thisavrou_log | away with us he's going, the solemn-eyed.

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away with us he's going, the solemn-eyed.

Who: Residents of St. Monmouth & OPEN to their various guests
When: Throughout February
Where: St. Monmouth in Kauto R2
What: The Backstreet Boys move into their magical farm of dreams.
Warnings: Look to the subject headers.
Notes: This is a mingle/catch-all log. Start your own threads! Tag around!

[Ronan didn't hesitate. Almost as soon as they arrived, he was making arrangements and picking out a plot of land. No payment necessary as long as he agreed to feed the locals? Fine. Perfect. He'd signed whatever he had to and picked out his favorite place in the lot, then he'd laid down in the grass and dreamt.

When he closed his eyes, he wasn't sure what he would build. The idea of "home" conjured up so many images in his mind. He thought of the Barns, of course, but also of Henrietta as a whole. He thought of Monmouth Manufacturing and dusty old books and the scent of mint. He thought of St. Agnes and its magnificent stained glass and the cramped coziness of Adam's bedroom above the office. He found Cabeswater sprouting up in the strangest places as the landscape shifted around him, spilling out of the walls and claiming rooms all for its own. Corridors and staircases emerged out of his memories, leading him through a maze of rooms both familiar and not-quite. In the end, when Ronan stepped outside to take a look at his work, he found he'd made himself a palace of nostalgia. Then he imagined a set of house keys, turned the lock of the front door, and woke up.

Ronan woke with his head resting on the welcome mat, sprawled across the front steps, gazing up at the spire of what he would dub St. Monmouth. It would be the main building of several he'd end up creating. Their new home.

Like God, he didn't rest for several days. Every time he shut his eyes, he devoted himself to dreaming something new. A farm needed animals and crops and barns and feed and equipment. Home needed streams and fish and bridges and flower gardens and glittering lights. He let his imagination run wild, and this meant that his dream things often emerged strange and senseless, but that reminded him of his father, which made the place more beautiful.

When he was finally satisfied - although not completely finished - he invited the others to join him.]

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[ So it isn't the most optimistic way to look at things, but Blue knows better than to cling to impossibly wishful thoughts. She knows that no matter how nice things may seem, they aren't always going to be.That at some point, there will be something waiting just around the corner to slip them up. Good things seldom lasted forever. It's an almost cynical way to look at things, she knows, but she's learned that sometimes the world is a cynical place.

At least Ronan understands, he doesn't hang on to false hopes, doling out trite expressions that neither of them would actually believe. He tells it like it is. Lays it all out in black and white. ]

Is that what kills the chicken in the story?

It wouldn't be much of a story if it was.

[Everyone around here wishes Ronan could hang onto false hopes. Adam, certainly, wants Ronan to pretend everything's going to be okay. Is okay. Because Ronan is Ronan, he hasn't managed it. He takes a breath.]

I'm dying.

[There, he said it.]

I thought that's where the moral comes in. If he hadn't constantly said the sky was falling, then others would have believed him?

[ She's almost certain she has her stories mixed up. Oh well.

The two words from Ronan take all of her attention away from chickens that make outrageous claims about the sky, and Blue just stares at him for a few moments. He's dying? And not in the sense that technically all of them were dying, but really dying?

Literally a thousand different questions go through her mind; why? How? When? For how long? Each one sits on the very tip of her tongue and eventually one manages its way past her lips. ]

What? [ Her eyes move quickly across his features, as though she'd be able to see whatever was causing the remaining minutes of Ronan's life to slowly tick away by doing nothing more than looking at his face. ]

[His face looks fine. Thankfully. For now. There have been moments he's looked considerably less fine and rather more like an oil pipeline burst inside his skull. Ronan stares down at his whiskey bottle, thumbing the mouth of it.]

The demon. It's in my head.

[ So much for a happy reunion, right? Blue sighs, her shoulders slumping forward as though Ronan's words have a physical weight that she's trying to carry. ]

It's in your head?

[ Her brows knit together, visibly puzzled by the words. Ronan's head was a confusing (and dangerous) place. A place that very few people actually understood, and a place that Blue knows better than to try and navigate, or even think about. But hadn't so many things started in Ronan's head? Weren't they sitting in a place that literally came out of it?

Maybe it wasn't the best assumption to make, that Ronan just had a gang of demons running wild in his head, but it was one that lingered in the far corners of her mind. ]

What does that mean?

[She doesn't know, of course. It hasn't happened for her yet, that night at the Barns. This means the unpleasant revelations are just going to keep coming. Look, there's a reason he stayed away from all the celebration.]

The same thing that possessed Noah was destroying Cabeswater back home. Not just Cabeswater. Everything connected to it. Especially its maker.

[Which... You know. Does he have to say it out loud again?]

Now the demon's in my dreams like some kind of infection. Depending on the energy around here, I've got more or less control over how much it corrupts. I'm stable here on Kauto, as long as the Ingress is working right. But it's temporary.

[This place is temporary. They have to go home eventually.]

[ She doesn't need it spelled out to her, she's making all the connections in her brain as quickly as Ronan speaks the words out loud and quickly that heavy feeling starts to return her shoulders. That weight that makes her wonder if they've all gotten themselves into something too big, something that none of them had anticipated -- could have ever anticipated, for that matter. How could any of them have imagined half of the things that have happened?

Her mind starts to race, turning over and over in hopes that some kind of solution will make itself known. As though it would just dawn on her like the whole situation was nothing more than a tiny, completely common snafu they needed to figure out. ]

But can't we.... [ Blue's not sure where she's going with the statement. Just pull the demon out of Ronan's head? Jump inside and battle it out like a cheap Evil Dead remake? She sighs, not bothering to try and finish the suggestion. ]

And if it's not working right...?

[ She doesn't know why she asks, if it's anything like her final memories of Noah, then she already knows the answer. Maybe she's being blindly hopeful that Ronan will offer her a different -- and less terrifying -- alternative. ]

[Ronan smiles grimly. All of her thoughts - about how to fight it, about how to suppress it or vanquish it - have already formed a well-traveled path in Ronan's mind. Always the same conclusion: It will not work. Such is the nature of time. His death has already happened and he's experienced it for himself. He's only at a different point in his timeline, for now. With the demon lying in wait.]

I come apart.

[Why would she believe Ronan had anything more comforting to offer?]

It starts slow. In my dreams, at first. Just a feeling. Then like a poison, like black oil seeping into everything. Then the nightmares follow. If they don't kill me, then the demon goes at it alone. I stop being able to stay awake. Everything in me just... stops being.

[ Deep down Blue knows that there's no other alternative. That what she'd watched happening to Noah was slowly taking place inside of Ronan's head as well. The images are still fresh in her mind, the memory of it still chillingly terrifying and it makes her feel like her blood's run cold in her veins.

A knot settles high in her throat and she tries to swallow it down, tries to remain sensible and level-headed rather than letting herself be overwhelmed with emotions. Sure, Ronan isn't her number one favorite Raven Boy, but he's still one she's grown to care for. There's a small Ronan shaped spot in her heart somewhere. ]

So, is this another one of those wait it out and hope for the best things?

[ A feeble attempt to make some kind of light of the situation, but the lightness and humor didn't manage to make it to her tone. Instead, she sounds defeated ]

There's gotta be a way...

[ Blue whispers -- mostly to herself than to Ronan -- exhaling a heavy sigh after a short while of silence, pulling both of her legs to her chest and resting her chin on her knees. ]

[It's sort of touching, really, watching the gears turn in Blue's head as she tries to solve a problem that isn't really hers to solve in the first place. She could have walked away from this shit a while ago, but she stuck around anyway and nearly got her eye clawed out for her trouble. Sometimes Ronan wonders why she bothers.]

I don't think it's a problem we're gonna solve today, so try not to let it ruin the rest of your party.

[Punctuated with another glug of whiskey.]

[ As much as she knows that Ronan's right. That no matter how long she sits there and wracks her brain to try and find an answer, she's not going to, it feels impossible to not think about the matter. Ronan's dying. He's sitting there right next to her, but at the same time there something that's lying in wait for the perfect moment to strike and end his life completely.

How is she just supposed to just push it to the back of her mind? How is she supposed to go back to the party, laugh and carry on like everything is going to be peachy-keen in the end?

Ignorance really is bliss, she gets it now. ]

Yeah. I suppose.

[ What other choice does she have, really? Blue holds out an expectant hand to Ronan after he swallows down the mouthful of whiskey, motioning with nothing more than her eyes to the bottle. ]

[The bottle never empties, so there's plenty to share. Ronan hands it over without protest or hesitation. God knows she needs it.

This conversation always seems harder for someone else to hear than it is for him to tell. Maybe that's typical, but he suspects it's due in large part to the fact that he's accepted his fate by now. He knows exactly what the moment of his death will feel like and he knows the inevitability of it.]

Is your room okay? I could bring you anything that's missing.

[This will be the first Blue's lived with them. Ronan has no idea what a girl needs to feel comfortable.]

[ Blue takes the bottle and takes a long swig from it -- which is something that she immediately regrets because unlike Ronan, she doesn't have much of a taste for liquor. Much less whiskey. Her eyes shut tightly together and entire face scrunches up as the liquid burns the back of her throat all the way down to her chest, causing her to hiss softly before swallowing down another mouthful.

Which ends up being no more pleasant than the one before it, and she all but shoves the bottle back toward Ronan. ]

Jesus. How do you drink that stuff?

[ She smacks her lips a few times, the overwhelming flavor of whiskey still lingering. ]

It's fine, really. [ Blue waves a hand dismissively. ] I'll make all my future demands in writing, though. [ And there's the slightest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, which is better than the somber expression she'd been previously sporting. ]

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