[Elizabeth stares at him for a moment, a long moment, as she considers how mad she realistically should be for Peter having a conversation with a four year old her. Finding out things that she didn't just volunteer to people because... Because it was over.]
Why? It's the truth. [She can't meet his eyes when she says it, but there's weight to the statement. Like it weighs on her every day, even in space.] I was too young to know what was happening, I tried to make sense of it as best I could. Scientists were men in white dresses. Poking me-- taking blood samples. That woman, who I 'made mad'? [She flashes a sardonic smile and opens the box of chocolates. She needs to eat.] Lady Comstock. Wife of the man who kidnapped me. She wasn't too excited to be my public-eye mother, insisted that I was the product of an affair her husband had with one of the lead scientists who watched me.
I forgot all of that, of course. I was four. The idea that I once had parents was gone by the time I was six, maybe seven. Which was over thirteen years ago. [Elizabeth picks one of the chocolates out of the box.] I don't talk about it because it was over thirteen years ago, and no one can do anything to change that. So why... talk about it?
Four year old me hadn't quite figured that out yet, so. You got to hear about my toys being stolen and my books I couldn't read on my own. Seems weird, anyone would ask why if they weren't completely heartless. I was a kid. [She looks down at the chocolate in her hand, it's melting.] I could have been hurting and just not crying about it because no one asked.
[The scientist part wasn't hard to figure out on his own. The kidnapping is a little more surprising and it shows in the brief raising of his eyebrows. But he stays quiet while she explains. If she wants to tell him about it now, as an adult, why should he stop her?
Of course what she has to say is nothing good. Peter had more or less expected something terrible from her reactions before, but hearing how self depreciating she was about it was hard to deal with.]
It might make you feel better. Isn't that enough of a reason? I mean, shit. That's heavy stuff to deal with alone. Maybe no one can do anything about it- I mean, unless we get someone around here with time travel powers. But at least we can empathize or whatever. Take a little of the load off of you.
[The talk about her childhood makes him feel guilty all over again.]
I'm sorry. For making you as a kid talk about it. You were a good kid, Lizzie. You didn't deserve any of that. You should have had someone reading to you all the time and your real parents. I'm sorry you went through all that shit.
[Elizabeth has, of course, thought that talking about it might make her feel better-- but at what cost? She didn't want anyone to take on her pain if she could help it, because she didn't think it could get any lighter. Clearly, after telling Ivan and Miles almost everything, it had gotten lighter because now she's feeling the weight again. Heavier, now that her 'gift' is back.]
[Peter's apologies hit Elizabeth quite hard, and she stands there with the melting chocolate and the box tearing up.]
He was a horrible man, and I'm not sorry he's dead! He destroyed my life, and nearly destroyed my father's, and I'm going to be playing catch-up forever just trying to have friends and see things with them, find some meaning for myself past what that man did to me!
[She has to catch her breath after that, and she realizes that her tears have spilled over and tries to wipe them away.]
I didn't mean for this to come out like that. I just-- run away with myself.
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Why? It's the truth. [She can't meet his eyes when she says it, but there's weight to the statement. Like it weighs on her every day, even in space.] I was too young to know what was happening, I tried to make sense of it as best I could. Scientists were men in white dresses. Poking me-- taking blood samples. That woman, who I 'made mad'? [She flashes a sardonic smile and opens the box of chocolates. She needs to eat.] Lady Comstock. Wife of the man who kidnapped me. She wasn't too excited to be my public-eye mother, insisted that I was the product of an affair her husband had with one of the lead scientists who watched me.
I forgot all of that, of course. I was four. The idea that I once had parents was gone by the time I was six, maybe seven. Which was over thirteen years ago. [Elizabeth picks one of the chocolates out of the box.] I don't talk about it because it was over thirteen years ago, and no one can do anything to change that. So why... talk about it?
Four year old me hadn't quite figured that out yet, so. You got to hear about my toys being stolen and my books I couldn't read on my own. Seems weird, anyone would ask why if they weren't completely heartless. I was a kid. [She looks down at the chocolate in her hand, it's melting.] I could have been hurting and just not crying about it because no one asked.
no subject
Of course what she has to say is nothing good. Peter had more or less expected something terrible from her reactions before, but hearing how self depreciating she was about it was hard to deal with.]
It might make you feel better. Isn't that enough of a reason? I mean, shit. That's heavy stuff to deal with alone. Maybe no one can do anything about it- I mean, unless we get someone around here with time travel powers. But at least we can empathize or whatever. Take a little of the load off of you.
[The talk about her childhood makes him feel guilty all over again.]
I'm sorry. For making you as a kid talk about it. You were a good kid, Lizzie. You didn't deserve any of that. You should have had someone reading to you all the time and your real parents. I'm sorry you went through all that shit.
no subject
[Peter's apologies hit Elizabeth quite hard, and she stands there with the melting chocolate and the box tearing up.]
He was a horrible man, and I'm not sorry he's dead! He destroyed my life, and nearly destroyed my father's, and I'm going to be playing catch-up forever just trying to have friends and see things with them, find some meaning for myself past what that man did to me!
[She has to catch her breath after that, and she realizes that her tears have spilled over and tries to wipe them away.]
I didn't mean for this to come out like that. I just-- run away with myself.