thisavrou_log | [ miles catch-all: one-way train to crazy town ]

Miles hums in mild disagreement -- Lara burns with potential as bright as the sun, any idiot has to be able to see that. He's pretty sure she could do whatever she wanted, if she put her mind to it. He adores that about her, really. It's hard not to.

"You must have excellent intuition." He grins slyly and twists under her as he turns his head up, leaning just enough to press a kiss to her mouth. He doesn't quite pull back. "Perhaps you'd make a much better officer than a pilot."

Well. That's actually not terribly surprising. She kisses him back, briefly, before pulling away and reaching to cup his cheek in her hand.

"You should be thankful I'm not, otherwise I could order you straight to the MedBay." She runs her thumb just under the dark marks under his eyes, "Charming as you are, you don't sound like yourself."

Something on Miles's face flickers, a brief freeze, but it's gone just as quickly, his eyes narrowing slightly with an amused quirk to his lips. "Don't you know? I'm notorious for disobeying orders."

And who around here is going to outrank an Admiral, anyway? That thought he keeps to himself, however, his mouth tightening just slightly. Mounting a defense already, ready to deflect, deflect, and charge forward.

"So who do I sound like, then?" he says with a sly grin, curling a hand around hers to pull it away from his face and press a kiss to her wrist. His eyes glitter sharply. "At least he's charming. Is he handsome, too?"

She catches the flicker, but can't quite interpret it, whether to push or back off. She hums softly, giving him a slight smile. "I'm shocked."

"No one I've met before." She tips her head to the side and considers him for a long moment. "I think he is, but not nearly enough to let him kiss me again in his lightflyer."

Miles flinches just slightly, his gaze going flat, but after a beat Lara's words catch up to him and it hits him all at once, a wave of silent panic engulfing his chest. Did he really just -- ? The room pitches dizzingly, leaving Miles feeling like he's just left his head behind. What the hell was he thinking, breaking out the Admiral Naismith shtick around Lara? Of all the stupid, senseless, idiot things --

"Lara," Miles stammers out, surprised -- mostly at himself -- his face pale, but no more haggard than before. He lets out a nervous laugh and scrounges up a weak smile, mouth half-open. His accent stutters abruptly back to Barrayaran. "Ha -- sorry. Bad joke."

It's an unpleasant transformation to watch, but it's almost a relief to hear the familiar accent again. There you are is what she doesn't say, instead leaning forward briefly to press her forehead against his.

"Well," she says, "You're very charming on your own, but I prefer to know who I'm kissing." She leans back to study him again, "You don't look like you've been sleeping." She's not going to ask if he's all right.

Miles smiles weakly. "Still me." It's all me... Isn't it? The thought makes his head swim. Can't he be both at once? Two particles, just slightly out of phase, occupying the same space... That peculiar sense of being pulled apart resurfaces and Miles swallows, trying again for that sickly smile. He is grateful, at least, that she hadn't abandoned him in the lightflyer out of disgust. He's not sure he'd have blamed her.

"Not...as such, no," he admits, gaze dropping, but he doesn't pull away. She might be the first person he's been willing to admit that to. Leaning against her, he studies his feet as he kicks them idly. "It's lost its sheen lately."

"Still you," she agrees quietly. Just not a side she'd seen before. Perhaps that shouldn't seem so surprising. Lara wraps her arms around him when he leans against her, holding him loosely.

"I do know the feeling." It's not as though her own nights had magically become peaceful. Rather, she's actually sleeping and that's something. Miles looks like he hasn't slept in days. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Thought you might." Miles makes a weak attempt at a grin. Lara's arms around him are comforting, more so than he'd have expected. There's a certain companionability about her, a kind of camaraderie born out of mutual trauma of one kind or another. He's never needed details to identify that in her. He leans back against her with a breath, squeezing his eyes shut. He tries to contain his thudding heart, beating painfully in his chest.

"I don't know. I thought I'd tire myself out, uh...tinkering, I guess. Nothing's worked yet, not really." Another breath escapes him, laced thinly with frustration. "Not enough to give me a break from...well. You know how it is with nightmares. Persistent little buggers."

She tightens her hold on him slightly, as if she could keep him together through touch and sheer force of will. Lara has will to spare, but distantly she thinks this is might be beyond her abilities. The thought just makes her hold Miles closer.

"Speaking from experience, it doesn't work terribly well. J found me asleep in a crate once." Never mind all the times she's slept in the library. Not that she's actually stopped doing that. "You could tell me about them. Or... Tell me why your voice was different, I've never heard you talk like that before."

Miles's grin wavers. "Just a bad..." Joke? No, to give that excuse again would be too flippant. He might as well insult her. "...habit," he finishes instead, biting the inside of his cheek. Her arms are warm around him, and to be held so close lik e this -- it's comforting, in a way he wasn't prepared to admit he needs right now. He lets her pull him in, sinking against her, although he doesn't quite relax. "It's, um. Something I used to do when I was younger."

Technically true, sort of. Seventeen was quite a bit younger by now. A little knot forms in his stomach at the quasi-lie he's preparing, but he doesn't know what else to tell her. Not the whole truth, certainly. "My mother isn't Barrayaran. She's from Beta Colony. Sometimes, when I'd be off-world, I'd do her accent." Also technically true. "Growing up in Barrayar was...hard, for me. Sometimes it was good just to -- escape, even for if for a little while."

Putting it to words like that -- it's almost a little too close to the truth, and more honest than Miles wants to be with himself about it. He chews on his lower lip, fidgeting with his hands. "I'd...appreciate it if you didn't mention this to anyone," he adds hesitantly. "I didn't mean to, er -- it just kind of -- it's kind of embarrassing, is all."

It's not just an accent, but it doesn't feel like the right time to press either. She lets it lie, rubbing her hand against his back instead. He feels like a bundle of nerves and knots in her arms.

"All right, I won't," she says after a pause, "But you ought to go to the medbay. They might have a sedative or something..." She finishes the thought a little lamely. It's perhaps a little hypocritical to suggest something she'd never really considered necessary for herself. "I've it under good authority that not sleeping is very bad for you."

She tries for a smile, making an attempt at lightening the mood.

Miles sighs, skin prickling slightly at her hand on his back, and he sinks against her a little more limply, cheek pressed to her shoulder. He mirrors her smile only briefly with a tired quirk of his mouth.

"You shouldn't believe everything you read," he returns, but it's with an attempt at levity, at least. He's momentarily seized with the desire to just bury his face in her and not move for a long while, but he brushes it off and just absently nuzzles her shoulder instead. "I'll try to go tomorrow," he says vaguely. "No one's going to be there this time of night, though. I suppose I ought to...go back to my cabin til morning."

Not for the first time that night, she thinks there you are when he starts to settle. She's not sure she entierly believes him, but it's something and it's a start. Tomorrow (or rather today, they were getting close to the unfortunate side of midnight) was another day.

Lara gathers him up in one last hug, "You really ought to. No more tinkering on planes, hey? Bit different than robot vacuums."

She pulls him into one last hug, and Miles buries his face against her shoulder and breathes in deep for just a moment, managing to get one arm around her to return the hug. He's immensely relieved she hasn't pressed him for answers on any of this. He's not sure he could produce any just now. Miles makes a soft, weary sound when he pulls back, his smile still a little weak, but it's real.

"Just so," he agrees, and takes a half-glance around them before adding, "I think Ivan might kill me."

He ought to go...somewhere else, if not to bed, and he ought to let Lara go, too, so he pulls back, a little reluctantly. It'd probably be out of bounds if he asked to stay the night with him -- not the least because of the obvious innuendo, even if that's not what Miles intends at all. But either way, he's not sure he'd want to subject her to whatever nightmares might decide to plague him tonight, or if he even wants to sleep. So he pulls back, but he hesitates just long enough to kiss her lightly, brief and undemanding.

"Sorry," he says, because it seems the thing to say, and then: "Thank you."

[ miles catch-all: one-way train to crazy town ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject