thisavrou_log | If You Listen Close, You'll Hear the Sound / of All the Ghosts That Bring Us Down

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original character: darin altway

If You Listen Close, You'll Hear the Sound / of All the Ghosts That Bring Us Down

Who: Darin, Open to Close and Semi-Close CR!
When: This week
Where: Kauto: Region 5 Hospital
What: Darin's been comatose since his bout with his shadow and it's time to wake him up with SCIENCE
Warnings: Probable blood and physical trauma

While his condition has stabilized since the shadows were officially defeated, Darin definitely isn't in the best of shape. His wounds are taking much longer to heal than they normally should, his skin is pale, and he's showing no signs of any real mental activity. In short: he's comatose. But, there's a glimmer of light in this dark cloud. Using experimental technology, someone (or a group of someones) can reach into Darin's consciousness and maybe try and pull him out of it. The problem? This might not work at all. Or things could go from bad to worse for everyone involved.

What's the worst that could happen?

I-The Hallway-
Interestingly enough, Darin's head isn't just a massive void of empty space peppered with memories of some really great explosions. Nor is it a palace with massive golden statues proclaiming just how amazing he is. It's just...a really long hallway. Each door is unmarked and unlocked, but if you put your ears to them, you can hear muffled voices coming from within. The hallway doesn't seem to have an end though. Pick a door, who knows what you'll find?

II-The Night It All Went to Hell-
One of the doors leads to a rather quaint hillock overlooking a quiet port town. It's dark out, but there's plenty of light from the spattering of stars and the twin moons; red and white respectively, giving the scenery and almost ethereal violet hue. There's a modest home on the hillock itself...which seems to be the source of some commotion. There's the sound of a fight, then some yelling. And then, finally, the spark of a fire being started...

III-Life Goes On-
This door leads to a bustling street in the port town itself. At the end of the street is a rather large smithy, and there appears to be a full garrison of knights standing about the premises, waiting impatiently. The sea are brings the fresh smell of salt on the breeze, and some of the knights are complaining to an older, stout looking gentleman about the rust on their gear. Meanwhile, a beleaguered, blue haired youth, no more than ten years old, is doing his best to measure up an impatient knight for some new armor. Except he's gone and tripped himself up with the measuring tape and fallen into one of the large barrels of water, sending a mixture of laughs and groans rippling through the platoon.

"Why do you even keep this kid around, Acteon?! He's more trouble than he's worth!"

IV-Something's Not Quite Right-
This door leads to an even larger marketplace...not just a port side town anymore. No, this is a huge bazaar in some forgotten nation's capital. There's stalls selling any kind of wares you can imagine: exotic fruits and spices, weapons and armor, fine silks and furs, if you can dream it, it's likely being sold here! Some well armored and equally armed guards push by you quickly though and head towards what seems to be a throng of people circling up. Follow them and you'll see a large man looming over that stout smithy from the previous door, who is in turn standing in front of a gangly-armed, teenage Darin.

"What's all this about?"

"Your brat! He comes up to my stall and he...he breaks my weapons right in front of my paying customers!"

"Look, I was just showing these fine folk what inferior gear looks li--" Darin is cut off by the larger weaponsmith.

"MY GEAR IS THE BEST IN THIS REALM!! ACTEON, EITHER REEL YOUR FREAK IN, OR I'LL HAVE HIM IN CHAINS!"

Darin's smug look turns enraged, and he's already jumping over Acteon to try and throttle the man.

"WHAT'D YOU CALL ME YOU SECOND-RATE--"

The guards are already dogpiling on Darin which...doesn't necessarily slow him down. He pushes through them, and instead of attacking, just turns and runs for the nearest alleyway.

V-Chain of Command-
This door leads to...almost nothing, really. In fact, all that can be seen in this low light is what appears to be a massive steel gate. The bars reach up seemingly forever, and beyond the gate, there is nothing but blackness. The doors to the gate are pushed open slightly, but they're not fully open yet. Something appears to be keeping the doors themselves from being forced ajar completely. That something is Darin, hanging and covered in hundreds of chains, all of which are wrapped around the many massive iron bars. He appears to be hanging limp, but upon closer inspection, his arms are pulled taut, the muscles flexed and tight. As if, though unconscious, he's fighting to keep the iron gates shut.

-WILDCARD-

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... attempt to take control of me...

He feels something in his chest constrict, even in retrospect. Looking over at Allura and, almost without thinking, reach to put a hand on her shoulder. Like that's going to help or somehow keep it from actually happening.

"It wasn't grand standing, Darin," he says, as steadily as he can, considering what he's going to try to say. Emphasis on try. "I ... remember. I have remembered. Lately."

His shoulders tense.

"How it said I didn't deserve admiration, or to be called a hero? How it said I was scared everyone's going to find out everything I did." The even cadence of his voice starts to taper off. "And... how it said I didn't want to let go of anyone... because of how scared I was..."

