thisavrou_log | closed;

Entry tags:

closed;

Who: Alan Bradley and Peter Maximoff
When: 27th
Where: Science Department
What: An awkward conversation about Rinzler, sentience, and science
Warnings: Non-organic prejudice? Teenage angst? Will update as needed

[He limps his way into the lab, head ducked and hands in his pockets but expression pleasant. He expects to be dropping in on a friend here, a chance to see someone older and wiser and not connected to the family to hang around. Listening to theories and engineering babble sounds better than another round of well meaning sister's asking about the outpost. And maybe just the chance to hide from all those questions.

His luck was never good enough to give into his expectations.

Bruce is no where to be found, the only soul left in the lab is Alan. Peter stares for a moment, turns around and nearly bolts for the door. He's not afraid of Alan, the man's not his creation, but Peter's tired of fighting after weeks of stress and shackles. Wanda would be disappointed if he got into another one so soon. It's not like it hadn't been that long ago since his last fight with Rinzler, since the reason for this limp came about.

He turns back around anyway, stands in front of Alan's computer terminal.]

It's just you around?

[He can be civil, he tells himself. He can have a mature conversation with Alan, something that's been overdo for months now. He can. Probably.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[Handling the data side of the rescue missions to the Runoff has become a fulltime job for Alan. Time has done little to lessen the workload, especially now that people are actually making it back with new information about where they were kept and how they were taken there. Maps need to be updated, high-threat areas routed around, and MIDs removed from the list of the missing. It’s a horrific scenario, but at least people are being rescued -- and at least Alan can do something to help. As focused as he is on the monitor in front of him, he doesn’t even notice someone else is in the room until they’re standing in front of him.

Alan looks up, recognition coming a moment later. Peter. Alan’s aware that he had been among the missing, but as glad as he is that the teenager is no longer on the Runoff, he isn’t exactly pleased to see him in-person. Still, Alan’s had years to practice being civil with people he doesn’t see eye-to-eye with, to put it mildly. At least Peter doesn’t seem interested in a confrontation this time around.]

I’m afraid so. Who are you looking for? [Because Alan is fairly sure it wasn’t him.]

Bruce.

[He shrugs, giving the room another glance over like the man in question might just pop out of thin air. He's certainly seen weirder things happen. But Peter had never had that kind of luck.]

I can talk to him later. I guess.

[Peter shuffles awkwardly. Without anger fueling him, Peter finds it hard to deal with Alan. His way of handling anything negative had always been the quick bursts of fire or avoidance, never to meet it head on.

He takes a few long, long seconds to struggle for words, opening and shutting his mouth like a speed up fish.]

Rinzler-

[He starts, stops. Sighs.]

He attacked me again. Before I went in those tubes. He could have killed me, but he didn't. I thought, maybe, you should know that.

[He thumbs at the door, takes a few hobbled steps towards it.]

Edited 2016-07-30 05:37 (UTC)

Alright. I’ll tell him you stopped by. [Alan assumes that’s the end of the conversation. He watches Peter for another wary beat before his gaze turns back to the monitor in front of him. Still, even when he tries to turn his attention back to his work, it’s hard not to notice that Peter isn’t actually going anywhere. Alan attempts not to pay him any mind. That is, until he brings up Rinzler.

Alan’s attention snaps back up to him, expression going from suspicion to surprise as Peter continues to speak. Is that where Peter picked up that limp? Part of him resists the thought, remembering his conversation with Tron (”Do you think Peter was lying?” “I don’t know.”), but he can also see that Peter doesn’t seem to have come here to argue a point -- especially with that detail about Rinzler having the chance to kill him and not taking it. In fact, Peter seems to be eager to exit the conversation as soon as possible.]

Peter, wait. [Alan stands from his chair as Peter reaches for the door console.] I’m-- [A sigh.] I’m sorry that happened to you. If you don’t want to tell me anything else about it, fine, but… I would like to know what happened, if you’re willing.

