i used to live alone before i knew you.

[dirth]

Who: Solas & open
When: Late march!
Where: Throughout Kauto R1 & 3
What: Solas is here and he's exploring. Also making TDM threads canon.
Warnings: N/A

[ Solas is a touch overwhelmed by the newness of this place, this first region; there is very little that reminds him of Thedas and he's a little out of his depth, at least initially. He certainly doesn't look the part of someone comfortable with his surroundings, not with shimmering armour and what appears to be wolf pelts across his shoulders and down behind him. He moves and he walks and he takes it all in, sharp eyes drinking in a new world like he might devour a book, taking it all in, drinking it as if stopping might end with him falling out of place entirely.

He bypasses most of the people and he ignores any looks he gets - thought it seems like most people aren't too concern with having someone different in their midsts - and focusses instead on trying to work out routes and pathways, wondering what he might see if he Dreamed here, what memories would appear... If he can even reach that level in a world so different from his own.

Solas doesn't think the Fade is present, and it makes his heart burn.

Eventually, he gets to the third region and he feels... At peace. It's not home, and it's not welcome, not really, but he still feels a brush of something like familiarity. There are forests and trees that house people, and Solas tilts his head to take them all in, drinking it in for a moment and considering for a moment. What captures his attention most is how grand and handsome the trees are and people people live, content and king.

It makes him think of what the Dalish could've been, what his people could have been, grand and content and happy, and with the weight of the words of so many people on his shoulders... He falls silent, moving to sit, to watch and wonder, and question how he might find a means to go home. ]

Comments

it's not somebody who's seen the light.

[dirth]

( from here )

[ Not much has changed when it comes to Solas speaking to his Inquisitor; he has learned the right things to say, the right words to whisper, the truths to give - how much he can give, how much he can offer, what he can do to twist his words and hide his heart while he also gives as much as he can. He does not lie, not completely, but he hides knowledge, keeps things quiet and makes sure that he only tells what he needs to tell.

Admitting that he wanted to teach the Dalish was not a lie - it is what he had intended when he had first awoken, when he had found them and was so desperate to be with them, to teach them, to give them more and more of himself. The rejection had hurt, had broken him, had left him lonely and sad until he had found his Foci and found another path... And then he had found Sahlin.

But this is not Sahlin, and Solas cannot expect the same nature and kindness from him. He must be careful and so he moves the pieces on his board with care and concern, wanting to make sure and not being certain all at once. ]

You're right. The Din'anshiral will have to wait for my return. I can only hope that my people do not suffer in my absence.

[ Because Solas is still Fen'Harel, he is still the leader of his people, he is still there to guide them and lead them and teach them, to free them from the shackles of slave markings that lie upon their faces and untold histories that they had long forgotten. He wants them to be free, and he feels adrift without it to anchor him.

Turning his attention back, Solas pauses before he nods his head. Only then does he offer a smile. ]

I do not wish for us to be enemies either. There is no fight here.

[ Only the two of them, and whatever might come between them. ]

dishonor on you. dishonor on your cow

[lavelly]

[And just like that, it's like the argument had never happened. Lavellan's always been too quick to forgive his friends, and Solas especially. When Solas had finally told him the truth, told him why he'd done what he did, he'd been ready to follow Solas through the eluvian and damn the consequences.

Not because he agreed with Solas's goals. Just because he'd thought maybe he'd be able to give Solas the help he needed, if he'd have just let Lavellan follow.

That same foolish impulse makes Lavellan forgive him now.]

I can't promise the rest will be so understanding. But if there's anything you need--I'll help as best I can.

[Which begs the obvious question.]

...You'll need a place to stay.

IT'S A COLD AND IT'S A BROKEN HALLELUJAH

[dirth]

[ Solas knows what he is saying and what he is doing - because he has seen kindness in others before. It's not as though he wishes to go out of his way to try and make the situation easier for him to bear but he is, all the same, because it will make continuing forward better. It's not just for him, either; this Lavellan would likely find the change in their dynamic easier if Solas plays to the side of him that seems kind and gentle.

He's sour about it, though. He doesn't want to do it, and the words fade away on his tongue. There is only so much he can do before his heart hurts and he questions himself, his motives, his desires, and he stops, stands taller, and nods his head. This will do, for now - they are no longer arguing. Why draw out more when they are at peace? He has been honest for this long and he refuses to become a liar now.

All Solas is capable of now is nodding his head. ]

I did not imagine I would have understanding from anyone. I am lucky there is one person willing to make the attempt.

[ Neriel. Sahlin.

The reminder makes Solas pause, however, and he turns his head, looking around as if it'd give him all the answers. ]

I'm sure I will find somewhere suitable.

puts duct tape over ur mouth

[lavelly]

[Lavellan looks sheepish. He didn't actually have a place to stay to offer, when he brought it up. And he can't really make any recommendations, either.]

I've... well, I haven't really been staying anywhere. I've just... been wandering.

[And truth be told, it's not just because it's a lifestyle he finds familiar. If that were the entire reason, then he wouldn't be comfortable being alone; the Dalish aren't solitary people. The truth is he's just restless, and exploration is a good distraction.

He knows he needs to do some self-reflection, but he doesn't even know where to start. Maybe Solas could help with that. He's always known how to put things in perspective.]

I could help you find something, if you wanted. I've been here for over a month now and I've learned some of the areas.

[hey i just met u and this is crazy but wanna move in with me]

das rude

[dirth]

[ Solas is hardly offended; it's not as though the Inquisition had anything when he had first joined them. Material items are not something he cares for beyond his Foci and the few books he cherished. ]

This place is large. It is not as simple as choosing a room in a keep, I am certain.

[ It's Solas' way of trying to offer comfort even as he nods his head. He has no interest in relegating himself to the more populated areas and that means he's going to go out of his way to find somewhere quieter and a little more tucked away. He's not like any other elf that might appear here - he has no desire for any kind of close companionship.

Not from them.

They are not his people.

Turning his head, however, he pauses. He's a touched surprised to be given such token kindness in the wake of what he had done, but... Perhaps there are more things alike between this man and Sahlin than he had imagined. She had always been far too gentle, too kind...

He smiles. ]

I will not turn down the assistance.

u started it (◡‿◡✿)

[lavelly]

[Lavellan can't help but smile in return. It's strange, but with Solas here, talking like they used to, with no rift between them--figurative or otherwise--it's almost like none of it happened, like they're right back in that Skyhold corridor surrounded by Solas's murals.

It gives him a swell of--something. Happiness, maybe. The closest thing he's felt since he arrived here. Since the Inquisition disbanded. Maybe even since Solas left for the first time.]

Well, thankfully, there's also a lot more variability than rooms in keeps. We might be able to find you a nice vacation home, while we're at it.

i'm gonna end it (´・ω・`)

[dirth]

[ Solas wishes that he could simply turn around and slip through the mirror again, to sink into the warm embrace of the eluvian and feel at ease again... He had abandoned so much and he had lived through it all, survived, somehow, and had awoken here. It's as though it is another trial he must pull through, another thing he must suffer before he is finally able to do what he knows is best.

The response does make him laugh, though, that familiar, quiet chuckle. Isn't that why he got his nickname? ]

Do I need a vacation home?

(ง •̀_•́)ง

[lavelly]

[And now Solas was even laughing again. How could Lavellan have ever thought the worst of him?]

I suppose not. In some ways this whole place is its own vacation.

[Then his face falls. He's just inadvertently reminded himself of where they are and what they have waiting for them back in Thedas.]

It would be nice to know when it's going to end.

( ˘ ³˘)♥

[dirth]

[ Because he is the worst and he is more than aware of it - he does not hide it anymore. Lavellan is aware of his plans; why disguise it? ]

I am not so sure an accidental kidnapping could be described as relaxing.

[ He notices the fall of the other man's face, though, and Solas turns his head to one side, considering. He cannot make that pain go away, but he can pretend he did not see the vulnerability. ]

I intend to investigate that matter.

no homo round 2: electric boogaloo

[lavelly]

[If Solas is anything like him--and they are surprisingly similar in as many ways as they're different--he'll find the more sprawling urban settings fascinating to observe but overwhelming to actually be in. So Lavellan takes him straight to region 3, among the trees he personally finds comforting.

(This is how he justifies it to himself, anyway. It's also self-serving, because region 3 is where Lavellan himself tends to center.)

And maybe the network of treehouses with their winding paths will be reminiscent of Solas's own travels through Thedas and the Fade. In any case, if Lavellan had to choose a permanent shelter, this is where he'd go.]

A lot of them are already occupied, I think, but there should be at least a few available. [He suddenly feels a bit nervous because what if Solas doesn't like it :(] If this kind of thing appeals to you, that is.

[dirth]

[ Solas, too, has noticed how similar they are - they've talked a little since their first meeting and while Neriel is nothing like he remembers any elf being before... Solas is startlingly reminded of how Sahlin had been the first time the two of them had spoken. Careful, halting, uncertain, wanting to know more but being unsure how far to press and how much to do... It's almost comforting that despite being far from home there is something familiar.

The quieter, more woodland region had been the one that made him most comfortable - the loud, crowded streets of the other regions had made him feel oddly out of place and uncomfortable. There was much work for him to do before he was comfortable, and starting somewhere familiar would have to do. It's not as though he was given much of a choice, and that's as frustrating as it had been before. ]

I see no reason to complain. It's as though the very forest is a homeland.

[ Turning his head, he smiles fondly. ]

Let us see what choice we have.

[lavelly]

[He's privately thrilled that Solas doesn't Slightly Disapprove. He manages to keep his self-indulgent grin to himself, though, at least.

Of course, it turns out that finding an available house is easier said than done. Most of them are already taken; others are too big for one person, or too dilapidated, or too expensive.

