Suddenly I'm overcome

[inruins]

Who: Toriel, Ratchet, Frisk, Sans- Open.
When: April 9th-12th
Where: The Aft, a hallway, library.
What: Toriel learns something that changes how she views a key moment of her past. The boss monster decides she needs time to process this. She decides to process it alone until her friends step in to help her.
Warnings: Depression, emotional breakdowns, talk of suicide. HUGE Undertale spoilers.



[A. Like the stars chase the sun - CLOSED to Ratchet]
After a short exchange on the MID, Toriel meets Ratchet near the mess hall. Uncertainty is settled in her chest though she manages a smile when she catches sight of the lombax waiting for her.

"Hello, Ratchet! I hope I didn't keep you waiting for too long." He had wanted to tell her something, now Toriel almost wondered if she should know.

But if it is about Chara, she needs to know. Hearsay is all she has left of her connection with her child.


[B. And my love is no good- OPEN]

The library is quiet enough Toriel finds herself drawn into it. The possibility of learning or being lost in some new world is far more enticing than what weighs on her mind. A relief from the possibilities she keeps falling into.

It's why she finds herself amongst the shelves and stacks. This is far more books than she has seen in years. She plucks books at random, building up a bit more than she can handle carrying all at once. Her haphazard stacking proves a bit dangerous as she stumbles and the books fly from her grip. Anyone passing by might be hit by a book or find one at their feet. Along with a very large goat monster fallen on the floor, looking aghast at herself.

A low swear escapes her as she fumbles to rise, "I'm so sorry-" She apologizes, an embarrassed flush settling under her fur. "I really didn't- Ah, forgive me."

Everything is coming out wrong and there is not much she can do about it. She plucks up what she can as she finds her footing once again. It is obvious enough in her body language and expression, she's taking a simple mistake much harder than she should.


[C. The damage is already done - CLOSED to close CR.]

Grief is a funny thing. Even when one thinks they know how they'll react to something, they can quickly realize how wrong they were. Toriel is no different on that.

Doing her job is easy enough, checking on her various wards and making sure they're well is comfortable enough to distract her. Kitchen duties offer the same distraction, the same busied work where her mind can't do much but focus on the task she was given. Losing herself in a task is a relief. A way to pretend nothing is wrong. She can fake being social well enough on the surface level, to hide what she's really thinking. No one needs to deal with this but her.

When she has nothing to do, her mind wanders. It makes sleeping nearly impossible. The boss monster's various attempts at sleeping in her quarters prove fruitless at best, frustrating at worst. Before long she finds herself at the aft. Pillow and blanket in hand as she settles down in the cold hallway. The chill against her back is calming, centering in its own way. Even if the floor is hardly comfortable, it is better than trying to rest in her bunk.

Not that the cold can stop her mind from running through everything. Staring out at the stars can only do so much for her.

Buttercup poisoning. Who could have poisoned her child? She monitored their food so stringently. No one but the royal family handled their own food. Toriel mentally rolled over those days, picking apart everything she could trying to find some sinister menace she somehow never noticed. Some terrible force that hurt her child. A warning sign she somehow missed.

The only warning sign that rises is Chara's own words. She remembered that soft voice, that gentle hand on her own. Their red eyes looking up at her as they spoke.

"It's okay, mom. It' okay... You're all going to be fine."

A chill made her stomach twist uncomfortably. Her hand tightened into a fist at her side. She must be remembering wrong...

"Of course I'm getting better. Everyone's depending on me. The future of humans and monsters..." Their thready voice firmed with determination. "I promise I won't let you down."

Tears rise before she can contain them, her breath catching in her throat as she covers her eyes with her hand. She rejects the thought soundly. Chara would never...

Chara knew better. Chara had to know better. Know they were important to their family. They would have poisoned themselves...?

But who else would? Was a sharp question that buried itself in her heart.

Wounds she considered mended and healed over were being ripped open, stitches torn asunder and exposed. What did she really know of that time?

Anyone who visits the Aft within the next few days will very likely find Toriel laying on her side staring out at the stars.

Comments

[inruins]

"Something strange?" She repeats, trying to think of what the lombax could have seen. Her walk slows as she looks over at him uncertainly. She can only guess the strangest thing would be that odd human disease they died of so very long ago.

"I suppose it wasn't something related to their death at home was it? They died of some human sickness." She offers quietly in turn.

[neveroutwrenched]

"I thought it was poison," Ratchet says with a furrowed brow, and the words are out of his mouth before he's even had time to think about them. His gaze snaps over to her as he realises the implication of the discrepancy.

[inruins]

"Poison?" The alarm in her voice is enough to show his guess was the wrong one. The boss monster whipping around to openly stare at the lombax. "What did you see on their medical file?"

[neveroutwrenched]

"I-" Ratchet cuts himself off, deciding that this time he should choose his words a little more carefully. Toriel's obvious distress flusters him and he doesn't meet her gaze while he tries to articulate something less painful.

"Stuff. They...I don't know, it was a lot. It was just the poison seemed strange...I figured you knew. I thought...."

He doesn't finish what he'd thought. It was obvious now that she hadn't known.

