[Ronan is a lot of frustrating things to Declan, a lot of sleepless nights and worry, some anger and disappointment, until Declan tried to figure out a better way to do things, even if it meant taking a step back. But he's a lot of good things for Declan too. He blames Niall for driving the wedge between them, both before his death and after, and once Declan started settling down, he could see the bigger picture that was and is Ronan.

And still, he knows he only has bits and pieces in some case, because he had to be more of a father most times than a brother. He didn't ask for that, but he knows there wasn't any other way. If he hadn't tried to enforce at least some things, after their parents died, he knows Ronan would have fallen even more to the wayside. That wasn't something Declan could let happen]

It was my responsibility. Always has been.

[He barely notices when they reach the top of the stairs, moving forward has just become an activity while talking. But when they get up there and Jesse stops them, Declan looks at him with glassy eyes. He gets most of what Jesse's saying. The important parts anyway. He's not sure they can rebuild what they had, they're all so different now, but his heart aches with how much he wants to, how good Jesse makes it all sound. Declan kind of hates him for it, but really, he just wants to take those words and put them in Ronan's head somehow. This would be a lot easier if he wasn't drunk... Except not at all, because he wouldn't be saying any of these things to Jesse of all people.]

You know, that's what I think works. When we stick together. That's why I always come back and go to church, so we have that. We need to do that and then have some fun. Matthew's good at having fun.