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Who: Jesse Pinkman & various closed threads to CR
When: March catch-all for established CR
Where: St. Monmouth & around Region 1
What: Dadding and hanging and other stuff, oh my
Warnings: Drug use, swearing, other stuff that comes with Jesse Pinkman territory. If you want a starter, feel free to hit me up via PM or over at

nanageddon!

☲ closed to Ellie | Jesse's bedroom

[ Ellie winding up spending far more time in Jesse's room, camping out in his bed most nights, eventuated almost accidentally. A few times here and there, she has fallen asleep on his bed, and Jesse, not wanting to disturb her, always ends tucking his comforter over her and leaving her be. He sleeps pretty poorly at night himself, but when he's finally so exhausted that he can't keep his eyes open, he winds up climbing into bed next to Ellie and collapsing into a deep sleep. She can never seem to sleep without him close by, anyway.

That same situation has wound up happening again tonight. Jesse has been fast asleep next to Ellie for a couple of hours now, huddling on his stomach with his face mashed into the pillow, while Ellie is curled up on her side close to him. He stirs when a whimpering noise cuts into his sleep, though he's so tired that he sinks straight back into deep sleep… and is suddenly jolted right back out of it, startling him wide awake, at Ellie letting out a scream with a thrash of her arms. One of her arms hits Jesse square in the face.

Jesse, bewildered and disoriented with sleep, bolts upright with his eyes wide and alarmed. It takes him all of a second to realise with horror that Ellie is having another nightmare. ]

Hey, hey, hey. [ Face contorting into urgent worry, Jesse twists hurriedly onto his knees, arms reaching out to grab a hold of her flailing fists. ] Ellie, Ellie.

☲ closed to Gansey | Monmouth library

[ Reaching the sprawling library in Monmouth, Jesse pokes his head through the door. His eyes do a sweep of the books, the furniture, the shelves, the stepladder staircase leading up to a nook crammed with more books, and he pushes his hands into his pockets as he steps over the threshold.

Jesse is far from a bookworm, definitely far from any kind of academic, and once upon a time in his wasted youth, he would have rolled his eyes with an inward sneer - an outward sneer, too - at being in a place surrounded by so much knowledge. Places like these always pointed out to him how stupid he was, how stupid and inadequate he felt, and making fun of places like this was the only way he knew how to rebuff that.

Now, though… Something about this library commands respect. Maybe it's the reverent silence of it, how magic seeps into every crevice, every corner. Maybe it's also because Jesse isn't the same shithead he used to be. Maybe it's also because he's got a far more pressing matter on his mind to worry about feeling inadequate and out of place in a place so full of knowledge that's far beyond his academic abilities. ]

Yo. [ He calls this out tentatively, more hushed than out loud. ] Gansey. You in here, man?

☲ closed to Jamie | Jamie's cabin

[ It's late. Dusk has long since settled over Monmouth and the farms. Fireflies and glowing bugs buzz around lazily in the night air, and magical strange trees that emit a low, ethereal glow light the pathway towards Jamie's cabin as Jesse heads down towards it.

The soft glow of homely lights flicking from the windows of the cabin illuminate the front porch, and Jesse, clutching a large pizza in one hand and a six-pack of beer in his other hand, juggles them both so he can lift his hand to the wooden door to knock on it. ]

☲ closed to Shepard | Alleyway outside the aquarium

[ Ugh, thank Christ, thinks Jesse as the staff side door leading out into the alleyway bangs shut behind him. He's dying for a smoke. Shepard has been riding his ass all goddamn morning, and though he's not supposed to be sneaking a smoke break in right now, he's sneaking one in, anyway. Just a five-minute break. Then he'll get back to it.

He plops down on a short stack of crates, pursing a cigarette between his lips. Flicking his lighter aflame, he lights the tip, and he draws in a deep, grateful lungful of smoke with his shoulders sagging in relief. God, Shepard, man. She's like a freakin' Nazi. This job - cleaning out aquariums, tending to fish - is hardly meth superlab material, but Shepard constantly pounding his ass about getting things done, that he hasn't done this job properly, hasn't finished that job yet, makes him miss Mr. White a little.

A lot, actually. In fact, Jesse feels immense guilt that he's left Mr. White back at home, after Mr. White had saved his life. He knows somewhere deep down that he shouldn't miss Mr. White. The guy is a giant dick. But after everything he and Mr. White have been through together… Well, it's written all over Jesse's face, really: the dark bags under his eyes, his shaved head, the haunted look in Jesse's expression that follows him wherever he goes. Jesse is definitely a lot different to how Shepard knew him when they'd first met, all those months ago on the Moira. There seems to be a piece of Jesse missing now. Like a piece of him died along with what happened when he was sent back home.

