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(no subject)

Who: Declan & St. Monmouth folks, or anyone.
When: late March
Where: St. Monmouth
What: Declan realizes that even running away to another planet doesn't solve any of his problems.
Warnings: language. will update as threads progress

[Monmouth looks so peaceful this late at night. The firelights, the dream trees, the flowers that always seem to glow. They all lend an air of magic to the whole place and all Declan can think about is that none of it is really worth it. None of anything their father had was worth it, and now it's all rushing in and catching up to Ronan as well.

The last thing Declan feels is peaceful. Back in Virginia he could manage it all, it was his life's work. But here? He doesn't know if even God himself could get rid of these demons.

Sitting on the front steps of his newly dreamt up house, rubbing at the fresh bruise along his jaw, he is thankful for one thing, at least: the never ending alcohol in this dreamt up flask.]

closed to Gansey

[Declan gives himself a day, because even he has to regroup sometimes and this one's a doozy. If there was something immediate he could do, he'd already be doing it, but demons aren't part of his expertise. Maybe he should have paid better attention in Church. Maybe that's what he needs right now, too.

But other than church, there's Richard Gansey, who always seems to be able to help when Declan can't quite get there. Declan has always been grateful even if it's less than apparent and he knows Gansey must respect him as well, at least for the most part.

After they fought (the briefest of fights, Gansey might actually be proud, only Declan's face showing any signs that one even took place), Ronan filled him in on whatever he could, but he told Declan to ask Gansey the rest. That Gansey was there at the end. The end. Matthew and Ronan coming undone. He isn't ready to hear the rest of this, but he knows he has to be if he wants to figure out what to do about it. Knocking on Gansey's door, he waits for a reply. ]

(lmk if there's anything else you'd like to do that doesn't fit into this scenario, i'm open!)

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[Declan nods. He hasn't even met Ellie or the guy who does the stables. He's heard of them, but with everything that just happened, meeting them was the last thing on his mind]

So Jesse knows. [He knows Jesse knows all about everything, he just wants this all to come out as naturally as possible] I want you to be extra cautious around Jesse. He rubs me the wrong way.

[He wants to tell Matthew to stay away from Jesse completely, but that might cause more of a rift between him and Ronan and he wants to do this in a smarter way. He still doesn't want his younger brother around a drug addict, though. All he can think about is Kavinsky.

Declan rubs his face, then reaches out and runs his fingers through Matthew's curls when his brother moves closer]

He's probably still a little upset, yeah. But we're working it out. It's not going to be like before, okay? We talked.

Jesse? [ Really? Matthew frowns a little. That doesn't seem right to him... Jesse is funny, Jesse is cool. He didn't react strangely when Matthew told him about their mom. Matthew almost asks what's wrong with him, but then he doesn't. A part of him doesn't want to hear anything bad; as long as his brothers know whatever's going on, it should be fine.

He exhales and closes his eyes for a moment when Declan reaches out to touch his curls, relaxing into the affectionate gesture. ]

Okay, [ he says, relieved. And then again, leaning against his brother somewhat-- ] Okay. Good.

[ His next words may seem almost unprompted, but Declan might be able to pick up on the source of Matthew's concern. ]

I don't want to leave here.

[ If things turn south, if they get bad--whether due to family fighting or some other form of hostility--Matthew will do whatever his brothers think is best, but he doesn't want to have to get used to another home. ]

Yeah. Look, I'm not telling you that you have to avoid him, alright? I know that's almost impossible around here. But he and I kind of got into it too and I don't trust him. People like that are hard to trust, you never know what they're going to do next.

[Like kidnap younger brothers]

I should have talked to Ronan in the first place. It was one of those situations.

[At Matthew's words, Declan's eyebrows furrow just slightly and his hand slides down to Matthew's shoulder]

Leave where? This house? Monmouth?

[The planet? He wonders, but he's not sure if Matthew is thinking that long term]

[ So Declan fought Jesse and Ronan? Well... There's no taking it back, now, huh? ]

I don't know what you mean, "people like him", [ he confesses with a little sigh. Matthew is the Lynch brother least concerned about his own kidnapping, probably. It's in the past, like a lot of other things. ]

Just-- Monmouth, yeah.

[ His head is leaning against Declan now, but he lifts his eyes to look out over the shadowed grounds, a million fireflies dancing before them. ]

I like it here. With both of you guys, and everybody.

[ That's Matthew's personal order of importance: Ronan and Declan together, and then everyone else. But he likes the farm itself, too, and the opportunities it provides every day. This place became home for him very quickly and he doesn't want to see that disrupted. ]

[Whoops. That's the Lynch life, kiddo]

People like him, people like Kavinsky. People who get high. You know I want you to stay away from that shit. It's the kind of dangerous that makes a person unpredictable.

[Declan doesn't much care for unpredictable.

