[Dorian felt like he was in a chantry confessional with an ever increasing audience (not that they don't deserve to be here, they certainly do) and a limited amount of time to disclose his most humiliating regret. Of course it might not seem like some shocking, terrible, story to some people... there were probably worse stories, but everyone had their own lowest points...Dorian had several-rock bottom moments, but this was the most defining one for him.
He almost wished he had a love confession, but he didn't for this very reason, it was also for this very reason that he wasn't ready to forgive his father, so he couldn't do that either...well, not with his heart in it. Such limited choices here, fortunately his spell would hold a little while longer -- that didn't stop a little, resigned sigh from escaping his lungs.]
All we're missing is a Revered Mother. [Dorian laughed dryly before shaking his head a little in Venom's palm.]
You already know I haven't been proper all my life. [He's barely proper now, but he's certain that he's mentioned the promiscuity of his younger days to both Venom and Kazuhira, at least on some level.] I once had such an awful weakness for love...I never said or did anything about Relinus, he had the prettiest smile, I understand he would have said yes, but at the time I was playing the well-heeled scion...talk about ships sailing. Then there was Lucan Abrexis...
[Upon approaching this topic, Dorian's voice took on the same inflection it would if he were seasick. He wanted to keep this as concise and vague as possible, still a man of propriety and all that.] I had a falling out with my mentor, spent some time drinking in the slums, and I...somehow managed to stumble into an affair with this man, I was so enamored with him, I don't think I could have adored him more and we were able to keep up the affair for quite some weeks [an indication of how easily Dorian fell in love with people when he was younger, it was genuine affection he lacked. It wasn't the same as the kind his parents tried to buy for him] longest meaningful relationship I've had with anyone.
[And he knows how that sounds.]
It made me forget that I was trying to be evasive of my family, they were hunting me so that they could contain me and put an end to my...excesses. They caught up with me at his estate, sent mercenaries after me, in fact...they stormed the place...slaughtering people just to get to me. Good men and women just doing their jobs, you know? [Whatever physical pain he was feeling seemed monetarily numbed by this story.] Lucan and I, we were too caught up in our own efforts to care or even realize that people were dying right outside the bedroom door.
[Dorian's tears weren't one of pain this time, he was actually very ashamed of that moment and angry, and there was no Antivan wine or Orlesian brandy to chase away how very bitter he felt. What was so difficult about this, for Dorian anyway, was the fact that such a meaningful experience was associated with the blood of others. It cemented the idea that love was a foolish notion even though he cared a great deal about people in general.] I don't even know what happened to Lucan after that, son of a lord so he's alright I suspect, small comforts.
[Maker let that be enough, let that bloody shadow return to whatever miserable void it came from, because he didn't have the emotional strength to keep it sealed any longer.]
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He almost wished he had a love confession, but he didn't for this very reason, it was also for this very reason that he wasn't ready to forgive his father, so he couldn't do that either...well, not with his heart in it. Such limited choices here, fortunately his spell would hold a little while longer -- that didn't stop a little, resigned sigh from escaping his lungs.]
All we're missing is a Revered Mother. [Dorian laughed dryly before shaking his head a little in Venom's palm.]
You already know I haven't been proper all my life. [He's barely proper now, but he's certain that he's mentioned the promiscuity of his younger days to both Venom and Kazuhira, at least on some level.] I once had such an awful weakness for love...I never said or did anything about Relinus, he had the prettiest smile, I understand he would have said yes, but at the time I was playing the well-heeled scion...talk about ships sailing. Then there was Lucan Abrexis...
[Upon approaching this topic, Dorian's voice took on the same inflection it would if he were seasick. He wanted to keep this as concise and vague as possible, still a man of propriety and all that.] I had a falling out with my mentor, spent some time drinking in the slums, and I...somehow managed to stumble into an affair with this man, I was so enamored with him, I don't think I could have adored him more and we were able to keep up the affair for quite some weeks [an indication of how easily Dorian fell in love with people when he was younger, it was genuine affection he lacked. It wasn't the same as the kind his parents tried to buy for him] longest meaningful relationship I've had with anyone.
[And he knows how that sounds.]
It made me forget that I was trying to be evasive of my family, they were hunting me so that they could contain me and put an end to my...excesses. They caught up with me at his estate, sent mercenaries after me, in fact...they stormed the place...slaughtering people just to get to me. Good men and women just doing their jobs, you know? [Whatever physical pain he was feeling seemed monetarily numbed by this story.] Lucan and I, we were too caught up in our own efforts to care or even realize that people were dying right outside the bedroom door.
[Dorian's tears weren't one of pain this time, he was actually very ashamed of that moment and angry, and there was no Antivan wine or Orlesian brandy to chase away how very bitter he felt. What was so difficult about this, for Dorian anyway, was the fact that such a meaningful experience was associated with the blood of others. It cemented the idea that love was a foolish notion even though he cared a great deal about people in general.] I don't even know what happened to Lucan after that, son of a lord so he's alright I suspect, small comforts.
[Maker let that be enough, let that bloody shadow return to whatever miserable void it came from, because he didn't have the emotional strength to keep it sealed any longer.]