thisavrou_log | Hold on to yourself (closed)

Entry tags:

Hold on to yourself (closed)

Who: Chloe Frazer and Nathan Drake (more may be added later)
When:Backdated to 11/6
Where: Medical.
What: Bad things went down on the planet and Chloe has to be the bearer of bad news. Really bad news.
Warnings:Blood and discussion of character death.

This shouldn't have happened. This shouldn't have happened.

Chloe's sitting on a cold metal bench, still wearing her torn, bloodied space suit and completely oblivious to the odd looks she's getting. Her face is ashen, her focus intent on the TAB in her hands which is covered in bloody finger prints and cracked in the corner. To all observers it looks like she's totally enthralled with it.

She's not. She doesn't even see it even though she's looking straight at it.

How? How could it have happened, they weren't- she was hurt but she hadn't been too hurt- she'd had worse and she'd lived through it just fine so then why... why?!

Chloe feels sick and cold and she just wants to turn tail and run and shut herself away from this, from all of this, but she knows she can't. The going gets tough, Chloe Frazer assesses the situation and gets the hell out of dodge. That's how this is supposed to go. No one gets hurt. No one has to be a bloody hero.

She's certainly not. Bloody, yes... but not a hero.

Not today.

Y'know you should play the hero more often. It suits you.

She's no hero.

Oh god, how will she even begin to explain this to Nate?

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[Nate doesn't think about what could have happened as he makes his way to the hospital, breaking a few traffic laws those even exist here. Speculation is useless, he won't know anything until he gets there so he just needs to get there, like Chloe asked.

But a voice in the back of his head Whispers that there was a reason Chloe asked it and not Elena.

He has no sense of time, so it could be ten minutes or an hour before he arrives. When he does, it easy to spot Chloe. No one else is dressed in bloody exploration gear.]

Chloe? Jesus Christ.

[And there he is.

Chloe closes her eyes for a moment, inhales deeply through her nose and doesn't realise her hands are gripping tightly to the TAB. She waits a second to exhale, then lays the thing down beside her as she looks up.

How is she even supposed to begin? Where does she begin?]

Nate...

[The look on her face, the way she says his name, they tell him what he needs to know. Or so he thinks.]

Where's Elena? Is she with Adrien?

[He's already starting to look past her, for a doctor with an update or a path to whoever is looking after his wife. Because she's hurt, she must be, and he needs to go be with her.]

Nate can you sit down, please? You need to sit down.

[That's what they say, right? When someone's getting bad news. You need to sit down. Have a cup of tea, it'll calm your nerves.

She reaches for his hand to try and tug him to the bench, but her actions aren't forceful. If anything, they're weary and half-hearted.]

[He doesn't let her tug him closer, pulls away even. She's trying to calm him and that scares him more than anything.]

Chloe, where is she?

I don't know!

[Chloe's hands are shaking, she's not sure when that started. She's not sure why it feels like there's static in her ears and her throat's burning because she's damn sure she's not about to cry.

She doesn't get to cry.]

Nate I don't know, I wish I did- I had her. I had her in my arms and then- I don't know!

[This can't be happening. It's all a bad dream, a nightmare he's had before, and this will end if he can just wake up.]

Chloe—

[He steps forward, grasps her shoulders.]

Tell me what happened—

[With his hands gripping her upper arms, even through the thick exploration suit Nate should be able to feel the tremors rocking through Chloe’s body. She looks up at him, meeting his gaze with more confidence than she feels, and she forces herself to hold it.]

We got attacked. Some sort of moose thing, it was pissed. We ran but it- we weren’t fast enough and then another one showed up-

She should have been fine, she was fine but then- Oh god I don’t know why she wasn’t. I’m so sorry, I don’t know how this happened.

[The goddamn planet. He knew it was dangerous, everyone had, but they've seen danger before and what's the point of being here if they don't explore and see what the universe holds? Besides, they were collecting things for medicines, to help people—there's no way he could have kept Elena from going.

