(no subject)

[warandpeace]

Who: Kazuhira Miller and Various

Thread 1: Closed to Big Boss

Thread 2: Closed to Ocelot.

Thread 3: OTA and Link

Thread 4: Closed to Solid Snake

When: Month of March

Thread 1: Ambiguously dated to after this and this.

Thread 2: Ambiguously set after this.

Thread 3: Date open.

Thread 4: Morning of the 19th

Where:

Thread 1: Training room.

Thread 2: Rec Room.

Thread 3: Gardens.

Thread 4: Cargo Bay.

What:

Thread 1: Miller's going to have a "talk" with Big Boss.

Thread 2: Post Big Boss talk, Miller watches a movie with Ocelot.

Thread 3: Miller has a hissy fit but gets calmed down playing music.

Thread 4: David meets a husky

Warnings:

Graphic descriptions of violence, no death. Swearing. Mentions of horrible disease.

Comments

[warandpeace]

I've always been in the middle of it. Zero put us there. Me and him, we were in this together. Neither of us had a choice.

[Despite wanting him dead for so long, wanting to dig his fingers into his throat... he is thinking about how hard he'd hit the ground, hit his head. And it sparks a bit of worry, that same worry a younger Kaz had for the Boss that used to be. The one that promised that, as the MSF, they weren't warmongers. Just businessmen.]

You're treating me like an outsider again. [The air he draws in through gritted teeth is shaky and angry.]

[His battered joint is starting to stiffen, and he knows he won't be able to use it as well. He shakes his arm out, a desperate attempt to keep it mobile just in case, and edges forward.]

[Then he lifts his fists again, elbows bent, and breathes three long, controlled breaths. He needs the calm. He needs to think more clearly, through the pain. One... Two... Three...] Please. [And that word, that word is the worst of all. He never asked for his life in the jungle, he never asked to be given sympathy by the Russians, he never asked for help getting around. That word is nasty, pleading. It's the word of a man out of control of his own life.]

[He could tell Ahab himself. Now that he's sober, he could. But his voice raises.] Please!

[He doesn't have anything else to give anymore. The home he made, those diamonds, never wanted. They went to Ahab. And he earned them, he guesses. But Miller, he lost his place in the world. Everything he built, he earned, meant nothing. Or at least, he never knew it to. He lost everything. So he has that one goddamn word.] At least tell me you'll start working on it. You'll try to listen to me when I say things are dangerous.

[camouflage]

Things are always going to be dangerous. And I don't want to keep you in the dark anymore.[the fight seems over. john has no, and never had any, inclinations to attack kaz. he has no frustration or resentment to work out. back home, when miller had severed the bond between them, john's only option was to hope he would regain his senses eventually. he hadn't been angry about the decision. after all, alliances can change with the wind.

john just hoped that, one day, a good wind blew kaz back to him.

so, he stands relaxed, lets his guard fall. they don't need to do this. but, if kaz's fury won out, john had no problem ending the fight prematurely by dislocating the man's shoulder.] But you're emotional. You jump to conclusions. How can I tell you everything if I have to worry about where your trust lies? [it wasn't like with ocelot, who he knew would always be loyal to him. john liked that kaz would argue with him, make him explain himself, but he had no wanting to cater to a man who could just change his mind tomorrow. john needed to be sure about who he was sharing his trust with.]

If you want my loyalty, I need yours, too.

[warandpeace]

[He finally starts to relax.]

[That's a complicated question. He knows someone else trusts Big Boss one day, and he tries to send him to his death. And then that someone kills the double. He kills his friend, the man that carried him out of Afghanistan through that mist.]

You don't need- [he clears his throat] You don't need to tell me anything anymore. I know everything I need to know now. There's not all that much ahead for me. [He's been careful to find out what he can.] I'm just worried about my friend.

[Saying he's sorry for that is useless. But... there is one thing he should really apologize for.] But I'm sorry I listened to Zero. I'm sorry I ruined everything.

...You should get your head looked at. [He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand again, but then looks at it. Blood smeared against something that's obviously not real.]

[camouflage]

I'll live. [the apology is unnecessary, but john takes it for what it really is: a step towards fixing whatever the hell they've become. half of the blame belongs to him, anyway. if john had just made a hard decision back before he had left the patriots, if he had just ended zero then and there, they wouldn't have ended up like this. even if couldn't do that, the least he should've done was told kaz the truth from the start. he should've warned him about that maniac.

but he had always felt that if didn't mention zero or his affiliation to the patriots, that it would all just go away. his life in costa rica had been his dream and zero had turned it into a nightmare. one he would relive for nine years.

and what had miller meant when he said he knew everything? that there wasn't anything ahead of him?] ...Kaz, what do you know? What do you mean there isn't much left for you?

COMPLETE TAG REDO because I didn't want to give away that much info yet

[warandpeace]

I'm dealing with it. I need to do it on my own. [If Big Boss wants to know more, he can go digging himself. Or Ocelot can.]

[He smiles though, a red-toothed bloody one that doesn't match his usually photogenic face.] You still have a hell of a punch.

[Victory on legs. That's how he used to think of Big Boss. Just indomitable strength, a man that wouldn't accept failure, a man that could command respect. Does he still have Miller's? He doesn't know. He has his anger. He doesn't know how much is the man that he used to be. As far as he knows, there could be nothing left at all.]

[But for a moment there he thought there might be. Again, he hates himself for that.]

[camouflage]

[he supposes that's fair. john had hidden enough things from his (former) friend that miller had every right to have a few more secrets. of course, that didn't mean he was going to forget about this exchange. he'd just put a pin in it for a later date.

just another mystery to look into.

when kaz smiles wide enough to show the blood in-between his teeth, boss manages a real grin, too. like he said, the man always looked better when he wasn't so put-together. kaz had belonged in the jungle, not at a desk.]

So do you, considering everything. Been saving up for me?

[warandpeace]

I ran out of things to give. You deserved something special. [At least it's said in a way that's not filled with contempt. Just acceptance. Miller's done what he can. He fought. He lost. Losing, it was his fear for so long. And he still managed it.]

[David helped him accept he'd find something. David looked at him with respect like he's not seen in a long time, since before the soldiers started breathing their displeasure behind his back.]

[That's the last victory he has left.]

I guess that was all I wanted to say. [He reaches up and rubs his right arm through the sleeve, like that's hurting, too. Right where the prosthetic would join.]

[camouflage]

[it kind of feels like a finality. like the closure on an open train of thought he's had for the last two years. at this point, all he could do was leave kaz alone, let him have his room to breathe.

john notices how he grabs hold of what's left of his real arm. phantom pain, he was sure. maybe the prosthetic was causing it to act up? but he guesses it's not his business.]

For what it's worth... [he can't let it just end like this.] My end game always had you there. Where you belong. [he doesn't know if that'll mean anything anymore, but john needed to say it. with the 'conversation' over, big boss retreats from the training room.]

[warandpeace]

[Miller watches him go and turns in the room, realizing how empty it feels now. That's always the difference. Venom would have checked. Boss would have left him to tough it out. He wants to believe that he meant what he said, if only so that nine years of work didn't mean nothing. It could have meant one, small thing in the end. Maybe that was enough.]

Sabishii. Mō anata ni akirame mashi ta. [I'm lonely. But I gave up waiting for you. He says it to an empty room though, before going to pick up his crutch. He doesn't hide the prosthetics, but they hurt enough that he still needs the help getting out. He goes for the door.]

[Time to figure out what to do with himself. Maybe if he'd said how he felt sooner, things would have turned out better for them both. Now, and in the future.]