Whatever, though. He brings his cigarette back up to his lips for another drag while rolling his skinny, aching shoulders, completely unaware that Shepard is hunting him down and is about to find him slacking off out here in the alleyway behind the aquarium. ]

☲ closed to Daisy | Text » Daisy's apartment

Hey I'm in R5
You around? Wanna meet up?

☲ closed to Carl | Text » St. Monmouth

[ It probably seems a little out of nowhere, Jesse messaging Carl. The kid often crosses Jesse's mind, though, even more so since Ellie arrived. Jesse knows very little about Carl's life back in his world, but he knows the kid has gone through… well. Maybe somewhat similar stuff to Ellie, if the little hints Carl has dropped here and there and the way he behaves is anything to go by. ]

Carl wassup
It's Jesse

☲ closed to Matthew | Cont'd from TDM

[ God, this kid… There seems something entirely magical about him, too. His laughter, his infectious happiness… Such a stark contrast to Ronan. Jesse can't help turning his head from the magical view to gaze at the kid, enthralled, uplifted. He's found himself almost completely forgetting about his own problems because of this kid.

Knowing Ronan's past, though, or the things Ronan has told him, at least - Jesse's heart does a small aching twist again at the kid mentioning 'the place we used to live'. ]

Yeah? [ His mouth twists into a warm little smile. ] Your brother's really something. Never met anyone like him. [ He thinks about that for just a second, then adds: ] Don't think anyone's met anyone like Ronan. He's told me a lot about… y'know. Who he is. The things he can do.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sometimes I think it would be easier if I was.

[She doesn't mean to say that she's better off without Jesse in her life, but she's afraid of hurting him.

Tongue poking at the inside of her cheek, Daisy looked up towards the ceiling in an attempt to keep any more tears from falling down.]

I'm sorry. I didn't invite you over here to hear all of this.

Hey.

[ Jesse says this softly as he reaches up to take her face in his hands. He turns her sad face towards him, only just managing to hold his own tears back. He has to blink quickly a few times to fight them away because, god, he's never opened up about Jane, not really, and...

He hates seeing Daisy sad.

His thumb caresses her cheek. ]

You can tell me anything, you know. I'll always listen.

[Seeing the expression on his face was not helping her regain control of her emotions.]

I know.

[Except she can't tell him everything. Not yet.]

I'm sorry you lost her.

[ A sad, weak smile tugs on Jesse's lips. He swallows thickly, and he has to blink his eyes quickly again to hold back the tears. That weak smile fades almost as soon as it appears.

He can't bear the memory of Jane's body lying lifeless in his bed, glassy eyes staring at the ceiling, the smell of stale vomit on the sheets and coming from her mouth while Jesse had frantically tried to compress her chest back to life.

He is the reason she is dead, and he can't bear it. ]

It was my fault.

[She shouldn't have said anything because it's pretty clear Daisy brought up terrible memories for Jesse. She wasn't sure who this girl was to Jesse or what exactly happened, and she didn't feel it was her place to ask. Either way it was clear they could painfully relate to one another's loss.

This time Daisy's the one reaching out towards him and places her hand at the base of his neck.]

No it isn't.

[Except she doesn't know that, but she knows Jesse. He wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone.]

Yes, it is. It's my fault.

[ Jesse studies Daisy's eyes with despair crossing past his expression briefly. It pains him that she thinks he's a good person. He's not. He's scum. Jesse used to wish it wasn't his fault that Jane died because of him. He accepted in rehab that it is, that he's the bad guy. It hollows him out inside, knowing it's his fault, but he accepts it. He'd encouraged Jane to slip back down into the dark hole of drug use; he had led Jane back down a dark path, encouraging her closer to him, despite knowing his bad habits would be a bad temptation, because he was selfish.

He never stopped her when she brought home that first score of heroin, with that heroin kit, when she'd cooked their first speedball. Instead of telling her she didn't deserve to fall back into this dark place, he'd sat beside her on his bed, nervous and excited and hungry as he'd watched her draw up that first syringe. He'd been so intoxicated by the intimacy of sharing a high for the first time - a first ever speedball high for him, and a first high for her after almost two years of sobriety. She had given him his wings, and he had floated off on a cloud, soaring, numb, wildly alive and wildly in love with Jane's words - I'll meet you there - whispering in his mind while the drugs had dragged him down into blissful nothingness.

He'd become addicted instantly, even more addicted to Jane, and he had encouraged more and more, until that intimate junkie bubble he'd fallen into with her had horribly burst. It was him that killed her.

