here comes the rain again (closed)

[greyate]

Who: Jean Grey + Peter Maximoff
When: a few weeks after Erik arrived at the X-mansion
Where: X-mansion
What: Peter finds out what Jean has been keeping from him since the beginning.
Warnings: Language, angst?



[ Jean is busy reading, several books on trees that she found in the local library, wondering if there was a way for her to possibly grow or find a tree similar to the one that had been on the ship when she feels it. Feels Peter's emotions spike in her mind before she hears the knock.

She doesn't need to use her telepathy to know what's coming. She can feel the annoyance and frustration from her friend coming in waves. She bites on her bottom lip before waving a hand and opening the door. She keeps her book open in her lap, trying to shove down her own apprehension. Jean has been waiting for the other shoe to drop ever since Erik arrived at the mansion and she can't help but wonder if this is it...

Still. She's going to try to be nonchalant about it as she looks up at him. ]

What's up?

Comments

[greyate]

[ Her brow furrows more when he keeps singling her out at that. It's hard for her not to be defensive over it but she also knows ... there's no reason for her to be. She just feels mostly... guilty. She looks back down at her book and rubs at her forehead.

But then she looks back up, finally sighing. ]

It's more complicated than that, Peter. Yeah, I know what he's done but I also know he's done good things, too. He also hasn't hurt anyone in all the time he's been here.

[ At least no one in the mansion. ]

[takeitslow]

And how do we know he won't? It's only been a few weeks. Who says something won't set him off and he'll do something crazy again? Everyone who lives here could get mixed up in it.

[His sister lives here. J does. Neither one does he want to get caught up in Erik's path.]

You keep saying good, but I've not seen it. You never wanted to talk about what's going on in your time either. What could he possibly have done to make up for revealing us to everyone and trying to declare war on humans?

[greyate]

[ She closes her book in frustration and leans back against the pillows propped against the headboard of the bed. ]

And I've told you why I don't want to go into it.

[ But she knows he isn't going to keep accepting that answer. ]

You almost sound like you want him to mess up. Why? So you can say you were right?

[ So much for not being defensive. ]

[takeitslow]

You can't mess up the future anymore than we already have, Jean. I could always just ask Kurt.

[It's a nasty thing to bring him into it and it wasn't like Kurt hadn't already offered. Peter had refused, out of respect to what Jean had wanted. It's nothing less than being petty to bring it up now.]

I don't want him to do anything but what if he does? I don't want anyone else to get hurt Jean. I seen enough of these people hurt, I don't want the next time to be because of him. It's not about being right.

[He let Erik out. It felt too close to being at fault if something happened to someone because of Erik.]

Why do you want to defend him? You know what was the last of saw of him. If you don't want me to hate him you need to give me something to go on here.

[greyate]

[ The look she gives him at that was a good mixture of offended and hurt. She looks away again, at a wall or something. Anything but him, jaw clenching slightly. She didn't want to influence his decisions. And she certainly didn't want to drop a bombshell on him. Something that he had come to on his own in her timeline.

But Peter just keeps going and keeps pushing. She shakes her head. ]

If he were so bad, he wouldn't have helped us save the world.

[ She looks back at Peter, nearly glaring. ]

He could've just stood by and watched. He could've fought us, killed us. But he didn't.

[ Jean leans forward, shoving the book off her lap as she does so. ]

Where I'm from? You were on our team, Peter. Apart of the X-Men. And Erik helped us when we needed it the most. So yeah, I'm going to defend him. Even if he's done some shitty things and still acts like an asshole, I'm going to defend him until he actually does something to make me stop. Is that good enough for you?

[takeitslow]

[He may have felt bad about her clear hurt if he wasn't so stuck on being upset himself. Instead he just matches her look with a frown of his own, arms crossing over his chest.]

Not murdering you, what a guy. [He mutters, getting up and starting to pace. Mercifully, he keeps the pace to someone her eyes can follow.] He saved you. From what? And why couldn't you tell me earlier?

It's not Jean. I trust you, I do. But it's bigger than just taking your word for it when you barely explain anything. He goes from trying to start a war to saving us. How? Why?

I need something to go off of Jean. Why shouldn't I be angry with what I know?

[greyate]

Because he's not what you think he is!

[ She blurts it out, feeling more frustrated the more Peter talks. She knows, deep down, he has every right to be skeptical and suspicious of Erik. All he knows is a man wanting to go to war with the humans.

Her hands go up, shaking her head again, ]

People are all kinds of shades of gray, Peter. Not everything is always as black and white as you think it is. Believe me, I know. Most people experience conflicting emotions all the time. Erik is no exception even though he tries to act like he's one note. That's how he guards himself. A lot of people do it. I would do it just by not talking to people.

[ She turns and scoots to sit on the edge of her bed, ]

And I didn't tell you because I didn't want to mess up the future for you. And because I didn't think you'd believe me. I mean, you didn't know me when I got here and you're always acting like you're no good. Like you could never be an X-Man and do some real good in this world.

[takeitslow]

And how do you know he's what you think he is?

[Peter can be stubborn as a mule when he wants to be, dig himself into an opinion and refuse to let go. It's what had started his mess with Rinzler in the first place, refusing to leave well enough alone. He should have learned from that, but he's showing no signs of backing down now.]

Having problems talking to people isn't the same thing as killing someone! You can't compare yourself to him. Did you ever get thrown in prison for killing the president? Did you try to kill another after people risked themselves to help you? Hell, Jean. You can't act like what he did isn't a big deal.

If what Xavier told me is right, we already went a messed with the future once. And look where we are. My sister, from another universe where I'm dead, lives down the hall from us. You and Kurt and Xavier are sitting here from one future and Rogue is from even farther than that. If the future is going to be messed up, I think it's already going to happen. It's not like I can do anything about it from here. Or like we'll remember when we get sent back; it doesn't seem like anyone else does. I told Xavier about what happened with Erik and he didn't exactly stop it.

[He tugs at his hair, every fiber twitching with the urge to run off steam.]

I don't know about all that team stuff. And I'm not wanting to get into that- you don't know everything I've done here. [She's a mind reader, she probably does. But she's one in a long list of people who have been trying to convince Peter he was better than he viewed himself. There had been progress, but not enough to feel comfortable calling himself a hero.] But how can you think I wouldn't believe you? Whatever you have to say, I'd take it. If I really didn't we live with, like, a million psychics. It's not hard to verify.

[He stops pacing, giving her his full attention.] But I would believe you. I don't think you'd lie to me. But I do think you don't trust me. Not with whatever it is you want to hide about the future. Maybe not at all. For all you want to talk about me being part of your team, you don't want to act like it.

[greyate]

That's not true at all, Peter.

[ Her voice comes out softer, sad. She looks down, arms resting on her knees. ]

No, what he did was a big deal. And he is dangerous because he thinks in absolutes. That's why it's safer to have him here, where we can keep an eye on him. Stop him if we have to. But I still believe he has good in him.

[ She gives a weak shrug, ]

I've killed someone.

[ Looking back up at Peter, ]

Not for the same reasons but I killed them all the same. I'm just as dangerous as Erik, Peter. At the end of the day, I am. Maybe more so.

[takeitslow]

That's what it feels like.

[For all he says he doesn't care about the team, he does care about this. These people he's been told he will care about someday, these people he already does. He wants to feel like when they say they trust him, they mean it. When they care, they mean it. Jean had been the person he'd come to after Sans had left, the one person outside of his sisters he'd trusted completely and the one person who's abandonment had he hadn't been able to handle. Maybe he was using Jean as a bit of a replacement and maybe that wasn't fair to her, but he'd thought their future connection meant she had to stick with him. Had to trust him.]

I can't deal with just a just he won't hurt anyone. My sister is here. What am I supposed to do if he hurts her? I can't risk my family on some chance he's changed.

[If she's expecting shock from her confession, she must be disappointed. Nearly all of Peter's friends here have murder on their rap sheet. Peter himself can't claim innocence in that regard, even if he's buried everything from the slaver planet and refuses to face what he had to do. He pretends what his people have done was justified; Wanda could never do any wrong, Sans had just tried to help his brother, River had no choice, J wrongly blamed herself, Chara was only a child, so on and so on. Always an excuse, as long as he felt the person was worthy of his defense. Hypocrisy might as well have been his middle name.]

You're not him, you're not dangerous. It wasn't some cold blooded thing was it? Not you trying to start a war or whatever. You wouldn't look at me like that if it was. Let me guess, defending yourself? Someone else? Don't go comparing yourself to him. It's not going to be the same thing.

[greyate]

You don't think I'm risking mine? You, the Professor, Logan, Kurt. You're all my family. I'm always worried about you guys -- even before Erik showed up. Your safety is at risk, too. But it's either we keep him close or let him wander around and cause trouble. The latter seems like it would bring more down on us.

[ 'Us' meaning the whole household and the mutants therein. She shakes her head again, ]

I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel like you weren't wanted, Peter. It's not what I was trying to do. I'm... just trying to do what I think is right. Or thought.

[ A pause, ]

Just like I thought killing En Sabah Nur was the right thing to do. He would've destroyed the whole world. He wanted to. He already destroyed the school.

[ And then, realizing she has to let him know: ]

The only reason the students survived was because of you.

[takeitslow]

And by close means keeping him here? Under the same roof? If you're worried then why let him stay? Make him fend for himself. It's not like these people don't have ways of dealing with the ones who go bad. I've seen it.

[He barely holds back from snorting. It doesn't feel like the right thing and he can't imagine how anyone could see that. Unless he does something truly awful in the future, why hide it from him?]

That's- that's not the same thing. [He frowns. En Sabah who? He feels again like he's taken a step expecting stairs but instead finding ground. Jean's power is great, certainly, but he'd never thought of her killing with it. But he'd never thought the same of River either, until she showed him the tapes.] Taking out someone who's trying to destroy people, the world you're saying, isn't like keeping secrets. That's not like letting Erik be here.

[He shakes his head, growing more confused by the moment.]

I don't know what you're talking about.