[closed] but don't you remember

[disarmin]

Who: Armin and Eggsy (commontype)
When: 8/7
Where: The observation deck
What: Eggsy is someone important from Armin's past, but he doesn't remember that.
Warnings: AAAAAAAAAAAAAANGST, potential of Armin's past including drugging, prostitution and other stressful situations, will try to warn as necessary

[Every footstep against the cold, sterile floor of the Moira seems to tell Armin: stop. Don't. Leave. Run. But Armin has never listened to those fears. He knows if he doesn't see Eggsy now, the fear of running into him will haunt him. Better to get it out of his system, see for himself that Eggsy truly doesn't remember. Then he can move on, as he was always meant to.

Still, he wears the sea green party dress with the white lace detail along the shoulders and collar. It was a gift from Eggsy, birthday, he thinks. They were going to a place to dance in London before the Ingress pulled him here. Armin leans against the glass of one of the windows, watching the starscape and thinking of the innumerable lights of London, of the beautiful, light-filled apartment in Eros. He wants to smoke a cigarette, wants something to do with his hands and distract from this inevitably awful situation.

He wants to believe Eggsy is going to smile when he enters the doorway. That Eggsy will call him 'luv'. But it won't happen. No matter how much he wants it to.]

Comments

[commontype]

I mean, it is strange, yeah? But so much of this place is weird, you kinda get used to it.

[A part of him also thinks it'd be nice, having someone that could know him so well. Eggsy has a handful of people that are that familiar with him but none of those are romantic situations. None of them are in love or were in love with a version of him. Eggsy sighs, dropping his head back against the glass.]

Why wouldn't that mean much to me? It's a lot to process, but that don't mean it's nothin'. Just gonna take some time to understand what's goin' on here.

[He wishes he could tell Armin that he loves him too, that he's the person he knew from back then, that everything doesn't have to always be shit, but he can't say those things. If they were that close, that familiar, then he'd know that Eggsy was lying and that wouldn't do anybody any good.]

Nah, you don't have to. Just go slow with me, yeah? [The military bit though, yeah, he can work with that.] I did? Mind tellin' me about it some?

[disarmin]

Um, well, I don't know how much you want to know. [Armin flushes.] Back when we were first getting to know each other you really wanted to know about my training, I think, you were really impressed with the balance and strength I've achieved in my thighs. [Surely Eggsy won't ask how that came up.] And you thought it was um, cool? I was trained to used specialized equipment from almost the first day of my enlistment, since I was 12. You said, um, it seemed almost acrobatic, my training, or like gymnastics. Only even more dangerous. But all of it, the training, the military, the harshness of it, came from how bad things are in my world. Humanity is on the verge of dying out there, and for some reason... [Armin sucks in a deep breath through his nose.] For some reason I'm not there fighting like I should be.

[commontype]

'S much as you wanna tell me.

[Eggsy would stop him if he started into something Eggsy couldn't listen to, but after everything he's seen and experienced in his life, and everything he's heard so far, he can't imagine Armin's got anything to say that he can't handle.]

In your- [His thighs. Yeah, okay. He can get why that came up. His face flushes.] I can see that, yeah? Cause it would've been stuff we had in common. Gymnastics. Training. Military.

If you're not there, and you're here, it's for a reason. I dunno about fate and all that shit, but if you were supposed to be there you would be.

[disarmin]

[Armin nods.] We'd work out together sometimes. I'd only recently learned much about swimming, and you helped me perfect that, and a few other things. Sparring, too. We even wound up fighting some horrid river monster things together one time. [Armin shakes his head. Strange that it's a fond memory now, in its own way. Even the saddest, most uncomfortable moments are enough to wring a sentimental tear out of him now.]

You know, it's funny. When other people say something about things happening for a reason, I assume they just don't know what else to say. They want to believe that life makes sense and isn't simply needlessly cruel. But I've always believed you. I don't know why, I suppose love is like that. I believed you when you said I never deserved anything that happened to me, or the world I was born into. So. I'll endeavor to believe it now too.

[Armin hugs his knees to his chest.]

...I really am sorry for all of this. I can't imagine you really think that I've harassed you like this because it's meant to be.

[commontype]

Life doesn't always make sense. Sometimes it is needlessly cruel. Sometimes bad things happens and they fuckin' blow and we never find out why. But that doesn't mean you deserved any of it. That anybody deserved the shit dealt 'em.

[Eggsy slides closer, gently lifting the small kitten and placing it on the ground near his feet; safe but giving him room to move. He doesn't know if he should touch Armin, but this is a good way to start, he thinks.]

Who said anythin' about harassin'? Just cause we're talkin' doesn't mean it ain't wanted.

[He huffs softly.]

Besides, I asked you to tell me and I'm glad you did. I wish I had answers for ya. That I knew where we could go from here.

[disarmin]

[Armin drops one hand, offering it to the teensy kitten to sniff.]

I don't know either. I usually have a plan.

I wanted to see you. That was the plan. I don't usually act on plans that only have one step and an unpredictable outcome like that... It's bad tactics. You need to have exit strategies, contingencies.

But I...

[Armin leaves the thought dangling, trailing off. The kittens seems to trust him well enough, so he begins to pet it.]

[commontype]

I hardly ever have a plan.

[Which isn't always a good thing, but it works for him a lot of the time.]

But emotions got the better of you, yeah? Ain't nothin' wrong with that.

[Eggsy reaches down and pets the kitten alongside Armin, nudging it in his direction.]

She's too small to be left on her own? I think the ship messed with her pod and she was born too soon. All the kittens is small but she's the tiniest.

[disarmin]

I think you probably have more capacity for planning than you think. But maybe it's easier to say you don't have a plan than say a plan didn't work out how you hoped.

[Armin lets the kitten sniff his fingers.]

It's impossible to plan for a situation like this... being on a ship in space... being separated from everyone and everything... Do you at least have JB here? When I first met you, I didn't really understand why people kept pets as companions. Then you gave me a kitten... She's regular sized. Her name is Liza.

[commontype]

[Eggsy sighs and scoots closer, nudging the kitten closer as he goes.]

Keep sayin' things like you don't know me. I've gotta be honest, I really don't know how to do this. All I wanna do is apologize to you.

[He's really not good at any of this. He wants to be, but he's not.]

JB's here, yeah? You should come get him sometimes. Everyone borrows him and walks and carries him around. I call this one lil' bit. Liza's a good name though. You ever seen My Fair Lady?

[disarmin]

[That particular question punches the air out of Armin's lungs. Why does this hurt so much? At least Eggsy is alive and well. He's witnessed so much worse. Been through so much worse. But there's a sharp pain in his breastbone that won't pass.]

Y-yes. Her full name is Eliza Mewlittle, actually. For the film. I'd never seen a film before, not all the way through. They don't have them in my world, and I don't like how noisy movies are in theaters. [For someone who'd never been exposed to them, they're far too noisy, far too bright.] I like musicals. They're not the least bit realistic, but it's kind of nice when everyone gets together in the end. Well, men and women do, at least.

[When the kittens appears to trust him, Armin scoops it up in one hand, stroking its velvety little ears.]