He has to blink furiously again to fight back tears as Daisy looks at him with her sad eyes, looking at him like she thinks he's some kind of good person. ]

I made a lotta bad choices, Daisy. I did a lotta bad things. I was... I was caught up in so much bad shit back at home, and it's all my fault. I'm trying to be a better person, though. I'm... Not 'cause I want forgiveness, or because I wanna balance the scales or 'cause I think I can undo all the shit I've done. I can't undo anything. But--

[ He shifts that tiny bit closer to her, holding her face with more insistence. He thinks about how much Ronan's words had sunk in for Jesse, helped him see some clarity outside of how fucking caught up in his guilt and self-hatred he was. Maybe they will help Daisy, too. ]

Look. Listen to me. If all this stuff you're dealing with from back home is eating you alive... You're by far the worst person in the world, God, Daisy, you are nowhere near the kind of bad person you think you are. But if you feel that you are, then... make contrition. Instead of letting it all eat you alive, make contrition. Y'know, to make sure you're a better person tomorrow than you are today. Your next move is the only thing you've got any control over.

Edited 2017-04-07 05:26 (UTC)

[It's like he read her mind because this is exactly how she felt. The bad things she did back home, although a lot of it was not through her own doing. She put all of her time, and more energy than she actually had, into trying to help other Inhumans. To protect them from the Watchdogs, and then she winds up back here and it hurts that she's left them to fend for themselves. They'll likely be killed. Not to mention Charles' family, she promised to protect them.

Contrition. She hasn't heard that word in forever, and it wasn't exactly one she expected Jesse to know. Not that either of them ever got into the topic of religion.]

I was doing that. Back home. Or at least I was trying to, kind of hard when you're America's Most Wanted.

[He probably wanted to know what the hell she meant by that.]

The media loves to spin the facts on powered people, especially when they don't have facts to spin to begin with.

Jesus...

[ Jesse knows what it's like to feel like America's Most Wanted. Or to feel like the America's Most Wanted sign is going to be pinned on his back at any moment. He knows what media circuses feel like insofar as seeing shit on the news that he has been involved in, directly or indirectly. The sick, churning, nervous feeling of wondering if things would be connected to him always descended upon him like blight whenever that happened.

He can't imagine having an ability like Daisy's - or even his own - and being smeared all over the news.

As for her being America's Most Wanted... Well, he can't exactly cast the first stone there, can he? He can't judge. He won't judge. He's got no room to judge. ]

You're not America's Most Wanted here, at least. Guess that's one upside to being stuck in space, I suppose.

[ He offers her sympathetic, weakly joking little smile. ]

Nope. Just stuck here not being able to help protect people like me.

[Despite apologizing for bringing all of this up, its kind of hard for Daisy to be anything but negative at the moment. Especially when she suddenly feels like opening up a little bit.]

Inhumans aren't exactly loved by everyone back home. There's a hate group after people like me trying to kill them all.

[Her included, obviously.]

[ That weak, sympathetic smile of Jesse's presses into a faint, thin line. Jesus... He lets her face go but stays close, leaning over to drop his elbows on his knees with his watery gaze still fixed on her. He studies her face with concerned attentiveness written all over his face. Softly: ]

Watchdogs, right?

[ He remembers Daisy mentioning their name, months ago. When she was shot in the shoulder and Jesse had found her close to passed out and nearly delirious from blood loss. ]

Yep. Lame name, right? Not that Inhumans is much better. Or Quake.

[Right. He didn't know about the name the media had given her back home, she wasn't exactly fond of it. Although it was better than everyone knowing her real name.

Leaning against the table when he let go of her face, Daisy fiddled with her fork so it wasn't stuck laying in her food she had abandoned.

Wait. How did he know the Watchdogs by name?]

...How did you know their name?

You mentioned it. Like, after I found you all... y'know. In real bad shape and brought you back to my tent. After the ship crashed and you'd been sent home and stuff. [ Said with a small measure of tentativeness; he doesn't particularly want to remind her of that whole nightmare. ] You were pretty out of it at the time. But you told me it was one of them who shot you.

[Please. What's another trauma to deal with?]

Right. Yeah. That's the kind of thing that happens when you manage to steal their hit list and think no one is home...

[Should probably shut up now.]

Like you said. Not Anerica's Most Wanted here.

[Daisy reached out to grab hold of his hand.]

As much as you want believe you're a bad person, you've been proving the exact opposite here since day one. Pretty sure any other guy would've taken advantage of a drunk girl. Maybe not after puking on them, but, you know what I mean.

[ Jesse raises his brows slightly at that nugget of information. Daisy really doesn't have to explain any further, because Jesse can piece more than enough together from 'That's the kind of thing that happens when you manage to steal their hit list and think no one is home'.

But then, a frown easing back onto his brow when she takes his hand. ]

Doesn't mean I'm a good guy, Daisy. Just means I don't want anything bad to happen to you.

