thisavrou_log | "Get outta here if you don't know"

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"Get outta here if you don't know"

Who: Peter (

seeingscarlet), and You
When: 15th to early 18th in the medbay, late 18 to the 23rd in the hold
Where: Medbay and the Hold
What: Directly after this. Peter really screwed up and now he's hanging out in the medbay until he recovers. Later he hangs out in the hold. Wanda's around to feild all your questions about how stupid her twin is.
Warnings: Discussion of character death, violence, and severe injuries

[Comment under the toplevel for which sibling you want to talk to. If you want a specific starter, please just oocly contact.]

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[That would be logic, wouldn't it? And maybe he's starting to see that, just a little. Enough to know he can no longer keep Wanda out of the loop, and maybe enough to see that there are other people he can to talk to when he's got this sort of overwhelming problem.

It just seems a lesson learned too late and one harder to put into practice than swallow. Maybe it's just baby steps, agreeing to let one person in a little even when that person's objectivity could be called into question about him. But maybe that small progress isn't enough when it comes to an ongoing, critical problem.]

I'm not trying to be alone. I just don't want people to get hurt over me! Do you know how much it sucks to watch someone get hurt for you? To be on your side and it goes wrong? That stays on you, that stays your fault. When someone tries to help you and they get hurt and you're just laying there watching aand you can't do anything-

[He stops, snaps his mouth shut. It's abundantly clear who and what he's talking about. He'd been afraid what had just happened to J would have been the outcome of going to anyone else. Someone trying to help solve the problem and dying for their trouble. When he thought Rinzler had threatened one person he loved, all he could imagine was that all of them would be targets. They would all get hurt or die or be gone permanently just like Wanda's friend and it would be his fault because he'd let the petty drama go on too long.

He'd been terrified of the guilt and he'd ended up with it anyway.]

[ Bruce can tell the instant that Peter's speech starts to derail that he's not talking in a hypothetical or general sense; he's mentioning someone specific, and knowing what he does, Bruce doesn't need to think at all to know it's J that's on his mind. Bruce falls silent too, his eyes drop to the floor and his body slumps in a way that's almost sad, almost defeated.

He really doesn't blame Peter for her death, not in the slightest, even if Peter himself might. But it's hard to act as if her death doesn't affect him, because it does. He didn't even see J after waking up from cryo, it's been over a year; it had been over a year and he didn't even think to seek her out and say hi. And now he'll probably never have that chance again.

But he does know, God... he knows all too well what it's like for the people around him getting hurt just because they were there. Even those he didn't hurt got caught in the crossfire one way or another, and Bruce feels the weight of that guilt nonetheless. And he knows it doesn't matter that the other person doesn't blame him —Betty never blamed him, she never would, but in the end that hardly matters. She still got hurt because of him, and more than once too, just because she was there, because she wanted to help and protect him. ]

I didn't mean people like her. [ His voice is small, but it should be obvious who he's talking about. He doesn't want to say the name, though, for fear that it'll be like pressing a thumb into a sore wound. ] I meant people like... people like me. People who can't... who won't get hurt easily. [ Or at all, as is his particular case. ]

[Of course he knows who Bruce means. It’s a subject that they, that everyone he knows had been dancing around. J had been hanging over every conversation since it happened, haunting him like a ghost he didn’t want rid of.
His voice softens in response to the emotion in Bruce’s.]

But it does mean people like her. She was trying to help me.

[It had been on the network, her call for help. He’d known what she was doing, when he watched her run over. She’d just wanted to help and she’d died for it.]

You might not think you can get hurt, but I think you could. Wanda could. Or Billy or River. Anything could have happened and they could have died. And you could have gotten hurt.

[Or worse, considering the Hulk. But that seems cruel to say when his only reference comes from what he heard of the last unfortunate planet incident and from Wanda’s memory. Peter doesn’t want to rub in what he knows must be hard on Bruce, or to sound like he’s placing blame on the man. Or worse, to sound like he has a real fear. ]

I didn’t want to see that happen to anyone.

So could you. You could get hurt too. And doing it all on your own only makes the chances of that happening even worse.

[ Bruce pauses, lifting his eyes again, a shoulder raising weakly. ]

You getting hurt makes us hurt too, just in a different way. And it would hurt even more because we'd know you never came to us even though you had a problem.

[ Peter doesn't really understand, Bruce doesn't think. The degree to which he can't get hurt, just how much he can withstand— physically and mentally. He's been in incredible lows but it's been a while since then, and if he's managed to work through destroying an entire planet, even if not without feeling that familiar yet unwelcome urge to end it all, then he can work through just about anything. (Almost.)

So, he doesn't insist on that point. He doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't want to get into the details or his life's story right now. ]

You're not the only one who wants to make things right, here or home. And you shouldn't do it alone. There are other ways.

I can outrun bullets. I shouldn't be getting hurt from some stupid fight.

[It was a fluke. He wanted to believe that. If he hadn't froze up he wouldn't have been stabbed. There was an excuse for everything, in his book.

Better me than someone else, is what he wants to say. He's beginning to understand that he's screwed up. He can see how worried everyone has been since he woke up. But he still would rather be the one lying here than be watching his family, his friends take his place. It's like he'd thought when Wanda told him about Pietro; she and they were all stronger than him. He couldn't handle loss, he couldn't handle someone getting hurt for him. He's not a strong person.

He doesn't say anything, just drops his gaze to his hands.]

I know. No more fighting. Kind of can't, for a while.

And I can deflect them. Doesn't mean I'm going around getting in their way.

[ You know, because that's never a pleasant experience, and even as the Hulk, it tends to get the big guy even angrier. That doesn't really help him keep control of things.

But yes, it really is for the best that Peter doesn't say that, because it's not better him than someone else, no matter what he says. What would be better was that this bed was empty right now, and that they weren't mourning the loss of a close friend. And maybe if Peter hadn't thrown himself in head first and tried to talk to more people about his issues instead, then this could've been avoided.

Bruce keeps that to himself. Peter's feeling guilty enough as it is, and the point seems to have been driven home more than once. He sits back on his chair with a faint nod at the last words, eyes falling to the package in his lap. ]

I got you something, by the way. It's not much, it's just... maybe something to keep you distracted for a little while.

[ He hands it over to Peter, and inside he'll find the first book in the Harry Potter series, Philosopher's Stone, and something closely resembling the handheld version of the Tetris game. It's not PONG but he's still working on that. ]

It's not like I make a habit of this kind of thing.

[Not yet, at least.

He stops doing his best impression of an upset toddler when Bruce mentions a gift. Normally the thought of someone getting him something would put a smile on his face, but right now he just looks confused. He'd thought the point of Bruce coming by was the lecture, even as well meaning as the tone had been. A gift seemed more than he thought he deserved at the moment.

That doesn't stop him from opening it.]

Still trying to get me to read? [There's a fondness in his voice when he says it, a little embarrassment creeping in.] You didn't have to do this. Pretty sure I earned the boredom.

[ Not yet, exactly. Hence Bruce's very valid concern. Sometimes he's just a pessimist with a penchant for paranoia, other times he's (unfortunately) right.

He hadn't intended it as a gift, actually, but it does end up looking a little like it. Still, he smiles weakly at Peter's remark, shrugging a little. ]

Can't blame me for trying. But give it a shot, alright? It's really fun. I think you'll like it. [ And he won't tell Peter it's a series of seven books yet or he might never even open the first to begin with. Let him get hooked, then he'll give him more. ]

Maybe. But the book only has so many pages and the battery on that game runs out eventually, so hopefully you'll be getting bored again soon enough.

Yeah, yeah. Not like I have anything else to do. I might as well see what keeps my sister in the library so much.

[And most of his usual activities are off limits when him confined to bed. He honestly needed something to pass the time until they let him out. As much as he hated the stillness reading required, he knew it wouldn't take him long to get through it and at least it was better than staring at the ceiling.

Despite the attitude, he is actually pleased. He sets the book and game in his lap, smiles at Bruce.]

Even if you're trying to make me learn or be cultural or whatever. Thanks.

You mean having an interest in stories and learning things?

[ Aside from liking Wanda or not, reading is a great habit and Bruce will never stop trying to get people he knows and likes from doing it a little more. It just so happens that this is the perfect situation to get Peter to start, even if he wouldn't have wished for him to end up in this situation to begin with. But at least it's something more to keep his mind off things, and Bruce knows well how a good story and a strongly built universe has the ability to draw someone in and make them blend into that whole new reality so well. Peter could use a bit of escapism right now, anyway. ]

You're welcome. Let me know how you like it later, will you? I'd be interested to know what you think about it.

Edited (curse you icon browse) 2016-05-31 12:59 (UTC)

Yeah. That thing. So weird.

[He could sort of understand it, just like he could understand how much his little sister loved watching TV or people liked to listen to music a recording speed. It was just difficult for someone warped perception to stay still for the time needed to do those things. The older he'd gotten, the more he'd written things off instead of trying to develop patience.]

I'll be sure to tell you all my thoughts on in. Real in-dept analysis.

No need for an essay or anything. A simple yes or no will suffice.

[ So Bruce can know whether or not to get him the next book. Not that it's Bruce's ultimate plan to get Peter hooked on Harry Potter or anything like that, but it's a series most everyone enjoys, and it reads well, despite some of the books looking so big. So who knows, it might just work for Peter. ]

I'm going to let you rest a little now. I need to get back to work anyway, but let me know if you need anything?

I probably won't need anything.

[And as close by as Wanda had been sticking to him, he was far more likely to bug her with requests than anyone else. But he appreciates the offer for what it is, gives Bruce a smile and a nod.]

Thank, man. I'll see you when this is over, I guess.

Edited 2016-06-02 19:42 (UTC)

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"Get outta here if you don't know"

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