[closed] just to hear the sound of water

[disarmin]

Who: Armin & Tommy (madrush)
When: 8/3, evening
Where: the gym, near the swimming pool
What: discussing Tommy'd suggestion of a group
Warnings: some discussion of Armin's past in Eros, including mentions of prostitution.

[Armin spends the rest of his day in the library, putting together materials for his fine arts instruction. He's not entirely sure how he's supposed to go about teaching subjects he doesn't know much about, but he's determined to do as he's assigned and be a model crew member. For now.

He arrives a little early and changes into his swimshorts. He performs a rather well-formed dive from the edge, slipping into a breast stroke as he surfaces. There's something about the water he finds soothing, though nothing has ever quite matched the music of the waves and ocean.]

Comments

[madrush]

[Tommy's in the water, the opposite end of the pool, an arm braced on either side of him along the edge. He raises a brow when Armin surfaces.]

Who would've thought they'd have a pool on the ship? [He kicks his legs out, slow and easy.] It's nice.

[And a good place to meet when you want to do something fun and have an important conversation.]

What's up?

[disarmin]

Well, I thought we should talk. I - um, I have to admire your passion for gathering like-minded people, but your goals seemed unclear. So maybe we should talk about that.

[Armin swims a little closer to him. He's not so good at being lazy.]

And I also wanted to volunteer some of my other skills, ones that might not be as useful if everyone knows about them.

[madrush]

Oh, thanks. I didn't really think it all out, I guess. I figure we'd get together some people that want to help and decide on our goals after.

[It was backwards, but Tommy liked to be proactive.]

What kind of skills?

[disarmin]

[Armin dives under the water purely for the excuse to get his thoughts together about this, though he also uses the motion to swim a little closer to Tommy. He thought it would be easy telling Tommy about his past, after all, it's just one more thing that doesn't matter. One more thing to move on from. A skill to be utilized. But now that he's actually facing the possibility of telling someone, he's nervous. He rises, catching his breath.]

I can get close to people. If we need to spy on someone, if they fancy guys, then I can probably do it. If it's needed. Little easier for me with other guys, but... I was doing work like that before I came here, so. We shouldn't discount it as a potential possibility in the future.

[madrush]

Hmm.

[Tommy's not always tactful, but he manages not to do much more than hum softly under his breath as he's thinking it over. He isn't going to ask how a guy gets skills like that, it's not really his business, but some of what Armin's saying isn't going to work for him.]

Okay, so. I'm all for flirting with someone if it helps a mission, but that sort of stuff. Sleeping with people and hitting on them, yeah, we're not going to do those kinds of missions. If you're good at spying on people, we might need that. That's a good skill. [He pauses, kicking the water a bit more.] The rest is supposed to be fun. I don't want anybody to do anything where they associate that kind of stuff with work or a mission. Okay?

[disarmin]

Okay... [Armin stares at him, treading water. His stomach (or heart? or both?) feel wrung-out, twisted. He dives back under, swimming to the edge of the pool and hoisting himself up.]

You're really not worried about ending up in that kind of situation, are you? Where you have to compromise your dignity survive.

[Armin takes a shuddering breath, hugging himself a little, leaning on his knees with his elbows.]

I didn't either. I thought being a soldier was my final career. But I'd do it again if it came to it, without hesitation. Especially if it means someone else doesn't have to. So... keep it in mind.

[madrush]

I'm not saying that it can't happen. Who the hell knows what will happen out here?

[Tommy sighs, splashing some water in Armin's direction.]

It's good to be prepared, but I can't believe that we'll get into a situation that that will be the only way out of.

[He swallows, suddenly uncomfortable and way out of his depths.]

Sex should mean something. Even if it's just quick and for fun. It's not a job.

[disarmin]

Do you think less of people for whom it is a job?

[Armin kicks his feet in the water idly, not really enough to splash Tommy back. He can sense Tommy's discomfort, and is ashamed to have caused it. He's torn between the desire to push his buttons and see how he'll react (to push him away because he doesn't deserve friends, not regular people his own age) and to withdraw completely. Instead he simply waits to see what Tommy might say.]

