Suddenly I'm overcome

[inruins]

Who: Toriel, Ratchet, Frisk, Sans- Open.
When: April 9th-12th
Where: The Aft, a hallway, library.
What: Toriel learns something that changes how she views a key moment of her past. The boss monster decides she needs time to process this. She decides to process it alone until her friends step in to help her.
Warnings: Depression, emotional breakdowns, talk of suicide. HUGE Undertale spoilers.



[A. Like the stars chase the sun - CLOSED to Ratchet]
After a short exchange on the MID, Toriel meets Ratchet near the mess hall. Uncertainty is settled in her chest though she manages a smile when she catches sight of the lombax waiting for her.

"Hello, Ratchet! I hope I didn't keep you waiting for too long." He had wanted to tell her something, now Toriel almost wondered if she should know.

But if it is about Chara, she needs to know. Hearsay is all she has left of her connection with her child.


[B. And my love is no good- OPEN]

The library is quiet enough Toriel finds herself drawn into it. The possibility of learning or being lost in some new world is far more enticing than what weighs on her mind. A relief from the possibilities she keeps falling into.

It's why she finds herself amongst the shelves and stacks. This is far more books than she has seen in years. She plucks books at random, building up a bit more than she can handle carrying all at once. Her haphazard stacking proves a bit dangerous as she stumbles and the books fly from her grip. Anyone passing by might be hit by a book or find one at their feet. Along with a very large goat monster fallen on the floor, looking aghast at herself.

A low swear escapes her as she fumbles to rise, "I'm so sorry-" She apologizes, an embarrassed flush settling under her fur. "I really didn't- Ah, forgive me."

Everything is coming out wrong and there is not much she can do about it. She plucks up what she can as she finds her footing once again. It is obvious enough in her body language and expression, she's taking a simple mistake much harder than she should.


[C. The damage is already done - CLOSED to close CR.]

Grief is a funny thing. Even when one thinks they know how they'll react to something, they can quickly realize how wrong they were. Toriel is no different on that.

Doing her job is easy enough, checking on her various wards and making sure they're well is comfortable enough to distract her. Kitchen duties offer the same distraction, the same busied work where her mind can't do much but focus on the task she was given. Losing herself in a task is a relief. A way to pretend nothing is wrong. She can fake being social well enough on the surface level, to hide what she's really thinking. No one needs to deal with this but her.

When she has nothing to do, her mind wanders. It makes sleeping nearly impossible. The boss monster's various attempts at sleeping in her quarters prove fruitless at best, frustrating at worst. Before long she finds herself at the aft. Pillow and blanket in hand as she settles down in the cold hallway. The chill against her back is calming, centering in its own way. Even if the floor is hardly comfortable, it is better than trying to rest in her bunk.

Not that the cold can stop her mind from running through everything. Staring out at the stars can only do so much for her.

Buttercup poisoning. Who could have poisoned her child? She monitored their food so stringently. No one but the royal family handled their own food. Toriel mentally rolled over those days, picking apart everything she could trying to find some sinister menace she somehow never noticed. Some terrible force that hurt her child. A warning sign she somehow missed.

The only warning sign that rises is Chara's own words. She remembered that soft voice, that gentle hand on her own. Their red eyes looking up at her as they spoke.

"It's okay, mom. It' okay... You're all going to be fine."

A chill made her stomach twist uncomfortably. Her hand tightened into a fist at her side. She must be remembering wrong...

"Of course I'm getting better. Everyone's depending on me. The future of humans and monsters..." Their thready voice firmed with determination. "I promise I won't let you down."

Tears rise before she can contain them, her breath catching in her throat as she covers her eyes with her hand. She rejects the thought soundly. Chara would never...

Chara knew better. Chara had to know better. Know they were important to their family. They would have poisoned themselves...?

But who else would? Was a sharp question that buried itself in her heart.

Wounds she considered mended and healed over were being ripped open, stitches torn asunder and exposed. What did she really know of that time?

Anyone who visits the Aft within the next few days will very likely find Toriel laying on her side staring out at the stars.

Comments

C

[gainedlove]

It's chance that draws Frisk to the aft this night, a bad dream and a need to be alone while they sort out their thoughts. Ever since that first day Frisk has been cautious about where they go on their excursions to get supplies, but even that has had it's risks, and the secrets exposed have left them feeling rattled and vulnerable.

Maybe it was inevitable that someone would find out. There are other determined people here, other people that have let time flow back with their last breath. But Frisk just wasn't ready...

They stop in surprise seeing Toriel's familiar fuzzy bulk curled up against the wall, and they pause for a moment before walking over with soft footsteps. "...Mom?"

[inruins]

What light doze Toriel fell into ends just as quickly at the familiar voice. She blinks blearily as she sits up, "Frisk?" She shouldn't be so surprised someone found her here. Much less one of her own children, all of them have the tendency to wander as they see fit.

