one, so he answers with a lift of his own drink. At the very least Ben doesn't seem particularly disapproving of their relationship in particular, which doesn't quite jibe with the stance that attachments are so inherently harmful. It's the biggest reason why he's curious rather than upset.

Though Leia's upset, which means he's a little upset.]

Yeah, I heard about it.

[He lets that hang, leaving the Jedi the opportunity to explain his side of it if he wants to.]

[ He doesn't particularly want to talk about it, although he gets the sense now that this is the real reason behind this encounter. It leaves him a bit deflated, but not so noticeable that it's due to ruin their evening. ]

I imagine you did. [ And knowing Leia, she passed it on with enough accuracy that Kenobi doesn't necessarily have to mention "his side." ] And what did you think?

[It was kind of inevitable. The lot of them are stuck here together, these disagreements and confusions are going to work their way through everyone sooner or later. It's like trying to do repairs on an old engine. You replace one part, it shorts out another.]

Do I really have to point out where the problem is?

[Telling the Jedi's children that Jedi can't have children...]

That would have been the point of asking, yes. But I imagine you have the same stance as Leia, perhaps Luke as well, and even Anakin.

[ For that matter, Obi-Wan stands alone in his reasoning as far as he knows. Barring the possibility that Kylo Ren denies attachment, he may very well remain alone in this. ]

So, are you here to understand why? Or to talk me out of my beliefs? Or to call me on my hypocrisy?

Leia's the only one I talked to. I'm guessing Anakin's not a fan.

[If his response was to run off and have a couple of kids, that's a statement that kind of speaks for itself. Which is largely why Han isn't going to discuss it with him; t's kind of difficult not to feel awkward about dating the younger man's daughter. He lifts a shoulder, a lazy shrug.]

Do you have reasons? Or is that just what they tell you?

[ Kenobi does what he can to avoid the sting of upset, the heat of frustration. It's not as if he thinks Han is accusing him, but the fact remains that he must not be presenting himself properly if anyone has to question his autonomy. ]

I have my reasons, yes. [ Reasons enough that he looks at his empty drink glass and bemoans the fact that he's too sober for even this conversation, which hardly feels as aggressive as his last on the topic. ]

Make no mistake, I've struggled with attachment. I still struggle with it. Daily. No Jedi is unfeeling, Han. The point is to acknowledge attachment and then release it of the power it holds over you.

In my experience... [ He sighs out his disappointment. ] failing to do so has had lasting consequences.

Denial has lasting consequences, too.

[In his time there is no Jedi Order, so his experience is a little lacking... And growing up under Imperial rule, Han is used to seeing authority misused, and thus inclined to be mistrustful of dogma.

He's not having this conversation to be cruel. He's not quite sure, actually, why it seems so important to talk about it, except that he's unreasonably fond of Leia and Luke both and the idea that they'd need to deny themselves basic human connection for the sake of some mystical nonsense bothers him. (Okay, yeah, that's probably it. Still, he slides the bottle across the table, a small consolation.]

I make a living off things being outlawed, you know? Forbidding something, that's what makes people want it.

Of course.

[ The concept certainly doesn't elude him, and in fact, he's considerably more practiced in this concept than is strictly necessary of most Jedi; between a rogue Master and a rogue Padawan, Obi-Wan's seen more than his fair share. ]

I suppose to question really remains if a person desires more to serve the Order or themselves. As I tried to impress upon Leia, we all have a choice. A person can leave the Order.

[ That's saying nothing of those given no choice to start, Obi-Wan included, having been placed with the Order at infancy; his parents and the Force had made that decision for him.

And then, belatedly, he adds: ] The Jedi have not always operated in this manner. The... suggestion being made by the Order is an attempt to lift ourselves above a place of influence. We look to become pure devices for the Force to work through. Like a focusing crystal.

[ He tops off both of their drinks. ]

You think Leia serves herself?

