thisavrou_log | [banging fists on table] MORE ROBOT DRAMA MORE ROBOT DRAMA MORE ROBOT DR

Entry tags:

[banging fists on table] MORE ROBOT DRAMA MORE ROBOT DRAMA MORE ROBOT DR

Who: riptide and some other dudes
When: after magnus's post
Where: riptide's room
What: sad fish boy
Warnings: cw for possible discussion of war, violence, ptsd, generally the depressing shit you get with these metal tittybabies

a. magnus

[accepting his fate, riptide allowed magnus to drag him to his room, no longer fighting.

if he had more knowledge of the situation, he would respond differently. he doesn't, though, and all he knows is he takes part in something that results in all his friends being left for the djd. after everything he's experienced in regards to tarn aboard to moira, after everything everyone has done for him, he was still stupid and selfish enough to leave them all for dead.

what the fuck did getaway say to him?

these are things that riptide will wonder about until he's physically unable to stay awake anymore, but for now he just lets whatever's going to happen to him happen.]

b. megatron

[they didn't finish the wall.

riptide eventually gets sick of laying on his bed staring at it like a useless sack of shit and gets up, sliding off the berth to carefully press at the edges still sticking out awkwardly.

he still thinks the table looked fine where it was.

sighing, riptide gets to work. missing brainstorm and nautica intensely for a moment before telling himself he doesn't deserve to.]

c. anyone else

[you want this sad fish? come yell at him in his room. he's not leaving.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[optical ridges drawing together, riptide slowly raises a hand to his mouth.

tailgate had mentioned something about getaway but they didn't talk about it in detail. his tanks churn as he thinks of how much fun they had doing dumb shit instead.]

I guess I knew that but still went along with him. I really am scum.

[Despite Riptide's personal lamentations, Minimus continues on.]

After that incident, we imprisoned Getaway. We had hoped the measures we took would make it impossible to get aw--...

To escape.

We were correct, he couldn't escape his holding cell on his own. The rest of the crew let him out shortly after we were lured back to the Necrobot's planet.

We were attacked. The Rodpod was shot down by Decepticon fighters. When we attempted to reach the Lost Light...it was then that Getaway made his dramatic reappearance. He condemned us for High Command's decision to allow Megatron on board, he lambasted Rodimus for his negligence as a captain...and he explained everything to us.

He had been trying to stage a coup since we departed Cybertron. He approached every single member of the crew and pressed them on where they would stand if a coup took place and if they weren't prepared to stand with him, his nudge gun came into play. Those of us who...were more forgiving than the rest...were the ones left stranded.

It appears I've come to enjoy Megatron's company too much, or maybe it was because I was bound by the chain of command that I had no problems deferring to him. I can't remember. Either way... Tarn and Deathsaurus were on our doorstep before I arrived through the Ingress. I don't know who, if any of us, survive.

[riptide nods, mouth still covered by his hand.]

I remember him asking... but the DJD? I can't-- I can't...

You would have said something if you knew...

I want to believe that, Riptide. I do.

But Getaway said it himself. He said there was a surprise waiting for us. That 'one of us will probably get hurt.'

[His shoulders quake as he remembers that last communication, and he casts Riptide a pleading gaze over his hunched shoulder.]

Please...Riptide. Please tell me you would have told me.

[he says nothing. he can say yes, but it's clear what actually happened, that he didn't.

this isn't what magnus wants him to do, but riptide hazards a guess magnus wouldn't want him to lie, either.

riptide doesn't meet magnus's gaze.]

Please, Riptide.

Please...I'm asking you to say something..!

[He wasn't asking so much for Riptide's reasons. He needed to know that there were those who wouldn't have left them to die. If so, then maybe Mainframe, Blaster, Hound, all of those he'd fought with shoulder to shoulder...that they wouldn't have done the same if they knew...]

I am no longer asking as your commanding officer. I am asking you as a friend...

I can tell you what you want to hear, Magnus, but I think we both know it would just end up a lie.

[riptide bites his lower lip.]

I want to say I would. I want to say it because I don't want to see anyone get hurt but... I didn't! It happened!

You're a liar.

You're a liar because you did want to see someone get hurt. You wanted to see Megatron get hurt and, because of that? You may have condemned all of us to death.

[The tremors in his voice are much harder to hide now. There's some anger there, for sure. That's almost synonymous with his normal voice. What's not normal? The absolute devastation that his vocalizer betrays to Riptide.]

Even after he tried to...to teach us. To better himself. To find peace. We've all done terrible things in this war, and Megatron knows above all others the weight his choices have carried! And yet...

[Minimus places his hand over his face and stops himself.]

