christmas ain't the time for breaking each other's heart.

[nightmarist]

Who: Ronan Lynch & OPEN
When: December
Where: The Midway Hub
What: Rare encounters with Ronan Lynch.
Warnings: Spoilers, excessive swearing, religious references, violence, sex...

week one - a wasteland oasis

[It's near the end of the first week that Ronan creates a garden.

Granted, it's a small one. He's wary of spending too much energy at once, and he remembers Andyr's advice about avoiding the attention of the others, lest they get the idea that a Greywaren would be a fun pet to keep locked in a cage, generating resources as necessary. He dreams the garden in the middle of the night, sneaking off to the edge of camp like he's going to take a piss. He picks a spot half-enclosed by boulders, and when he wakes, a stream of fresh water flows from the rocks and the area immediately around Ronan has sprouted bushes and trees bearing ripe fruit and berries.

He's still there after the camp's awoken, sitting with his back to one of the boulders, enjoying a breakfast of apples and blackberries. After days of eating nothing but junk food with Kavinsky, the fruit tastes heavenly. Or it might simply be that dreamt fruit is more delicious than anything mundane. Chainsaw keeps him company, the raven circling overhead and occasionally swooping down to steal a berry from Ronan, which earns her a cranky chiding from him.]

week two - a dead luxury car

[By the beginning of the second week, Ronan has acquired his BMW.

Recreated it, rather. Somewhat disastrously, in terms of the dreaming experience, but the resulting car nearly perfect. Most of the alterations are on purpose: wheels equipped to handle rough terrain, a bulletproof exterior that somehow weighs not a pound more than the original, a gas tank that refills itself... The only problem is that it seems to have inherited the Pig's finicky nature (which Ronan privately attributes to his longing to be reunited with his best friend, Gansey).

Ronan is a spectacular street racer, but he's never been much of a mechanic. When the BMW refuses to start, he's left to puzzle over the problem without anyone he can call for help. After about an hour of opening the hood, finding nothing, slamming the hood, and doing it all over again, Ronan takes a break. He climbs up onto the top of the thing and lays out across it, his long body draped from roof to nose. If he could, he'd be dreaming up an improved version of the sports car. But that ability's been stolen away from him, and he feels helpless in every way. It's infuriating.]

week three - a disabled weapon

[During the third week, being human becomes unbearable.

Ronan didn't think he would miss magic this much. Back home, his connection to the ley line was mostly only evident in his sleep. He never experienced Adam's waking visions or the whispering of spirits or the thrumming of energy in his veins. If anyone asked him, he would have said he felt like any other boy.

Removed from his magic, however, Ronan quickly realizes the extent to which he is no ordinary boy. He isn't even Kavinsky, who's struggling with being severed from his dreams in his own self-destructive way. Kavinsky is only a dream thief. Ronan is more than that, and he feels the difference more acutely with each passing day. It isn't simply that he can't dream. Something is fundamentally wrong with his body. It's like there's an itch he can't scratch on his brain, or like a piece of his heart has been numbed, or like his blood is flowing in the opposite direction. An endless, nameless discomfort which is the suppression of his dream half. To look at him, he might seem vaguely ill, or depressed, or faded like some of the color's gone out of him - which is worrisome, because he didn't have much to begin with.

When it's discovered that the water in the caves restores power, Ronan is one of the first to drink. He practically dives for it, on his knees and lapping it up with his hands. He looks desperate, as if he's been dying of thirst.]

week four - a very bad christmas

[By the fourth week, Ronan doesn't feel much like partying.

Being anywhere near the crowd is only getting him angry, so Ronan retreats to some private crevice around the bend of the cave. He's close enough that he can still hear the murmured voices and soft music echoing from the party, but he hopes he's far enough to go undisturbed by revelers.

Supposedly it's Christmas. Or something near that. If he was home, he'd be at the Barns with Declan and Matthew. They'd be having Yorkshire pudding and decorating a tree they cut down themselves. It would be his first Christmas with Adam and Orphan Girl, too, and she'd probably be eating tinsel or wrapping paper while he and Adam took turns chasing her away from the gifts. It would be snowing in the mountains, but they'd have a fire roaring in the hearth.

In the cave, Ronan kneels upon the cold stone and makes the sign of the cross. He clasps his hands and presses them to his forehead, bowed in supplication. He whispers to God:]

De profundis clamavi ad te, Domine:
Domine, exaudi vocem meam.
Fiant aures tuae intendentes
in vocem deprecationis meae.
Si iniquitates observaveris, Domine:
Domine, quis sustinebit?
Quia apud te propitiatio est...

wildcard

( Start a thread or contact me at pana. )

Comments

[deadthing]

That he might set the tent on fire with you in it?

[This does not seem an unreasonable worry to him.]'

Or, I don't know! Some other crazy thing. This is Kavinsky we're talking about.

[nightmarist]

[Ronan smiles as if Noah's telling a joke, though the both of them know it's hardly a joking matter. Maybe Ronan isn't as concerned with his well-being as he should be. Or maybe the risk is worth the possibility of regaining control over his mind.]

I don't think he'd do it in a boring way like that. And anyway, you know I need him.

[deadthing]

[Noah lets out a huff of a laugh lacking in any real amusement. Like: oh, well, in that case.] It doesn't matter how he'd do it.

[The whole arrangement has been stressing him out, because it's not like he can subtly hang around to keep an eye on things. Kavinsky can see him here. Has seen him, in fact. Back on the ship. And given that their brief meeting came about through Kavinsky running him over on a hoverboard, he's not inclined to be charitable with his assumptions.]

You don't really need him. You just think you do.

[nightmarist]

[Ronan leans subtly closer, his smile warming a bit. Something more reassuring. He's touched that Noah's worried about him. There's nothing new about that, of course, but they've had a shitty couple months out here in space, and Noah especially... He has bigger things to worry about. Ronan's sorry to be making matters worse.]

It's been helping. I know that's hard to believe, but it's... I was just starting to be able to dream like I used to.

[deadthing]

[He is decidedly not reassured. Shifting his weight anxiously from one leg to the other, he presses,]

Okay, but what about now?

[Now that they've passed into this place cut off from dreaming. Why keep spending time with him?]

[nightmarist]

[Ronan never lies, but with Noah, he also doesn't bother to dodge the question.]

I'm worried he's going to kill himself. He keeps trying.