[The question is too incredulous to sound accusatory. Maybe a few years ago this would be a moot point; Leia had her own code of detachment, then, as severe as anything Obi-Wan could suggest. Perhaps she would've liked the excuse. It's not just self-interest that has Han convinced she's better off having admitted to her feelings. Wanting things is part and parcel of living; even Obi-Wan is acknowledging that. Denial is energy wasted.

Besides, attachment is why he's here. It'd look better to claim he's altruistic and focused only on the liberation of the galaxy, but it's not true. He went back for Luke. He stayed for Leia. Attachment is why he'd sacrifice himself for the cause. Bad for business, maybe, but it's not a weakness.]

It doesn't really seem like leaving's much of an option.

[ Semantics, always semantics. Obi-Wan had guessed that somewhat pedantic streak was concentrated in the Skywalker bloodline, but apparently birds of a feather flock together; Han could have conceded to the logical point if he'd really wanted to: in this scenario, the Order represents the Force and nothing else. ]

But it is an option. As is the ability to study in the ways of the Force without committing yourself to the way of the Jedi.

I'm not the one you have to convince. I don't know if I even believe in it.

[Grudgingly, he's coming to admit that there's something. Leia and Luke are convinced, and the things he's seen... The bruises have faded, but he hasn't forgotten Kylo Ren throwing him across the room.

But he's not sure. He's definitely not buying anything about destiny or guidance. And he's getting away from the topic at hand, anyway.]

Besides. You treat them like family.

[Okay, yeah, that one's kind of an accusation. He's seen it.]

[ So it is about the hypocrisy, Obi-Wan reflects, somewhat soured and yet still somehow a bit amused (the alcohol must be working its charm). It's interesting to him that this would come from Han, of all people, considering how few actual interactions they've shared. Perhaps his practical application of a simple fix to Anakin's transporter had done it. Or maybe his asking after Leia.

And still, he wonders a little darkly how such a thing could even be said, whether he really knows how a family should be treated — his only examples are always from an outsider's perspective — and whether stories of him run rampant through their inner circle. By far, they're none too pleasant thoughts, but he does as he does and away they go, too, let off into the Force to be dealt with in other forms, as opposed to plaguing him here in this shared moment. ]

I treat them well. [ It's not an affirmation, it's an excuse. ] I treat everyone well. [ From a certain point of view... ]

Edited (Wait for it...) 2016-05-10 02:30 (UTC)

Sure.

[He can't help it if his views are colored by their first meeting. Even if he and Ben didn't get along, exactly, there was absolutely something familial about the way the old man shuffled the kid around. Same as the way he looks after Anakin. And there's a sort of pride in the way he talks about Leia, even in the midst of their disagreement, which was probably (knowing the both of them) actually quite civil, even if there are intense feelings on both sides.

Yeah, there's something hypocritical about it. He can't wrap his head around why, and maybe he never will.]

You ever think about leaving?

[ This is, perhaps, one of the more difficult questions he's been asked, and thankfully, it's not one he's had to answer too often. Nevertheless, it gives him no relief from his already stressed manner, just the weight of such topics pressing down unpleasantly against his typically steady demeanor. ]

I have... considered it. Not only once, for that matter.

[ A frown settles on his face and he looks at the rim of the glass and the distortion through its slick surface. Even now, he not so distantly feels the pang of guilt for not being quite brave enough to make that decision. ]

There was- [ He hesitates. The taste of the alcohol on his lips says his tongue might already be loosened, but sharing his vulnerability has never come easy. ] There is a woman. But we were both very young at the time. I'm not sure if I was wise to know better, or foolish not to take a chance.

[ He had once called it an undercurrent of remorse. Little has changed since then. ]

It led me here, eventually. I cannot deny that I've gained much since then. Nor can I deny the thought of leaving has crossed my mind on an increasingly frequent basis since meeting you and yours.

[It's not a question Han really has any right to ask, but that's not the sort of thing that ever stops him. Under the circumstances, with Ben urging Leia to study but in effect barring her from the Order, it feels like an important one. Maybe it's a more viable option than it seems. Skeptical as he is about the Force and their devotion to it, it's important to her; the fact that she's upset about it, in turn, is important to Han.

