thisavrou_log

[ Adam had been spending a lot of his nights scrying. There'd also been an undeterminable amount of drinking and sleeping pills amongst working at the shop and on his fence that was going around the small area around his house.

On this late evening, he'd gone up to the little loft opposite the bedroom loft where he had set up all the arcane magic things he'd collected. His tarot deck, books, the scrying bowl and various other magical items that not all of which he quite understood. He'd not eaten that day when he'd first started.

He had been scrying for he's not sure how long when he saw a figure, he thinks, in flowing white with flowing stark blond hair. It's Persephone, Adam knew it had to be and his heart soared because he needed her more than he'd ever needed her. She's perhaps the one adult he'd ever had that he'd loved, trusted.

He started trying to get to her, feeling like he was running toward that figure but the closer he got the more Persephone turned into white blurs, tearing apart and scattering and he kept chasing them.

He kept chasing until he found his sense and pulled away from the scrying bowl. His fingers were shaking, heart pounding and he he wanted to go back in, to find her. Tears were welling up and a scream in his throat as he knocked the bowl over. ]

Edited 2017-04-18 05:37 (UTC)

[ Blue's attention during the week is split between dropping by Adam's tiny house on the edge of the St. Monmouth grounds, rifling through what she considers to be 'unwanted clothes' for things she likes, or camping out in various places with her nose in some her research book-of-the-week.

Today she comes by to visit the boy after a long day of scouring through the plant life with a book in one hand and a bag looped around her wrist, carefully pulling off leaves, petals, or entire stalks to toss into it. Both of the objects still with her, but the small canvas bag was now obviously more weighed down with her day's findings.

(Sage, Daisies, Thyme, Lavender, and Yarrow mingled amongst bits of twine and a carefully placed pair of scissors.) ]

I was thinking of trying something today... [ Blue's talking as soon as she walks in the door, dragging along bits of the outside in with her that get caught in the airy skirt she's donned today (which honestly looks like it might be made from the lace of a canopy bed attached to the bottom of a button-down, and probably is.), but when Adam greets her with a distressed sound, rather than an actual greeting she immediately cuts her words short and rushes to where he is. ]

Adam? [ She crouches down next to him, her heart pounding in her chest and echoing loudly in her ears. ] Adam? What happened? [ She takes a notice of the spilled water from a nearby bowl and quickly puts two and two together. ] What were you doing? Are you okay?

[ There's no stopping himself from crying. It's not just grief from Persephone and losing her all over again. It's the weight of everything and the crushing alone, the crushing weight of knowing he's nothing that finally cracks with this blow. His hands are still shaking, hugging himself and digging his nails into his sides as if that would stop it.

It's probably obvious what he had been doing so he doesn't force the answer out, instead rocking slightly as he keeps his eyes closed tight. ]

I found Persephone but then she was gone. [ The words are choked between sobs that he's not able to control. ]

[ The name cuts through Blue, makes her blood run cold and immediately she feels like she's been transported to that day. The final moments of Persephone's life, feeling her lifeless body in her hands, hearing the two words that confirmed it, and how much of an emptiness it had left inside of Blue. An emptiness that wouldn't ever be filled again, a sort of ache that there wasn't any cure for.

Her throat tightens, a thick knot rising up in it as she watches Adam completely come apart, curled up and sobbing on the floor next to her. That sight mixed with the memories of Persephone forces a few tears from her eyes, which she quickly wipes away with the heel of her hand. ]

You... found her?

[ She'd felt the ache for home lately (Real home. Henrietta, Virginia. With the little blue house on Fox Way packed full with women who all were each just a little more eccentric than the other. And the atrocious orange Camaro that conveniently only ever seemed to break down on the hottest and most humid of summer days. Even Nino's Pizza, which she typically loathed going to, had become a place she longed for.), but now it's morphed into a crushing sort of feeling right in the center of Blue's chest, rather than the dull pang of wistful thoughts it once was. ]

I swear it was her. [It's a stupid thing to swear. He had wanted it to be her. It had looked so much... He needed Persephone more than ever and he knew she was gone forever in every plane of the universe but somehow he'd found her anyway.]

But I couldn't get to her and she's gone...

[ Even crouched down, Blue can feel her legs starting to get weak, wobbling despite the fact that they're folded up underneath her body. The conviction in Adam's voice sends a chill through her, he sounds so sure that it was Persephone, that he'd somehow seen her -- found her as he'd said, as though she was lost somewhere just waiting for someone to bring her back.

