thisavrou_log | all that you left behind

Entry tags:

all that you left behind

Who: Shiro & Close CR
When: After the Shadows clear out
Where: Thisavrou Medical Center
What: Recovery to the point of functionality is a long haul.
Warnings: Discussion of injury + trauma

(i) WAKE UP
[When he wakes up, finally, it's hard to realize where he is. It's hard to put everything together. String the events along to make sense -- what happened first? How did he get here? Where are the others? A panicked thought, at first, remembering vividly how they were all confronted, what it tried to say to them. Up until they all lashed out against it. Until they all fought back...]

[He's in the hospital again, isn't he? Trying to sit up. It doesn't work out so well. Because there's bandages and splints and his whole face feels like someone dropped a brick on it. Sitting up takes way more effort than expected, so he's left flopped on the bed, breathing a little hard. But giving up on actually standing. Probably for the best.]

[Sure would be nice if there were healing pods here, huh...]

(ii) AMBULATORY
[Maybe a few days later, though, he's going to do his best to get up on his feet. There are people he needs to check on. Whoever happened to leave crutches in the room? He owes them, big time.]

[Said crutches actually hurt his shoulder, and his ribs, but oh well. This is progress. This is slow, steady progress down the hall. He's not actually trying to leave the facility. Just get around. Maybe see if anyone he knows is here.]

[Check up on them.]

(iii) anything else
[The wildcard option!]

((Open log for the Lion House crew and friends. Or anyone who's in the hospital too, oops. Thread hop, multiple threads, anything! Prose or action tags work.))

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[There's another reason Shiro's having a hard time getting up out of bed: Pidge is kind of curled up at the foot of his bed, half on top of his legs, fast asleep. She still has her glasses on, though they're skewed on her face from her positioning, and her hair is pretty much all over the place. Even while she sleeps her eyebrows are knitted together and she's frowning, just slightly.

Good morning, Shiro.]

[Pidge--]

[She's okay. She'd gotten out okay, thanks to Hunk. But his feed had kind of cut out the second Hunk had brained the daylights out of the shadow. So... he'd been worried. Not to mention everything it said to her. Everything that sort of twists up in his chest until it feels like a weight.]

[Still, he's shifting. Reaching a hand out to touch her shoulder. Carefully. Like she might disappear.]

... hey.

[It's a moment before Pidge finally stirs, and when she does it's mostly her lifting one arm to swat absently at Shiro's hand. After another second she's rolling onto her back and rubbing at her eyes with a groan...

And then she seems to promptly fall asleep again in this new position.]

Pidge... Hey.

[It's still quiet. But chiding. Because that can't be comfortable for her. As much as Pidge probably falls asleep sitting up on a daily basis. At least she feels all right enough to do that.]

[He shakes her shoulder again. Carefully. And then has to lie back down.]

[Okay fine, disembodied dad voice. Pidge is groaning and rolling back over and rubbing at her eyes again, and this time an eye peeks open...

And sees a Shiro that's looking much more awake than she currently is.]

...Shiro..?

[He actually smiles when she opens her eyes. There's a lot of relief in the expression, bruised and battered as it is. She's okay. She's alive.]

[He lifts a hand, waving slowly at her, attached tubes and everything.]

Doesn't look that comfortable down there.

[Her eyes widen, growing a little more as she starts to more fully wake up. And then her face kind of flushes with embarrassment upon realizing that he totally caught her asleep on his feet.] It- It was fine, really.

[She tries to shrug the embarrassment off, shaking her head a bit.] So... How're you feeling?

[Good -- she's awake and aware. She's not ducking back behind the bed or across the room. And asking the hard questions. He leans his head back, sighing.]

Probably self-explanatory here... Awake.

[Feeling the painkiller a little. But what else is new. He lets his eyes shut for a second, wondering if he should breach the topic first, or let her ask.]

Pidge ... are you okay?

[That's the kind of answer that makes Pidge frown, and she takes a minute to rearrange herself so that she's more or less properly sitting on the bed - barefoot and legs folded - still facing Shiro so that she can take note of any changes. Awake. Probably on a ton of painkillers and having a hard time moving.

And then of course he has to go and ask a question of his own. One that makes Pidge glance off to one side and idly pick at some loose thread on her shorts.]

I'm okay. Just worried. You guys were really messed up when we found you.

[He can't reach all the way down to her while they're sitting like this. But he can extend a hand out to her, all the same. There's concern on his face -- well, concern and a big ugly bandage over his nose. But still.]

[Her reaction doesn't reassure him any.]

Yeah, well... you should see the other guys. [The shadows. But, as it starts coming back with more clarity:] I...

I meant... I didn't mean ... [Didn't mean the Blue Haired Elephant in the room. Or who isn't in the room.]

[For a second there, Pidge does think he's talking about Darin, that they were the ones who'd fought one another and left the other worse for wear. But then she remembers that Darin's injuries couldn't have possibly been caused by Shiro, that the way they were found had suggested different circumstances entirely. She relaxes a little when she realizes that, when Shiro reassures her that's not who he meant, and she lets out a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding.

And that's when she reaches over to take his hand with one of hers, eyes moving to stare at his fingers like she's sure they'll spontaneously end up in casts even as she's holding them.]

Yeah, I- I figured. You must've been fighting the... [Her brow furrows with thought. What to even call it?] ..the fake?

[His face pales for a second, while he's thinking about it. Remembering it, rather. A whole host of new scars layered on top of the old. Remembering the voices, and the screaming, the arena strewn over with rubble and smelling of blood.]

[He feels his fingers tighten once around hers. Convulsively.]

[Breathe. Focus. Remember where you are.]

I... yeah. Yeah, they... had it planned. After the house, they -- [And then god he remembers the house. He remembers every word it threw at the others. How much he'd wanted to make it stop and hadn't been able to. Like there was nothing he could do to protect them.]

