[banging fists on table] MORE ROBOT DRAMA MORE ROBOT DRAMA MORE ROBOT DR

[knaval]

Who: riptide and some other dudes
When: after magnus's post
Where: riptide's room
What: sad fish boy
Warnings: cw for possible discussion of war, violence, ptsd, generally the depressing shit you get with these metal tittybabies



a. magnus

[accepting his fate, riptide allowed magnus to drag him to his room, no longer fighting.

if he had more knowledge of the situation, he would respond differently. he doesn't, though, and all he knows is he takes part in something that results in all his friends being left for the djd. after everything he's experienced in regards to tarn aboard to moira, after everything everyone has done for him, he was still stupid and selfish enough to leave them all for dead.

what the fuck did getaway say to him?

these are things that riptide will wonder about until he's physically unable to stay awake anymore, but for now he just lets whatever's going to happen to him happen.]

b. megatron

[they didn't finish the wall.

riptide eventually gets sick of laying on his bed staring at it like a useless sack of shit and gets up, sliding off the berth to carefully press at the edges still sticking out awkwardly.

he still thinks the table looked fine where it was.

sighing, riptide gets to work. missing brainstorm and nautica intensely for a moment before telling himself he doesn't deserve to.]

c. anyone else

[you want this sad fish? come yell at him in his room. he's not leaving.]

Comments

[knaval]

Not it's not. If anyone else on this stupid ship knows how fraggin' awful it is, it's me.

[he squeezes a little harder, still not letting go.]

You're such a good person, Ratchet, and it's not something you should know how it feels. It's--

[riptide promptly shuts himself up, before he thinks too hard about tarn's claws on his spark chamber and how he used his voice to keep him barely alive for what felt like hours. even if ratchet's was an accident, he knows that the feeling of shutting down is fucking horrible.]

[asafepairofhands]

Yeah, well. Apparently my spark chamber got turned to glass during that mess with the Caducans. Didn't run a careful enough scan to catch it until it got a good bump and... well, that was pretty much it. Just broke into pieces. [His lips tighten a little as he pats at Riptide's back.] Didn't take long, didn't hurt as much as it could have. I'm all right, I promise.

[knaval]

Welcome to the club, then. I woke up in cryo and all I got was a lame scar and nice heaping pile of trauma.

[one more squeeze, then riptide lets go.]

Did you check again? It's not glass now is it?

[asafepairofhands]

[Ratchet actually laughs a little, low and staticky.]

Yeah, I made sure. Properly this time, ran a full scan. I'm all right. [He closes a hand on Riptide's upper arm and squeezes briefly, then lets go.] Look, kid. This--I don't know what happened, and neither do you, but if everyone Magnus said was in on it is actually in on it, I... don't know. I have to think there's some other explanation. It might not be one we all like but we'll get it when we get it and we can't do anything about it here until then. There's no point in beating yourself up about it quite yet.

[knaval]

I can't stop. Getaway asked after the second launch and I said yes, and Magnus told me about the thing with Tailgate--

[riptide shakes his head, backing away until his ass hits his berth.]

And the DJD?! What else am I meant to do, knowing I'm going to willingly work with someone like that and give you all up to them?

[asafepairofhands]

"All right." Ratchet's optics narrow slowly as he watches Riptide back away, tilting his helm a little.

"Who, exactly, do you think is benefited by you sitting in here and beating yourself up over something you haven't done yet, then?"

[knaval]

You think I'm doing this because I want it to benefit someone? It's just... knowing I'm going to go against everything. Cross a line not even the most fragged up Decepticons wouldn't. I'm going to lose all my friends-- Tailgate will barely even look at me any more and he was my best friend. I think Drift wanted to attack me!

I'm going to do that, after I saw the second Lost Light. After I saw what the DJD do, I saw everyone dead. Tarn killed me here, he won't leave me alone.

After all of that... I end up so incapable of letting go that I get some of the best mechs that have ever been sparked killed. I've-- I've never seen Magnus scared like that before.