[He nods instead of giving Alan his thanks, not bothering to look back at the man. Avoidance techniques are something Peter likes to think he's mastered. But when Alan asks, Peter comes to a stop just in front of the door.

He sighs, shakes his head and turns just enough to look at Alan over his shoulder.]

I didn't- that wasn't to make you apologize. [There are still some things he wants to shake Alan for, force the man to grovel about. Most of those things have to do with J and the ugly guilt that still pulls at the pit of his stomach when he thinks about her too much. But this isn't part of that guilt and isn't something he completely blames Alan for happening.

He understands why Alan would want to know and Peter's the one who offered the information in the first place in some lame attempt to what? Fix things? Prove things had changed? Maybe just to try to understand what had happened himself. Still, he hesitates before speaking, words coming slow and unsure.]

He found me on the collective. Up at the mountains, with all the snow and stuff. Smart of him, I guess. I kind of suck at running on ice. [His huffed laughter is deprecating, annoyed.] He had a trap laid out and I fell for it. Literally. He totally could have cut me in half right there, but nope.

[He shrugs, expression bewildered. He can't understand why Rinzler hadn't taken the kill shot.] He didn't kill me. Didn't even try to break a limb or leave me bleeding somewhere.

[Alan’s expression grows more quizzical at Peter’s response to his apology. Out of all the reactions he expected, relatively polite refusal isn’t the one of them. He retakes his seat, listening intently as Peter continues speaking. Already, he’s reevaluating why the teenager is having this conversation with him in the first place.

He thinks he understands a little bit better by the time Peter finishes his account. As unpleasant as it is to hear about Rinzler attacking one of the crew again, he can think of multiple reasons why the program would restrain himself from killing Peter -- but judging by the perplexed expression on the boy’s face, those reasons aren’t nearly so clear to him.]

Maybe he didn’t want to give you a reason to retaliate in kind. Maybe he just wanted to show you that he could kill you if he wanted to. [He crosses his arms, but it’s not Peter he looks unhappy with.] I’m not saying what he did was justified, but he does have reasons for his actions. Even if they aren’t always good reasons.

[Peter's having one of those rare moments of maturity, one that he's only capable of now that he's far away from the source of anger and far too hurt, too tired to think about being upset. Besides, arguing with Alan won't get to the heart of the problem. It won't help Peter wrap his head around how his interactions with Rinzler are changing beyond the black and white lines he was used to.]

I told him, everyone, I wouldn't attack again.

[He says it like he honestly expected everyone to take his word at face value. Like everyone was supposed to already understand his particular brand of ethics.]

I already know he could. [He hates to say it, but he knows it's true. His hand goes to his stomach, touching his scar unconsciously over his clothes.] He didn't need to remind me.

[He leans against a nearby table, sighing and slumping like thinking about it is taking out all his energy.]

He said he didn't like being hunted.

You didn’t just attack him. You lured him into a trap meant to kill him. [There’s a flat displeasure at having to remind Peter of the fact, but Alan’s tone remains subdued. He isn’t interested in this becoming an argument.] He shouldn’t have attacked you. But after everything that happened between you two, it’s not like it’s a surprise that he’d be paranoid about what you might do in the future. [Rinzler is on-edge by default. Given his previous interactions with Peter, there’s no reason to believe he’d stop seeing him as a threat just because the teenager had claimed their conflict was over.

Peter’s words only further confirm the notion.] Sounds like he thought you might try again some time if he didn't intimidate you into rethinking. [Alan himself doesn’t know whether Rinzler was right to assume that Peter would lash out again in the future. But if Peter had actually come to Alan to talk about what happened rather than just immediately heading down the warpath again, then maybe there is some hope that the conflict will end here rather than restarting. Alan’s voice grows apologetic.] If he was trying to intimidate you, then at least it means you probably won’t have to deal with him again. If this was to make you keep your distance, he’ll likely do the same.

And you know why I did. [Irritation colors his tone for a moment, anger coming hot and brief. He doubts they'll ever see eye to eye on what happened that night, but he has to take a minute to remind himself that's not what he's here about. He takes a breath, tries to speak more evenly.]