I am not asking anyone to forget the war...those we lost. Primus knows it cost us several Ultra Magnuses. Those far better than I. I had merely hoped we could learn from it.

...I suppose I was wrong. Perhaps I grew too lax. Had too much...

Too much...ff...fun...

[Perhaps he deserved this too, somehow.]

...Because I can't let it go, or whoever else was involved. I can't and I don't know how the DJD were involved or why anyone agreed to that--

[his voice cracks and he trails off. it's not right seeing minimus like this. it's not right at all.]

You and... everyone else. None of you deserved that. You're all going to die because...

[he presses his hand to his face, not even trying to hide the light strands starting to leak out. yeah, cry again. like it's going to change anything. like he doesn't deserve to feel this way.]

I should've stayed dead when Tarn got me. Primus knows I deserved it tenfold.

[Minimus felt his spark ache. On the one hand, Riptide had to face the consequences of his actions. On the other? He knew he was unfairly burdening him with the responsibility that an entire crew should answer for. He was asking for answers that Riptide couldn't possibly give. Answers that he felt he was entitled to that may never come because he may not survive to see them.]

[Slowly, Minimus approaches Riptide and shakily places a hand on the larger bot's forearm.]

I am sorry...to be the one to bring this upon you. I am sorry for asking the impossible from you...and I am sorry I attacked you. I was scared. We were all scared.

I don't think...I don't think the future can be changed but...

Rest assured, we are going to fight until the last vestiges of light fade from our sparks...

No, no, no, no no, no, no, no--

[it's childish and stupid, but riptide can't take it anymore. he's not someone who CAN take burdens well, and he just draws in on himself more, shoulders heaving as he outright sobs the words out. like a mantra, like if he pleas hard enough the future CAN change.]

[Minimus' optics shudder closed and slowly, very slowly, he lifts his hand to the back of Riptide's head. With surprising strength, he brings Riptide's head closer until the crest of his forehelm rests against Minimus' chestplate. Just above his spark chamber.]

[When he speaks, his voice is hushed. Pained. Emotion gives way to duty. He's a soldier, after all. And a soldier never lets his men see fear.]

What's done is done, Riptide. For now...let us make the most of the time we have. I am sorry for the things I said. For the things I accused you of. Of what has happened to you here on the Moira.

You have my word. I swear on my armor.

I will not let it happen to you again.

I c-- [there's little resistance when he's pulled in, all riptide does is push gently at minimus's shoulders like he's trying to push him away. he doesn't get far. he's too overcome with the horrible wracking sobbing that completely takes every piece of energy he has. he's physically unable to stop, even though his stomach is starting to hurt. he must be such a pathetic sight, if even magnus is hugging him.] Not after-- what I've done, I d-don't deserve--

Riptide.

If there is one thing I've learned throughout all of this?

Everyone.

No matter how big or small. No matter what good or evil they've committed.

No matter how they were built.

If their spark truly desires it?

Everyone deserves peace.

[he shakes his head against minimus's chest, closing his optics slowly and slowing sobbing with less... gusto.]

I don't. I dont-- do you think I'm just going to wave this off? Knowing I let this happen? After seeing Tarn here, after being on the duplicate Lost Light? I saw you dead then, and it was horrific. It's going to happen again--

[he exhales heavily, pushing back. ]

I guess I figure it out in the future but right now I don't know how I can live with myself knowing that.

Look at me, Riptide.

We will get by. We will continue on and, perhaps with a little luck, maybe we will find some answers.

But we will do it as a crew.

This is not an order.

It's a request.

From an old soldier to a young one.

[it's shaky, he's still venting heavily, he's still struggling to keep eye contact but eventually he gets out:]

...Yes sir.

[Minimus reaches up and pats Riptide very gently on the cheek.]

I want you to know...you can come talk to me.

About anything.

Even if I yell. Even if I get mad.

I will accept your thoughts and I want to know.

[he flinches away slightly from the soft touch.]

M'kay.

[that tone is truly uncertain.]

I...hope to see you soon.

[don't, he thinks.]

Wait. What's happening? Are you putting me in the brig or what?

I have no such authority or intention.

Besides...it's clear to me you're punishing yourself far worse than I could ever punish you.

[sighing heavily, riptide nods slightly. yeah he was kind of explosive wasn't he]

I'll. Um. Call Rung.

That is a good idea.

I plan on making an appointment with him myself.

Y--yeah.

[riptide chews on his lip, hating the guilt for welling up inside his chest again.

he shifts awkwardly, not wanting to really discuss emotions further with minimus.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[banging fists on table] MORE ROBOT DRAMA MORE ROBOT DRAMA MORE ROBOT DR

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject