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[After a little bit, when the struggle has become real, Kaz is standing and reaches across the table to gently push dog face away from Venom's poor battered mug. Miller's actually smiling, though. He does feel remotely, slightly guilty. It's a little unfair to expect Venom to anticipate any of these antics (mostly residue from Big Boss having been around, a sense of playfulness he let wane for far too long). But the performance of the animals was admirable and Snake's own hapless confusion has been fondly watched this whole time.]

Here. [He puts a handkerchief in front of him to take care of the slobber, and he picks up his plastic cup to drink out of.]

[Mama relents from her attack, but goes to her master and leans against his good leg (she knows the difference) as hard as she can, looking up at him with eyes that are the same shade of gold-blonde as Miller's hair. Animals oddly suited to match their owners in appearance at least.]

It looks like you had it pretty rough there for a minute. [Then the real apology, just for how confused Venom has looked through his ordeal.] I'm sorry. I thought maybe you could stand the surprise... [Being the sort of man that would surprise him with a flat cake and fireworks.]

[ It isn’t so much the surprise that’d raised Venom’s concern but the circumstances surrounding it— the initial weightiness of the affair and the courteousness to top it off— but that seems moot by now, with the addition of two dogs (now one) and a carpet of fur sticking to his uniform.

Venom breathes a soft laugh, almost lost under his wolfdog’s excited panting. Another quiet DD, and the big ball of fur recedes to rest his head on his master’s knee. ]

What’s all this about, Kaz?

[ Sudden arm-wrestling and dog assaults??? Venom is largely still in the dark with respect to why this is going on, but the upwards slant of his brow and the faint jauntiness that curls the corner of his mouth speak to the fact that he’s not objecting to whatever this is; if this is Kaz’s way of being playful, well, so be it.

The proffered handkerchief eventually swipes over one side of his tongue-mussed jawline, accompanied by a huff that might have sounded irritated if not for the softness in that single eye and the looseness of Venom’s posture.

God, he loves these dumb dogs. ]

Well... to be honest. I thought it would be funny, and I wanted to spend some time with you.

[He settles into his seat again.] I wasn't wrong. You looked pretty surprised when Mama went after you. [He looks disgustingly pleased with himself right then, the same sort of joy one would imagine he'd get if he filled Ocelot's boots with wet sand. He guesses that Venom won't fault him a scheme or two that gets him some much needed canine affection. Despite having been modeled after a soul that seems regimental and austere, he can see that friendly streak hiding under that mess that needs tending to.]

[He tries not to think of a smiling Medic who defended his good name as a commander. He does it anyway, wondering if anyone ever managed to coax him into having some fun with them.]

Maybe you can get the drop on me next time, huh? Right Boss?

[Which is more of an open request than a casual invitation.]

[ Well. Venom can't quite argue with that answer, all things considered: Kaz is a workaholic if he's ever seen one, and any positive admission of enjoyment from his friend that's divorced from the very real, very looming shadow of obligation is something Venom can forgive.

After all, the guy just freed a whole colony's worth of slaves: he deserves some punking time.

A beat passes where Venom turns his brows down and looks fondly exasperated, an echo of a man faced with his own surprise 'birthday' cake (that silent "really?"). It always quiets his blood, when Kaz is easy company. ]

You're asking me if I can get the drop on someone.

[ kaz this is literally his entire job

But Venom gets it, and his smile becomes more pronounced. ]

That's dangerous, Kaz.

[When Snake's smile grows, so does Kaz's, accompanied by a soft laugh. That slight shift in his seat almost canine in quality (even if Kaz was an old dog that barely knew how to play anymore).]

I don't know. I think I probably know you and your tactics better than anyone here. You'll have to get up pretty early to surprise me.

[He absolutely knows that Snake can, but he's cocky enough to bait this bear for their mutual entertainment. Miller tips forward, elbows on the artificial table and fingers steepled in front of him. Sure, this is going to set him up for more paranoia. But generally, if he's going to be paranoid of everything already it's not terrible for some of it to go towards Snake surprising him with something he'll appreciate in the long run.]

[ How fearless. The conviction in Kaz's voice is enough for Venom to huff a ghost of a laugh, low and rumbling. ]

Is that right.

[ That blond crop of hair drifts forward, sunglasses glinting in the dim light of the sim room. Venom isn't sure if he's missed this, or if it's something he's always wanted to see in Kaz— that audacity, offered less sparingly in the past.

Either way, Venom tips his head. Equally as canine. ]

I'll see what I can do.

[ rest in peace, kazuhira miller ]

[He might not be coordinating missions with him, but this is hopeful. Something that says that maybe, if he could talk Snake into this, they could be a good example for David. Hell, even Eli. Though his mind wanders back to what was said, about Liquid's willingness to help.]

[He doubts the boys would trust to go near them. But maybe he can at least urge them under a more stable roof, with people that they're more amenable to.]

[Maybe Ocelot was right. In a way, since he started this business, he's always been playing house. Even Liquid admits, however, soldiers have been the only decent family he's had.] I should tell you that Tretij is gone. Liquid is taking it pretty hard, understandably. I don't know how much he's told you about the future, or Solid Snake for that matter, but I'm suspecting it's not a lot. In his time his friend is dead. And I guess he came to me 'cause he knew... [There's no way to finish that sentence that's easy. No one he can solidly decide on. So he doesn't. It's funny that the man who kills him is suddenly a person that values Miller's susceptibility to emotional attachment. Especially when he tries to hide so much of the depths of that love and anger and sorrow from his own student.]

[ The shift in conversation is sudden enough that it wipes the softness from Venom's expression, but he accommodates it smoothly regardless; there's always something, and this time, it's about the Third Child. About Eli, who Venom still has a difficult time designating as 'Liquid Snake'.

His own feelings about the psychic aside, the fact that Eli presumably confided in Kaz about the nature of his emotions comes as a bit of a surprise. That small boy with his thin shoulders set too firmly never allowed any of the so-called adults on Mother Base to get past his world-hardened exterior— Venom's interactions with 'Liquid' have proven that the barrier is either less strictly maintained or more civilly kept, but...

...maybe it's heartening to know that the kid with all those chips on his shoulder deigned to communicate with Kaz about a commonality that Venom isn't quite in the loop about.

Which is why he tips his head. Angles his jaw, leans in across the table. ]

...He knew you'd understand. [ Venom finishes, because that's the simple truth: they've both lost enough comrades in their lives to understand the pain of loss in nearly every sense of the word. ]

[That previous pleasant mood contributes to what he does next as much as the thought of his future loss. Kaz reaches forward just that little bit with his real hand to wrap his fingers around the first two of Snake's. Middle and index, lightly clutched in a loose grip.]

[He does know what happens to Venom. And mourns the man that died in a different timeline, in a different universe, even as he connects with the one in front of him.]

Yeah. [One sober word. An agreement. He understood, and Liquid knew that he understood. But then Kaz adds as explanation-] I don't think you're the type to say something insensitive but I do think he's still the type to be reactive and I wanted you to be careful if you were to run into him. I know you're more capable of being gentle than John... Hell, I don't think he has a soft bone in his whole body.

[He rubs his thumb over the gun calloused knuckle of his trigger finger, staring at the weathered nail rather than at Venom's face.]

It's one of the things I like better about you. [That he'd care about their feelings.]

Edited 2016-10-26 04:14 (UTC)

[ It comes as a slow realization that Kaz reaches for him more frequently recently, that his friend is more amenable to touch where pride may have shirked from the contact in the weeks that followed the ‘reveal’. Venom is aware that Kaz paid the price for his openness in spades already, with a ‘what took you so long?’ that must have felt like daggers to say all those months back in Afghanistan; wasted words that he must have nursed for days, cradled in the filth of a prison, given to an impostor.

It couldn’t have been easy to pick up after the fragments of his dignity, to find any morsel of affection still intact for someone with Venom’s face after the ‘Truth’. But here it is, offered with fingers around fingers.

Kaz has already bled and burnt. So Venom rests his thumb along his friend’s knuckles, applies gentle pressure to reciprocate the gesture of faith. ]

I know how reactive Eli can be.

[ Let’s address this first, by the way. It’s spoken with a sliver of amusement, without the malice to make it sound condescending or disdainful; if anything, it’s a way to say that yes, he’ll make sure to tread carefully if he and Liquid ever breach the topic of Tretij.

That said: ] But I wouldn’t say I’m ‘gentle’.

[ He did rough the kid up before taking him to base, after all. Despite the fact that he knows that that’s not what Kaz means, Venom is also aware that softness never suited Big Boss, and therefore shouldn’t extend to Venom, either: softness has never been a reliable arsenal for soldiers, and softness doesn’t become a deterrent for further subduing of war.

A beat passes, where he thinks about that last bit. It's cognitive dissonance, having 'their' differences pointed out, but he understands. ] —One thing, Kaz. [ Implied is the question 'may I?' ]

Compared to everything else I've ever known you're a saint.

[Maybe not compared to the ship. Plenty of people have been kind to him here, but once he's gone? What will it matter? This is the person in his life that's been the best to him. When he's told people about the things that Venom Snake has done, he hasn't been lying. Venom is every bit as impressive as Big Boss. He saved him under insurmountable odds. He's been honest, blunt, did what was necessary, gentle with a wounded and painful body when John never would have. He knows Venom has had to do terrible things, because they were necessary though. Given a choice, he would have just held people together.]

[But he also knows that Venom isn't happy with his life. Knowing the future isn't necessary to realize that. It's a familiar look in his eye, the way he goes empty sometimes. Something he saw in another man a long time ago.]

[He's worried about those next words, the automatic assumption a wall is about to be raised, only permeable with constant pressure. But there's been enough that they haven't been saying.]

Yeah?

Edited 2016-10-26 07:09 (UTC)

[ A 'saint'. Venom has his doubts about that as well, but he won't contest it to respect the fact that Kaz thinks so highly of him; it's not worth arguing, even if the irony of it isn't lost on the man who said, in his first 'real' conversation with Kazuhira Miller, that he was 'already a demon'.

When Kaz braces for Venom's incoming words, Venom spares reassurance in the form of a subtle curl of index and middle. ]

—About you and 'him'.

[ He doesn't say 'Big Boss'. He knows he doesn't need to. ]

I told you before when I came here, that you're not obligated to explain. [ Explain his feelings, his circumstances, whatever it might be that Kaz feels that he may need to. Venom is only bringing it up because Kaz felt the need to differentiate between what 'Venom Snake' does and what 'Big Boss' does, which is something that might as well be moot— but that's not the point.

The point is: ] So don't feel the need to distance yourself from 'him' to stand with me.

The spot's always gonna be open.

[ Meaning that Kaz doesn't have to compare, and that Kaz is entitled to his past and everything that comes along with it. Either way, Venom is glad for his XO's consideration. ]

It's not-

It's not that I'm distancing myself because of you. It's because of his ideas. I told him that he needed to change his ambitions with Outer Heaven. Thanks to him, the future is a world of soldiers equipped with nano-machines, lacking real independence. No freedom. Solid Snake has to go after Big Boss one day. [He doesn't mention the other man's death. He'll find out sooner or later. Kaz doesn't want to tell him, he doesn't want to see the man be content with the knowledge as he suspects he'll be.] The reason being that was that he threatened the world with a nuke.

I want to stand beside you because... I don't hate him anymore but he's not a man that would care to treat his soldiers like diamonds.

I tried to tell him but he didn't listen. Instead he just... wished me a happy life. I got a place by you. But I don't have one by him.

[And all this time, he doesn't like at Venom's face. Like he's talking to his hand, because his hand isn't carved up to look like someone else's. The nails are too short and the fingers too thick and long. The texture reads different. He can feel that now, having committed every last touch on John to memory.]

[Not that he held hands with him, really. But he remembers what they felt like.]

[The pad of his thumb rubs over the back of Snake's, a silent request for him not to move away. And that the sentiment that he has someone to stand beside is valued, even if Big Boss doesn't want him (meaning that if Venom chooses John, those feelings are useless).]