I already told him he won. I wasn't going to come back after him.
[It'd made sense in his head. The battle had been won, it was over. And it's not like he didn't know Rinzler had looked into Peter's conversations on the MID before. How many people had he told, over and over, that he was done with the fighting?

Peter sighs. He can almost get what Alan's saying. Stay away, keep things from getting bad again. He should take the advice and go. But.]

I saw him again. On the outpost.

I’m not saying you would’ve. I’m just trying to explain why Rinzler may have lashed out the way he did. [Explanation, not justification. Maybe Peter’s resolution to let the matter lie was genuine. Maybe it wasn’t. Either way, just because Peter said he’d do something doesn’t mean Rinzler took it as truth.

Peter’s next words get a raised eyebrow. Alan’s first instinct is to expect another report of violence, but if Rinzler had attacked Peter a second, more recent time, Alan would expect to hear about that first. And not with such indirect language.]

No trouble, I take it? [Not from Rinzler anyway. From what he’s heard, there were plenty of other dangers to worry about on the outpost.]

[Peter shrugs moodily. It's not like he didn't come looking for a little of an explanation; he did. Trying to understand someone he'd assigned as an enemy was difficult for him. He'd never had to think very hard about right or wrong, what made someone tick, not until he arrived here. Not until Rinzler, not until he learned about Erik.

But it's not the explanation he was expecting. Not what he wanted. It's not the pass to go on hating Rinzler, not a confirmation that Rinzler was dangerous or unhinged. It's relatable. Understandable.

Peter sighs again, deeper and still troubled.]

No. It was kind of the opposite actually. He attacked the slavers, even after he saw me he just helped me take them out.

[They'd worked together, fought for the same goal. And it clearly disturbed the boy.]

That makes sense. If you were both facing a common enemy and neither of you had any cause to attack the other… [Alan shrugs.] He wouldn’t have much reason not to help you. [Personal dislike, perhaps. But Rinzler identifies his function as security and fending off slavers from the Moira crew certainly falls under that category; Rinzler would have no reason to compromise that function just because of a feud that he seems to see as settled anyway.

And yet, though it makes perfect sense to Alan, Peter’s tone is still troubled. As if it makes no sense to him why Rinzler would behave so… well, sensibly.]

He’s not an animal, you know, [Alan says, tone just slightly reproving.] He can think for himself. If he doesn’t have any reason to attack someone, he won’t.

I know it would have been stupid of him. It's just-

[He rakes his hands through his hair. It had just been so strange, to be on the same side as someone he considered an enemy.]

He didn't have to walk away after. And that was all he did. We took care of those slavers and that was it. Every time I've seen him, talked to him it's been a fight. Another argument, more blood. [He can't remember, not since the beginning that they'd ever been able to be so close to civil like they had been at the outpost. Not like friends, not even like equals. But almost.] This wasn't like that.

Believe it or not, I think he’s just as tired of fighting you as you are him. [It’s troubling, how difficult that conclusion seems to be for Peter. Is Rinzler really so incomprehensible to him that he doesn’t understand why the program would want their feud to finally end? Maybe it shouldn’t surprise Alan. He’d seen Peter’s network post those months earlier and he remembers exactly how skewed his interpretation of the circumstances had been. He falls silent for a moment, brow furrowed as he tries to think of a way to make Peter understand. When he speaks again, his voice is quieter.]

I know you think that Rinzler “won,” after everything that happened. Maybe it seems that way to you given what you saw of people’s reactions afterwards, but… the actual outcome of all those times he fought you -- of you telling me about those fights -- was that he was turned on and almost lobotomized by someone he trusted. [It’s a harsh description and it should be. Maybe Alan hadn’t known it at the time, but stripped of his misapprehensions, that is what the situation boiled down to.] If you were in his place -- if you fighting him had led to a parent or a friend trying to do that to you -- you’d want it to end too, wouldn’t you?