That would have been a much easier thought to cope with than the reality.

She drops to take a seat, reaching out and resting her hand on Adam's shoulder. ] Adam, she's... [ She tries her best to keep her voice from wavering as she speaks, a task that's far more difficult than Blue expects and the rest of her sentence gets caught somewhere in her throat, tangled up in the knot that's forming there. ]

I know.

[ But what did death really mean?

Gansey was there in a state of undead and god knows how long Noah had existed in some space between too. How could they look at death with such certainty. He feels the loss of Persephone all over again and maybe it hadn't been her and he's not sure why he'd been so convinced or why it hurt so badly to see the vision come apart in front of him.

He shrugs her hand off his shoulder, pressing his hands to his face and curling his fingertips into his forehead harshly as if that can stop his hands from shaking finally. ]

[ If time worked in strange ways back home, it worked in even stranger ways here. While they were all living the same sequence of events, they were torn from different moments in it. If the border between life and death was fuzzy back in Henrietta, then it's now completely skewed. Gansey's entire existence is one that they've yet to even fully understand.

So why couldn't it have been Persephone? Why couldn't she be here despite what might have happened back in their world? The longer that Blue thinks about it, the heavier the weight she feels crushing her becomes. She would have literally given anything to see her family again -- and she would have given even more for the chance to see Persephone again.

It's more than just the homesickness. Blue feels even more lost without them lately, like the psychic women hold all of the answers that they've been searching for, if only there was some way that they could get to them.

Adam shrugs her hand away and she frowns, folding her hands in her lap for the time being and simply looking down at the boy, concern written clearly on her features. ]

What happened? Did she...say something? Do anything?

[ Adam shook his head and he was trying to find the logic to push the grief aside as it renewed itself and seemed to catch onto everything that was already breaking him down from the inside out. He felt exhausted and hopeless. ]

No... But she was so far away. I couldn't get to her fast enough. [ Was what he had seen an illusion? Or was her spirit somehow there and not fully intact? Was he just hoping for anything good. ]

[ Blue tugs anxiously at one of the stray threads in her skirt -- in the back of her mind, she knew better than to do so, but her nerves were winning out in the war against her better logic. She hates seeing Adam this way, it makes something in the center of her chest ache and she reaches out to touch him again, her hand hovering a short distance above his shoulder before she pulls it back and returns it to her lap. ]

Why...

[ The question wasn't meant to leave Blue's head. There had to be a reason. Adam would not have simply seen Persephone were it not for something right? Or could his mind have conjured up the image because he wanted so badly to see her again?

It's a bad idea, Blue knows it, but the words leave her mouth anyway. Soft and just barely above a whisper: ]

Do you want to try it again?

[ Her better logic is out the window. ]

[ Adam shakes his head at the questions. He doesn't know. He also knows that he can't scry again, not with Blue there. He's cold and shaky and weak in a way he can't begin to explain. He'd been more powerful in the magic but more weak outside of it ever since he'd taken off the Cabeswater amulet. There was a cold hollow in his soul, that resounded into his chest achingly.

After something like this it felt even worse. If he had been alone, he would have wanted to try it again. He doesn't care so much about living here anymore. But he also wouldn't want to leave his body for Blue or Andyr to find. He's beginning to think that this place isn't real. If you die here, it probably means nothing.

Maybe it was all a hallucination anyway and he was in some mental hospital. A part of him had stopped caring as much. He felt the epitome of crazy now, mourning and alone even though Blue was there. ]

[ It wasn't the smartest suggestion and Blue's glad that Adam doesn't go along with it. She knows exactly the kind of effect nothing more than her presence has when it comes to the energy and magic that Adam can tap into. She's likely to end up causing more harm than good and so she nods her head in agreement.

She sits there in silence with him for a long while, shifting a bit uncomfortably, pulling on stray strings in her skirt, fiddling with some of the buttons on her shirt. There's an apparent nervous and anxious sort of energy that comes off of Blue in waves. She hates not knowing what to do, what to say -- not that she'd ever been some expert on it anyway, but now it seems more obvious than ever. ]

You shouldn't do this by yourself...

[ The same thing she's said to him a thousand times before this, she's sure. ]

And how else should I do it, Blue? With you here?

[ Adam asks because she very well knows that he can't. He shifts to get up, moving to the ladder that takes them up to this loft, his bed in the opposite loft. He climbs down, his hands still shakey as he heads toward the small kitchen area.

He goes for one of the cabinets and pulls out a bottle, clearly alcohol, struggling with the lid. ]

[ Adam's not been great company for a while now but he's probably even worse company now but when Kurt had texted about wanting to bring food again Adam hadn't denied him. He hadn't gotten paid from the shop again and his pride was far too high for him to go get food from St. Monmouth's refillable fridge.

So, he'd agreed not just because he wanted to eat but he didn't want to be alone as much as he insisted he is completely fine.

By the time Kurt arrives, he looks presentable and is sitting out near the bonfire pit, contemplating starting up a fire. He thumbs aimlessly at his TAB, writing out messages that he'll never send to people he misses but isn't sure he'll ever hear from again. He probably won't hear when Kurt comes up, lost in the melancholy that takes over when no one's watching him, when Andyr or Blue or someone isn't there for him to protect from himself. ]

Edited (sorry this suckssss) 2017-04-18 08:02 (UTC)

[The blue boy is more than ecstatic to bring Adam more homemade food and take this chance to see how his new tiny house had come out. It's a decent enough hike to the new location, though it's absolutely worth the walk once he's close enough to view the adorable structure in all its glory.

He clasps his hands together in front of his face, releasing a delighted noise and picking up the pace of his jog to a sprint. While he would ordinarily greet Adam with a wave or a cheerful 'hello,' he's not used to actually seeing the other male like this. His brow furrows, one hand gripping the strap at his shoulder as he slows his approach, so as not to startle him.

Once he's close enough, Kurt silently moves to sit next to his friend, being sure to leave a respectable amount of distance by putting the messenger bag between them.] Hi, Adam, [he greets, voice far softer than normal. Something's wrong, but he's not sure of what it could be.]

[ Adam's gaze shoots up immediately when Kurt speaks and he hadn't noticed him until he heard him talk. It's probably too little too late for the smile to seem quite real. ]

Hey. [ He greets, putting his TAB away without another thought. He tries to recover his wits because he's well aware that people don't care to be around someone who's unhappy. ]

You really snuck up on me. [ It's a playful accusation. ]

[His friend's reaction earns a sudden lift of the eyebrows, surprise briefly coming across his face then softening once more.]

Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. [Adam's frolicsome tease is sweet, despite the fact he seems distracted by something else; Kurt smiles and lifts his shoulders in a shrug, trying to appear as innocent as possible.]

Ja, it happens sometimes. I can be quite sneaky, even if I don't mean to be.

[He places a hand on the satchel he'd set down, motioning to it with the other.] I brought you some more spaeztle and some other things I made earlier this morning.

Maybe you should walk around with bells on or something. [ Adam snorts, that would probably end up more irritating to people than just being startled when Kurt comes up quietly. It's not really such a big deal anyway.

He glances down at the satchel and then smiles again at the explanation ]

You really enjoy doing that stuff, huh.

[ A moment later. ]

Thank you.

That would compromise my stealth, though! [Aside from being overly obnoxious anytime he decides to move, that is. It'd be interesting to imagine where he'd be able to put all of the chimes.

He nods briskly, blowing some of the long bangs out of his face.]

I do. It's ... relaxing at the right time and I can give things to my friends.

[Another grin as he begins to open the bag now.]

You're welcome.

A double edged sword. [ Adam smiles and stretches a moment as he listens to Kurt. He can understand in a way, sort of, though he'd never been someone that had the means to do things like that for his friends but the sentiment isn't completely foreign. It is foreign, however, that he's so willign to accept a gift from someone. Though, Kurt is genuine and nonthreatening about it all and Adam's never felt like it's an exchange or that Kurt's kindness would give him power over Adam.

And, he is low on funds and food had been at the bottom of his priority list. ]

How do you keep up with getting all the stuff for doing this...?

Perfect analogy. [When Kurt does things for his friends, he hopes they never feel obligated to return the favor because that's never what he's expected and he isn't about to start now. He makes these choices of his own free will, enjoys how happy people seem to be with the snacks and things he gives them, even if it means he has less for himself. (Angie and Adrian are sure to keep him loaded up with apples and walnuts, though.)

