burger flippiiiiin

[nyxus]

Who: Nyx & Anybody
When: Morning and Evening, end of May
Where: Pax Hamburgana
What: Working hard, or hardly working? Stop by for service with a smile! :D
Warnings: G. I will switch to brackets if you prefer that!


e a r l y.

The diner didn't serve breakfast, though understandably there still had to be someone there relatively early. Prep work needed to be done: goodies baked, beans boiled, dough kneaded, pickles sliced, and so on. Nyx wasn't really a morning person but he didn't mind taking the early shifts. One benefit was that he could play music as loud as he wanted to and sing along while he worked without worrying about anyone interrupting his (non-existent) musical talents.

This morning in particular a song with a heavy beat and danceable melody came on, which had Nyx not only singing along but dancing back and forth around the kitchen as he put together the ingredients for the Strawberry Rhubarb Pie. Personally he hated the taste of the pie, but it sure did smell wonderful baking. He was in a good mood, and entirely unaware that he hadn't locked up the diner after himself, nor did he hear any sounds of anyone coming in.

l a t e.

Nights like this reminded him of the bar he and Libertus ran back home. It was dark outside, there were only a few stragglers left eating or drinking, and the mood was super mellow. He was tired; it had been a long day. It had been a profitable day though and Nyx was pretty sure that Kaz Grumpyface Miller might even be pleased with the ledger. No new customers had come in during the past half hour and he began his nightly cleaning ritual.

Nyx might have not had the most spotless apartment but when it came to his job, he was meticulous. He loved the idea of every piece of cooking equipment from the stove to the spatula being shiny and glittering clean. There was something therapeutic about it. Or, maybe, he told himself that because going home alone to an empty apartment really sucked after awhile. Whatever the reason, Nyx was not afraid to use all the elbow grease he had to make sure the stove had not even a micro-atom of grease anywhere on it.

Comments

[warandpeace]

"I don't know that he would." Though he always tried to get Ahab to make new friends. But then he thought about it. He remembered this quiet Medic sitting in a corner. How he just sat and watched everyone having fun, and seemed to enjoy their happiness as if it was his own. At the very least he was patient with their idiocy.

Maybe it wouldn't jog memories, but going out might jog pleasant feelings.

"Actually, I'll ask him. It would do some good to get him out there. He's-" not been well at all "-been feeling distracted. Maybe it'll help."

He finished that first batch on wax paper and handed the tray off to Nyx. "Put this in the refrigerator." He said of the big industrial thing in the back.

[nyxus]

Nyx set the tablet aside and took the tray quickly from his boss, doing as instructed to get the tray in the fridge. A second later he was back, though he didn't take up the tablet again for the moment. He had been in the middle of his own preparations after all, which at the moment included peeling potatoes for the fries. There was also a pile of cucumbers which needed cut up but he hadn't quite gotten to those yet.

"If you can get him to come, first round's on me." The thought that maybe Ahab didn't drink crossed his mind, but it didn't matter. There were always non-alcoholic options available and drinking wasn't the reason for going. Relaxing and celebrating life by singing terribly in front of a room full of strangers was the point. Nyx smiled to himself, wondering if it was going to even be possible to get the two old men to relax. Alcohol could help there, if Ahab drank. Nyx already knew that Miller did on occasion. Maybe he would get more weird stories about human slingshots and boxes?

"Does he drink?" Nyx decided to ask, moments after his offer to buy. Although another idea did come to mind and he thought for a second before suggesting: "We might be able to rent a karaoke machine instead and embarrass ourselves just in front of each other instead."

[warandpeace]

"Yeah, he drinks. Not as much as I drink. But he'll drink."

Not that Miller was an alcoholic or anything, but if there was any way to get him to cut loose that was it. At least it put him in a better mood. "He actually recommended we share a bottle of whiskey sometime. I mentioned that one bar we went to. The one with the live music?"

"He used to go out into the field listening to music. Sometimes I'd hear it over radio contact." And he'd tap his fingers along to it. The memory was a warm thing, mixed in with all the harsh events of those months. Listening to Venom Snake huff as he ran, and listening to music from afar.

"We weren't going through an easy time but some of it was nice."

[nyxus]

"Got to find the bright in anything dismal. That's what makes us survivors, right?" Maybe that wasn't really true but it sounded nice. His home lands had been under attack from the Empire for as long as he could remember, which meant he knew a lot of old soldiers and militiamen, and they were really often the most dismal and depressed people anyone could meet. But, they were still survivors, and Nyx knew that in a very twisted way he was lucky enough to get out when he had.