[Peter's jaw tenses, the urge to scoff rising up in his throat. He doesn't think Rinzler could be tired of it, thinks Rinzler lives for it. He wants to argue that point. Shout and rant and make his point. But he keeps his mouth shut, keeps listening to what Alan has to say.

Sans had asked him once to try to think better of people. It wasn't like he could so easily believe there was good in Rinzler, but he could set aside the anger for a moment to believe that made that's what Alan thought. That it was worth listening to. Peter had only promised to try, after all.]

You're the one that told Alice that you were fixing him, not doing a lobotomy. [Maybe it's cruel to be pointing that out, but Peter had worked with what he'd known at the time. And made another stupid decision to trust Alice's judgement above sense.] It did end. You didn't do anything to him and everyone agreed we were in the wrong. At the end of the day, me and Alice were the bad guys.

[And Alice wasn't around anymore. Now it felt like just Peter that everyone looked at for being wrong. Evil.]

I can't say what I would have wanted because all I was thinking about was my sister. He can say it wasn't a threat and maybe he even believes that. That certainly seems to be what he keeps trying to beat into me. But I'd do a lot worse for her. And that's why I was trying to end it.

I was wrong. [Said bluntly and without pretense.] When I told Alice that it was just a matter of error correction, I believed it, but… it wasn’t true. A lobotomy is exactly what we would’ve been doing if we went through with it. [Alan should’ve guessed from how hard Rinzler had fought to get away, how clearly terrified the program had been when Alice had dragged him back to his room. But he’d made up his mind at the time. And that meant all conflicting evidence was ignored.] It’s not either of your faults that you believed me, but what we were trying to do was wrong. People were right to be upset.

[Peter’s justification only gets a shake of the head.] So you had good intentions. We all did. [The words come out more pointedly than he means them too. Alan sighs, tone softening some.] But neither of you knew the full scope of what I would be doing; that much is my fault -- not yours or Alice’s. [He’d just been so desperate to believe that he could fix the problem. He hadn’t wanted to admit that he could’ve be wrong.]

[He jerks his head up to stare at Alan, eyes wide. He hadn't expected Alan to so plainly admit it, to take on some of the blame. Not so directly to him, anyway.]

She trusted you. [It's quiet, not quiet the accusation it could be.] I trusted her.

[There's bitterness and fondness both in saying it. Twice he'd went blindly into whatever plan she saw fit, trusting her implicitly to know the right thing to do. He didn't like Alan but Alice thought it was for the best and he couldn't argue with her. Part of him wanted to lash out at Alan for it.

But he tenses, keeps where he's standing. It wouldn't help anything.]

You're not the one who got the blame for it. [It's a little too sharp and he stops, makes himself take a breath.] But-

[He runs his palms over his jeans, gathering himself.] I don't how much it would have changed, if I knew. If I would have even believed you.

[He wanted an answer to his problems so badly he would have turned a blind eye to anything to believe things would get better.]

Like I said, that was my fault. Not either of yours. [Of course Alice and Peter would have followed along with whatever plan he presented them. They were scared and angry, and Alan had shown up with the promise of an instant and bloodless solution to their problem, the only price being their temporary cooperation. And he’d wanted to believe it just as much as they had.

Peter’s wrong about Alan not receiving any blame, though. Alan had been threatened and interrogated by several crewmembers in the aftermath -- the difference was that Alan had admitted to his wrongdoing, while Peter publically defended his actions and antagonized their accusers. Of course he’d receive the worst of the backlash in response.

Alan would point it out, but the teenager already seems to have calmed himself. Not that his next point is all that reassuring.]

Would it have changed anything if Rinzler were human? [It’s asked almost challengingly. Alan remembers how upset Peter had been by the circumstances surrounding Adrian’s punishment and what he would’ve done to Rinzler is more extensive by far.] If he were a human who I had offered to lobotomize for you, to the point where he couldn’t have chosen anything for himself -- would you still have agreed to it?

