thisavrou_log | First prompt [OPEN]; second prompt [CLOSED TO WILLIAM]

Who: Deacon and William; Deacon and OPEN
When: A few days after the battle with the Caducans
Where: Around Moira and Nomo 001 (William's room)
What: An evil demon mask is causing problems. Also, Deacon lies too much.
Warnings:References to prior violence

[A: OPEN]

[He's been having nightmares every fucking time he tries to sleep. He blames it on what happened with the Caducans. Sure, that wasn't the first time he's seen an op go sour, people get killed, but this wasn't an op, it was a massacre. There should have been a way to avoid it. Shoulda coulda woulda.

As a general rule, Deacon tries not to dwell on the past. Thinking too much about shit that went wrong is a one-way trip to crazy town and losing yourself in booze or chems of the barrel of a gun, desperately trying to escape bitterness and regret in the face of a harsh and unfair universe. It’s fucking hard, though, when it feels like the memories are actively chasing him. Sometimes when it’s quiet he swears he can hear his wife’s voice, even though she’s been dead for over twenty years now.

For the third time this week he wakes up in a cold sweat. He gives up on sleep and throws on a Moira uniform to wander the hallways restlessly and as anonymously as he can in the small community of the ship, hoping to find some booze and a quiet corner amidst the wreckage of glass.]

[B: CLOSED TO WILLIAM]

[During one of his sleepless excursions, Deacon knocks on the door of William’s room. Shades hide the dark circles under his eyes and his wig covers the red stubble on his head. He usually sleeps during the day, so he’s not worried about waking William’s roommates.]

Room service!

[He calls out in a bright and chipper voice.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Like I said, I got carried away. The lying got out of control. There used to be good reasons for it. There was a time, long time ago, when I only sometimes lied, like a normal person, and for normal person reasons.

And then I started having to keep more things hidden, so I lied more, and then I had to hide those lies by telling more lies and somewhere down the road it just became instinct. There wasn't really a specific time when it happened. Like, I can't point to a year and go "Ah yes, that's when I became a dishonest bastard." It grew gradually. Like, I dunno, rad poisoning. I figure by the time I'm forty, I'll be trying to tell people that the sky is purple and deathclaws are actually really gentle creatures, just misunderstood.

[An implicit lie about his age slips in there. He's forty-seven.]

There was no reason for me to lie to you. I did it because it's what I do.

You did it to keep yourself safe. You work with people who die on a regular basis. Your world and time are shit.

[ And it still hurts that he lied. It still breaks some of the trust she had in him. Deacon's a bullshitter and she's known it, but to know the extent is still painful. She wants very much to trust him fully. He knows her secret. Some part of her, some very dark and beast-like part of her whispers that it'd be easier if she took that from him so he'd never know again. It would be easy.

She shoves that way, disgusted with herself at even thinking it. Ava rubs at her arm. ]

I'm still mad at you. Actually, I'm fucking pissed.

[ Not just at him but at herself. If she'd paid more attention, if she'd gone with her gut... She's put him in danger because she's believed he was more resilient. Stupid, so stupid. Ava opens her mouth to say something, rethinks it, and closes her mouth again. When she speaks, it's quieter. ]

But I don't...hate you or anything. [ She doesn't. ] I lied to you too. I'm lying to everyone. It's not like I can act holier-than-thou and pretend I haven't done the same thing.

Thanks. I'd understand it if you did hate me. [He wants to tell her that the lying isn't just about keeping himself safe, it's about hiding his guilt. He does deserve her hatred, he thinks, and not just for the lies but for the truth underneath the lies. She's lying for her life, but he's lying because he's ashamed. And, fuck, he's lying about why he's lying, too.]

But I'm glad that you don't. If there's a way I can make it up to you...

And, hey, your secret's still totally safe with me. Even if you can't trust anything else I say, you can trust that. If anyone on the ship came to me and said "You know that Ava chick, what's up with her?" I'd just say with a straight face, "Alien princess from the planet Lumaria. There were assassins after her or something so she was hiding on Earth. But...uh...don't tell anyone because it's supposed to be all hush-hush. And I probably shouldn't have told you that, so do me a favor and pretend I didn't."