[asafepairofhands]

"Hey. We're not dead yet."

Ratchet walks over and sits down next to Riptide.

"And I think we're going to have to stick together if we want to survive this place, Tarn and all. ...'survive' being a relative term, obviously." He rubs a hand over his face, then leans his elbows on his knees and blows a shaky sigh of air from his vents. "Maybe Getaway conned you, too. Maybe he thought he was doing something to just get rid of Megatron and leave the rest of us safe. Maybe you all were blackmailed or put up to it somehow. Maybe--I don't know. That's the point, we don't know."

[knaval]

"But... what if he didn't?"

Riptide knows it's unlikely, but he can't stop thinking about it.

"What if I knew, but still went along with it? I know I shouldn't bother with what ifs but... what if he did talk everyone into killing their friends?"

He sighs.

"I know I shouldn't but I can't. Stop."

[asafepairofhands]

"...yeah."

Ratchet shifts, pressing his pauldron briefly against Riptide's upper arm.

"I think it'll get easier, though. We'll find out when we find out. In the meantime, you've been through enough hell here without you adding to it yourself, but that's just my opinion."

[knaval]

Leaning back, Riptide puts a hand on his face.

"Yeah, and since I got back all I've done is screw up and make people unhappy. I should've just... stayed dead, I guess. That would've been better for everyone."

[asafepairofhands]

Ratchet goes still, his optics cold.

"Think it'd be better if people just stayed dead here, do you?" His voice is hard and edged as a knife.

[knaval]

"Tch. Obviously not. I said me."

[asafepairofhands]

"You think that would be better? You think Sideswipe would be happier, knowing you were murdered for good by Tarn? Can you even imagine what kind of brainless faux-heroics he'd attempt trying to avenge you? Do you really think I'd be happier?"

Ratchet doesn't get up from the edge of the slab, but he's still looking at Riptide with that same chilled, flensing expression on his face.

"We all make stupid, bad, cruel decisions that we can't take back sometimes, Riptide. You can't just die to absolve yourself of the responsibility of dealing with it, even Rodimus is smart enough to know better than that."

[knaval]

"That's how it works normally. That's how it worked for millions of years with Tarn and everything. And you know-- at least Bee wouldn't have been upset when I was so stupid during that Caducan invasion. I upset Sideswipe then, too."

Riptide eventually drops his gaze away from Ratchet.

"It would've been comeuppance. Betray all my friends to Tarn then get tortured and killed by him. Pchoo... full circle. No extra dumb disappointing bits after."

[asafepairofhands]

"Well, I'm sorry you weren't permanently murdered when you thought it would be most convenient," Ratchet says, his voice very dry.

"Unfortunately for you, you are still alive, which means screwing up sometimes. And if you think that's cosmically unfair, for you to be alive after what you did in the future, then congratulations, life isn't fair and neither is death and we're all just doing the best we can." He gestures, a little helplessly. "It feels weird to tell you that you can't undo what's already been done when you haven't even technically done it yet but--well, you can't do anything about it, at any rate. I get that it's a difficult thing to process, but I have apparently just come from giving Drift the pinnacle of all lectures about how moping around and beating yourself up over actions you can no longer change serves nothing and no one, so I have it all prepped and ready to go if you really want to hear it."

[knaval]

"It's normal." He mumbles. "No, I'm fine. Just... record it or something and slide it under the door. I can't concentrate enough for that right now."

[asafepairofhands]

"Mmmm." Ratchet tilts his head, a too-familiar glitter of a physician's interest in his optic. "You been recharging at all?"

[knaval]

Riptide shakes his head slowly.

"Brain too noisy."

[asafepairofhands]

"Mmmmm."

Ratchet's quiet for a moment.

"Just let me know if it gets too bad, I'll see if I can help."

[knaval]

"With what? A boff on the noggin?" he asks, just a little bitterly.

"If I was fine after Tarn I'll be fine now."