[The blame that fell on Peter felt more immediate and thus he drown out the thought that Alan might be seeing something similar. It was the folly of still being a kid, he couldn't help but be so self centered that he forgot what people dealt with when it wasn't publicized.

The next question was cutting, but expected after what he'd admitted to. Peter didn't answer right away, not out of a desire to hide the truth but because he honestly needed to think about it. It was something he'd thought about himself since even before it happened, since he set in motion the plans to attack in the aft.

It had made it easier to plan, to think about murder when he'd simply placed Rinzler into some 'other' category. But when it came down to it, man or machine, Peter couldn't go through with it. That muddled the idea of, what mattered, brought up things he didn't want to analyze.]

I don't know. [Maybe Alan wouldn't believe that, but Peter's trying for honest here.] Maybe I wouldn't have, probably not at first obviously. But when it's family-

[He'd do anything. That's the one thing he's sure about. He'd kill for Wanda if he thought he had to, lobotomy wasn't out of the question.]

I would have found some way to rationalize it, probably.

[Alan regards Peter silently as he speaks, something in his gaze changing when Peter reaches his last sentence. As if he’s reassessing something about him. Alan looks away then, expression cold.]

So all that outrage about what happened to Adrian -- was any of it real? [It’s a harsh question, for a harsh answer.] Or were you just trying to make a point?

No! That was a load of shit and everyone should have had something to say about it.

[Even if Thán promised Ade had asked for it, Peter still felt raw over the reaction to it. If it was true, and Peter wasn't convinced it was, no one should have agreed to it. While Peter had never hated his powers, never been afraid of how people would react to him, he knew other mutants did. He knew why someone like him might offer losing their powers rather than face a worse consequence. That someone would go along with it made him sick.

Or maybe he was just assigning motives to man he'd barely known outside of what he was.

(And maybe it had been a little about making a point. There were plenty parts of himself he still wasn't ready to face.)]

What the captains let happen to him wasn't right. The way people didn't care wasn't right. I brought it up back then because it showing everyone what hypocrites they were being mattered.

[At this point, it’s almost impossible for Alan to hide his exasperation at Peter. Does he really have to spell this out?]

So you agree that altering someone’s mind -- even if they’re a threat to others -- is wrong, and that it’s something people should be upset about when it happens. But the crew should’ve accepted what we tried to do to Rinzler, and a lobotomy is something you could’ve just rationalized?

[Alan shakes his head.] I wasn’t here for Adrian’s trial. But if you can admit what happened to him wasn’t right, then what we tried to do to Rinzler can’t have been either.

[For his sister? Yes. But Peter doesn't say that.]

I was saying they'd already allowed it with one person. If that was fair, than what we were doing had to be fair. That people couldn't have it both ways.

[He rubs a hand over his face, staring at is shoes.]

I don't think you get it. Adrian might have been a mutant and I may still be pissed about all that, but it wasn't the same as this. What I thought Rinzler would do-

[A departure from his usual narrative now, because he's starting to catch on that Wanda was resoundingly safe in all this.]

It was personal. It's just, haven't you ever cared so much about another person that you stopped giving a shit about whether something was right? I tried to kill him. Was what we were going to have you do that much worse?

Not everyone was here for what happened to Adrian. And even if they were, I don’t know if what happened to him was quite as… publicized. [They have Tex to thank for that. The woman hadn’t just informed the crew of what had happened; she’d actively tried to stir up outrage. Not that Alan can hold a grudge for that. Given what she believed they had done to Rinzler, her anger was more than justified.

He’s quiet as Peter continues to explain himself, but he shakes his head when the teenager asks his first question.]

Not like this. Not to the point where I was willing to hurt someone else. [Bending the rules to help those he cares about had felt like a damn near constant back home and he’s picked up his fair share of criticism for it there too. But everything he’d done to find Flynn, to protect Sam, to deflect suspicion away from his more daring friends, all of it pales in comparison to what Peter had done in the name of family. What he seems to have done in vain.]

I don’t know, [Alan sighs.] If I’d gone through with it? I think he would’ve suffered more.

