thisavrou_log | I lost my faith in the summertime Cos it don't stop raining

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I lost my faith in the summertime Cos it don't stop raining

Who: Nathan Drake and Chloe Frazer.
When: After this reunion.
Where: Kauto 15.
What: So it's pretty awkward when you accidentally get your ex's wife killed. It's even more awkward when you don't really talk about it afterwards.
Warnings: Nope!

[Really, Chloe should be used to people coming back from the dead. It shouldn't be a surprise. Admittedly, the first time she came face to face with a dead blast from the past it had been a rather weird surprise- not a happy one, but not an unhappy one either - that had come with no small amount of conflicted emotions.

This time it was better. Elena was back, certainly not unscathed from her ordeal, but alive and breathing and not drowning on her own blood in a space suit and that was a marked improvement. They had talked for ages, until Elena had fallen asleep on her, exhausted, and Chloe had tucked her in with a light blanket and a goodbye note by her head. Now that the euphoria had worn off, Chloe was feeling pretty exhausted herself as she left, and as she closed the door behind her she sighed and leant against it.

Okay Frazer, everything's going to be okay now. Just... take this as a lesson and learn from it and move on.

But seriously... fuck space.

As Chloe double checks that she'd closed the door behind her, she suddenly realises she's not alone and turns to see Nate coming home and just like that, she feels cornered again.]

Hey.

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[Nate hadn't been out that long, but getting back to a normal-ish life will help get them away from living in the shadow of Elena's death, and there were things that needed doing. An alarming number of things, considering how long he'd been a pathetic lump on the couch.

No more. He's alive, Elena's alive, things will be all right again. He's looking forward to seeing her, even if it's only been a couple of hours, but when he spots Chloe leaving his house, he can only think of one thing.]

Oh shit.

[Chloe's mood plummets thanks to two little words and it's almost like she wilts in front of him. They're not extremely fancy words, but they speak volumes.

So.

Not forgiven yet.

She doesn't blame him, if the boot was on the other foot, she doesn't think she'd forgive her either.]

Okay.

[Chloe plunges her hands into her jacket pockets and drops her gaze to her feet as she sets off, avoiding eye contact to make this less awkward.]

Be quiet when you go in, she's asleep.

[Time to get the hell out of dodge and leave them both alone before she finds some other way to screw this up.]

[Her face falls, and Nate is surprised—if anything, he expected her to be mad that he didn't tell her when Elena came back, immediately.

Inwardly, he's kicking himself for the lack of notification. Sure, not everyone was on a needs-to-know basis right off the bat, but Chloe had been there when it happened. He should have called her.]

Hey—Chloe, wait, no. [He trots over, an anxious look on his face.] Where are you going?

Home.

[She keeps her hands in her pockets and her eyes to the ground as she keeps walking, refusing to let herself make eye contact.]

I won't keep you, go and be with your wife.

[God knows he's been kept from her for too long because of her.]

Hang on a minute, would you?

[He reaches out for her as he catches up, but drops his hand before he can touch her arm.]

Chloe, I am so sorry.

[All of the guilt and grief and exhaustion from the nights of restless sleep have really taken their toll on Chloe, and now, with her back against the metaphorical wall, it all comes to the forefront with a bubble of anger and she wheels on him.]

Oh spare me. I get that you're mad. I get that you're never going to forgive me, but not telling me that she's alive? That she's okay? That's just- that's really shitty Nathan.

[God, he really is an asshole. He wasn't the only one who lost something in all this. Guilt roils up in his throat and he looks away for a moment before forcing himself to meet her eye, frowning this time.]

Wait, what? I'm not mad at you. You should be mad at me.

[Chloe's building up steam now and she doesn't really register what he says.]

Why? Because you didn't want to let the person who got Elena killed know that she was okay? Were you just going to keep it from me so I could keep on feeling like a piece of shit for letting one of my best friends die in my arms while I just sat there begging her to hold on until we got help? Because if this is your way of punishing me for that then believe me, I don't need any more help from you to feel bad about myself. I already feel like crap. So thanks.

Because I was so angry at myself for not being there that I haven't been able to think about anything but taking care of her!

[He knows it's not his fault. He knows it's not his job to protect Elena, just like she doesn't have to protect him. What should happen is they watch each other's backs.

But he hadn't been there, and he'd died, and knowing that felt like it killed him too.]

Did you really think I blamed you for what happened?

Why would you not blame me?

[She feels very small all of a sudden, raw and exposed. She exhales through her nose and covers her face with her hands, laughing mirthlessly into her palms.]

I got home safe and she didn't.

Because it wasn't your fault.

[He lets out a long breath. It had never occurred to him that Chloe blamed herself. Shouldn't it, though? Shouldn't he have given her another thought? At the time, he'd been too busy holding off a breakdown, and not entirely succeeding.]

You didn't do it to her, Chloe. I never thought you were responsible.

[Of course she should have thought that he didn't really blame her, she should have tried approaching him in the days following the accident, but every time it crossed her mind, the image of his face after she had told him and the memory of him pushing her away had held her back.]

I didn't protect her though, did I? I didn't keep her safe. I didn't bring her home.