Maybe he's putting too much of his worries on Matthew, but he's learned that it's better to keep the two of them informed. It's safer for everyone this way and he can't be the only one working through the details of what's going on around them]

We're not leaving Monmouth. We're staying right here. I promise you, the fight wasn't that bad, okay? No one is leaving.

[Not even Jesse, which he's less than thrilled about, but he knows that situation is something he's going to have to be flexible with. Ronan has enough on his mind]

Leaving the Barns wasn't my choice, you know that, right? I wanted us all to stay there together, too.

[ Matthew abruptly looks down at his lap at the mention of Kavinsky, the name bringing up some definite discomfort. But he's Matthew, so it's short-lived. ]

I don't mess around with that stuff, [ he promises, 100% truthful. He doesn't even drink wine at communion. Matthew tries to be a good kid, the one Declan shouldn't have to worry about. Even when he was at Aglionby by himself, surrounded by boys with too much money and the sense of invulnerability that comes with being young and privileged, Matthew didn't let his friends get him tangled up in any questionable situations.

But it's weird, hearing his brother equate Jesse with Kavinsky of all people. The comparison doesn't make sense, in Matthew's mind. ]

Okay. [ He closes his eyes. ] I know you did. We had to leave, 'cause of Dad's will.

[ And Ronan had to go somewhere else, because-- he just had to. He couldn't be around them, after everything that happened. ]

It seems like every time something bad happens we have to move.

[ That's all. If Declan says they don't have to leave, then they don't have to leave, and Matthew will stop worrying. But there's been kind of a pattern to this. ]

[Declan was hoping Ronan would never mess around with that stuff either and yet here they are, with Ronan having done drugs with Jesse. Declan wants to understand it somehow, he really does, but it's not something he can easily let go of just like that]

I know you don't. But when the people around you might, things get complicated.

[The comparison isn't completely fair, it's true, but Declan is trying to get his point across. Later he might amend it, but for now it's all just a little too fresh]

Yeah. Dad's will. But we don't have that here and Ronan and I are doing a lot better. [Matthew is right though, that's what it seems like] It was for the better this last time. Coming here, I mean. We won't have to leave again if I can help it.

[ Matthew didn't have any idea that Jesse was into that kind of thing, but then, the things Matthew does not know could fill many, many libraries worth of books. ]

I'll keep an eye out. [ For what, exactly, he's not sure, but he will try to be more attentive and careful if Declan is worried. Even if his brain doesn't make the leap from "drugs" to "Kavinsky" quite so easily. For Matthew, Kavinsky is in a special category all his own; he has the "like Kavinsky" market pretty well cornered.

Matthew doesn't want to think about that so much anymore. ]

I'm glad you guys are doing better. We can figure everything out together, right? Without fighting.

[ They're brothers, they can all be on the same team again. Matthew wants to help, too, if he can. ]

Good. Thanks, Matthew.

[that's all he really wants. Matthew to at least try and keep an eye out and stay away from the assholes of the world. Declan knows that Kavinsky, Jesse, the people they surround themselves with, they're all run of the mill junkie douchebags who likely all want the same in the end. There's nothing particularly special about any of them.... even if Kavinsky is a dreamer. That's just an unfortunate thing]

I'll do my best, Matty. I don't want to fight with him, I really don't.

[ It's something Matthew still can't fully understand, the way his brothers fight even when they don't want to. Not that he holds that against them, it's just... complicated. ]

I know you don't.

[ Declan, Matthew thinks, never wanted a lot of things. ]

I know you're just looking out for us.

[ Vigilantly, fiercely, always. ]

[It is complicated, but Declan can definitely see ways in which it doesn't have to be. He thinks maybe some day Ronan will reach a point where he understands and maybe they're getting closer to that now.

This has definitely been a hard week. ]

I always will. Whatever I do, it's not just about me being a hardass, or trying to control Ronan or anything like that. I mean..... okay, maybe sometimes I'm a hard ass... but I have my reasons.

Maybe sometimes, [ Matthew agrees, but he's so obviously smiling, just teasing. Declan is hardly a hardass with him, because Matthew has never given him much reason to be.

He's quiet for a moment or two, thinking about his brothers. ]

Y'know, Ronan just-- does people different.

[ He doesn't have casual friends like a lot of people, is what Matthew means. Ronan kind of only has soul mates. Jesse lives here, and he knows Ronan can dream things, so it seems like he falls within that circle. It makes sense Ronan would be pissed if Declan tried to tell him Jesse might be a problem.

But it also makes sense for Declan to say something if he's worried. ]

[Declan snorts softly, giving his brother a slightly amused look. It's true, he's hardly ever a hardass with Matthew. There really isn't any reason for him to be and if there is, it's always about his safety.

He's not sure about how Ronan does people- not here, anyway. Jesse can't possibly be similar to Gansey in whatever close friendship those two share. Or even Adam at this point. Even Andyr is questionable, most definitely]

Does people different? Yeah, he needs to be more careful. Like I said, I have my reasons. You know, I like people too, but there are limits.