[madrush]

No, I guess not. If they choose it and want to do it, I suppose that's their business.

[Tommy shrugs, and for everything he's seen and been through, he lacks experience with this.]

I think what bothers me is if someone thinks they have to do it. Not having a choice or because they think it's the only way to save everyone.

[disarmin]

It's wrong to force anyone to do that kind of thing, sure. But I'm volunteering. I've done it before. It's not a big deal to me.

[Armin goes quiet. He looks like he's working through something in his head, but the truth is its all blank in there right now. He's not afraid or upset or ashamed or angry or anything like that. He just sort of feels numb. So he stands up, carefully trots over to the deeper end of the pool and dives in. It's quiet under the water. He tests out how long he can hold his breath. It's not an impressive amount of time.

Why.
Why am I different.
Everything used to be so much clearer to me. What was right and wrong.

He surfaces.]

Hold on, I'm going to - um, just ignore what I'm about to do.

[Armin dives to the deepest part of the pool and yells into the water. Just wordless yelling, like he used to do in the woods sometimes with no one around. The sound won't carry far under the water. He surfaces when his lungs start to burn. He's breathless, his hair wetly plastered to every part of his face and neck.

...Sorry... I'm being creepy, aren't I?

[madrush]

[Tommy mumbles something along the lines of, you sure, before Armin goes under the water the first time. There's a whole lot going on under the surface of this guy and Tommy knows he's not the best person to help with it. He's too angry himself, angry all the time, hates when people get too close.

But he does want to help, if he can.]

Did it make you feel better? It's not really creepy if it helps.

[He starts moving in the water, padding back and forth, eyes on Armin.]

Why don't we talk about something else? Tell me other skills you have.

[disarmin]

I told you. I'm a soldier. My focus is tactics and large scale maneuvers, though I've also helped plan missions that involved more subtlety. My training mostly focused on killing titans - giants the size of houses that live to eat people - but in more recent times I also fought other soldiers.

[Armin swims over to the edge of the pool so he won't have to tread water. He doesn't like the feeling of not having something to hold onto, of nothing beneath him.]

I wasn't exactly trained for missions in space. We didn't even know space existed. Most people didn't even know a world outside of the walls we knew - an area a little under 720 kilometers - existed. All memory and knowledge of the world outside was actively suppressed. I'm not the worst at learning and adapting, but I'm not sure how much help I'll be.

[madrush]

Yeah, see we'll focus on that. You had people eaters as big as houses and you survived? That's so cool.

[Probably not for Armin, but Tommy can't help his enthusiasm. Young people kicking ass is the coolest thing ever.]

I knew space was there but I'd never been up in it. This is all pretty weird. And besides, we can figure it out together. That's the point of a team. We all rely on each other and help each other when we need it.

[disarmin]

Um, yeah, but only because my best friend sacrificed himself for me.

[Armin mutters, though the sound carries enough in the pool that Tommy will probably hear it. He doesn't think it's cool. He's not quite as traumatized by all that as he was at first, since Eren managed to survive. But Eren is missing in his world again, and while Armin has proven his worth plenty of times he still wonders if his friend made the right decision.]

I've seen a lot of people die. My first squad, my instructor, a hundred others. It's not that cool.

[madrush]

Well, none of that sounds cool, but the rest of it did. I suppose it's how you look at it. There's good and there's bad. Don't let the bad be the only parts you focus on.

[Damn. That might be the most intelligent thing he's ever said.]

Let's make each other a promise, okay? I don't let you think of the bad things when I'm around, and you don't let me get too mad when you're around. Deal?

[disarmin]

I can't keep you from getting mad, Tommy. I can try to calm you down if you get worked up, I'm not too bad at that, but it's still your decision how you react.

[Armin hoists himself back onto the edge of the pool.]

I'm not sure what you mean by not thinking of bad things. I can't think of kittens 24/7. And my experiences are what have gotten me this far.