[When she looks at Nate, her eyes are red rimmed and wet with tears she's been holding back.]

And I can never forgive myself for that.

[Nate figures he knows Chloe better than a lot of her professional acquaintances and even friends. Not everything, because she's maybe even more guarded about her squishy vulnerable center than he is, but he's gotten a glimpse, back in Shambhala and then in Syria when her concern and frustration with him had come out in equal amounts. And now here.

He's not good at comforting people or dealing with harder emotions. Not good at being comforted, either. But there's really only one right move that he can see here. He steps forward and wraps his arms around Chloe.]

I know. It's still okay.

[Chloe will vehemently deny to anyone the existence of the aforementioned squishy vulnerable centre if ever pressed about it, but it is there and it feels like it's been poked and prodded just a little bit too hard lately. It's bruised and battered, and all it takes is a well timed hug for her defences to wobble. She takes that hug and clings, just for a moment, just until she can compose herself.

Nate's always given really great hugs, even platonic ones, and Chloe realises that it's not just Elena she's been grieving for, it's been the imagined loss of both of them; Elena's death and Nate's rejection of her as a friend. They're her people, she picks them carefully and doesn't choose anyone lightly. Losing any one of them is like losing family.

She exhales shakily against Nate's shoulder and mumbles into his shoulder:]

'm sorry.

[It's almost funny; Nate knows Chloe's physical size very well, had spent a lot of time up close and personal with it a few years back, but her normal self-assurance and big personality make it easy to forget how small she is.

He keeps his arms around her and pats her back, smiling faintly.]

I keep telling you it's okay. You starting to go deaf or something?

Shut up.

[She's not ready to let go, it'll give the game away. Her eyes are stinging, and she blinks a few times to do away with the tears. That's quite enough of that, she doesn't want to look any wimpier than she's sure she already does.

There. Done.

She steps back before it gets awkward, smacking him lightly on the upper arm to retaliate for the deaf comment, and clears her throat. Normal service will resume once she claws back some composure.

It doesn't stop her from feeling exposed and self-conscious though.]

Okay. Now let's just... let's just concentrate on getting Elena back on track, yeah?

['And move past any squishy vulnerability that may or may not be a thing.']

Edited 2017-08-04 16:39 (UTC)

[He lets her go and pretends the smack hurt, rubbing lightly at the spot with a faint 'ow.' It's good for her pride.

He also pretends he doesn't see the shine in her eyes. He's been there. He gets it.]

Yeah. She'll be all right.

[She has to be. Anything else just isn't an option.]

Come on back and side. Have a drink with me.

Nah, you don't want me hanging around like a bad smell, do you?

[It would be easier to go home and hide with the lights off until the cracks in her composure fill up, but she's sick of being alone and miserable, and she's been a terrible friend to Nate lately.

They should support each other, right?]

Unless... you have beer? 'Cause we could order Space Pizza.

[Nate gets what it's like to push the hard stuff away and hide way from your problems, so he wouldn't be surprised if Chloe turned him down. But he's glad she doesn't, and he smiles.]

Beer and Space Pizza sound great.

Just like old times, right?

[She hadn't realised how tired she is until the relief of it all hits her. Elena's alive, Nate doesn't hate her... gradually, she's able to claw a handhold back on the sheer cliff-face that her life has felt like since that damn expedition.

And she has missed them. Both of them. She's not a people person, not really, but they're her people and they're going to be okay. All of them.]

But Elena really is asleep. Poor kid's knackered.

[Just like it. Nate reaches out to pat her on the back and guide her inside. Like he should have done a lot sooner.]

I'm not surprised. I guess the whole...process took a lot out of her. She's been napping a lot.

She'll be okay.

[Any other outcome is unacceptable to her. Elena has to be okay.

I guess I never really gave much thought to the follow up to being- you know. Can't be an easy adjustment period.

[She waves her hand vaguely. 'Dead' is not a word she wants to use in association with Elena again.

But it does remind her...]

Harry's gone, by the way.

[It's not easy, but she'll get there. Nate can't accept anything else.

He sigh when she mentions Harry, and it sounds somewhere between sad and resigned.]

I noticed. Just didn't have the time to think about it. [He casts a sidelong glance at her as they head inside.] Sucks, though.

Yeah.

[She won't tell him why she went looking for Flynn, and she won't tell him ~~who~~ what she ended up doing afterwards either.]

There's a lot that sucks lately.

I know.

[He gives her shoulder a squeeze.]

We'll get through it.

It's what we're good at, right? Surviving. Pulling through when the going gets tough.

[There's no small amount of scorn in her tone, but she leans into the squeeze nevertheless.]

And we'll get her through it too.

We will.

[He lets his hand stay for one more second before dropping it and nudging her in the side. That's their thing—know that the other one is here, but never acknowledge too much weakness.]

C'mon. Let's eat.

[Chloe sighs and nudges back. It's been a hell of a two weeks and she's been feeling vulnerable. It's okay to let a few cracks in the armour show- it doesn't happen often but if it's going to happen in front of anyone... well. Might as well be in front of those she considers as good as family.]

Yeah.

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I lost my faith in the summertime Cos it don't stop raining

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