[ Matthew nudges him for the snorting, just a little, a moment of brotherly playfulness. But then it's back to the serious conversation. ]

I know, me too. [ He also likes people, that is. But there's a huge difference between liking people and getting so attached to them that it's like the whole world catches fire and begins to tailspin when they're gone, the way it was for Ronan when their dad died. ]

It's just-- [ A little shrug. ] I don't know. It's not like when Dad died. He's not doing stuff to try to piss you off.

[ That word just slipped out, whoops. ]

Like, he and Jesse've gotta be real friends.

[ Matthew's still not arguing, even a little, just trying to see both sides as always. ]

[Unfortunately he does know that Ronan gets far too attached to the point of ruin. It worries him, but it's also something Declan has envied from time to time. He's never really formed that kind of connection with anyone. Not counting Matthew or Ronan of course because even in the thick of it all, even after recent events, he refuses to believe he'll lose them.

He pulls back a bit, eying Matthew, then sighs and leans against him again]

I know he's not trying to piss me off. I get that part, that's not what this is about.

Sometimes when people get put in desperate situations, they lean on the people they get stuck with.

[ Matthew leans against Declan again, too, without even thinking about it. Like Declan, his fiercest attachments are to his brothers; they are the only people he couldn't live without. Even imagining such a thing is impossible.

He contemplates his older brother's words quietly for a few seconds, turning them over in his mind. Maybe he should be paying more attention to the warning part, but in the moment all he can think is-- ]

I'm glad I got stuck with you guys.

[ Both of them, here to look out for him, to keep him loved, to keep him safe. If he'd been like Ronan, here alone-- No, he can't even think about that either. ]

[The shift in conversation is actually alright with Declan. He's been worrying far too much about all of this and Matthew has always been a great relief when it comes to his daily stressors.

He pats at Matthew's arm]

Me too, kiddo. Doesn't feel like a desperate situation at all. This is where I'd want to be no matter what.

[ Another smile pulls at the corners of Matthew's mouth and he closes his eyes, relaxing completely against his brother. ]

Me too. I just want to stay here with both of you.

[ No matter what happens in the future. ]

Everything will be okay if we stick together.

Then that's exactly what we'll do. We'll stick together this time.

[Declan is going to try his damn hardest, even if he already screwed things up a little. He went and tried to fix it, which is more than he would have done before.

When it comes to the demon stuff, Declan will do whatever it takes as well. They're all going to be okay, they have to be]

You don't have to worry about a thing, alright?

[ Declan is always trying, Matthew knows that much. His efforts are a source of comfort, even following this recent upset, that allows Matthew to ease back into a mood more characteristic of him. ]

Okay, deal, [ he promises, grinning a little and nudging Declan's arm with his elbow. ] Sticking together, no worrying. You got it, bro.

[ He's being 100% sincere. Worries will be left at the door. ]

Are you going to sleep soon or staying out here?

[When Declan looks at Matthew and doesn't see that worry in his eyes, he's satisfied. Matthew doesn't need to get dragged down by anything, or anyone. Cautious, yes, but not constantly worrying. Declan does that enough for all of them. ]

Best deal I've ever made.

[Probably the absolute truth.

He tucks the flask away in his pocket and ruffles up Matthew's hair]

Let's go back inside. I don't want to end up staying out here all night.

[ And now Matthew laughs, outshining every single one of the fireflies. He allows the hair ruffling, and when he moves to stand up reaches over to playfully return the gesture. Just one little scrub through Declan's hair, not enough to muss him up too badly but enough to get Matthew's affection across. ]

I could totally sleep out here. It's not so bad.

[ He could sleep anywhere, but he's still turning to go back inside, grabbing the door and holding it open for Declan, too. ]

[Matthew is lucky that his smile is so bright, and that he can get away with Declan hair ruffle, even as small as it is. For a moment, Declan gets hit with the feeling of what it would be like to lose all of this and he can't stand it.

He stands and slides his arm around Matthew again as he tugs him back inside]

I'm sure you would. I wonder if people do the whole camping thing around here.

[ Matthew laughs again when Declan pulls on him, and they jostle their way through the door together. All he cares about right now is the moment, the joy and affection of being brothers. They'll never lose this, they just can't. ]

Oh man, we should do that. We could go all out, like, with a bonfire and s'mores and everything. Didn't they say that the weather's always good?

[ He's yet to experience a bad day, at least. ]

[In the past, Declan might've had some trouble balancing it all. Losing their parents, taking everything onto his shoulders even more than he did before. It was harder to just be a brother and he knows he missed out on some of that. Here, even with shit going on, it's easier for him to find that brotherly affection again.

That, and almost losing them. The fear of that moment changed something inside of him, he's pretty sure of it]

Oh no, what have I done? [he laughs] If you can convince Ronan...