[closed] When the tears come streaming down your face

[a_shadow]

Who: Tex and L.
When: Backdated to October 21st.
Where: Their room and wherever else they decide to hang out.
What: Anniversary stuff & aftermath of arrival.
Warnings: Depressed character. May end with a FTB.

Tex hadn't really meant to make a secret of the significance of the date as it approached. It was just that they'd barely dealt with the change that arriving in Avagi had caused in their lives, and Daniel spent much of his time appearing to be pretty down. She had never really found the right time to mention it, and they had not come to a point where they were keeping a regular schedule of any kind, other than walking the dog, together or apart. But Tex had been spending much of her time in the workshops and the greenery, and Daniel had been keeping busy, researching in the library and working on the network. They came together often for meals and simply for the purpose of spending time together, and they slept in their bed together when the clock said it was nighttime. But it's pretty clear to her that Daniel isn't dealing with things well.

She awakes that morning as she often does, cuddled up to his side, and she rolls enough to drape her arm and leg over him. She realizes right away it's their anniversary. A year ago, she'd realized what a stable presence he'd become in her life, and she'd asked them if they could make their relationship official. She doesn't really intend to wake him on purpose, but once his eyes open she will drop a kiss on his cheek.

"Hey," she says.

Comments

[ryuuzaki]

It's one way or another: long hours awake or long hours asleep, nothing in between, and nothing that would seem normal to almost anyone else.

If the things that happened have happened, and if he was involved in them as he was, then he's failed. He's not the only one... truly, the whole thing had been a cascade of bad decisions and failures on many parts, not least the parties that had had much more agency than anyone who was here now... but he can only control what he can control. He should have taken the first possible route away from the Savrii. He should have tried to stay somewhere else before, never mind about getting home.

All that aside, he feels like an idiot for having fallen into similar traps twice.

So he glides through his days and nights in a quiet, relatively courteous haze, muted and subdued, unhappy with the food yet uncomplaining. He spends hours in the library trying to learn more about their situation and hours working on the network because it's familiar and easy. Both activities require a degree of concentration, enough to distract him, but not enough that they can really permanently derail the thoughts that race through his mind in a way that's becoming a habit.

Was there something I could have done? What didn't I do? What could I have done differently? I --

His relationship with Tex is a consolation -- almost the only consolation outside of the ability to do some occupying work -- but his participation in it these past few weeks has mostly been passive. Conversation is soft and pulls him out of his reveries. Desire is mostly absent, though not fully; it's more that it doesn't equal what it had been before, and it has nothing to do with her, only with his mood.

He doesn't think about the fact that their anniversary is approaching, because their anniversary was three hundred years ago. He doesn't even know how old he is anymore... he'd spent well over a hundred years in stasis before the Moira, and it's all beginning to seem like a strange, surreal joke.

Still, when she does wake him and kiss him, he rolls over and pulls her closer, without saying anything.

[a_shadow]

They haven't really been talking, this is true. She hasn't wanted to burden him with her own struggles. And she's had struggles, a myriad of them, since the event that transported them here. So when they converse, it's mostly about incidental things going on in the station, or about the dog, or creature comforts. This situation, in particular, is nothing out of the ordinary since their arrival here—his silence, his snug hold. She nuzzles her face in against his chest and stays quiet for a little while, holding him tighter in return. The way he holds her seems a bit desperate, as much as the sensation of someone holding another can.

So she matches the intensity of his embrace for a while, but eventually she wriggles and shifts enough to bring her face level with his, and she gives him another soft kiss, on the lips this time. She'd sort of intended to wait until they were about to separate for the day, after eating breakfast, and mention the date as a parting shot, but they're so cozy together, and it seems a shame to go about their usual business at all, considering. She tilts her head a little and studies him. He's got the usual morning stubble, and his hair is wild with sleep. He looks a bit bedraggled—she wonders if he'd gone and had another nightmare. Certainly being here has done nothing for the dark circles he has always had under his eyes, of varying intensity.