He had a lot of bright things to look forward to if he could find the will to search. That's what he was trying to do here, weird monsters and contamination aside, so far his life here had been relatively mellow. Kaz helped with that. He appreciated the man maybe more than his boss even realized, but he wasn't about to get all soppy and gush about it. Having a friend was needed and appreciated now more than ever.

"I listen to it when I'm training but I don't think I ever did in the field. I'm pretty sure my Captain would have harangued me about it to no end." Nyx smirked softly. "But all us immigrants would go hang out after shift duty and drills and missions together, drink, and be stupid together. Forget about things, you know." And Nyx was sure that Kaz did know how important those moments were, as he'd just stated. Even in the most difficult of times you could find nice moments.

[warandpeace]

"I don't know." He said noncommittally. Because it wasn't so much a search for the bright in the dismal. He was always aware that the dismal was there. But the bright just seemed to happen, as brightness tended to do. Little sparks here and there, small good events like fireflies in the night.

It didn't feel good enough to say that it was significantly good. And he knew that if that were the criteria for survival, he was actually the walking dead.

"You need to keep busy. Even if it's just with music, you have to keep moving or your head can catch up with you. It lets the loneliness in."

[nyxus]

"It's not the same, you're right." Nyx frowned slightly at the potato he was peeling. For a moment he lost himself in memories before he figured out why Kaz's statement bothered him. He could leave it where it lie but it felt a little too distasteful, a little too depressing, so he decided to share how he felt about what had been said.

"There's different ways to keep busy though. You can choose something bright, or you can choose something dark. I've seen Glaives do both. I bet you have, too. It's the kind of business between missions which sometimes defines what kind of person you are. That's what I think." He couldn't assume that Kaz was one for philosophical debates but they'd somehow gotten on the topic and it was nice, to have someone to talk about this kind of stuff with.

Nyx had never told his boss, his friend, about what had happened to him there at the end before he showed up here. He wasn't sure he ever would, just like Kaz hadn't shared undoubtedly countless stories with him. Sharing some of this though, it helped him. He hoped it helped Kaz too in some way.

[warandpeace]

"Light and dark is too simplistic. Sometime paperwork is just paperwork or cooking is just cooking. It is what it is."

There it was, though, the more dour aspects of Kaz's personality. Unfortunate considering the mood he'd caught Nyx in. Though it was a difficult topic: Kaz didn't think of himself as a good person, but he thought of himself as better than Ocelot. Worse than Venom Snake. A general glazing of unpleasant individual that could, every once in a while, be a decent human being.

He didn't say this out loud, though.

"Try not to worry about it too much. Everyone has different experiences and actions. You can't ask someone to appreciate the good moments in their life without acknowledging the weight of the bad. It's usually easier to point out that there are things of value there. And things of value require a price."

Though Kaz got conned on what he thought was valuable. "What do you think of as 'bright' though?"

[nyxus]

So much for his good mood. Nyx replied with only a noncommittal noise for now, as he was still processing everything Kaz had said to him. It was true nothing was so simplistic but complicating things didn't help either. Sure, paperwork was sometimes just paperwork but there was an honesty in that kind of work that had its own kind of purpose and value. Maybe that wasn't bright enough for Kaz any more. Still, it didn't feel good, to have his opinion so discounted.

Nyx fully realized that Kaz had more life experience than him and obviously he had been through a hell of a lot. Did that make his opinion wrong? Maybe, but maybe not. The question felt more like an afterthought than anything and Nyx didn't feel too much like sharing any longer. There was only so much you could open up, so much that you could make yourself vulnerable, before it felt unsafe. This conversation had begun to feel unsafe to him and he didn't much care to continue it.

"I don't know," he lied. It was the first time he had ever lied to Kaz and he hoped he wouldn't be called out on it.

[warandpeace]

Kaz could tell that he'd ruined a good mood again. Funny, he used to be great at making them.

The reason most of his soldiers didn't like him, right there.

He continued what he was doing for a few minutes, making some mochi balls, smelling too sweet rice flour and smelling awkward. But that wouldn't be great of him, would it? To just kill the mood and let it stand.

"It's fine, Nyx. We don't have to talk about it." He offered up. I don't know, was the universal answer for I'm not sure what to say now. And Kaz realized that was his fatal flaw in being himself. God, he missed with he was young and happy and didn't just pull people down with him. "Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.
You've got a good attitude. I'm just bitter and that's not your fault."

