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undertale: asriel dreemurr

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Who: Asriel and his CR
When: Night of the 27th
Where: Flight Deck
What: Sad goat makes bad decisions as usual
Warnings: Undertale spoilers

[The walk to the Flight Deck felt like a long one, filled with a lot of regret and uncertainty. Part of him wanted to run back, climb into bed, destroy that note he left for Frisk and pretend that none of this had never happened.

But it was those same cowardly thoughts that had lead him up to this point, walking towards the his transporter with a mission to leave this ship for good. He was doing the right thing. Asriel was never supposed to come back, and especially never supposed to have a second chance to be reunited with his family. He didn't deserve that kind of ending. And now that he was presented with the option of leaving... wasn't it right for him to take it?

It doesn't take long for him to climb into the cockpit of his transporter. The machine hums to life as Asriel begins the startup sequence. His hand hesitates a little over the control panel.]

I guess this is it.

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[Papyrus had taken off at top speed for the flight deck the moment Frisk messaged him. This was a worrying turn of events, especially for an oddly sad little guy like Asriel. No matter what, he'd always seemed to be at least a little bit blue, but it was different from the sort of lethargy that had clung to his brother for so long.

Why would Asriel want to leave? The Moira was so nice! People were great and interesting! There was so much room for activities!]

Halt! This is not it!

[Papyrus skidded to a stop, looking no worse for the wear. After all, he hadn't used magic to get here.]

Where the heck are you trying to go? And why would you leave all of your cool friends?

[The next step was lifting the transporter off the ground, and right as Asriel reaches for the controls...]

Papyrus?!

[It was late for anyone to be up - Asriel especially. But there was no mistaking the tall skeleton calling to him. Asriel has absolutely no idea how Papyrus even knew he was here, and his mind urges him to ignore it. Just take off now, while the decision to leave was still firmly cemented in his heart.

But he makes the mistake of hesitating, claws brushing against the controls.]

What are you doing here?!

Frisk sent me a message telling me all about your plans! But please don't be cross with them; they care for you very much and they were worried!

[He walks closer, extending a hand toward Asriel.]

Please, come out of there! We should talk.

[Somehow, Asriel should've guessed Frisk first. But he was really hoping that Frisk would still he asleep by now. If they messaged Papyrus, was anyone else coming...?

He had to leave. Fast.

But his chest tightens when Papyrus offers a hand to him, beckoning for him to come out. And Asriel, suddenly feeling so much younger than he was, wanted to take it. But if he does, then he won't have another chance like this. They'll take him into staying, tell him that everything's all right, and they'll treat him like the good, but scared and misguided child that they think he is.

The Asriel that never died.

That's who they want, but that's not who's here right now. Instead, there's the twisted and shattered version who never really came back right to begin with. And just like how Papyrus kindly extended a hand to Flowey, unaware that Flowey would just as happily turn him into dust, here he is doing the same thing.

He can't. He can't he can't he can't-]

No!

[His response his shaky and choked, but still loud.]

Just - go away, Papyrus!

Edited 2016-06-30 06:28 (UTC)

I'll do no such thing!

[Nice try, Asriel, but Sans had had similar days. Days shut up in that musty-smelling shed behind the house he wasn't supposed to hang around. Days where things were so bad he was snappish and irritable, days where he didn't say or do much at all.

Being distressed, shouting at him, all of this is only making him all the more convinced that he needs to stay and help.]

And if you won't come down to talk to me...

[He reaches the transporter and starts to climb up.]

...then I'll come up to hang out with you!

Wait, no! Papyrus, you can't come up here!!

[But Asriel's helpless to stop him, and a twinge of despair starts to sink in. If he takes off now, he risks hurting Papyrus or worse. All he can do is watch as the skeleton starts climbing up his transporter.]

[Too late -- he scales the vehicle, his long limbs making short work of the matter, and settles in.]

I'm sorry, your very tiny highness, but if you want to leave, you aren't going to do it alone!

Why do you want to go so badly, anyway?

[Well he could just leave with Papyrus in tow, but the whole point of this journey was to go alone. Asriel pulls away from the controls, settling into his seat.]

