Fine, if you're so adamant on hearing the charges, I'll go ahead and get started on reading you your rights!

Riptide, you are hearby being placed under arrest for the crime of mutiny! Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, but I sincerely doubt you'll find anyone with a processor malfunction grievous enough to take your case...

[He's attempting to pin you, Riptide. STOP WRIGGLING.]