She brings her arm around his body to finger at his chin, then cup her palm around his cheek. She doesn't shy away from looking him in the eye, not like she does when she's disclosing something personal and intimate. She's always found looking him in the eye terribly intense, especially on occasions when they'd quarreled (though those were few), but also when she'd needed to bare her soul to him for one reason or another. Usually those seemed to take place because of the way this universe played with timelines and visions of home, but it's funny...if circumstances hadn't forced many of those revelations, she thinks she's close enough to him now that she might have ended up telling him many of those things anyway. Especially now.

So she looks him in the eye for a long moment, breathing slowly, and drags her thumb across his lips.

"Daniel," she says. "I was just... I was thinking about how you asked me to stay with you, you remember, when we could read each other's thoughts? Well...we don't talk about it much—"

She pauses, then puts her hand around the back of his head and kisses him one more time. This time she doesn't pull back to look him in the eye. Instead she brings her mouth closer to his ear. She's a little overwhelmed by the buildup she's caused this news to have, by now. She plays with a lock of his hair, pinching it to stroke her fingers along its length.

"...but. But I love you."

A kiss to his ear.

"You probably don't remember. But it's our anniversary, today."

She's usually pretty blunt about asking for what she wants. She doesn't know why it's so hard to force herself to ask, except maybe that he's been so down. But maybe he won't want to spend the day with her. Maybe she's upset him with the reminder. She holds her breath for a moment before finishing.

"...Would you spend the day, here, with me?"

Not what she was originally planning to ask for, but she's quickly come to realize this is all that she wants.

[ryuuzaki]

Some of his nightmares have become novel and interesting lately, but he doesn't want to discuss them, so he doesn't. Eventually his mind will have processed the things that have happened to him, and the nightmares will be less frequent.

And then they'll rise up again if his personal situation prompts them to. That knowledge hasn't helped his mood... not that he has nightmares, per se, but that things have gotten to him along the line.

Still, when she kisses his lips, he kisses back: first lazy and distracted and half asleep, then with a little more enthusiasm.

He doesn't admit to whether or not he remembered it was their anniversary... of course he didn't. Of course not. If they were still in their apartment on Kauto he would have remembered; if they were still on the Moira, he would have remembered. But the disruption and the manner of it has wiped that kind of thing out of his mind for the time being.

It helps that she moves quickly from her reminder to her request. It seems like it's hard for her to ask, and he wonders why, but he doesn't ask her. The request itself is easy. He rubs the side of her waist with his fingertips for a moment, then says in a subdued, affectionate mockery of an exaggeratedly put-upon voice, "Oh, I suppose I could manage that. It doesn't sound too difficult."

[a_shadow]

She dips her head back again, to take in his full visage, watching him for a moment to make sure he's not making fun of her. When she's sure he's not, her expression softens to a slight smile. That sounded more like his usual self than anything else he'd said lately.

"I'll try not to bore you. At least, not too badly."

3 days later

[a_shadow]

(( from here ))

[ Despite the fact that she's also talking to Miller, she notices Daniel becoming interested in the conversation from where she sits. Although she raises her eyebrow at him at the notion that there's something not 'proper' about American football, she's pleased he seems invested in something for once.

Once their conversations with him are both over, she moves over to where he sits from her position on the bed. ]

You knew that music.

[ryuuzaki]

"I'm sure you won't bore me." She might, maybe, people do, but it will be hard for her to tell the difference if it happens. "What if I bore you?" He's half-joking.

Has it really been a year -- is that all?

Only a year for their lives to come together and fall completely apart?

[ryuuzaki]

Hm?

[He arches an eyebrow.]

Everybody knows that music.

[With his fingertips, he proves it by tapping out the clap-and-stomp rhythm on the top of the table he's sitting at.]

[a_shadow]

"You know how I get when I get bored," she teases, pressing back in to kiss him. There'd been more than one time when she had pushed him back in bed in lieu of putting up with continuing whatever they'd been doing. It would be a nice change of pace at this point, too, considering what their sex life has been like lately.