I can't say.

...If I did, you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore.

[Or maybe he still would. But he shouldn't.]

What! That doesn't sound like me at all!

Why don't you tell me, and then I'll decide if we're still friends afterwards?

[He drops a wink.]

Not to spoil the surprise, but we'll still be friends even if you did something really embarrassing.

It's not embarrassing.

[But if he does tell him, maybe that would get him off the ship before anyone else decides to show up. Papyrus was a very kind and forgiving person, almost unreasonable so, but Asriel had done things to him that went beyond just cruelty. If anything, maybe he could at least confess he own guilt to one person before leaving.]

Papyrus, do you remember a little yellow flower? One that was your friend for a little while.

[It's clear from the small jump and guilty expression that Papyrus knows exactly who Asriel's talking about. He looks so confused: how could the long-lost prince of monsters possibly know about his most secret friend?]

Y... es? What about him?

Edited 2016-06-30 20:40 (UTC)

...You're looking at him.

[The smile that cracks through the sullen look on Asriel's face is a forced one.]

After I died, that's who I came back as. A little yellow flower.

[Papyrus stares at Asriel for a long minute... then throws his skull back and laughs heartily.]

Nyeh-heh-heh! Oh, for a moment there I thought you were serious! That's not a very good jape, you know. You were sorely missed by all!

[He thinks? A lot of this was before his time.]

[The laugh isn't returned, and a miserable expression sets on Asriel's face.]

I am serious.

Papyrus, when I died... when I collapse in the garden, that's what I woke up as. A flower.

Wait... you did? You really, really did?

[It's impossible to believe, but Asriel is dead serious. And now that he's taking this seriously, there were things Flowey said. Snippets coming back to him of remarks like I am the prince of this world or by rights, you are all mine anyway.

So Flowey was Asriel all along, and though Papyrus has no real concept of all the awful things he's done, not all of it was lost. Flowey could be really cool and nice, but that wasn't always the case.]

I don't understand! How did you wake up? Why did you become a flower?

Are you okay? That must have been so scary! Was the shock of being the prince once again too much for you?

[He's so worried for you, kid.]

I - I did, I don't know-

[Asriel stutters out his words as Papyrus' concern grows. It's the same kind of kindness Papyrus showed him when he was Flowey. Monsters were made out of compassion, and Asriel thinks there's no better example than the skeleton who raced out here to stop him from flying off into space.

It was too much then, enough that Flowey lashed out at him and reset over and over. And even now...

It was too much.

It was more kindness and caring than he ever deserved.]

Papyrus, please just- please stop it-

STOP BEING SO NICE TO ME!

...

... Don't you remember, what I did to you?

I hurt you. Flowey didn't have any friends, all he wanted to do was cause as much pain as he could. There... there were times, you don't even remember them-

I hurt you in so many ways. I was horrible to you, Papyrus. You, and Sans, and everyone else.

So... so you don't...

Y-you don't have to keep being nice to me, okay?

[Papyrus doesn't fully understand so much of this. How Asriel could turn into Flowey, or why the gentle, timid prince was so cruel in that form. Were flowers just super mean in general, and he was the only one who could act on it?

So much happened to Papyrus that is scarcely more than a subconscious flicker in his mind now: notions, feelings, memories that have been erased and overwritten with such frequency that only the vaguest awareness of them is left. An ache where bones were forcefully separated, faded sensations of the stabs of loneliness or fear as Flowey took everything and everybody that mattered to him apart just to see what he would do.

But...

But not everything that flooded to his mind was bad. Flowey had moments of cuteness, of encouragement and praise. He could recall fleeting laughter, interesting conversations, and the sort of reliable, pleasant company that had inspired him to make fan club shirts more than once.

Anyone could be good. Papyrus knew that down to his soul. Even cold, bitter ex-flowers who had often chose other paths could choose to do the right thing.

And he could see now that that was what Asriel had been trying to do.]

Oh, I know that! But as your friend, I want to be nice to you.