He's looking at the ground, one hand curled into a fist on his leg.

"Darin. None of that was... none of that was grandstanding."

So why would it be for you?

"So what do you want me to say?" He replies curtly.

"You already know. You heard it. It's true. Everything you heard is true. What good does it do to linger on something like that? Do you want me to go down an itemized list and confirm it for you?"

His voice was more raw than he intended but they were treading dangerously close to a number of wounds that would likely never heal. He was withdrawing, baring his fangs like a wounded animal, and in truth that was what he was. He was thankful at least that only Shiro heard what his shadow had to say.

"Or do you want to save me the trouble and share it with the rest of the class? The Princess didn't get to see the spectacular fight that put me here, so feel free to regale her with whatever tales of shortsighted idiocy you feel is warranted. I don't feel up to talking about it right this second."

"Shiro." She's calling you out, man. You and your shoulder touching. "You can relax. Even if it was a close call, I had the situation under control."

Well, no. She adds, to make it more honest: "... thanks mostly to Darin's help, of course."

She stands, shrugging off the touch and stepping away from the two of them. Instead, she takes a step towards the window, to check on the weather. Maybe it would help to let some air in here.

"Which is why I can agree with one thing: It doesn't do much good to linger on it. You don't have to tell me anything if you'd rather not. But if you do, it doesn't change the fact that I'm glad you're back."

Calling him out will probably never make him quit. Just shake his head. But he won't resist when she pulls away. "We all know how bad I am at the r-word," he says, quietly, a little tiredly. Going for flat humor and failing.

"Not what I mean," he says, to Darin, then, voice more even and steady, then. Now that he's not talking about himself. "I mean you're giving it what it wants. Pushing us away like this. That was one of the things I remember it saying."

He'd really rather not delve into the rest of the stuff that had come out. But he has a point to make here.

"We are glad you're back. We wouldn't have gone after you, otherwise."

"And I'll repeat myself until I lose my voice: you shouldn't have. That's what Diomuhr wants." He fires back, sitting up.

"Neither of you get it. Diomuhr doesn't need my body, I'm just the most convenient. With the two of you bouncing around inside of my head the only thing stopping him from making off with one of your bodies was me keeping him at bay. A fact of which our lovely Princess over there almost learned first-hand." He gives Allura a pointed look before continuing.

"All he needs is an opening. A lapse in willpower, me falling unconscious or worse, and he's in the pilot seat. If he got to you, that's like handing him Voltron, or an Altean's ability alter their shape and mass coupled with my strength, resilience, and magic. And without him, I'm honestly not sure I can even survive. I get what you were trying to do, but maybe the both of you could stand to listen to me just one time."

He runs a hand over his face. He's done arguing about this. He's done repeatedly warning people that he's not someone or something that they should take lightly. Still, he'll just reiterate what he said before.

"Either way...it won't happen again. I'll be more careful in the future so...yeah. That's that." He says it grumpily, mostly because he doesn't know how to feel. He's emotionally exhausted; raw, and he's willing to say anything right now just to get himself some alone time so he can properly berate himself for foolishly elevating himself. For ever thinking there would ever be a time where he wouldn't have to be babysat.

"You remember what I said in there, don't you? If everything was reversed -- if I were trying to sacrifice myself to keep every one else safe -- even knowing all the risks, you would have gone in after me, too. Wouldn't you?"

She turns to gesture at Shiro. "It's no wonder the two of you get along, you know."

And back to the window. She's decided that she'll be opening it up, as far as the hospital windows can be opened. It's not much, unfortunately, which is probably to keep patients like the two of them from escaping early, but it's enough to let in a breeze of air that sweeps the stale hospital air out of the room.

"And it wasn't because we were trying to fulfill some oath of valor, you should know. It's just... well, honestly, things were getting far too quiet without you around."

"Yeah. We would."

He answers Allura without thinking. Because to him, all of this is a no-brainer. It doesn't require thought. Or much in the way of decision making. Anyone of their team in danger means they go after them. Means they do what they have to for them.

And that's his point.

"If we're lecturing, it's because we were worried," he says. "Like we'd have done for any of the others. For all of the others."

He pushes a hand through his hair. They'd already had this conversation, when the hole had been blown in the ceiling. So why do they need to have it again?

"Because I don't need a lecture. It's not like I planned on--" he catches himself before he goes too far, before he admits too much. Instead, he mirrors Shiro and runs his hand through his own hair.

"Look...message received. Loud and clear. I'm sorry for worrying everyone and I'll be more mindful of the choices I make in the future." He wishes those words didn't sound as rehearsed as they did, but he felt himself getting worked up. He wants to shout that he did what he did in the first place to save him, because there were no other options open to him at the time.