Edited (I have to keep editing this nonsense sorry. JESUS I KEEP EDITING.) 2016-10-26 10:28 (UTC)

[ Venom absorbs this with a degree of humility, one born from understanding that he isn't quite a person— just one fashioned after someone else. Kaz keeps his gaze steady on anything but Venom's face, and it's understandable considering that they're both talking about the real man that those features belong to.

(Big Boss wore them with more poise, Venom recalls. He knew how the angles of his face worked, how to steel the strong jaws and the high cheekbones so that shadows fell over them just so, obscuring the important things, sharing the others.)

He also understands that for Kaz, he's likely the lesser of two evils. It isn't him— Kaz has said as much— but the inexorable differences that Big Boss has cultivated with Kaz that makes it impossible for the latter to stay with the former. Their ideals no longer mesh, and Ishmael has always known how best to cut his losses. 'No hard feelings'.

Venom is at peace with it. At every turn, Kaz has had his footing stolen from him; as much as Venom wants something better for the man who weathered too many hells for one man to count, if ever he reaches to grip at Venom's hand the way he's doing now (how difficult is it for Kaz to do something like this? immensely, Venom fancies), Venom will keep him steady for as long as he can manage. ]

I see.

[ That's an underwhelming response, he knows. But he turns Kaz's hand over in his and holds it loosely, feeling for the calluses made from pens instead of pistols.

Once that's done, he brings that palm to his own chest, over his heart. ]

Then I won't say any more about it. [ Because this is Kaz's choice, and Venom has a lot of thinking to do about the nature of Big Boss's future. ]

[Finally he does look up then, when his hand is held properly by the warm hand under it. Kaz can tolerate that painful face not because of Venom, but because when he first showed up, David looked at him with respect. A face that dismissed him suddenly admiring. By the time this Snake arrived in any capacity, that face was the face of his friend, his student, his killer, his betrayer. It's a face that's dominated and would dominate his life.]

[Surprising that it took him so long to look at it again.]

I want to say more about it. [He splays his fingers, feeling a steady beat under his palm. A rhythm that reminds him that right now he's alive. He doesn't need to mourn this man yet.] Because... this is my fault. Maybe not entirely, but some of it. And I need to fix it. Maybe it's selfish but I don't care. I'm just damned tired of losing people [as they'd mentioned before], or- well I don't exactly get a happy ending. I get-

[And he'd started this out so well. He's not supposed to talk about this now. He's in a position of weakness, unable to hold his ground properly. And enough has spilled out of his mouth. He jaw tightens, teeth clenched to hold back his words and a tightness he feels in his throat. Miller usually isn't too bad for saying too much. But Snake is easy to talk to.]

[Which is disgusting in its own way. Considering that he opened up as much as he did because he thought he was another man in the beginning. He changes course slightly.] I can fix it. If I can remember, I know enough now. The twins told me a lot.

You'll let me have that place as long as I can, right? [Confirming gently, as he reaches up with other hand, the artificial one, to smooth over that messily tied back hair, and coming to rest at the back of his neck.]

Edited 2016-10-26 11:33 (UTC)

[ Events are cyclical, Venom thinks to himself. They've done this before, hand to shoulder and palm to neck, flying over Seychelles water. They had old scars to nurse, and anticipations of new ones. No more, they’d said: we’ll be better, we’ll stop dreaming, we’re going to fix this.

Venom is unsure of how productive it is to try and uproot a future that’s already been set in stone, if any of these timelines are final verdicts in their uncertain footsteps. It seems dangerous to merely accept everything they’ve been told as absolutes, but he’d be one to talk; his hypocrisy doesn’t elude him. Still, there’s something profoundly melancholy about how Kaz grapples with what he knows and what he thinks he can still do, to find a peace of mind that seems just slightly out of his reach.

He wants to tell Kaz not to ruin himself with this. To not back into a corner made from his own obsessions (they’ve done this already, in spades), but the trailed-off statement about Kaz’s presumably unattained happy ending stills Venom’s tongue and gently closes a lid on that trepidation, to be addressed again at a later date.

“I worry about you” goes unspoken. At this point, it feels like idle patronization. ]

Kaz…

[ He breathes that single syllable, single eye fluttering shut. When it opens again, it’s with gentle concession. ]

...Yeah. You’ll have it for as long as you need it.

[He can see the concern there. It's as unique as the respect from David. Genuine worry for him, not just for the MSF or superficial goals. It's for him, not just the Diamond Dogs.]

[Kaz moves the hand at the back of his neck to smooth more of his hair around the curve of his ear, feeling the notch from his scar as he does. That other hand he's reluctant to move, drawing comfort from every strong beat against his palm.]

You earned a place at my side, too. If you ever want to talk more. [Maybe he might. If Kaz is lucky. He'll force the issue one day if he has to, make his proposal, but it would be nice if he asked. Asking for permission has been important for this. He's spoken to everyone he needs to, because no one ever asks them. Their free will has never mattered, intelligent choices. But he wants it to.] I guess I spoiled the mood.

I'll be okay. [He doesn't mean with the future; he means with what he knows. He's known for a while, he's had this plan for a while. He'll be fine. After all, he did this today. All he has to do is get a little stronger.]

[ It's exceedingly less difficult for Venom to count himself as being outside of the ranks of this nebulous future, if only because he knows he wasn't 'built' to have one. His autonomy died on the day he decided to shield Big Boss from Paz's bones, and so did his notion of free will.

Regardless, it's still "Venom Snake" that gently lets go of Kaz's wrist. He never needed a prerecorded voice to understand that Kaz needs certain things from him— support, patience, a presence— which is why his callused touch over Kaz's collar, readjusting clothes from where the arm wrestling match knocked them askew, are genuinely his own. Affirming, even as he pulls away. ]

I was the one that brought it up. [ The subject of Big Boss, he means. A subtle way to relieve Kaz of any culpability for the mood, which he doesn't hold against his XO by any stretch.

He doesn't miss the use of the future tense, 'I'll be okay', either. ]

—It's been a long few days. Take a breather, Kaz. [ His chair scrapes under his perch, shoulders drawing up and away to carefully dislodge Kaz's fingertips from behind his ear. ] I'll take you to your room.

Don't tell Ocelot. [It's the last request he makes about this. But he'll hope, at least that Snake shows some interest in what his plans are. That he'll ask him of his own free will.]

[Like two harried birds, they finish grooming and tending to one another, drawing comfort from slight touches that can't come from Kaz needing assistance to rise or settle or to have his clothes situated properly on his body due to the need for an extra hand. He tucks his hands back close to him, withdrawing into himself again.]

[He can be patient. He's good at waiting.]

[The sound of faint licking draws his attention, and he notes Mama has stuck her snout into DD's ear and is grooming him in a friendly way. As if she had taken some sort of cue from the two masters, though her and the ambiguously wolf looking dog don't look as melancholy as either one of them.]

[Watching the two of them, Kaz picks up his now empty cup and waits for Snake to rise, before offering up his hand again, like he wants help up.]

[They both know he doesn't need it. Not in the way he used to, anyway.]

[ Right, Ocelot. The request reminds Venom of Kaz’s tenuous alliance with the other leg of the tripod, and he doesn’t contest to keeping Ocelot in the dark about their conversation because it’d only aggravate. It’s a nod that he gives in response, before he rounds the corner of the table and meets that expectant look, that outstretched hand.

He takes it without hesitation, one knee forward and bent slightly to accommodate their differences in posture. His bionic moves to Kaz’s hip, stabilizing the weight that he knows would have faltered in the past without a crutch to lean on. A well-worn routine, almost sanctified.

Kaz is tangible against his side, and Venom waits for as long as it takes for his friend to find his footing again before he detaches. It’s never been an imposition of his space or time to make sure that Kaz is fully functional; Kaz has always done the same to him in spirit, radio to his ear at unreasonable hours.

Venom waits, steadies, and finally leads his friend and dogs out of the sim room when the world feels more solid under his feet. ]

Edited 2016-10-27 08:43 (UTC)