And if you were wrong about Rinzler -- if you’d only imagined his threat towards your sister -- then there wouldn't have been any reason for it. You could've destroyed someone over a misunderstanding.

Plenty of the people getting mad back then were. The trials used to be something everyone heard about. It wasn't an excuse.

[But that's not the point he wants to stick on. Well, he does. He'll always want to argue that but he didn't come here for a fight. He knows if he keeps talking about Adrian he's just going to lose his temper and any chance of finishing this conversation civilly.

He hears what Alan has to say and can only shake his head.]

Then we have different ideas of caring.

[He can't imagine anyone doing any different, wanting to do any different. Everything was for family, no matter the sacrifice or personal toll. How could anyone live any different?]

He would have been alive. [He mutters it under his breath.] But that's not what ended up happening. You didn't do anything to him, things worked out.

[Alan sighs.] Fine. You’re right. If the captains tried to alter someone’s mind without their consent, people shouldn’t have stood by for it, no matter who it was. I can agree with that much. [Not that any matter of right and wrong seems to matter to Peter. So long as he can tell himself his actions were to protect those he cared about, Alan’s not sure there’s anything he wouldn’t do. If murder and forced lobotomy weren’t off the table, Alan doubts anything is.

He doesn’t say anything to Peter’s charge that they have different ideas of caring because it’s undeniably true. It’s only what he says next that Alan can’t so easily let go.

”Things worked out.” For a moment, all Alan can do is stare at Peter in disbelief. Disbelief that quickly turns into anger.]

No, they didn’t. [His tone is caustic, far from even the frigid demeanor he had held when speaking to Peter in his cell after his first attempt on Rinzler's life.] Do you really think this is something any of us just walked away from? This-- there wasn’t anything humane about what we did. Rinzler was conscious the whole time. Alice had to hold him down. And he thought I was erasing him. [And Alan had tried to go through with it anyway, knowing it was cruel, knowing Rinzler was terrified, because the only other option he’d seen at the time was watching Rinzler kill again or be killed himself.

Maybe his and Peter’s ideas of caring aren’t so different after all, Alan thinks, disgusted.]

I’m never going to be able to take back what I did to him, [he says, voice quieter though no less bitter.] I hope whatever peace of mind you got out of it was worth it. Because things didn't "work out" as neatly for the rest of us.

[His agreement gets a little nod from Peter. It's not much, just one person saying that it was right, that his anger over Ade was justified. But at least it was something. The way people have glossed over it, made Peter feel like he was overreacting felt too much like what he would expect from home. It was almost nice to have someone agree, even if it was someone whom he could barely get along with.

The rest however, doesn't get any of Peter's approval. His lips curl in a faint, snarled grimace when Alan starts getting worked up.]

I didn't tell you to do any of it, you know. It was your suggestion, your plan, your word. I wasn't even there when you tried it.

[He doesn't feel like being yelled at for a plan he only joined because Alice seemed to so whole-heartedly believe what Alan was saying. That he only got involved in as far as he did because he'd been worried about Alice's safety.]

If you thought it was such a terrible thing at the time, why didn't you stop? [He pauses.] If you have amends to make-

['It's not his problem', he stops himself from saying. He thinks maybe that's taking things too far. But he doesn't want any of Alan's guilt. His own is hard enough to sort through.]

I got my peace of mind, you're right about that. I'm only the public face of it. I only broke my sisters' trust over it. I only lost friends, only left my job, only have people looking at me like I'm some kind of monster. Don't act like you're the only one who has consequences.

But it is over. It happened, or this case didn't happen. If you hadn't noticed we're all alive and get to deal with it. [To try to work it out, in Alan's case. To try to ignore it, in Peter's.] I've said I'll leave him alone. No more trying anything against him. Hell, I guess I'm supposed to be grateful now, or whatever since he didn't kill me? [The short bark of laughter is bitter, unpleasant. He swallows it, edging toward the door.] I didn't come here to start a fight with you. Or to argue about how wrong we were.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

closed;

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject