Thán (
hohnkai) wrote in
thisavrou_log2016-03-17 09:28 pm
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march event log
Who: Everyone
When: March 17th and on
Where: The Moira and Ceta; various locations
What: Communication, mercenaries, and scraplets
Warnings: Please label accordingly!
( OOC: Please label any material with content warnings. For questions, go here! )
When: March 17th and on
Where: The Moira and Ceta; various locations
What: Communication, mercenaries, and scraplets
Warnings: Please label accordingly!
E V E N T |
"The best way to protect something is to set it free."
|
no subject
He doesn't get it, any of this. The fact that this is ok because it's her completely escapes from him. And that whether she likes doing this or not is completely irrelevant. It's not about what she wants but what she needs to do. She raises her head and looks up to him, face full of annoyance and impatience. She parts her lips and is about to say something back to him, ask him to let go and just leave it. But then she hears his suggestion and there's a brief moment, no longer than a heartbeat, when she just stares him, eyes wide open from disbelief.
And then she can't help but laugh. It's not light or relieved kind of a laughter, but the opposite of it. It's mean, cold and demeaning.]
Hah-! Do you even listen to yourself? You can't even say whoring out loud, you're that nervous. [She shakes her head and looks him down and up.]
You talk like this would be my first time doing something like this. You have no idea what you're talking about here. And what I do has nothing to do with you so drop it.
[She tries to pull her arm free from him but then gets another idea. She leans in closer, wearing a mocking grin on her lips and lowers her voice.]
But if you really get your kicks from voyeurism I could ask them if they'd let you watch. I'm sure it'll be a mindblowing show.
no subject
[For the first time, he doesn't appreciate how she speaks her mind so clearly, so vehemently. It makes his stomach ache, because he cares about her and wants more for her than this.]
I do know.
[What Danny had done hadn't been for money, it had been because he'd hated himself so much that he thought it was what he deserved. He'd thought he was no better than someone that should just be fucked, used up, and left. It feels almost the same here, and he hates it, fingers curling a little tighter, the breath catching in his throat.]
I don't wanna watch. [He inhales a shaky breath.] I don't want you to do this because you can be whoever you want here. The lives we lived before are hundreds of years away and we can be anything we want.
We don't have to make the same mistakes or do the same things. We can try to choose what will make us happy, and if you do this, I don't think you'll be happy.
[There's threats he could make, that the crew would know and it would change their opinions of her. That she'll feel different and it'll be different. But he doesn't say that. She knows and he can't make her stop unless she wants to.]
I don't want them to hurt you. I don't want you to go. [He rubs his thumbs up and down her arms.] But I'll be here no matter what you do.
no subject
But then again, Danny's probably the worst person to tell that. It's barely been two months since the night when he had found her crying in middle of the hallway, too scared and upset to even stand up on her own.]
They're ugly words and this is ugly world, in case you have not noticed. [She snorts. She knows that his words and touch are meant to be soothing and reassuring, but she just can't find any comfort from her and only grows more distant and harsh.] And if they're ugly then so am I.
no subject
[Danny has been to clubs and parties and met so many people, but J has influenced his life in a way that very few before have. He wants to help her, needs her to not do this and hurt herself. Sincerity and desperation tinge his voice, and he leans forward to rest his forehead against hers.]
They can hurt you. They'll use you up and leave you there. They won't speak if you tell them not to, because they want to hurt you, they want to get their pleasure and don't care if it leaves you broken afterwards.
[He tips back, unshed tears lining his eyes.]
Just tell me what you want, what you truly want.
cw for slurs
[Those words are like toxic inside her mouth, bad tasting and burning. She's not even sure whose words those are. Arthur's? Mr. Gazman's? Boys from school or orphanage? Or was it someone-- or something, completely else that made her accept it.
She doesn't move an inch when he rests his forehead against hers. She both wants to lean in, seek for the embrace, and turn her head away, to reject this kindness and comfort. What he says is true. While they won't be able to break her, or cause that much damage even-- it's true that this will leave an invisible mark on her. Just as all the previous ones have, but just like with them, she can get over it and move on. She always does.]
What I want is for you let go of me and leave. This is my choice and I don't want you here.
cw for this hurts me a lot
You don't?
[He swallows, taking a step back. Letting her go, reluctant.]
What if we went back to my room? Right now. Just be together. Wouldn't that be okay?
cw are you ready for more
You think you get it, but you don't.
[She bites and shakes her head a little. He doesn't understand, that even though it's her choice she still needs to do this. But of course he doesn't, he doesn't even know what has happened and what she's done.
She's screwed up, done bad to others and she needs to try fix things-- or at least try to help in some way. And even if things won't work in her favor, well. At least she'll be getting what she deserves.]
No. I'm going to do this, it's my choice.
[She bites, her voice distant but determined. J takes also a step backwards to give more power to her words, to make it clear that she means this. A brief but heavy silence falls between them but then she speaks again, this time making sure that there's mock in her voice:]
Unless you want to buy me?
cw when does this emotional rollercoaster end
The mocking tone stings, but he doesn't focus on it now.]
I don't have anything.
[He perks up suddenly, a hand splayed out, palm up.]
I have a robot. It's meant to do my chores. I would give you that.
[It's not enough, he knows it's not the moment he says it, he shoulders dropping, lower lip trembling.]
Please come with me. I care about you. I.. [He shakes his head, not sure how to finish.]
cw the worst is yet to come
I'm joking! Of course you don't have anything! There's nothing you could give me.
[She takes a moment to calm down, as if she had just heard the greatest joke. J knows that she's going too far and that Danny doesn't deserve any of this mockery and ill-intended teasing. But then again, deep down she's known that things would come down to this eventually. They always did.
This was just like with Rita. The little poet back from New York, who had first tried to reason with her not do this and then eventually begged, cried and tried to punch her.
And when it looks like he's about to cry, J just casts uncaring look at him and scoffs.]
Leave, Danny. I already told you I don't want you here. Go back to your room and write a poem or a story to make yourself feel better.
no subject
Don't.
[He thrusts his hand into his hair, his cheeks flushed, and eyes wide.]
I get that you're going to do what you want to do, that I can't say anything to have you consider stopping, but don't speak to me that way. Don't mock me.
[He takes a step back, shoves his hands into his pockets, and blows out a ragged breath. Danny looks like he wants to say something else, but he doesn't. He just looks at her a moment longer, and then turns away.]
and closing tag
Without uttering a word she watches him to leave, even though a part of her wanting to say something to make it better so that they wouldn't have to part in such bad terms. But she knows that won't be possible. Not after she deliberately insulted and chased him away. Besides, she was running out of time.
After she's sure that he's gone J takes a deep breath, runs her hand through her hair, puts on a smile and continues to walk towards the mercenaries.]