thisavrou_log | all this time i've been chasing down a lie (closed)

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all about j: j

all this time i've been chasing down a lie (closed)

Who: Zam Wesell, J, and Obi-wan
When: Throughout the month of December
Where: Camp and the surrounding area
What: Zam knows they'll either make it to Bel's universe alive or get spat back into their own universe as a corpse. Coping ensues.
Warnings: Alcohol, probably existential angst

week one: all my life’s wrapped up in today (closed to J)
[It’s been a day since the ship crashed and still all Zam can think about is the sight of it burning.

She’d complained bitterly about life on the ship while it was still space-worthy, but now that they’re leaving it behind in pieces, she feels a strange sense of loss settling over her. That ship had been her home for the past two years. Sometimes, she even thought of it as an afterlife -- maybe not the nicest afterlife, but it beat oblivion, and most spiritually-minded people would likely agree that it was far better than what she deserved.

Now that she can no longer depend on the Moira as her own personal purgatory, she’ll actually have to start thinking about the future. And that has never been something she’s dealt well with.

It’s why she’s now outside J’s tent after the crew has set up for the night, rustling the thin material to get the attention of the woman inside.]

J? You up?

week three: everyone knows, if you can, let it go (closed to Obi-wan)
[Zam gets more restless as time passes. The captains tell them they’re getting closer to the hub and that means one of two things: either the start of a new life in a new universe or an end that should’ve come two year agos in a Coruscant alleyway.

Either way, unlike the majority of her crewmates, Zam’s not really going “home.” She tries, stubbornly, to convince herself it’s for the best. She thinks of the news she’s heard from those who had lived through her galaxy’s future: war, genocide, the rise of a tyrant empire… All she’s doing, she tells herself, is leaving early before the rush.

...Of course, there’s still the problem of the people she’s leaving behind. Zam has never been great at not having attachments, that core tenet that so many bounty hunters adhere to. Maybe she’d still be alive in her own universe if she had. At the very least, the glimpse she’d seen through the timeslip wouldn’t bother her so much.

But it does and eventually she has to try and do something about it. Stars know Zam’s asked the older of the Jedi here for too many favors over the past months, but she can hardly help that his apprentice doesn’t want anything to do with her.

She sends Obi-wan a message through her TAB during the evening, when most people should be finishing their duties.:]

I need to speak with you. House with red roof to the north of camp, in the next hour?

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[ Obi-Wan neglects to respond, mostly due to the fact that he really doesn't have anything else to do, so there's no reason Zam would think he wouldn't show. Right? Or maybe he just likes the suspense of it. Probably most likely, though, is that Kenobi just forgets they're not hearty companions that constantly rely upon each other.

Arriving at the house with the red roof, he knocks, leaned in some so his voice will carry over the threshold. ]

Zam? It's Obi-Wan Kenobi. You wanted to speak with me.

[For her part, Zam spends most of the intervening silence between her message and Obi-Wan’s arrival wondering if she should have included more details. She has to admit, if she were a Jedi and she had received a message like that from a known bounty hunter, she might take a pass as well. Still, she and Obi-wan have been not-enemies long enough that he wouldn’t suspect a trap. Right? At least nothing in the house itself suggests any sort of artifice. There’s so little furniture left in the building that Zam ends up sitting on the floor rather than risking either of the fragile old chairs flanking what might’ve once been a table.

She starts at the sound of someone knocking on the threshold. It seems Obi-wan had decided to show up after all. She quickly gets to her feet.]

I-- yeah, I did. [She should explain everything right then and there, the vision through the timeslip, her plans upon reaching the hub, why she needs his help -- but she finds the words sticking in her throat. What she’s about to ask of the Jedi is far more significant than anything she’s asked in the past and if he refuses… Well, she supposes she could try and ask his apprentice, but her chances there are even less promising than they are now.]

I wanted to ask you a few things. About home. [There’s a slight grimace on her face on the last word.] You are planning on going back there, right? Once we get to the Midway Hub.

[ Truth be told, this isn't a line of thinking that Obi-Wan was expecting to encounter, nor is it one he's tried very hard to think about these last several weeks. While it's certainly been on his mind in the past — almost ceaselessly, at times — the question as to whether he wants to return home or not remains up in the air. Regardless of what he wants, he already knows his answer. ]

It would be in my best interest to do so, I believe, yes.