[nyxus]

Nyx had assumed they would work for awhile longer in that awkward silence, and he began to lose himself in the monotonous rhythm of peeling potatoes and losing himself to his own thoughts. Mostly, he thought about his mother and sister, but he also thought of Princess Lunafreya. He wondered how she was now and he made a mental note to ask Ardyn again about her.

When Kaz spoke up it almost startled him. He rested his hands on the counter and looked over at the other as he listened to the not-quite-apology. It was alright, Kaz didn't have anything to apologize for. Nyx didn't know how to say that though and he looked away with furrowed brows as he tried to come up with some kind of response.

"It's... fine," he finally managed. As was his usual defense mechanism, he resorted to a joke. "I'm optimistic, and that's not your fault." Nyx chuckled and gave Kaz one of his easy smiles.

[warandpeace]

"It's not fine. You don't sound fine."

Because ten years ago he would have joked his way out of discomfort. He starts wiping down his mess on the counter so he can start anew.

"I shouldn't have brought it up. But... I get lonely because I once commanded a lot of soldiers. Many of them I lost during an attack. So I can't really enjoy myself in the same ways I used to when I was with them. It just turned into this way to remind myself that they weren't there to feel it with me. But if I slow down, I miss them all the time."

Which is oddly hard to admit. After all this time, pinpointing a reason why his older self atrophied. That it wasn't just the anger and the guilt,

"You're about as close to a soldier as I've got right now. Even if it's just flipping burgers. So I don't want to make you too uncomfortable."

[nyxus]

That was a lot to take in. Nyx had slowly turned around while Kaz was talking, and he stood there and quietly listened without any distraction from his duties. He was surprised, but he also felt sad. It wasn't pity that he felt for his boss, it was more like sympathy and maybe some empathy too. He took in a slow breath once it seemed Kaz was done talking.

"I've lost a lot of people too," he said quietly. It was a vast understatement but then again, for all he knew, so was Kaz's own statement. "Look, Boss... Kazuhira." Nyx gave a soft shrug with his shoulders.

"It really is alright. If you get to know me better, you'll know that I stick to my loyalties and that includes friends. It doesn't matter if you make me uncomfortable sometimes or not. I'm not going to resent you, or stop being friends with you, or anything silly like that. Life's uncomfortable. It's unfair. We lose so much and all we can do is make the best of the time we have. Part of that is keeping friends once you make them."

Nyx gave him a humored look. "I'd say we should hug this out but there are way too many deadly instruments in this kitchen within your reach."

[warandpeace]

"Well, if you know military commanders... you know how we get."

There was a lot more to it. That losing friends is something very real to him, since the closest one he had left him behind. (And worse, later it seemed like the actually did still care. That made it impossibly painful. He would rather have been left because he was hated.)

He patted Nyx's shoulder as he walked by. "Don't worry. I'm not that stand offish. There's only a few people I dislike enough to bludgeon with a spatula if they tried to touch me.

Kaz didn't have it in him to have any hope anymore. He could just like and enjoy the occasional thing here and there. Just calling life uncomfortable and unfair didn't sit right with him because he couldn't think of a moment that it had been fair, he didn't feel that he need to be informed of it. Ocelot had chiseled his self-esteem down to a sliver. Friends weren't something he deserved. And the losses...

Nyx handled his losses better than Kaz. Whether it was genuine or out of a sense of denial or with constant effort, it still worked out as "better".

[nyxus]

It seemed they were at some kind of understanding then. Nyx could appreciate that Kaz had been through all sorts of things he couldn't know, couldn't understand even, and the opposite was true as well. Nyx had seen and done some incredible shit in his short life. That didn't mean Kaz was right and that he was wrong, nor did it discount their life experiences. It simply meant they had arrived where they were now by vaguely similar means, and that they handled that stress in different ways.

That's how he summarized it anyway, which was probably far too simplistic but in that span of a few seconds it felt satisfying enough.

Kaz's promise not to bludgeon him was as open an invitation as Nyx needed. He waited just a moment until Kaz's back was to him, then he attacked. He wrapped his arms around the other man, pinning his arms to his side, and gave him a squeezing bear hug from behind.

"You're alright with me, Boss."

[warandpeace]

Kaz might have said that he wouldn't react violently to it. But he did react, with a surprised noise and stiffening at the sudden hug around him.

Then he relaxed, patted Nyx, and left a friendly handprint of rice-flour on his forearm.

"I'd be surprised to find out who you weren't alright with."