thisavrou_log | [Closed] Cybertronians are only good for drama

Who: Cyclonus and Tailgate
When: After these robot shenanigans.
Where: Mero Deck, Room #018-19
What: Cyclonus is frustrated that he has feelings and that Tailgate keeps making him feel them.
Warnings: Probably not?

Cyclonus doesn't say a word when they rescue Tailgate and his fellow delinquents from their poor life choices. He doesn't say a thing on the boat ride back to the temporaries, or on the trip back to the Moira. He says nothing as he parts from the group and stalks away down the corridors.

He doesn't trust himself to say anything right now without shouting, and he refuses to make a spectacle of himself.

He wishes he could go to the observation deck right now, to be alone with only his thoughts, the view, and the strange whispers. Unfortunately it's to be Riptide's impromptu medibay and what he wants now is privacy. So he goes to his room instead.

It's a mistake. There's no window here, and it still feels too small to be truly comfortable. The press of the walls makes his plating itch and he finds himself feeling more irritable than he was when he arrived. He doesn't even have enough room to satisfyingly pace.

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Tailgate had made several attempts to talk to Cyclonus during the rescue and ride back, but he found the purple jet to be worryingly and stubbornly quiet. Cyclonus had never been a talker, but Tailgate knew a cold shoulder when he saw one. Still, he had to check and make sure Riptide was okay before slowly making his way back to their room.

"Cyclonus?" He said, his quiet voice sounding small and weedy in the room. "We were just trying to have fun, I didn't mean to worry you..."

Cyclonus is trying to calm himself down when Tailgate walks in, settled onto his knees on the floor with his optics off. It beats staring at a wall endlessly, but it hasn't really helped. He cycles air heavily, not wanting to snap at Tailgate, but-

"What were you thinking?!"

Nope, his grump just cannot be contained right now, and he fixes blazing optics on Tailgate's face.

Tailgate didn't get yelled at by Cyclonus very often anymore, and he jumped a little at the ferocity in his voice. He nervously intertwined his fingers and took a tentative step forward.

"I..."

He had no excuse. No explanation. He knew full well that he absolutely deserved Cyclonus's anger. Stupid. He was so stupid.

"I just... just thought..."

"You thought?" Cyclonus slowly rises up from his crouch to tower over his small friend. "Because I have difficulty believing you were thinking at all! You could have died, Tailgate. Do you think because you escape death once that you're immune to it now?"

When Tailgate hadn't responded to his messages it had been like a rock dropped into his fuel tanks. That clench of fear he'd felt when Tailgate had pulled a gun on Megatron, and again - so very recently - when he'd seen Whirl's clocks with the number of Megatron's room on it, and known, just known that Tailgate must be in trouble.

The feeling has only gotten worse the more times it happens.

"No!" Tailgate says desperately, stung by the truthfulness of the comment. He doesn't like to think about it a lot, but he can't help but feel a certain amount of invulnerability after surviving an unsurvivable disease. Who wouldn't? He's alive and that's amazing!

"I'm sorry!" He takes a few more steps closer. Cyclonus is an angry tower right now, but it takes more than that to intimidate Tailgate. Nothing Cyclonus does can truly frighten him. "I didn't think we'd actually die! I was just being dramatic, and I didn't get to respond to your messages because we were riding the whale at the time." Crashing was also expected, and Tailgate's glad all they got out of it was Riptide losing an arm.

Cyclonus pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to deal with just how frustrated he is right now. Every time something like this happens he feels progressively more impotent in his ability to protect Tailgate. It's like being back in that dark room again, holding Tailgate's hand and knowing there's nothing he could do to make things right (he'd told Tailgate not to hope, but oh how he'd hoped for miracle).

"Just how many times must I live through the fear of your death?"

He stiffens after the words spill out. That was dangerously close to admitting he has Feelings.

And just like that, Tailgate fully realizes how hideously selfish he has been. His optics do leak light now and he closes the distance between them to take one of Cyclonus's hands into his own. He gives it a gentle tug, as if silently asking Cyclonus to come a little closer so Tailgate can reach.

Of course he knows that Cyclonus cares about him, that's not something Tailgate ever forgets. What he does forget is the extent of how much Cyclonus cares about him. His Cyclonus, his friend, who once told him to drop dead a long, long time ago, cares about him more than anyone. If only, Tailgate thinks sadly, Cyclonus would say so more often. Actions are one thing, but hearing it said out loud would mean the world to him.

Right now, though, he just wants to be closer.

He considers resisting as Tailgate tugs at his hand. Cyclonus is still upset, after all, though it's more at himself now than at Tailgate. Perhaps if he'd been more attentive he could have nipped this idea in the bud before it got out of hand. Maybe if he'd been less distant then Tailgate wouldn't have fallen so deeply into Getaway's trap...

His legs bend and he slides to his knees in front of Tailgate and lets his head sag forward to rest against his friend's shoulder. His pride is cringing at him, but he feels so very tired all of a sudden. Tired and old.

This open vulnerability shocks him, as the only time he's seen Cyclonus this upset was when he was dying. Things have changed now; Tailgate is not the one who needs comfort, but the one who needs to give it. He wraps his arms firmly around his friend's neck and stays there for as long as Cyclonus needs him.

"I'm sorry." He says softly, hoping that his genuine regret can be heard in his voice. "About everything." I just want you to be happy, he thinks, I want you to be happy with me. No, I want us to be happy together. Is that so much to ask?

"And I'm glad you're here. I don't know what I'd do without you to remind me how dumb I'm being." He wants to tell Cyclonus all the nice things in his own head. To let him know that he's loved in his own, subtle, way. "Having you here makes me feel safe and protected, and I'm sorry that I haven't respected that as much as I should. You mean so much to me and I... You're just good. Very good." How can he choose which words to say when there are so many words that need to be said?

There are so many things Cyclonus should probably say. Things that Tailgate deserves to hear. But he's no good at putting his feelings into words. It was hard enough talking about his situation with Whirl.

"Tailgate..." is all he manages, voice choked with all the emotion that he feels but can never manage to properly say out loud. His hands rest limply on his knees, not riding to embrace him, but allowing himself to be embraced.

Tailgate deserves better. He deserves someone who will tell him sweet things like his friend is telling him now. No wonder he was so taken by Getaway.

Tailgate feels a moment of sad dissatisfaction when Cyclonus didn't say anything back. He easily pushes that feeling aside, as expecting Cyclonus to open up to him just like that is unfair. Besides, Cyclonus says many things without saying a word. That's one of the most wonderful and frustrating things about him.

"It's alright, I understand." He says simply, not pushing for anything more than Cyclonus is willing to give. He wonders, though, about how long he's willing to be the one to drive their relationship forward. He's always been the one to take the lead, and maybe, someday, he'd like Cyclonus to take the lead too. These are more unfair thoughts, so he pushes them aside too.

"You know, we should go visit the garden sometime. You seem like the gardening kind of person, I bet you'd like it."

"I would like that," Cyclonus says softly. He's dubious about having any interest in gardening, but the idea if simply spending time with Tailgate is a good one.

His friend had been spending almost all of his time with Getaway before Cyclonus's arrival here, and he missed their time together even as he let Tailgate slip away, believing it for the best.

He pulls slowly out of Tailgate's embrace, back straightening as he stares at the person who means the more to him than anyone since Galvatron. He'll try to be better. He'll try to be the person Tailgate deserves. But it's going to be difficult.

"...Would you like to learn a song?"

[Closed] Cybertronians are only good for drama

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