And the answer is... interesting. It doesn't necessarily surprise him that Obi-Wan has toyed with the idea of leaving, though it does surprise him a bit that he admits to it so readily. Maybe that explains the hypocrisy; he's clinging to these rules because at least there's a certainty to it. He can understand that, not that he'd admit to it. It's the same way he clings to the things that haven't changed about his life.

So maybe it shouldn't surprise him that there's a woman. Ben, you sly dog. ~~If there are such things as dogs. Who even knows.~~ He can't stop himself from grinning, no matter how serious this is.]

Foolish choices work out pretty well sometimes.

[Just saying. Han Solo is dating a princess, not through any measure of wisdom.]

[ He smirks. Sly dog, indeed. He's no prude, although it behooves him to act like one. Accuse him otherwise and see him deny it for the sake of his image. ]

For some, I suppose.

[ One more drink, he thinks, with a short story for Han. ]

In the end, it didn't matter that I stayed with the Order. The attachment was set, and ultimately she paid for my heedless abandon with her life.

[ The guilt is plain, even as the woman he speaks of lives and breathes on this very ship. ]

When it's suggested that attachment leads to suffering, it can very much mean many more things for many more people than one could ever expect. It's ripple is far reaching, and unpredictable after a point.

I wish I could claim to have learned that lesson well, but...

[ Here he is, as attached as ever. Perhaps moreso. ]

[No accusations here, but the secret's not so secret. Imagine that. Han never quite knows what to make of Obi-Wan, how different he is as a much younger man. Frankly it makes him think maybe he treated the old wizard unfairly, makes it that much more uncomfortable to think of how things ended. They couldn't have been friends then, perhaps, but it's one more mark on the score to settle with Vader.

At least he has the good grace to be subdued while listening to that story, properly grave given the subject matter. Funny that he'd say is rather than was if she's gone.

After a long stretch of silence, he leans forward to top off the glasses again, though his is nearly full still. Ben looks like he could use it, is all.]

Attachment leads to suffering. Detachment leads to suffering. I'm not saying it's not awful.

[Because it is, and for all his gruff exterior, he has his sympathetic side. Loving means the possibility of loss. That's the thing, maybe, that's why they're having this conversation; Han is a convert in his own way. He spent a hell of a long time looking out for number one, but here he is. At home he's stuck in a brick of carbonite, because he was dumb enough to fall in love, and he doesn't regret a minute of it.]

But if the future's unpredictable, what's the point of always holding off for it?

[ Obi-Wan isn't so certain detachment leads to suffering in the same manner that attachment does. In fact, if anything, it's the road leading up to detachment that ultimately proves to be the hardest (at least for him).

He lifts his glass and tips his head in thanks, ruminating quietly over the past, the present, and the so-call unpredictable future. ]

You say that as if you don't very well know my quite predictable future.

[ Concentrating on the warmth in his depths, borrowed as it is, he skims for some sign of resolve. He's gotten better at saying what's important, but it's not without its toll: disowning a part of himself leaves room for everything to shift, and in fact, once it starts, it feels as if there's no stopping it. Soon enough, everything will bear scrutiny. ]

Even if I had a choice, I wouldn't— [ He hesitates, uncertain of his phrasing. But he leans forward a bit, an inch or two over the table, his glass carefully stilled on to tabletop between his fingertips as he tries to explain. ] I haven't denied Anakin his attachments. I could never believe Luke and Leia are the product of anything less than— less than miraculous. I see Anakin is better for it. I see the— I see the turmoil, but there's a temper — a balance here he's never had before.

[ When he leans back again, he's taking his glass with him, holding it close to his chest as he shakes his head. Qui-Gon would have given him his family. When the dreams started, he would have let Anakin go, Kenobi thinks. He would have let Anakin save his mother. ]

He deserves his family. We took that from him. What comes from returning it, I would— I would call the will of the Force.

[ It's every bit an uncharacteristically stubborn standpoint from a very objective man, but given the chance to plead his case to the Jedi Council, he would very likely demand chance or walk out, and that is a very scary place to be if you're Obi-Wan Kenobi. ]

[Well, if he's not writing off two of the most important people in Han's life as a mistake, at least that's a start. And it's an admission that the whole thing is more complicated. Maybe they're never going to see eye to eye on this, but if Ben is going to be flexible enough to see some merit in attachment, Han can be flexible enough to see how they cause trouble, too. If only because doing less wouldn't suit his competitive streak. He can be well-rounded, too, damnit.]

Knowing your future doesn't mean it's predictable.

[But that verges on uncomfortable truths he'd rather not spill. He thinks it's a point worth making, though.]

Your way might be less complicated, I'll give you that. [For whatever that means. Probably not very much.]

[ Less complicated? He'd hardly be the one to judge. Right now, everything feels complicated. It's an uncomfortable place to be when you're apt to overthink, and he's especially negligent of people to take his concerns that aren't already a part of his concerns.

Strangely enough, this feels as if it's helped, although Obi-Wan's not entirely certain who it's helped. ]

Your way might be more satisfying, I'll give you that.

[ Let's just not talk about the future. ]

[In his opinion, it's definitely more satisfying. With a somewhat grim little smile he lifts his glass a bit. Yeah, he'll drink to that, and let the silence lapse a little bit. No more talking about the future suits him just fine.

After a moment, though, he feels like they need to talk about something.]

Sorry about your... [What's the right word here for this mystery woman? He settles on something maybe not quite appropriate, only for the aspect of being an in-joke, gentle enough maybe to convey the tone he wants to.] ...acquaintance.

[ Maybe it's the alcohol working its magic, but the sting isn't quite so strong when he thinks about it — about Maul's revenge, about his inability to save Satine, about his weakness in the wake of it. It's still debilitating, like a hot pain in his chest that curls his shoulders and tightens his posture. ]

As am I. [ He regards his glass, mouth twisted into a bitter little smile. ] Unfortunately, regret isn't quite as frowned upon as attachment.

[ Kenobi takes another drink and very nearly drains his glass again. There's a miserable hesitance and his shoulders slump that much more. Perhaps he's finally settling in. At least not feeling the urge to run anymore. ]

Moira has seen fit to return her. Most vital and... difficult. I've had no small amount of trouble coming to terms with this fact.

Bad move. Regret'll get you in the end.

[Half the time that's what gets him-- not regretting, but knowing he will. It's working out pretty well so far. Keeps him on the right track. He doesn't think avoiding entanglements would change that, it's just leave you regretting the missed chances instead.

But he's not expecting that. It takes him a moment to parse what Ben's telling him, because it sounds so unbelievable-- though it shouldn't, maybe, because he saw the old man die and Luke's father is dead and Zam told him dead doesn't mean dead here sometimes. Still, it's not something you get used to easy. But he gets the gist of it.]

Difficult how?

[Obi-Wan, you are officially gossiping about girls with Han Solo.]

[ Yep. This is his life now. ]

She's a pacifist. As close as you can come to a politician and a ruler without taking sides.

[ Perhaps a little too heavily, he sighs. It's a little bit lovesick and something about that worries Kenobi. In fact, a lot about that worries him. He thinks it's fine because Han doesn't have the Force, but he's not really all that hard to read, particularly when he's been drinking. ]

And she deplores what I do.

Huh.

[And here he thought the Jedi were the idealistic ones. It's a big, strange galaxy.

Han might not have the advantage of sensing the Force, but he's been in a lot of bars and seen a lot of lovesick men in hs time, and Obi-Wan isn't so different. Mild drunkenness, the great leveler.]

What you do, [he echoes, more thoughtful than usual. He's not keeping up drink for drink but he had a slight head start here. She hates what he does, but he didn't say she hates him, so.]

So?

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