And on this ship, no one can assume that it's not at least possible.

My hate list is reserved for real assholes, not people lying to keep themselves safe. You don't want to meet the people I hate.

[ And if she never has to see them again, then good riddance. She'd rather just have friends, acquaintances, and strangers than to continue to make enemies everywhere she goes. Ava manages a smile at his joke and even a little laugh, but it's lacking in all the ways she's laughed before. ]

Honestly, it sounds a whole lot more plausible than what I am, anyway, so that's totally fair.

[ She just doesn't want it to go further than that, or she'll need to figure out how to make him forget - and she doesn't want to go that far.

Ava swallows, fidgeting with her fingers. ]

Look, don't make it up to me. You don't need to. I just... I need you to be real with me, right here, right now. [ It's hard to ask for him to be honest, but she needs one thing answered, and one thing only. ] Back on the beach...were you bullshitting me when you said I'm not a freak?

[He can say the words easily enough, but words don't mean a hell of a lot coming from his mouth and all the promises and assurances in the world can't change that. Actions matter. So he takes off his shades. Maybe she can read a moment of honesty in his eyes; he doesn't know the extent of her powers. And even if she can't, it's the gesture that matters. For a brief moment, he's not hiding.]

No bullshit.

You're not a freak.

'Course, I'm a compulsive liar whose had, like, twenty different faces so I might not be the best judge of "normal." But I don't think you're a freak, just a person who was dealt a shit hand by fate and was strong enough to push on through anyway, and now has interesting dietary restrictions. But it could be worse. Could be vegan. How do those people ever find anything to eat?

[ She doesn't go poking in his head. She doesn't need to. Ava wants to trust Deacon and him taking off his sunglasses to look her in the eye-- That means a lot to her. She wants to give him a chance.

Her shoulders slump, relief obvious. She's stopped trying to hide all of that from him months ago. After a moment, Ava sort of smiles at his joke. ]

I really, really don't know how vegans stand it. If you want to talk about freaks, there you go. They willingly want to restrict themselves. It's crazy. [ She gives him a grateful look. ] Thanks. I mean it. You're... I'm pissed at you, but you're still my friend, Deacon.

[ And that means he's not getting away with the initial point of contact tonight, a subject she brings back around. ]

What are you doing up, by the way? You look exhausted.

[ Without the shades, it's more obvious. ]

Nightmares. It turns out reading Lovecraft before bed is not a great idea. [Well, he managed to halfway tell the truth. But the nightmares have nothing to do with Lovecraft. He puts his shades back on.]

I'm tempted to ask you to hypnotize me to go the fuck to sleep. That's a thing vampires can do, right?

I could've told you that. Read the Necronomicon a few years back. Scared the shit out of me. It's not something you want to read around here - especially with what's happened.

[ Ava lifts a single eyebrow and then, hesitantly, shakes her head. ]

I can command people to do things. I can't...command you to sleep. I don't think it works that way.

[ With a frown, she sighs. ]

I can...try to make you forget what's causing your nightmares.

That's tempting. Really tempting.

[He can change his face, change his voice, but he still can't escape himself. But change his memories...forget...and he really would be a different person.

If it weren't for the risk that he'd end up reverting back to an asshole again, he'd consider going for it, forget all the regrets that haunt him.]

But I'd better not.

Knowing me, I'd see that book there and read it again thinking that it's the first time--and let me just say that that would be awesome for books that don't cause horrible nightmares--and end up back where I started.

Yeah, that's kind of the downside. I try to focus on little things to remove but, yeah, you might just make a repeat mistake because of it. It's easier when it's a chunk of time taken out -- but I hate doing it.

[ It's hard still to talk about what she can do, the things she could do to really mess with someone. It's geared towards survival, sure, but that excuse only runs for so long. She fusses with her hands a little bit, a nervous habit even now. She tries to keep her fingers still. ]

So, what, you thought wandering the halls in the dark wouldn't make you think some creepy tentacle monster was after you?

First prompt [OPEN]; second prompt [CLOSED TO WILLIAM]

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