Kaworu Nagisa // Tabris (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
braceforimpact) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thisavrou_log2016-08-31 04:55 pm
braceforimpact) wrote in thisavrou_log2016-08-31 04:55 pm
Entry tags:
A long road has led me out here [CLOSED]
Who: Kaworu Nagisa and Ginko
When: August 30th
Where: Library
What: Kaworu needs Ginko's help to... write a letter?
Warnings: Nothing, for once!
It's been less than 24 hours, but the seed Frisk planted in Kaworu's heart has neither withered nor died. In fact, it's already made itself very at home, the beginnings of roots planting ideas in him--one of which is hope.
Now, Kaworu rarely visits the library. He's got no interest in books or their contents, after all--they fill the time unsatisfyingly at best, and tediously at worst. But it's not really the library he's here to see.
It's Ginko.
He's not actually sure Ginko still works in the library; it's not like he and Ginko have been speaking much lately, let alone about such mundane matters as their crew posts. But he vastly prefers seeing people in person to leaving messages via the MID--
Which is exactly why he needs Ginko's help.
His hunt is pretty methodical--after all, he can feel the presence of people amongst the stacks. He can't identify individuals without seeing them first, though, so he tracks each person down individually, poking his head around corners and peering down the rows to check who it is before moving on, row by row, section by section.
If Ginko is here, he'll find him.
When: August 30th
Where: Library
What: Kaworu needs Ginko's help to... write a letter?
Warnings: Nothing, for once!
It's been less than 24 hours, but the seed Frisk planted in Kaworu's heart has neither withered nor died. In fact, it's already made itself very at home, the beginnings of roots planting ideas in him--one of which is hope.
Now, Kaworu rarely visits the library. He's got no interest in books or their contents, after all--they fill the time unsatisfyingly at best, and tediously at worst. But it's not really the library he's here to see.
It's Ginko.
He's not actually sure Ginko still works in the library; it's not like he and Ginko have been speaking much lately, let alone about such mundane matters as their crew posts. But he vastly prefers seeing people in person to leaving messages via the MID--
Which is exactly why he needs Ginko's help.
His hunt is pretty methodical--after all, he can feel the presence of people amongst the stacks. He can't identify individuals without seeing them first, though, so he tracks each person down individually, poking his head around corners and peering down the rows to check who it is before moving on, row by row, section by section.
If Ginko is here, he'll find him.
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When he hears someone approaching the row he's in, he hurriedly closes the book (keeping one finger between the pages, just in case), and looks up.
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Kaworu turns at the end of the row, sees Ginko, and smiles.
"I thought I'd find you here eventually." That's Kaworu for 'hello.'
Probably.
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"...Why... would you do that?"
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"Because I need your help."
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...doesn't make him any less confused. Ginko's face sort of scrunches up, already moving toward preemptive guilt because he kind of can't imagine how he'd be able to help Kaworu with anything.
"What do you need my help with? I don't... know if I can."
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And instead of giving Ginko a chance to protest, he comes right over and sits down next to him, smiling at him again with something like encouragement. "Don't worry. I just need to write a letter. You know Toriel, right?"
And if there's one thing he's learned over the past six months, it's that there is a secret to expressing himself so that he can be understood by others. A secret that remains, for him, just that: a secret. But Ginko is sensitive to others. Aware.
Of course, Frisk is too, but...
He can't ask Frisk's help. Not this time. He needs Ginko.
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He nods, slowly, his brow furrowing. "Yeah... why d'you need to write her a letter?"
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Kaworu blinks, his smile disappearing for a moment of surprise. He frowns slightly. And glances to the side, his mouth skewing unhappily. It's not quite petulant, but he's clearly not a fan of this rule.
"Toriel-san has forbidden Frisk and I from meeting or being near each other. Let me show you."
He takes a moment to pull up the letter for Ginko's benefit.
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"So, do you want to... ask her to change her mind?"
That's his best guess, anyway.
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And if he's being honest, he has a great deal of respect for Toriel--more than anyone else on the Moira. He didn't expect it, but he felt the loss of her esteem.
He doesn't ask that she like him. She has very good reason to dislike him, after all.
But the reasons he has that respect for her are the same reasons he believes that she might be persuaded to reconsider.