[a_shadow]

[ She rolls her eyes, settling in behind him and putting her hands on his shoulders. ]

I've heard similar styles before, but not that song.

[ She rubs her palms across his shoulders. ]

I liked it.

[ryuuzaki]

Does she know how he gets when he gets bored?

Possibly not... not really... but she's getting a taste of it lately.

"Yes. A terrifying woman." But he says it as playfully as he can manage before dropping to a more serious tone. "You really want to stay here for the entire day? That probably will bore you."

[ryuuzaki]

That song is older than I am. I think my parents must have owned the record... it's hard to remember.

[He leans back into her palms.]

They play it at sporting events... people cheer for the team they support.

[It occurs to him to wonder if anything like that is familiar to her at all.]

[a_shadow]

"Maybe not here. But together." She tilts her head just slightly and studies him again. "That's all right, right?"

She doesn't have insight into what's been making him act the way he has, not the way she probably should, because she hasn't asked. She's hoping to find the opening to do so, today, and that means watching him, observing for when he feels open to talking.

[a_shadow]

[ She rubs a little harder, moving her hands back toward his neck once she reaches the outer curve of his shoulders. ]

Even if they're not playing 'proper' football?

[ryuuzaki]

[He sighs, as if what he's about to say is something he's resigned to.]

There's no accounting for taste.

In any case, I doubt those teams even exist anymore.

[a_shadow]

[ Her hands drape over his chest and she leans her head against his. ]

You realize you just said to my face that I have bad taste.

[ryuuzaki]

His frown is tiny, but visible. Why wouldn't it be all right?

"Of course it is."

He nestles his face closer to hers to kiss her again.

[ryuuzaki]

I feel like I've walked into a trap,

[he says, not sounding like he actually thinks he's walked into a trap. He pulls back to look over his shoulder at her.]

You like American football but you've never heard that song before?

[It had seemed like a permanent fixture of all sporting events everywhere, back on Earth, like it would exist unchanging until the heat death of the universe.]

[a_shadow]

She presses into the kiss this time, clutching harder at him, working her hand into his hair. She doesn't pull away, or lessen the intensity, until he does so first.

She sighs once the kiss breaks off. Her hand releases his hair and she drags it around to cup his chin.

"You want me to go get something for breakfast and we can eat it here? Or go down and eat together?"

[ryuuzaki]

"You might as well bring it back here. We both know what it will be."

He doesn't enjoy the blue bars at all, but they have to eat something.

[a_shadow]

[ She pulls back just enough to bring her face even to his when he does that. ]

Well, I mean, I've never—

[ She scoffs a little and kisses him. ]

I'm from Texas, okay. Of course I like football. And I mean American football.

[a_shadow]

She nods and kisses him. "I'll take the dog out, too," she says. Another quick kiss and she slowly pulls away, rising to dress. Hachi gets up in his crate when she arises and yips.

[ryuuzaki]

[But to his knowledge, she's not from Texas... he doesn't think she's ever seen it, Texas or American football. Allison might have been from Texas; for all he knows, Allison loved football.

He doesn't say this.]

I'm not sure it's a prerequisite. Have you ever seen proper football? You'd call it soccer.

[a_shadow]

I know what soccer is.

[ She stands again and starts rubbing his shoulders again. ]

I haven't actually, you know...seen any sports. I'd like to.

[ryuuzaki]

[He's silent for a moment, then his face collapses into a frown.]

It's late days for that.

[a_shadow]

I know.

[ She hadn't meant to bring his melancholy back. But she can't deny he has his reasons for feeling it. She continues to rub his shoulders, broadening the range of her motions as she continues, until she's moved her hands down to his elbows. Then she wraps her arms around his chest. She doesn't try to offer platitudes, or to be falsely sunny about it. She just holds him, kissing the back to his neck. ]