I... I know that, when you were Flowey, sometimes bad things happened. But you could be cool, too! And now that you're Asriel again, you're a very nice kid who deserves to have great things happen for you! Because you are very great!

[He opens his arms, offering a hug.]

It's never too late to take back your mistakes, after all!

[It's never too late to take back your mistakes. That statement alone causes tears to well up in Asriel's eyes. He wants to believe it, he wants to believe he can still be a good person. That he can fix all the horrible mistakes he made, make all the wrongs he did right again.

And Papyrus, with his arms wide, almost felt like he was handing that opportunity to him. Asriel wants more than anything to rush into his arms, and have everything he's done forgiven.

He reaches out, as though he might do just that - but he pulls back, unsure of himself.

It can't be that simple. It wasn't just a few bad things.]

But I...

It wasn't just bad things, I- [Asriel sounds like he's struggling to get the next few words out.] -I killed you. I killed people you cared about.

I... can't take that back. I can't fix it.

[He wants to. God, does he want to.]

I'm not sure, after doing something like that... I can be a good person anymore.

[Papyrus's arms lower just slightly, but he's still holding them out for that hug. If there's one thing he's not bending on, it's the offer.]

Of course you can! Anyone can be a good person, Asriel. If there's anything I know, it's that. You just have to make the choice, and do the thing that's right!

[Because kid, you are far from the only person to hurt or kill him. He remembers his confrontation in Snowdin much more clearly than anything you ever did, and Chara's hurtful words after Sans was killed here, and he's still friends with the humans. Trying to be, anyway.]

And I think that if you're this sad about all the violences you committed, it means you're sorry for them! They're not things you enjoy doing, and you're not doing them anymore! That's admirable. I forgive you, and I'm sure everyone else does too, but have you tried to forgive yourself yet?

[Forgive himself? He hasn't, of course. It just feels... wrong. But staying like this is miserable, and he selfishly thinks about wanting what Frisk has - a loving family, friends to laugh and make silly jokes with, all the things he ruined the second he turned his flower bullets on the first person he could call a friend.

The person who was holding his arms out to him right now.

He didn't deserve it.

Asriel chokes up a fresh wave of tears, but it's already too late to hold them back. He desperately rubs at his eyes, but they still fall anyway.]

I-I want...

I w-want to get better. I don't- [hic] -I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm s-sorry, Papyrus, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything-

[The apologies are gonna keep going for a little while without interruption.]

[It was just a guess, really. Papyrus does seem to have a nose for distress, but he isn't sure what can take this kind of hurt away from Asriel. It runs deep, it's been going on for awhile, and like the issues with Sans he's only been aware of the barest fraction of it until recently.

He decides it doesn't matter too much. Asriel is here, and he's breaking, and Papyrus is pretty confident he knows what to do in this situation. He kneels down, scooping the crying kid up into a big hug.]

There, there! Though truthfully, I'm not sure why people always say that as comfort! Where is there? Are you supposed to go or just take a moment and think about it?

Er, what I'm trying to say is, it's all right! I, your very cool friend Papyrus, am here for you!

[Asriel curls into Papyrus' chest a little as he's picked up, and the hug is returned - though it's more Asriel trying to seek out some kind of comfort.

Papyrus won't leave. Papyrus doesn't hate him. Papyrus thinks he can get better, even with everything Asriel's ever done as Flowey, he still wants to be his friend. Asriel's sobs start to quiet, but thick tears still flow down his face. His voice is still accompanied by sniffling.]

I... I want to be friends with you. Real friends. N-no Floweys this time.

[Frisk's rousing and explanation is more than enough to propel Toriel forward, the child likely at her heels as she makes a beeline for the Transporter. Toriel refuses to lose this child again, much less have her son run off into space. Inevitably they will all part, but not now, not today.

When she sees her child and Papyrus, she calls out.]

Asriel! Asriel Dreemurr!

[He knew it - he should've just taken off as soon as he saw Papyrus call out to him. His heart sinks as he sees his mother. She's the very last one he wanted to find out about this plan.

He doesn't respond to her calling out him, just sinks into the cockpit and pulls his ears down tight. It wasn't supposed to go like this, just let him leave already!]