[ His other hand comes up and he tenderly strokes his fingers across her cheek. ]

[Letting out a soft laugh at his 'point', Daisy chews on the inside of her cheek as she looks down at their hands.]

Yeah. Because that's the sort of thing a bad guy says.

[Or the way a bad guy looks at her, when she manages to look up and see him staring at her like that. Especially with the way he's caressing her cheek. Doesn't exactly make her want to do anything else besides lean in closer to him. Daisy suggested they go check out the town after they ate, but was that really going to happen now?]

[ Jesse doesn't answer. He is a bad guy. A bad guy with a lot of loyalty and who wears his heart on his sleeve. As Daisy leans in towards him, though, he does the same - only slightly... Then, leans in a little more, closing the distance tentatively, while his hand slides onto her cheek to cup it in his palm, like he so badly wants to kiss her but doesn't know if it's the right thing to do. ]

[Him being hesitant is the only thing that makes her think twice about any of this. Hand coming up to the side of his face, Daisy stroked her thumb over his skin there.]

Are you okay?

[Daisy lets out a soft sort of scoff when she realizes how dumb that was.]

Sorry. That was a stupid question.

Should be me asking you that question, not the other way around.

[ His thumb strokes away a damp smudge beneath her eye left from tears she'd began shedding only minutes earlier. He manages a weak little smile for her, the threat of his own tears having managed to be sucked back under control.

He ends up leaning right in, but it's to press a soft, lingering kiss to her forehead. ]

[Daisy smiled tightly when he wiped away any lingering tears on her face. Hand holding tightly onto his as he leaned in to press a kiss against his forehead. Closing her eyes in a poor attempt to keep from crying again, Daisy brought her hand that was on his cheek to the back of his neck instead.]

I didn't mean to make this so depressing.

You didn't. Like I said, you can tell me anything. I'll always listen.

[ Murmured with his lips still pressed to her forehead. It was his fault for bringing up all of this for her. By saying he wanted to see her a whole lot more when he knows he should be keeping his distance.

Even in spite knowing this, however, he remembers how she'd said he just isn't sick of her yet, so he adds: ]

And for the record, I'll never get sick of you.

[She wouldn't though. At least right now, this was the most she could talk about. As much as she wore her heart on her sleeve there were just some things she kept to herself. Opening her eyes, Daisy pulled her head back to look at him with a sad smile.]

Give it a few months.

[It was tempting to kiss him, but with the fact that he didn't go in for it before she thought maybe now wasn't the right time. So instead she dropped her hand from the back of his neck and put a little distance between them.]

Should probably eat this before it gets cold.

[ Jesse doesn't let her face go. As much as he knows he should take her bringing their lunch back into focus as a cue to drop the whole subject, Jesse just studies her eyes with a slight frown on his face. He means it: he could never get sick of Daisy. He doesn't know how to make that point clear to her. If anyone gets sick of anyone, it'll be her getting sick of him.

He leans back in towards her, without hesitating this time, and he tilts his head to press a soft kiss to her lips. It's not a kiss borne out of wanting to distract her or seduce her; it's a kiss borne out of him not knowing how else to express to her that he could never get sick of her. Him wanting to care for her. Him wanting her to know she's not alone. ]

[Or the food could get cold. Who cares? That's what microwaves are for. She missed him when he was around, but sometimes it felt like she shouldn't. Sometimes she felt guilty when her thoughts were overtaken with him instead of Lincoln. It's hard to shut those conflicting thoughts out. At least until he's kissing her and it's difficult to focus on anything else besides the way her body tingle whenever he so much as touches her.

Eyes sliding shut, Daisy let go of her fork that she had just picked up and brought it back to the side of his face as she kissed him back eagerly.]

Edited (Fuck u alex lol) 2017-04-10 14:37 (UTC)

[ Jesse lets Daisy kiss him however she wants to kiss him. He would have let her push him away, too. But maybe feeling close to someone is what she needs. He knows what that feeling is like - feeling so alone, wishing for some kind of human contact. Someone to touch him and want him, help him drown out how alone he feels.

Before the kiss can get too heated, Jesse breaks away just enough to open his eyes and look at her.

He repeats, quietly but insistently this time, both his hands now cupping her face in his palms to make her look at him: ]

I could never get sick of you. Okay? I love every moment we spend together. Even the sad ones.

[ His lips pull into a tiny smile for her. ]

[Sucking in a breath when he pushes away, Daisy opens her eyes except she doesn't make eye contact at first. Instead she's staring at her lap when he tries to reassure her.

Guilt makes people feel and think stupid things some times, and that's what she's dealing with on a daily basis. Why should he care about her? She doesn't deereve it.]

I don't know why you do.

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