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"Maybe." He sounds dubious. "Either way, I want to try."
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He's not guaranteeing that he'll be much good at it, mind you. But he'll try.
"D'you know kind of what you want to say?"
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"... I think I should apologise." One of the many things Frisk has taught him (albeit somewhat unintentionally, this time) is that you can't go wrong by apologising. Unless you apologise the wrong way. Or for the wrong thing. Or--
Okay, actually, you can go wrong by apologising very easily, because Kaworu has done it more than once.
"But I'm not sure what for."
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It's asked hesitantly, because even though this is probably information that he's going to need if he wants to be of any use, actually asking about it is still kind of nerve-wracking.
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He doesn't explain why. If Ginko makes the connection, then it doesn't need explaining. If he doesn't, it's not really relevant.
"If I could have gone back alone, I would have. However, that wasn't possible. I told them that I couldn't guarantee their safety. Their very presence there put them at risk."
While Kaworu could theoretically have intervened if Frisk's life were in danger, he really didn't have the power to do so. Not without creating a much bigger problem. A problem that would have destroyed any hope of the very thing for which he had returned. Regardless of how events unfolded after he had protected Frisk, it would no longer have mattered.
"Eventually they were discovered and shot." Multiple times. "It was out of my control."
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Well, he. Supposes that would explain why Toriel doesn't want Frisk getting involved in Kaworu's whole... situation.
Ginko swallows hard and nods slightly. Time to... try not to freak out about this he guesses. "R...right. Um... well, I guess the first thing would be to... apologize for taking them somewhere dangerous?"
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And it's not like there won't be other dangerous situations. What is he supposed to do if it happens again? Doesn't apologising mean it's your fault? It's taking responsibility for what happened. But he warned Frisk ahead of time... what else was he supposed to do?
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It seems strange that Kaworu would be so uncertain about this, honestly, but with what he knows about him, it's a little easier to set that strangeness aside in favor of trying to explain.
"Since it was your idea to go, that's part of it; and Frisk is so nice, there was no way they wouldn't have gone if you needed them to. Plus, you look older than them, so it's gonna seem like you're supposed to be responsible for them if you two go somewhere."
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Kaworu thinks about that.
Two months ago, very little of that explanation would have made sense. The difference in perceived age and responsibility especially; two months ago, he would have been aggravated by the idea that his age (or what his age was perceived to be) was been relevant in any way. He has a slightly better idea now, although the significance between his perceived age and his 'actual' age(s) is still a bit lost on him.
He is less convinced that Frisk's kindness and the choices they make because of it are somehow his responsibility. But he can accept (a little grudgingly) that Toriel might see it the way Ginko does.
But how is he supposed to say something like that?
"...okay." He stops talking long enough to start typing, tentatively, on his MID.
Toriel-san
I owe you an apology for my silence for these past two months. As you wished, I have kept my distance from Frisk. It was never my wish for Frisk to come to harm in my company, and I'm sorry.
--he stops.
He thinks, lifts one hand to touch his hair pensively.
Blinks at what he's written. Looks at Ginko.
"This is hard."
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He's not going to argue with that, that's for sure.
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He's always been taught that the less he says, the better. What he knows, what he's seen, details like that are best omitted, because the less he says, the less difficult it will make things. But he's not pretending to be human on the Moira. There is no deceit to his role here--or not the same kind, anyway.
So... can he say what he feels? When he told Frisk what Shinji meant to him, it brought them closer together. Because Frisk felt pain from the loss of Chara. Would telling Toriel how he feels about Frisk bring them closer to understanding?
However, we have not been entirely honest with you, and while it is difficult for me to explain, Frisk's friendship has become something precious to me.no subject
He kind of wonders, though, if Kaworu has to write so formally, but he guesses it's not a problem.
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Anyway, a casual mode of speech doesn't make sense to him--his relationship to the world is detached, and his speech reflects that. Speaking with a polite, slightly formal tone hasn't caused any conflicts yet, so he hasn't been forced to find other words and ways.
Besides, he's asking a favour of Toriel.
"What else do I say? Isn't that everything?"
Other than asking the favour itself, of course.
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Right, Kaworu?
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"I can't promise that."
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