[The worst thing I've ever had to live with is not saving someone.]

[His hand grips hers again.]

Are -- Pidge are you okay?

[Pidge doesn't fail to notice the way Shiro's expression changes when she mentions the fake. She curses to herself; the man has crippling PTSD, he barely made it out of this whole thing alive, and there's Pidge, just bringing the topic up like it's no big deal. So she tries to interrupt him, waving her free hand-] It's okay, you don't have to talk about it--

[But then he's interrupting himself, and the way Shiro's grip tightens on her hand stops her mid-sentence. Pidge looks down at his hand, then up into his face again, and he just looks so damn worried...]

I'm okay, Shiro. Really. [She doesn't care about the possibly still visible bruises around her neck. They'll heal over.] Completely in tact.

[To be honest, he doesn't really know how to talk about it. Or process it. Maybe this is why he has the empty gap in his memories. Maybe it was something like this. Or worse than this, or -- ]

[And his brain is already off and running. A hundred thousand what-ifs sparking off through his head. Taking what little progress he's managed to make and dumping it all down the drain. His hand tightens on hers again. Reflexively. For something to anchor himself.]

[Except when he looks at her, all he can see are the marks on her throat.]

I -- I don't -- [Breathe. Before someone hears the monitors and comes running.] -- I meant it.

Be great. I meant it--

[She has to know.]

[Pidge can see all the different ways his panic is kicking in, which only makes her kind of panic in return. That's not what she wants happening. Not at all.

She grasps his hand in both of hers, squeezing down on his fingers, scooting closer and positioning herself in such a way that he has to lock eyes with her. So he can't look anywhere else, especially not at her neck and the bruises there. Just her eyes. Pidge may not know what sort of thing will ground him in the present better, but she'll try everything if she has to.]

I know, Shiro. I know you did. And I'm doing it, okay? So should you. We're fine now, Shiro. So just- breathe, okay?

It wasn't true -- none of it -- I'm... I'm so proud of you...

[There's more. He wants to tell her he couldn't think of anyone better for the Green Lion. How it chose her. It had a reason. They're a team, she's like family. The shadow was wrong, it twisted everything and made it wrong and --]

[Breathe, okay?]

[Breathe. Because her face is there, and there's pressure on his hand. She's okay. The others must be too, if she is. She'd tell him otherwise...]

I'm -- not making a lot of sense. Am I?

[Hearing that... actually makes her smile a little. Not that she's surprised, exactly. She's always known that Shiro's proud of her - and the others, surely. He says it often enough, and there's always this look in his eyes when he does that she fully believes him when he says it.

So she smiles, giving his hand another squeeze.] You're making enough sense to me. Thanks, Shiro.

And- And I'm really glad you're okay. [Because she'd been scared that he wouldn't be. That when they found him - If it were even possible to find him - it'd be too late. But there he is; a little worse for wear, but alive. And real.]

[She isn't upset. Well -- no more than he'd expect, given the current state of everything. She's not hurt, she's not yelling at him. She's here and that's more hopeful than anything else in this current moment in time.]

[He can breathe a little easier.]

So am I. I'm glad you're all right. [Another pause, staring at their hands. While he collects his scattered thoughts.] You know I... I don't think any of that.

[He just has to say it.]

[She'll hit him later. For scaring her, for getting so badly hurt, for all of that. But later. When he's not in the middle of panicking so much that he's having a hard time breathing. For now she just keeps squeezing his hand, watching and waiting for his breathing to return to normal.

At his admission she nods slowly, chewing at the inside of her cheek. She'd figured as much, of course, but it's more relieving to hear than she would've thought it'd be.]

I know. That thing was wrong on over a hundred different levels.

[It's like a dam breaks.]

[Like the tension just cracks, fades away. It's obvious in the hold of his shoulders, the way they've been hunched this entire conversation. I know. Just two words and it's like everything falls back into place once again.]

[He falls back against the bed, just flops.]

... You have... no idea how much I needed to hear that.

[But maybe she did. As much as she needed to hear it from him, too.]

[She only releases his hand because she can see that whatever anxiety and stress and fear he'd been carrying up until that moment leaves him. She watches with the smallest half-smile as he flops back into the bed and pillows, drawing her legs up toward her chest so she can fold her arms on her knees.]

I'm still upset at how injured you are, though. We really need to make some healing pods for this place.

It'd be nice.

[The last little bit of levity before he goes quiet again. He's not worried about her reaction anymore. He's at peace with her. They're good. They're okay.]

[He almost drifts off. Almost. But -- there's always a but. It's never that easy anymore is it?]

... it really... really could have been worse.

[Pidge bites down on her lip, gaze settling on a blank space on the nearest wall. She doesn't want to think about that for the moment. The "What if" scenarios. The ones she'd conjured up in her head the entire time she and Allura had been running around the city like mad, searching. There were a lot of them. Too many, maybe, because Pidge is good at thinking of worst case scenarios.]

...But it wasn't. [That's a fact, and it's one that she holds onto. Everyone's alive. No one got torn into shreds or mangled into little more than a pile of flesh.]

So we- we should celebrate. Once you're all healed up.

[But it was. In a lot of ways. Evidenced in the fact it's just the two of them here. The others -- he still needs to see them, just to be sure. Just to make absolutely certain everything is okay. That they're okay.]

[He... looks away from her, when she speaks again. It's probably more telling than anything else.]

Sure.

[The worst thing I've ever lived through was not saving someone.]

You guys... you deserve that.

[Pidge turns to look at Shiro sharply, eyebrows coming together in confusion. "You guys"? Why is he making it sound like he's not including himself in that statement?]

So do you, Shiro.

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all that you left behind

i - LION PILE

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