[ Where that will lead him, he doesn't quite know. Understanding the complicated future ahead is one things, but preventing said future is something else entirely, isn't it? ]

What is it you needed to know?

[ Regardless of their past relationship, Zam has been given little reason to believe he should continue to hold a grudge, that he should continue to worry some action might be taken against him. He wouldn't quite call them friends, but "near acquaintances" is just too sterile for what they've become. ]

[No, “near acquaintances” doesn’t fit at all. Unfortunately, there’s no word in Basic for someone you met when you were killed in their arms, and then met again in the afterlife. Probably not in any other language either.]

Well, I should probably tell you that I’m not going home. At least, not by choice. [She crosses her arms.] I mean, it’s possible I’ll disappear before we even get to the Hub, but… [She trails off, gaze lowering to the floor as if she's lost in thought. When she speaks again, her voice is quieter.] When I worked at the Ingress, I talked to a few people who disappeared and came back. They said they just went back to wherever they left off. Nothing changed.

[She doesn’t have to say what that would mean for her. She’d reappear on Coruscant, a fraction of a second away from dying or perhaps already dead. It’s a possibility she’s tried to ignore for as long as she could, but now that she’s so close to a second chance, it’s impossible not to fear having it ripped away. If she can just make it until they reach the Hub...

But there's nothing Obi-wan can do about that. What she’s about to ask of him is something more practical.]

Either way, I’m not going to be… around anymore, back home. So-- [She takes a breath, willing herself to just ask it already. If he says no, at least she’ll have an answer. The words come out in a rush.] I wanted to ask if you could sort something out for me when you get back. Something personal.

Zam...

[ He honestly didn't expect to experience this heartfelt twinge in his chest, either, but they really had been through a lot, like comrades in arms. And, strangely enough, he's experienced enough with bounty hunters to know they're clearly not the least noble types in the galaxy. ]

Yes, of course. I'll do everything I can.

[ A while back he might not have been so quick to agree, but considering Zam's end — a unnecessary end, in Kenobi's opinion, despite the transgressions — he feels he owes at least that. Maybe more after all this time putting up with him aboard the Moira. ]

[As relieved as Zam is to hear his answer, she can’t hide the surprise in her expression. Obi-wan hadn’t even heard what her request was and yet he had agreed to help her without asking anything in return. It’s more generosity than Zam is used to -- certainly it’s more than she deserves.]

Thanks. I-- [”Owe you,” is what she wants to say. But she knows how little those words mean; she doesn’t have anything of value here and she won’t be around to pay him back once he returns home.] I mean it, [she settles for instead. She makes herself smile, trying to lighten the mood.] Believe it or not, I’m really glad I did such a terrible job trying to kill you on Coruscant. [It’s gallow’s humor, but it’s the truth. Despite what Zam told herself at the time -- told herself every time, back then -- Obi-wan didn’t deserve a blaster bolt in the back. Jedi or not, he’s a good man.]

What I’m about to ask you… It’s about someone I left behind back home. Someone I think you’ve met. [Her eyes stay on Obi-wan’s face, searching for any sign of recognition.] When you tracked Jango down to Kamino, was there a young boy with him?

Yes. Boba.

[ An unaltered clone, Obi-Wan recalls, which in of itself is saying something, as the young man proved to be quite a thorn in Kenobi's side not only on Kamino, but elsewhere in the universe. His mouth twists into a frown. ]

I'm afraid we don't have the most... positive history, but I do know who he is. We've met on several occasions.

[She’s caught off-guard when Obi-wan knows Boba’s name, and even moreso when he says they’ve met several times before.]

You were both on Geonosis, [she says without thinking. It takes her a moment to remember that given her time of death, it probably doesn’t make much sense for her to know such a thing.] I saw both of you. When the ship was going through the timeslip.

[But Obi-wan had said he'd encountered Boba several times, not just once. Sometimes Zam forgets that he’s ahead of her in time back home. A troubled expression crosses her face and she looks away, muttering.] I don’t know. Maybe it’s too late...

[ For Boba? Probably, he thinks, although he knows that thought is particularly unkind because he'd nearly been killed (or effectively lead to the slaughter) by the young man on more than one occasion.

He shifts slightly, stroking thoughtfully at his beard, his mind drifting back to Geonosis. He has no fond memories to recall, only an excessive and exhausting stress that has fairly consistently persisted since.

Obi-Wan finally nods. ]

I followed him there, yes. From Kamino, where I tracked his father after he killed you. There was a battle. He survived it, Jango did not.

[Zam grimaces.] I saw.

[She shouldn’t let herself get side-tracked by the memory, much less in a way that might antagonize the person who’s agreed to help her, but she can’t quite stop the question from escaping:] Why didn’t anyone do anything on Geonosis? There were so many Jedi and none of you… You all just let him wander off!

[Whatever the Jedi thinks of Boba, Zam had only ever known him as a child, and if he wasn’t hers, he was still one of the closest people Zam had to family – certainly moreso than Jango in the end. Of course Zam is angry at what had happened to him.

...But it’s not an anger she can expect Obi-wan to answer to. She isn’t sure who to blame, whether the Jedi, the Republic, or Jango himself, but Obi-wan’s only crime that she knows for sure was being there at the time and being in front of her now.

She exhales slowly.] Sorry. It’s not like I can put this all on you, but… [She gives a slight shake of her head, expression still bitter.] We went to really stupid lengths to keep him safe. It’s… not easy, knowing it was all for nothing.

[ Kenobi's eyebrows knit together and his head dips, although he's not sure if it's any consolation that he feels sympathy now. After Geonosis— he hadn't been entirely himself. Between handling his own injuries and an ultimate defeat by Count Dooku, Kenobi had Anakin's injuries to concern himself, and quickly the war on the heels of that. Truly, there is no rest for the wicked. ]

I'm not entirely certain, but I don't believe anyone was left on Geonosis. I can't say what lead Boba to the life he was leading when I met him last, but I can say someone at the Order would have tried to help, Zam.

[ He frowns. ]

Would he have accepted help?

[Well, to be more precise the tent belongs to Tony Stark, not J. She lacked the skills and motivation to set up her own camp, so I instead she had decided to leech in Tony's, which no doubt also helped to calm his nerves as well.

And luckily for them Tony was out, either getting drunk or flying around in his ridiculous armor, when Zam lurked around the tent. J, of course, was awake. Everyone seemed to take the loss of Moira badly and she was no exception. Ever since surviving the crash she's spent her time with a bottle near her, drowning her own sorrow and self-hate under the alcohol. As ridiculous it is she felt like she could understand Sans and her dad better now.

The rustling catches her attention and there's a quick beat when she wonders whether one of the wild animals found her, failing to feel any real fear for that, but then Zam's voice reaches her ears.]

I'm up. [Comes the lazy answer. She's up but not moving yet.]

[Zam waits a beat for J to unzip the front of the tent, a look of annoyance crossing her face when she doesn’t.]

Look, I’ve got a stupid question for you. Open up so I don’t feel like an asshole asking in front of half the camp.

[In reality, only a few stragglers are even still up and the ones who are have little reason to be interested in their conversation. Still, Zam doesn’t like the thought of requesting anything through a closed tent flap.]

[Zam's request is followed by a loud, frustrated groan. Must she?

A moment of silence passes, followed by another. Then there's some rustling sounds coming from inside the tent as J finally gets up and crawls on her fours to unzip the front. ]

Yeah?

Edited 2016-12-22 21:42 (UTC)

[Zam opens her mouth as if she’s about to say something, and then closes it after seeing J and the rest of the tent.]

Ah. [Slowly, a wry smile appears on her face.] I was going to ask if anything from the bar made if off the ship. [And she’s gotten her answer, it seems.]

I guess what I should be asking is if you have enough to share.

[And that makes J give Zam a look.]

Fuck you. It's not like you're a beauty pageant either.

[She scoffs, rolling her eyes at her. Well, at least she's not denying that she looks like shit at the moment.]

I might have. What's in it for me?

[Zam only snorts.] Our ship just blew up. I think we both have better things to do than worry about our looks. [And she’s not judging J. Not when her plans amount to reaching a similar state of inebriation.

If J can be convinced to share, that is.]

My undying gratitude and affection, [Zam answers flatly. She could dig through her Pac-Disk looking for a suitable trade, but better to see if she can just exasperate J into sharing first.]

[J's frown deepens. If she didn't know just how awful she looked at the moment she would like to point out that there's always time to take care of your appearance.]

Here I thought I had those already. [She scoffs and retreats back to inside of the tent. She however leaves the front open. Zam can follow if she wants to.]

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all this time i've been chasing down a lie (closed)

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