"My child, what are you doing up at this hour?" She isn't going to address the fact she's sleeping in the aft if she can manage it. "You should be sleeping."

[gainedlove]

"...I can't sleep." Frisk walks over and climbs into Toriel's lap without a second thought, and they lean against her chest with a soft huff of breath. "Why aren't you?"

[inruins]

The boss monster simply wraps her arms around Frisk, resting her chin atop their head. Toriel finds it hard not to relax with Frisk in her arms. A quiet conformation the human child still wants her as their parent. "I thought it would be nice to sleep here for now."

It wasn't a lie. Simply an omission of a few other factors as to why she chose the aft over her own bed. "You should get some sleep if you can." She hesitates, "I would offer to let you sleep here, but I don't think it would be quite comfortable enough for you to relax."

[gainedlove]

Frisk has caught their mother sleeping in odd places like this a few times before, and while they hadn't thought anything of it before the circumstances are making Frisk reconsider that.

"'S comfy if it's with you," comes the quiet murmur, and Frisk snuggles a little bit closer against Toriel. They remain quiet for a few long moments, debating with themself before quietly speaking up again. "...did you have a bad dream, too?"

[inruins]

"If you're sure, my dear." All Toriel wants is Frisk to be comfortable, more than anything. She shifts to pull the blanket more comfortably over both of them.

At the child's question, she hesitates. Toriel isn't going to outright discuss what is bothering her, she doesn't want to make Frisk worry anymore than they do. Frisk if anything is compassionate as they are a problem solver when they set their mind to it. "Something like that, yes. I'll feel better soon enough."

[gainedlove]

Frisk looks up at Toriel with a quiet, solemn sort of look to their eyes. The emotions and hurts of those around them have always been a puzzle they've been drawn to, something in their heart aching to reach out and help. Toriel had...always been a harder nut to crack on that front, due to the nature of their relationship.

She is a protector, one of the few people that Frisk consciously allows themself to lean on when they need help. Being the one to try and support her instead...Frisk feels a little off-balance, honestly. But they have to try.

"Will it help if you tell me about it?" A quiet sort of mirror to the times Toriel has comforted Frisk after a nightmare in the past; if you give voice to the scary things, you'll see they aren't so huge at all.

[inruins]

The familiarity of that sentence warrants a thin lipped smile from the monster. She wishes it was as simple as a nightmare can be, it would make thing so much easier.

"Just having you here makes me feel better." She offers, it is genuine as much as it is a deflection of an actual answer. Even with Chara here, she doesn't want to bring Frisk into... old history. Even if she was discovering more about the hows, she didn't want to dredge it up any further.

[gainedlove]

"...mm." Frisk nods and leans their head on her shoulder, letting their eyes fall a little further shut. "If you're sure."

Silence reigns for a while, and one could be forgiven for thinking that Frisk has given up, but behind their heavy eyelids thoughts fly back and forth, and they ponder over what Toriel could be so worried about. Of course, with recent events one possibility stands out quite well.

"'S not cuz 'a the files an' stuff, is it?" Frisk is careful to not reference the mess too directly, but the meaning is clear enough. Are you worried about Determination?

[inruins]

The silence is an easy enough one, letting Toriel start to slowly relax with the familiar weight of Frisk in her lap. Her grip is loose limbed at this point. It is not the first time they've fallen asleep like this. Usually it involved falling asleep in an arm chair with a book back home, opposed to on the floor of a ship.

"It isn't about the files." She states gently, nuzzling Frisk kindly. "I... am dealing with something much older than that. Something you need naught worry yourself of."

[gainedlove]

Frisk closes their eyes and returns the gentle nuzzling, but they aren't distracted. Really, it's only hesitance of breaching boundaries that aren't theirs to choose that makes Frisk hesitate in replying.

"...Chara?"

1/2

[inruins]

How easily her child could read her. Oh how easily they can read her. Her expression drops to something stricken.

2/2

[inruins]

Toriel if anything can smooth over her expression when she realizes what it has become, tucking Frisk close hoping they didn't see. Frisk doesn't need to be involved with that, much less what she had learned recently.

"Ah, don't worry about it, my dear." She presses another kiss against the top of Frisk's head, her voice warm and gentle. "Just rest."

[gainedlove]

Oh...oh no, no, no.

Frisk's expression crumples from sleepy calm into a deep concern, and they reach up to put their hands to Toriel's cheeks. "Mom...you can talk to me, it's okay. I...I know how they are an'...an' I wanna help..."

[inruins]

She has to laugh gently and weakly at Frisk's small hands settling on her cheeks. Frisk is too good of a child, far too good for this place. "It is something you need not worry of. This is something I should and will handle on my own."