Eventually they come across one that seems... well, almost perfect. Slightly too expensive (though they're willing to accept a partial IOU), slightly too big for one person (but not too badly), good shape (the roof is maintained, at least), good location, definitely unoccupied.

It's workable. And Lavellan is a little tired of looking, if he's honest.]

What about this one?

[dirth]

[ Walking around and looking at houses is not something that he had ever imagined being particularly enjoyable, but there's something to be said about the quiet, comfortable nature of his company. It's nice, he thinks, and it helps ease the burden of knowing that he is in a place far removed from what he knows, desperate to find a means of returning to Thedas.

He has to return. This might settle him, for a time, but it will not suit forever. He must return and undo what he has done, and that is what guides him, more than anything else in the world. Nothing will change that for him; nothing has so far, after all.

Solas steps up to look at the house, considering it for a moment before he hums, tilting his head. It's large enough, since he imagines neither of them will do too much more than sleep there, and it's quiet. Most importantly, it has no one living there. ]

I think it will do fine.

[lavelly]

Good. You won't have any of the currency yet, but there's a stipend, and I've some saved. I don't have much use for it, so you can use it for the purchase if you like.

[He hesitates, stewing in his thoughts. Now that they've found Solas somewhere, he doesn't have much reason to stay, but he's reluctant to leave already. There's so much he wants to talk about, needs to ask him about, that he doesn't even know where to begin--

But he's also reluctant to break the illusion that everything is back to the way it was. He doesn't want to remind himself of what awaits them back home.]

I hope...

[Shit, this is awkward.]

I don't understand why or how we've been brought here, but I'm glad. That I had the opportunity to talk with you again. I hope you won't mind if I come to visit occasionally?

[dirth]

I have no intention of taking your money, Neriel.

[ Solas watches him for a moment, confused. He had thought that they had come together because it would be logical to share, but now he wonders if he had been a little too forward in his thinking. Neriel seemed to be one of the few people who didn't hold much anger against him and sharing a house would be safer than being alone - not that he feels entirely threatened by anyone here. He can take care of himself.

He hesitates all the same, trying to find the right words, before his arms cross behind his back and he watches. ]

Da'len. [ He manages a smile. ] I'd hoped you would be sharing with me, not simply visiting.

[ But, of course - ]

I understand if that's not something you want, however.

[lavelly]

[He swallows the little thrill he feels at da'len. It's so hard to remind himself he'd actually only met this man a few hours ago. Did he call his own Inquisitor that? Could he really be that similar to the Solas that Lavellan remembers?

It's less easy to hide his reaction to the followup.

It had never occurred to him to share a residence--it hadn't occurred to him to have a residence at all. Since he arrived he's been meandering--mostly through route three, but never in the same place twice, and as far from potential passersby as possible. It gives him peace, to be just another part of the forest.

But this new idea... he doesn't dislike it either.]

No, I--I just hadn't considered--I didn't expect you to--

[Okay, now he's embarrassed at himself. Shut up, Lavellan.]

You just met me.

[dirth]

I had only just met you when we first began travelling together.

[ Or, rather, he had just met Sahlin, but that was the same sort of thing. First Haven and then Skyhold and the camping in between - they had barely known one another when they first started sharing space. To Solas, this is no different - only that he has less secrets that he needs to hide away between books and in the depths of his mind now. It may make things easier, but at the same time... Things may never stop being complicated.

One thing he doesn't want, however, is to end up making this man uncomfortable. It seems as though Lavellan is currently his only ally here in light of how Varric has reacted - and losing that may be incredibly damaging. It means he has to be careful and choose how he speaks and be all the more careful from this point forward. He has no other option.

For now, all he can do is smile. ]

I do not mind being alone if you would prefer it. I simply imagined it was the easiest option, since you said you had no home of your own.

fiiiiiirst region

[wallride]

[lúcio, sitting nearby at a cafe, recognises the perplexed look solas has. one fresh through the ingress... or incredibly drunk. he flags the strange looking man down.]

Hey, man! Hey, with the wolf skins! C'mere a sec.

bruh

[dirth]

[ For a moment Solas isn't entirely sure he's being spoken to, but as soon as he hears wolf skins... He breaks away from his thoughts, turning to look at the stranger. ]

Yes?

bruhhhhhh

[wallride]

Hey, man! C'mere, have a seat.

[lúcio gestures to the one opposite him.]

You want somethin'? I'm buying.

dude

[dirth]

[ Solas is a touch confused, but he does step closer. ]

And what price comes with this act of kindness?

homie

[wallride]

Nothing, really. I just know that look.

[lúcio stays grinning and friendly.]

You probably won't believe me immediately, but I won't ask anything of you.

m8

[dirth]

[ The friendliness is surprising, but he's here and he may as well take advantage of it. Carefully, he sits down. ]

Nothing but the chance to buy me a drink.

chap

[wallride]

[lúcio laughs at that.]

Yeah! That's all. Look, did you get here just recently?

[dirth]

[ It seems he's quite transparent... ]

A few days before now, yes. I suppose I don't fit in quite yet.