It hadn't even occurred to him that he should.

He stares at Chloe, unable to speak, frozen in place and waiting for the blow he sees coming that he desperately doesn't want to land.]</small

[The look on his face is heartbreaking. He's daring her not to say what she has to say, and she wishes she didn't have to say it but she can't keep him hanging like this. A part of her wishes she'd been a coward and just said it in a text, just as she'd done to Sam.

But she can't do that. Not to Nate. He needs to hear this properly.

It's not fair.]

Nate... I'm so, so sorry.

[Her voice cracks at the end and she swallows.]

She's gone.

[It shouldn't happen this way. The words haven't even sunk in, not that fast; he shouldn't be able to process the weight of Chloe's words on any level.

But his body must understand on some level because just like that, his knees are buckling and he hits the floor, crumpling like someone's hit him—harder than anyone ever has before, because he can't breathe. He can't breathe.

No. No. He would know it if she were gone, if she were dead—she'd gone to the planet and he'd been here and he hadn't known when it happened, hadn't felt his world shatter—

He can't breathe. Why should he?]

[He drops like a stone and something plummets with him in Chloe's gut. She sinks with him, not knowing what to do, wishing she could take the words, the hours back and make it not true, but she can't. There's nothing she can do, nothing she can say to make this better for him.

Tentatively, she places a hand on his back and the other grips his shoulder. She doesn't know what to do. Normally she would have bailed on anyone else but this is Nate.

This is Elena.

This is the closest thing Chloe has to family here and she won't run from this.

She tries to draw him close to comfort him with a hug.]

[Getting shot in the gut didn't hurt this bad. He didn't curl over himself like this, as though some gaping wound had opened up and he could make it go away if he just pushed back against it. Great, heaving sobs come from his chest but there's almost no sound.

Chloe's arms go around him and his hands come up on her shoulders, gripping tightly, almost painfully so. For a moment, it's as though he's caught between shoving her away and shaking her, condemning her for being there when he wasn't, for not saving her—and then they slip away and off her.

He doesn't hug Chloe back, but he doesn't reject the embrace. He just exists there, rocking on the floor, left with nothing but the knowledge that his worst fear has come true, and she's left him alone.]

[For someone who always likes to feel in control, who'll wriggle out out any situation if it gets too messy, Chloe feels uncomfortably adrift and guilty. There's nothing she can think of to say that will offer even a scrap of comfort. It was supposed to be fun, a girl's outing, a bit of a laugh and it's all ended so badly.

She doesn't have the words, she just rubs his back in a hopeless attempt to give him even a scrap of comfort before she offers lamely:]

I got hold of Sam, he should be coming now- oh god Nate I'm so, so sorry-

Stop.

[He still can't even look at her. He can barely move, like he's hardly holding together at all, and any little jostle will send him flying into a million little pieces.

He can't bear to hear Chloe's comfort, her apologies. Not when he's still registering that he kissed the love of his life goodbye, saw her off on a jaunt to the latest planet discovered through the Ingress and she didn't come back. She died, and he never knew. He never got to tell her he loved her one last—]

Just stop.

[The words aren't unexpected, Chloe should have been braced and prepared for the sting of them but they still hit her like a slap in the face, regardless.

Of course there's nothing she can say. Spouting empty platitudes and useless apologies aren't going to do a damn bit of good to Nate now. He doesn't need words, he needs his wife. He needs his brother.

The one thing he doesn't need right now is the woman who did nothing to stop his world from collapsing.

She nods, her throat feeling thick as she swallows and takes her hand back. For a while she sits there on her haunches, her palms splayed over her thighs as she looks at her knees, fighting back tears of grief and shame. She feels exhausted and broken but she can't go and leave Nate alone.

Useless and selfish she might be, but she isn't heartless. She'll wait 'til Sam gets here and then leave him to his grief with someone he loves and not the person who caused it.]

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Hold on to yourself (closed)

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