A lot of stuff keeps me up at night. [ Andyr smiles against the kiss, somewhat sadly, a thumb smoothing across Ronan's cheek. ] You're one of the few things that helps me sleep.
[ he knows Ronan chose to do what they'd done in that tent together, that was both of them, but Andyr doesn't believe that act had been what broke them. Knows Ronan believes he's being some kind of punished, because he believes he's cursed by his nature alone, all the other bits of human mistakes just give him fuel for the fire. There's no point arguing that with him, when not even Adam could convince him otherwise.
The blame Andyr assigns himself in this is something more current, something entirely his own choice. ]
I wanted you to have that life, and you almost did. [ Andyr whispers to him, palms framing Ronan's cheeks delicately. ] All I had to do was stay the fuck away. I should've just left and made you two figure it out. Now, its this.
[ some kind of farce of affection, Adam trying to make Ronan happy, Ronan trying to please Adam despite feeling like he'd already lost him, and Andyr, somewhere in between, being the tool they hurt each other with.
He wonders, maybe, if he should just go. Slip out a window at night and vanish into another district, force the two of them to mend. They're all each other needs and all each other wants - Andyr'd thought he was trying to help them, but in truth, he was just being selfish and weak, lying to himself until he could believe he was actually needed. ] What've I actually ever given you, besides a crutch?
[ why does ronan keep telling him he loves him when all his existence has done is take from him? Ruin the one small piece of a chase he had for a happy life. ]
no subject
[ he knows Ronan chose to do what they'd done in that tent together, that was both of them, but Andyr doesn't believe that act had been what broke them. Knows Ronan believes he's being some kind of punished, because he believes he's cursed by his nature alone, all the other bits of human mistakes just give him fuel for the fire. There's no point arguing that with him, when not even Adam could convince him otherwise.
The blame Andyr assigns himself in this is something more current, something entirely his own choice. ]
I wanted you to have that life, and you almost did. [ Andyr whispers to him, palms framing Ronan's cheeks delicately. ] All I had to do was stay the fuck away. I should've just left and made you two figure it out. Now, its this.
[ some kind of farce of affection, Adam trying to make Ronan happy, Ronan trying to please Adam despite feeling like he'd already lost him, and Andyr, somewhere in between, being the tool they hurt each other with.
He wonders, maybe, if he should just go. Slip out a window at night and vanish into another district, force the two of them to mend. They're all each other needs and all each other wants - Andyr'd thought he was trying to help them, but in truth, he was just being selfish and weak, lying to himself until he could believe he was actually needed. ] What've I actually ever given you, besides a crutch?
[ why does ronan keep telling him he loves him when all his existence has done is take from him? Ruin the one small piece of a chase he had for a happy life. ]