But in the end, he surmised it would just come off as an excuse. A way to validate a poor decision in the first place. In his mind, this is why Darin knows he could never be a leader, why he could never be someone people could turn to in desperate times.

"I mean it. I'm sorry. Thanks for coming and taking care of me."

Allura doesn't run a hand through her hair. It's already exactly where it ought to be, through some sort of Altean sorcery.

She furrows her brow for a moment, though. She had just been talking about if roles were reversed, after all. And if they were, that parental tone of Shiro's wouldn't have helped her mood much. Not everyone who needs help likes to receive it.

"All right, now. That's one too many apologies," she says, returning to the bed. "I'm trying to say that we missed you, not to make you feel ashamed for it!"

And as a gesture of good will, this time she'll start unhooking some of the wires and tubes from Darin. Not blindly. Things that she knows should be safe to remove. Look, it's a step in the right direction, isn't it?

"And... after all, you did prove abundantly that you can handle yourself, when the need arises. Yes, maybe it took some prodding to get you back. But you did come around, didn't you?"

He wants to say more. He wants to stand up and make him understand -- that's the right thing to do, isn't it? But...

Fine.

This is fine. He'll let her take this one. Maybe that'll get through Darin's head, finally. Move on, deal with it later. Or not, more likely, given the way things are going lately. There's already a lot he's got to make up for with the others, anyway.

"Just focus on recovering. Even if it's not going to take you that long, you've still been out cold for a while."

Darin shoots her a confused look, then gives the same look to Shiro. What was she doing? Why was she removing the wires when they had expressly told him not to? And for some reason, Shiro's tone bothered him.

"Uh...I guess...?" This was his response to both him coming around and to try and rest, as per Shiro's orders.

What did he screw up this time, he wonders.

"I'm...fine now. To an extent. Don't fuss over me."

"I'm not fussing, I'm -- look. you wanted these off, didn't you? Or did you suddenly decide you like having them on?" She pauses, looking at the door. "It's safe to say that if they were going to rush in and stop you, they already would have done it by now. And they'll have to fix them either way, so --" with a shrug in her voice, she concludes, "-- let's finish the job."

Come to think of it, shouldn't they have come in when he flatlined? Or did shutting the machine off also turn off how much the staff cared? Oh well. It's either not a big deal, or someone is going to get fired. It doesn't concern them, really.

"Look on the bright side. At least I'm not demanding that you take me on more adventures like that one, right away." It's almost snarky in tone, recalling the incredibly pushy girl from Darin's memories. Who Allura is nothing like, thank you very much.

"They're probably busy. They've had a lot of people come in after what happened."

He pushes himself up, carefully, and doing his best to hide that fact. Honestly, he's a bit at a loss for what to say next. Not exactly the usual. This whole thing has him thrown off. So...

"I'll... go check. If anyone's headed this way, I'll tell them what's going on. maybe get you checked out sooner."

One dialogue box option away from "I should go" like some kind of video game protagonist.

"Sh-Shiro...? Wait, hold on. You don't...you don't have to go so soon..."

He sits up further and just...grabs a bunch of wires and yanks them off so he can swing his legs over the side of the bed. He pushes himself off the mattress and hits the cold tile floor, his legs instantly buckling and sending him sprawling. Before anyone can rush to his aid, however, he's pushing himself up, knees wobbling like a newborn calf's. He steadied himself before standing to his full height.

"I'm...sorry I snapped. I'm sorry I resisted and I'm sorry I fought you guys for just trying to help me. I'm..."

He wobbles again, and leans on the bed for support.

"I'm just...a mess. The things the shadow said, yeah they're true and all. I'm...I've always been...jealous of you but..."

He rolls his hand at the wrist, trying to usher the words forth.

"I'm glad I did what I did, not because I thought it was some easy way out but because...I was just happy...protecting someone that mattered to me. Matters to everyone. And I know you hate being the person that gets protected because I'm the same way and...dammit, I'm rambling. My point is that...I chose this. Not because of some obligation but because you're my best friend and I'm just...glad that you were here for me and I'm glad I was there for you..."

'Jealous'. That word sticks out a bit. It's not something she would have guessed, but...

No, that makes a lot of sense. Given what his circumstances are, and how he didn't even like to be reminded of them. Compared to that, who wouldn't be jealous? And despite what I've told him, he still doesn't think himself a proper part of this team.

Wires. Wires everywhere, left behind. What to do with all them? After a moment's thought, she balls up all the dangling ends and throws them behind the bed. It's absolutely not a solution and she should be ashamed of herself, but hey, they can worry about that later.

She stays back for the moment, reflecting on how much of that she can relate to. And letting the two friends have their moment.

"Well... you're not alone in the mess department. There's that, at least."

It's deflecting. Like usual. That much hasn't changed a bit. No amount of shadow nonsense can change the deflection tendencies.

And, it's enough to stop him just inside the door. Resting his left hand against the frame for support he was pretending not to need a moment ago. "I wasn't talking about... being jealous, though." Because there's not much reason someone should be jealous of him, to be honest. "I meant ... pushing us away. We're all more capable than that thing wants you to think."

He leans more against the door, shaking his own head slightly.

"And we're going to be there for you. As part of this team. That's what it means -- to be part of us. We're not in the habit of leaving people behind."

"I don't want to..." he sighs.

"I don't want to push anyone away. Whenever I do, it's not something I want to do. But..."

He swallows the lump in his throat. He has to tell them. He has to tell them the truth.

"My fate...it's undecided but...if things don't go the way we'd like? I don't want you guys to think you failed. I don't want you to have to endure the pain of losing someone like me. That's why I do what I do...not just for your sakes but because I'm tired of feeling guilty whenever I cause someone pain. But...in the end, I recognize that it's your choice so...I guess that's just the way it's going to be..."

Allura's expression shifts.

It's a sentiment she can understand, for obvious reasons. How much sleep had she lost, lying awake in bed, meditating on whether or not there was no way to save her father's AI? It was a pointless endeavor. She had done the best she could with what she knew at the time; and even if a solution revealed itself in retrospect, there was no way to return to that moment. And yet, the thoughts returned to her.

But for the same reason...

"If that's what it comes down to, then I'd rather carry the weight of that failure," she remarks quietly. "Do you really think we would so easily give up on you? You mean so much more to us -- to him, yes, but also to me -- than that."

"I'd rather try, than sit by and know I let someone else down by not doing anything."

In that, he doesn't need to look at Allura to know she'd agree. I'd rather carry the weight of failure -- and yes, he's right, she does. They'd all rather try, than just walk away.

None of them are the kind of people who give up. They wouldn't be in this fight if they were.

"Besides. This place... the worlds we've seen and the people we've met... all that's done has made me think it's possible to change what we're 'meant' to do." His hand tightens on the doorframe. The others' faces flicking through his head, every conversation about the future he refuses to accept.

"It's another chance."

There's so much more he wants to say. He even holds up his hand, as if to plead for Shiro to stay. But ultimately, he drops the hand back to his side.

He was so damn tired of seeing that man's back. He was so tired of staring at everyone's back. But there almost seemed to be a wall between them at this moment. Darin couldn't close the gap. For all his strength and all his determination, he still fell short.

And it left such a bitter taste in his mouth.

He straightens up, and once more does what he does best: he fakes it. He tells a beautiful lie with a wide smile.

"Well, I know you. And you'll never let me down, pal. I'm just glad to be back."

One day...I'll reach that back...

His tone just did a complete reversal in course. Did that last exchange really improve his mood that much?

She can't quite be sure, either way. Maybe it's her own naivety. But something does come to mind, from all those lessons about etiquette and hospitality: Sometimes pretending to smile will help you smile for real. The mood should be fostered, shouldn't it?

"In that case, maybe we should celebrate properly? As much as the hospital will allow, unless you're going to challenge what we're 'meant' to do there, as well."

If it's any consolation, he's stayed put at the door due to his body dutifully informing him moving in any other direction too fast will result in a faceplant on the floor. Which doesn't exactly make for a good, dramatic delivery of anything but embarrassment.

"Hey, if I can get away with climbing the curtains once, I can get away with anything," he says, more lightly than he feels. All things considered. This isn't over. Not by a long shot.

But maybe now isn't the time. Maybe they do need to unwind for a little while.

Fake it until you make it is something everyone in this room is familiar with.

He just edges back into the room until there's a convenient chair in his path again. Thank you for your service, noble door frame.

A celebration? Normally, Darin would be all about kicking back, relaxing, and enjoying having survived their latest ordeal. But something on his face betrays what he's actually feeling. He looks down at his hands again and begins to clench and unclench them once more.

"If you guys are up to celebrating, I'll sign off on that. But..."

And this where things seem to take a turn for the uncharacteristic.

"I have some work I need to do. And I need to start as soon as my body is properly recovered."

What this 'work' could possibly be, he's not clarifying just yet. But there's a fire in his green eyes. Whatever he's got planned, he's very serious about it.

All right, no. She's not going to let that one pass without prying.

"What do you mean? What kind of work?"

It's not the work itself that's the problem, of course. He's possibly one of the most productive members of Lion House. But his approach to work always seems to be more challenging himself. A game and a learning experience, wrapped in one.

That serious tone is different.

That makes two of them.

"Talk to us, man. What are you planning?"

Allura isn't the only one who Has Some Concerns about all of this. The last time something like this happened, he'd heard Darin went racing back to the scene of the incident. Running through the entire gauntlet over and over again.

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there's sad breath of the wild music on now as i type

OH NOOOOO

oh nooooo

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