He removes a few items: a large bag of assorted muffins (chocolate chip, blueberry, apple cinnamon, and banana nut), two containers of spaetzle, a smaller tupperware of chex mix, and a medium-sized bag of sweet and salty trail mix.]

Being a teleporter helps, haha! Other than that, if they feel up to it, I can sometimes bribe my housemates into helping me and sencs have ... never been a problem. Did I tell you I finally have an actual job?

[ Adam studies what the other pulls out and he chuckles because he figures that this really must take up a good chunk of Kurt's time. He could probably start up a business with it if he wanted. Adam hesitates before mentioning it: ]

With all the time you put into this, you could make a living off of it too.

[ If it's something Kurt enjoys then why shouldn't he after all? ]

But what job do you have? [ He's curious and hopes it's something good for Kurt. ]

[To be honest, he'd never thought about making food for a living. It's something he enjoys doing for others and while he does find it appealing, Kurt's not sure if his skills are good enough to do anything job-worthy.]

Mmn, I don't know if I'm that skilled at it ... Do you think my food is tasteful?

[He's never had anyone complain about it, so maybe it's more decent than he believes it to be.]

A nurse's aid! My friend is teaching me all that he can about medical things and the more I learn, the more I can do at the hospital.

Yes. I do. I'd pay for it. [ Adam answers without a second's hesitation. He gives Kurt a small smile. He's not in the habit of idle compliments, really. ]

I bet your good at that. [ He's kind, after all, compassionate. It's the right sort of personality for it, he guesses. ]

[ Adam spends most of his time in or near his house but this particular day he'd given into the whims of Skippy. He isn't much paying attention as the lamb skips around, seemingly happy to have Adam walking around with him out int he fields. There's a horrible choking sadness Adam feels anytime he looks at the animal but he can't bring himself to give it up like he'd given up so many other things.

Maybe he's a masochist. He snorts to himself at the thought. He definitely was or things never would have been able to get so bad that it'd come to what it'd come to. Months ago changes would have had to be made but he'd held so much in for so long.

So, he's not really paying attention as he walks aimlessly around, as long as Skippy doesn't head toward the main buildings and the lamb seems to know that well enough. ]

Edited 2017-04-18 08:19 (UTC)

[ Matthew's days don't seem to change much in this place. He might meet different people, or wander to different places on the farm, and of course recently he's spent a good amount of time with his new dog, but very little happens to sway his mood. Most unpleasant things are kept far away from him, and that helps.

Today he's his usual cheerful self, walking about the farm with his dog at his side and pausing every once in a while to make notes in a sketchbook he dug up somewhere. It's while he's making such a note that suddenly his dog lets out a mighty bark and takes off, bounding away. ]

Wait, Bear-- I mean, Boof-- shoot, hang on!

[ Yeah he still hasn't settled on a name for this creature. Matthew chases after him and experiences a moment of alarm when he realizes that the object of Bear/Boof/Sparky's attention is, in fact, Adam's lamb. The dog leaps over towards Skippy with another deep bark, and then abruptly stops, gentle as a lamb himself the moment he's close to Skippy. Whew. ]

Whoa, sorry Adam! [ Matthew's trotting over now, holding his sketchbook to his chest. ]

He got away from me.

[ The bark catches his attention first and then he sees a massive animal charging his tiny lamb who looks so fragile normally but even more so in comparison. His eyes were wide as he looked as he didn't know exactly what to do but then, the panic subsides when the dog stopped at just the right moment. His heart was still racing a little and he furrows his brow a moment then realizing it must be Matthew's dog.

It only takes a moment longer before he notices Matthew coming up too. His heart twists sickly in his chest but he stamps down the feeling to try and keep a believable smile on his face (and it's probably not hard to fool Matthew, honestly). ]

Hey Matthew. He looks like a handful... [ Skippy is now rather curious about the giant dog, bleating at him with a curious tilt of his head. ]

[ It's not hard to fool Matthew. It never has been. ]

Yeah, he is! Totally. [ And yet Matthew sounds pleased about it as he observes his dog, who stares at Skippy for a moment before beginning to snuffle at the lamb's face and ears in a curious sort of way. Matthew stays close but it's totally unnecessary; his giant dog is as gentle with Skippy as a mouse. ]

It looks like they're friends, doesn't it?

[ Eventually, Adam relaxes a little about the dog and Skippy interacting. They seem content to curiously sniff at each other and well it doesn't seem like the dog is going to start rough housing right then.

There's still an edge of concern, though, Skippy always seemed so fragile even though there's so much insistence from other's that the lamb wasn't. ]

An odd couple, eh.

Pretty odd, [ Matthew agrees cheerfully. ] But he's been good around all the other animals.

[ The dog gives a bark, more of a "hello!" than anything else, now that he's finished sniffing, and then abruptly springs back and drops the front of his huge body into a "let's play!" position, front paws stretched forward, tail wagging fiercely through the air. Even with his massive head dropped towards the ground, the animal is still stupidly tall, especially compared to Skippy. ]

That means he wants to play, see?

[ And Matthew looks stupidly proud. His love for this dog is both childlike and boundless. ]

[ Adam can't help but smile a little which is a rare thing for him lately but there's something about Matthew that makes it not quite so hard even if it also makes him quite a bit sadder later. He watches the dog and Skippy. Skippy is quick to catch on that he wants to play and knocks his face with his own hopping around him.

There's still a bit of apprehension because even if the dog is gentle he's just so much...bigger than the little lamb. ]

Did you name him yet...?

[ Archer's not entirely sure what she's doing here!

But Adam invited her and so she's found her way to this tiny house. Very Adam, if she can say so herself. ]

Oh Adam~♪

[ She sneaks into the house, head first, hands behind her back. ]

You around?

[ Adam's not really sure why she's there either. Mostly, he has to limit how much he asks Andyr and Blue to hang around so he can maintain his facade of being totally okay but he really chokes in the loneliness enough that he actually makes an effort with people outside of his trusted few.

So, he'd been cleaning up the small house a little knowing that Archer was coming over. Outside, the fence was half completed, the bonfire pit had been recently used (he used it almost daily to be honest). His black lamb, Skippy, greets her first, hopping over with a click clack of hooves to butt it's head against her knee.

Floppy, the giant rabbit is lazily asleep on the bedding near the door. ]

Hey, come in. [ Adam says, leaning around the island wall to catch site of her. ]

[ Archer can't help but make one of those girly, high pitched noises girls do when they see adorable animals, because despite all the things she's been through, Archer is very much a girl.

Looking up, she smiles at Adam, removing her hands from her back to reveal two bottles filled with what looks like liquid light. ]

Hey. You didn't tell me you had adorable little animals around. Anyway. [ She gives the bottles a little shake.] I come bearing gifts.

[ Skippy will continue to butt at her until she gives into give him pets and Adam doesn't bother to call the lamb off since that is a battle of wills he's not interested in at the moment. He smiles when he sees the bottle, curious because they definitely didn't look like what he's been drinking. ]

That's Skippy [ Nodding his head toward the giant rabbit he adds: ] That's Floppy.

Is that alcohol or just really fancy water?

[ Archer sets the bottles next to Adam before kneeling to hold Skippy's face between her palms, scratching the little lamb's face as few times. ]

These have to be the cutest little critters I've seen since arriving here.

[ She lets Skippy free so she can lift one of the bottles. ]

Ever wonder what happens when I do to booze the same thing I can do to water? Well, this is the result. It's strong, like stupid strong. It also leaves no bad breath or hangovers. Best of both worlds, really.

[ Adam watches, the lamb quite happy with the attention from Archer. He'll probably keep bothering her throughout her time there. ]

He's spoiled as fuck.

[ Adam smiles slightly, looking away from the lamb. Skippy's another thing that's utterly bittersweet but he's surrounded by such things. His eye are back on Archer instead as Skippy hops around near her. ]

That sounds kind of dangerous.

[ Which is not a deterrent in the least anymore. ]

[It's not really all that unusual for Adam and Andyr to end up in various states of undress and intimacy throughout the tiny house and fenced in area. On this day, it's the couch, Adam underneath Andyr legs wrapped around his waist and they're both naked, clothes scattered around haphazardly on the floor. They're just finishing a relatively quick round of sex when the door opens -- which Adam doesn't hear.

His fingers brush through Andyr's hair holding him in close to kiss lovingly.]

Open

Closed to Blue - sometime later this week cw: mentions drugs, alcohol etc

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Closed to Kurt

huffs >c it does not

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Closed to Matthew

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housewarming presents and bad choices: a book

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Closed to Andyr & Blue