Yeah, because I definitely chose this. [ It's probably the first hint of something said snidely he's had since starting to talk with this man, but it was bound to happen.
the chuckle that comes from him is something hollow, and distant, and for a long moment, andyr's silent. it's so surreal, to him, to actually be discussing this with someone who looks at it as something that needs to be fixed. that shouldn't exist, that is wrong. part of him still thinks, if Venom were from his world, and had been on of those on the outside, who don't have to look at the horror going on inside the Houses that makes the rest of the world's life easy, he wouldn't care. ]
I don't have a future, neither does anyone else like me. [ That's the quiet truth of it he hasn't told the others from home, because they need to look at him and believe he's fighting for all their freedom. That he's someone like Mikal, making plans and plotting raids. That his violence is more than just his own means to keep himself sane. But he'd lost that hope years ago. So much sooner than other did. For himself, at least. Maybe the clones can sneak out, maybe even Alva can take his daughter an run and they won't hunt him as far. But not Andyr. They'll never stop coming for him, and he can't possibly fight the whole system. ] My mark doesn't mean shit. It'll be scrubbed clean as soon as I'm dead.
[ No one's going to remember him as anything more than blueprints. No one aside Mikal, Alva and Posie, maybe. He means nothing to this world, and they've seen to it he's invisible. There's no choice that he has in that, and as much as he's fought to defend himself, to get out, to do something, the fact of it is: they're an army, and he's one kid, and for all the strength he has to his advantage, a well aimed sedative still knocks him out cold, and from there on, his body and his life isn't his own any longer. ] You fight, or you lay down and let them carve into you, because they won't let you die.
And what fucking good am I if I just lay there? May as well be brain dead.
[ he needs this, because none of this has ended for him, and it won't, for a very long time, if ever. maybe the one thing he can have is an idea that he'd tried, even if it came to nothing. ]
no subject
the chuckle that comes from him is something hollow, and distant, and for a long moment, andyr's silent. it's so surreal, to him, to actually be discussing this with someone who looks at it as something that needs to be fixed. that shouldn't exist, that is wrong. part of him still thinks, if Venom were from his world, and had been on of those on the outside, who don't have to look at the horror going on inside the Houses that makes the rest of the world's life easy, he wouldn't care. ]
I don't have a future, neither does anyone else like me. [ That's the quiet truth of it he hasn't told the others from home, because they need to look at him and believe he's fighting for all their freedom. That he's someone like Mikal, making plans and plotting raids. That his violence is more than just his own means to keep himself sane. But he'd lost that hope years ago. So much sooner than other did. For himself, at least. Maybe the clones can sneak out, maybe even Alva can take his daughter an run and they won't hunt him as far. But not Andyr. They'll never stop coming for him, and he can't possibly fight the whole system. ] My mark doesn't mean shit. It'll be scrubbed clean as soon as I'm dead.
[ No one's going to remember him as anything more than blueprints. No one aside Mikal, Alva and Posie, maybe. He means nothing to this world, and they've seen to it he's invisible. There's no choice that he has in that, and as much as he's fought to defend himself, to get out, to do something, the fact of it is: they're an army, and he's one kid, and for all the strength he has to his advantage, a well aimed sedative still knocks him out cold, and from there on, his body and his life isn't his own any longer. ] You fight, or you lay down and let them carve into you, because they won't let you die.
And what fucking good am I if I just lay there? May as well be brain dead.
[ he needs this, because none of this has ended for him, and it won't, for a very long time, if ever. maybe the one thing he can have is an idea that he'd tried, even if it came to nothing. ]