Asriel! Do not act like I didn't see you hide! [She moves forward, intending to pull that child out of the cockpit herself if she has to.]

[Even from the cockpit, he can hear Toriel's mom voice. It's over. With Papyrus sitting next to him, and Toriel bursting in on his plans, his grand escape is ruined. He feels a tight knot forming in his stomach.

He doesn't respond, but Toriel does see a fuzzy white head, two long ears, and two eyes slowly rising into view from the transporter window.]

Asriel Dreemurr come down here right now. [Toriel's tone leaves very little room for argument at this point.]

Do not make me count to ten young man. [The surest sign Asriel is in the deepest shit if he doesn't comply very soon.]

[Oh, he definitely knows he will be in deep shit if he's not out of that transporter by the count of ten. With a defeated look directed towards Papyrus, Asriel starts to climb out.]

I'm... I'm coming down.

[It doesn't take him very long to slide out of the cockpit, climb down, and land on the ground.]

[Toriel waits in silence, a hand on her hip as she watches Asriel's descent. Her expression softens considerably when she can finally see her son. She naturally reaches out to brush her fingers through the fluff atop his head.]

Asriel, what caused this? Why are you trying to run away?

[He doesn't want to tell her. Asriel wanted to leave and be far, far away from here so that he wouldn't have to see the look of disgust and hate in her eyes when she found out who he was.

What a terrible creature...

Asriel reaches up gently to feel for her hand, and moves it off of his head.]

Mom, I... um...

[He pauses nervously, wanting to run.]

There's something I've been keeping from you since I got here.

[Toriel feels like she already knows what's coming but steadies herself to wait. She has to be patient, to hear her son out.] What have you not told me, Asriel?

[It takes a few seconds longer for him to talk and not have it come out as nonsensical sputtering. He just needs to spit it out, it's too late to take it back - just get it over with so she'll know the truth.

And then she can let him go, knowing how awful he really is.]

I'm not your son. I mean... not the one you remember.

[She's going to want to know more, so...]

Do you remember a yellow talking flower?

[Frisk charges into the flight deck right alongside Toriel, only pausing for a moment to look around before they see Asriel and Papyrus inside the transporter.]

Asriel!!

[Wasting no time, they dash for the open cockpit and clamber inside, tear tracks clear on their face.]

[Asriel thought he saw Frisk come in with Toriel, but before he has any time to react, his crying sibling is already climbing into the cockpit with them. Asriel stiffens up with a startled look on his face.]

F-Frisk!

[He doesn't have to ask what Frisk's doing here. Toriel and Papyrus suddenly appearing is explanation enough, but he does feel his heart twist a little when he sees the tears on Frisk's face.]

[Frisk practically throws themself at Asriel in a tight hug, clinging onto him and burying their face in his shoulder.]

Don't...don't go! You don't...it's not...!

[They want to reassure him, but with Toriel and Papyrus there, they can't. They can't say it out loud, so their actions have to speak for them.]

[After the shock wears off, Asriel reaches his arms around Frisk and pulls them a little closer.

For the moment, Asriel can't think of anything to say. Frisk saw what Asriel put in the note - enough to round up everyone to stop Asriel from leaving. And even now, Frisk was asking him not to leave.]

I can't - Frisk, I can't keep going like this.

[They sniffle, hiccup, cling on tighter. Yes, he'd done bad things, but that didn't mean he couldn't change! He has a soul again, he won't fall into that trap of thinking of people likes toys, like...like a game.]

[Something in them shivers at the thought, but Frisk stuffs it down.]

You're not...you're not bad. You can be good, too.

[What should they do? Chara isn't with them to SAVE this time. They don't know what memories to remind him of.]

You're not...just th' past. You're now, too.

[Now it's Asriel's turn to start sniffing. He ducks his head down a little, resting his head on Frisk's shoulder.

You can be good too.]

I-I don't - I don't know how to fix everything. I don't know how to make anything right-

[Asriel chokes on his words, squeezing his eyes shut. His breath shutters.]

...The only thing I know how to do to make everything right is leave.

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