[inruins]

"Ratchet." Her voice is serious, commanding- far different from her usual speech pattern. Even with a decade or more between herself and the role of queen, it slides on naturally. An old extension of herself that appears when she needs it. "Tell me what you saw. Dancing around it will not help this situation."

The alarm, the panic still lingers, but is dampened for now.

[neveroutwrenched]

Ratchet does look up at her now, surprised by her change in tone. It was entirely unlike the softer, more forgiving tone he was used to hearing from her.

"Chara's file said they died, but it didn't say anything about an illness." Ratchet breaths out a sigh, shifting uncomfortably. "That's what I thought you knew. It...it specifically said they were poisoned. I don't remember the toxin. There was something about a 'buttercup'."

He didn't like this. It wasn't anything like how he'd expected this conversation to go, and it wasn't anything he was prepared for. He watches her closely, tense as he tries to gauge a reaction.

[inruins]

"Buttercups." she repeats quietly, her expression is controlled as her hands curl into a fist at her side. Her stance is solid and steady in contrast to the shifts of discomfort from the lombax. "It said buttercup poisoning?"

Her body language communicates a silent steeliness, whilst she panics inwardly. She wants him to be wrong, Toriel desperately wants Ratchet to be wrong. He has to be.

He needs to be wrong.

[neveroutwrenched]

"It- yeah." He frowns watching her, her stoic reaction almost more alarming than a more reactive one. He doesn't know how to respond; this was out of is depth. But it's obvious that whatever the significance of the minutiae was, it is significant. Without knowing what else to do, he offers her clarity. "I'm sure."

[inruins]

"I'm sure." All he needed really was two words to make her heart drop in her chest and shatter. Someone... poisoned her child. Her mind is reeling as a thoughtful frown curls across her lips. Her gaze is distant.

It would be so easy to be angry at Ratchet. Lash out. Blame someone else for bringing bad news. Some selfish part of her wants to, wants to tell him he's wrong. Toriel almost wants to be that childish and selfish. She's earned it hasn't she? After all this time? After burying Chara, after patching the emotional wounds- she's earned the right to be petty.

It would be so easy...

Instead she gazes up at him, eyes watering slightly against her will.

Her hand shifts from a tight shaking fist at her side to something loose and lax. A faux casualness ruined by the falsity of her voice. "Thank you for telling me." Even with the weakness of her voice and wet eyes, her expression is calm, a forced steel. "I never knew this."

[neveroutwrenched]

"No- I...I'm sorry. This isn't what I...." He cuts himself off. It doesn't really matter what he'd wanted to tell her or ask her, because this is what happened instead. He takes a deep breath, trying to figure out what he's supposed to say.

"Are you gonna be okay..."

[inruins]

"I'll be fine." She wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand. She reaches out to touch Ratchet's shoulder. She is more used to giving comfort than accepting it. "Don't worry. I'll be fine soon enough.""

[neveroutwrenched]

Ratchet looks up at her, the concern on his face only deepening. Her hand on his shoulder is light, but the fact of it has weight. He doesn't believe her. How could she be fine?

He takes a shallow breath.

"Is there anything I can do?" As if he hadn't already done enough. "I can call someone or...or get you something....?"

He was lost in these situations, but he needed to try.

[inruins]

"I-" The rush of emotions and brittled edges make her lose her words. What could she even say? Toriel isn't sure what to say to any of this much less ask of the young man. That is the only falter to the calm she wears.

She almost asks for Sans. Almost. He doesn't need this.

"Some water, if you please?"

[neveroutwrenched]

"Sure." His response is quick, overeager. But it's something he can do. He starts backing away, a reassuring smile flickering on his face. "Sure. Stay here, I'll be right back."

Turning on his heel he dashes back in the direction of the mess hall. They hadn't gotten far and it takes Ratchet only a minute or so to return. He holds out one of the cheap plastic cups from the mess hall to her; in his hurry only about half the water had actually survived the trip, continuing even now to drip on the floor.

[inruins]

"I'll be here." She watches him go, taking the brief reprieve to wipe at her eyes again. The boss monster took a slow steadying breath, forcing herself to more outwardly relax.

When he returns, she's outwardly emotionally stitched together at least. "Thank you. I truly appreciate it." She accepts the plastic cup. "Though I hope you aren't soaked- goodness."

[neveroutwrenched]

"No, I...it's fine." He gives her an incredulous look, smiling slightly. He can’t believe she could even find it in her to be worried about something like if he’d spilled water on himself. He can’t believe she could find it in herself to worry about anything else right now.

“Listen, Toriel. I know there’s...a lot...going on with you and your family. But there lots of good people here who care about them, so if you need anything, really...you don’t have to pretend like you don’t.”

[inruins]

"I'm sure napkins or a hand towel could dry you..." She muses idly, finding comfort in caring for someone else in some way. The feeling won't last, but she'll hold onto it. She can pretend, pretend she is fine. Becoming the queen makes it easier than simply Toriel.

She drinks what is left of the water in the cup, listening to Ratchet as he offers help. "Thank you, truly." She dips her head in a slow nod, "I'll manage. I've had to before."